Not everyone likes to be the center of attention, much preferring to be standing at the side, as an observer.
Others, however, simply live off being the focus of every conversation, even going so far as to feel uncomfortable when that isn't the case.
It is never polite, however, to steal attention away from someone, whether or not they enjoy being the main attraction.
Particularly on their birthdays.
Such was sadly the case for Redditor, biology-eater, who reluctantly allowed her boyfriend's sisters and mother to throw her a birthday party, in spite of the fact that birthdays have little meaning to her.
When the big day arrived, however, the OP learned that her quasi sisters-in-law (SIL) seemed to throw the party more as a means of celebrating good news of their own.
Leaving the OP simply unable to hide her hurt and humiliation.
Concerned she might have overreacted, the OP took to the subReddit "Am I the A**hole" (AITA), where she asked fellow Redditors:
"AITA for making a scene after my SILs announced their pregnancies at my birthday as a gift?"
The OP shared how her SILs took her birthday party as an opportunity to share some good news of their own, news which dealt a very personal blow.
"My (24 F[emale]) boyfriend (24 M[ale]) has 2 sisters Emily (30 F) and Diane (32 F)."
"They are both married and trying for a baby."
"Diane announced her first pregnancy at mother day this year."
"She gifted her mother a baby shoe and a positive pregnancy test."
"Everyone was happy and even more when Emily told everyone that she was also trying for a baby."
"Later that evening, I texted them both saying 'Congratulations, I'm happy for you'."
"'It's a bit weird for me and my boyfriend because we recently learned that I'm sterile'."
"I hope I didn't cut the mood but I'm really excited for you both".
"They sent me some texts reassuring me and everything went well."
"Sadly, Diane lost her baby 2 months after this party."
"Fast forward to last week."
"We (MIL, both SILs and I) met for a girls night."
"My MIL wanted to organize a party for my birthday so she asked me if that's ok for me and what do I want."
"I said fine but birthdays are tough for me."
"When I grew up, my parents always made my birthdays about them."
"They never invited my friends or close family."
"They always invited their colleagues and friends, they had big parties where they drank a lot of alcohol."
"So after I wanted to be sure to have a small party with close family, 12 persons, and nothing really big."
"The party was yesterday."
"I was helping my MIL when both my SILs and their husbands arrive."
"They both also brought their in-laws and some friends."
"So what was suppose to be a small party ended up with more than 40 persons."
"My MIL was a bit fuming because we had to go buy more drinks and foods for uninvited guests."
"The party went well until it was gifts time."
"I opened gift from my MIL and FIL, then one from my boyfriend."
"It was sweet."
"Next, my SILs gifted me one small package for them both, which is fine, I asked for small gifts if they were willing to give one."
"I opened it and it was a S-size shirt, I'm more XL and S, saying 'Best future aunt'."
"There was also, written with a marker pen 'X2'."
"The package also contained 2 positives pregnancy tests and a photo of them both touching their bellies."
"I looked them in the eye, asking 'are you pregnant?'"
"They both said yes."
"Emily took the shirt out of my hands and showed it to everyone."
"As I was starting to cry, I ran outside, my boyfriend following me."
"I had a panic attack."
"When I came back, everyone was happy and they were all congratulating the pregnant couples."
"I felt really sad."
"My boyfriend talked to his parents and we left the party without saying anything to anybody else."
"I received, in the evening, some nasty texts from some of my boyfriend's family saying things like 'Why did you ruin their announcement?'"
"'It was only a birthday party, please grow up'."
"I do feel bad."
"My boyfriend is planning on telling them to f*ck off but I don't want him to ruin his relationships with his family."
"My FIL and MIL called me to apologize, saying things got out of hand."
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You're The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
The Reddit community agreed that the OP was in no way the a**hole for letting her emotions get the better of her at her birthday party.
Everyone agreed that the behavior of the OP's SILs was not only insensitive, but borderline cruel, as both of them were well aware that not only was it her birthday, but she was dealing with fertility problems.
"So they learnt you can't have kids, and really thought that announcing their pregnancies at your birthday party was a good idea?"
"That is unbelievably cruel."
"Whether they are intentionally doing it or not, it really sounds like they're rubbing it in your face and expecting, no, demanding you be okay with it."
"Like 'oh sucks you can't have kids but we can, so be happy for us'."
"Both you and your bf are NTA here, everyone else is, ESPECIALLY the SILs."- Successful-Ratio9850
"NTA."
"Your SIL(s) showed up to a party that wasn't theirs, with people who weren't invited, and then hijacked the party to make it about them."
"Oh and to top it all off, you'd previously told them you can't become pregnant so the pregnancy announcement at your birthday party seems especially spiteful."
"Just, wow."- EastDay1858
"NTA - it's your party and you can cry if you want to."
"I think your SILs both knew that you can't have children, right?"
"Why would they want to co-opt your birthday to make it about them?"
"And then not be compassionate when you got emotional?"
"I don't know if everyone in your bf's family are AHs but whoever sent you that text about ruining the announcement certainly is."
"The other ones may just be a little tone-deaf."- guitarlisa
"NTA."
"They know you can't have kids and announced their pregnancies at your party."
"That is disgusting."- Status-Pattern7539
"Let him ruin the relationship with those harpies."
"This is so wrong at so many levels."
"No honey, you are not an AH at all."
"They are."
"NTA."- isavau
"NTA."
"At the first born nibbling birthday party be sure to invite 25 extra people then announce your plans to adopt."
"See how they react."
"I mean, it's only a birthday party- the baby won't even remember!"- BeautifulCharacter96
"NTA, you have an issue with your birthday and wanted a small party specifically because your parents used to make your birthdays about them."
"Going ahead and ruining yet another of your birthdays by making it a huge party about something they know you'll never have is the last thing you needed and beyond tone deaf."
"I hope the extended family that's insulting you now don't know those details because if they do, they're all a massive heap of dung, not just the SILs."
"I usually agree adult birthdays aren't a huge thing but these circumstances are special."
"By bringing their own in-laws they already broke every social rule regarding your party."
"They knew exactly what they were doing and didn't for one second think about you."
"Any woman knows pregnancies are a touchy subject and especially the SIL who had a miscarriage should know not to rub a sterile woman's nose in her happiness by hijacking her event and making it about pregnancies."
"You didn't ruin anything and I'm glad your bf and his parents are on your side."- RiverSong_777
"NTA."
"They didn't steal your thunder, I honestly believe they are trying to hurt you, everything you asked for they threw it out the window, they are narcissists."
"Please for the love of god don't contact them anymore, they didn't even think on how it would make you feel, only the boyfriend was decent in this story."- this-is-very-cringe
"NTA."
"It's already bad manners to hijack someone's event for your own announcement, but them hijacking your birthday and making your literal birthday present their pregnancy announcements knowing you can't have children is just insanely insensitive and self-centered."
"It was never their event for you to ruin."
"It is entirely the other way around."
"The very fact that some people now see their hijacking as the real event of the day only underlines how shitty it was for them to do this."-jwjnthrowawaykfeiofj
One can only hope that the OP's SIL's simply weren't thinking when they planned their big announcement.
As if they were, and were aware of how hurtful their actions would be to the OP, then saying their behavior was cruel would be a serious understatement.
Should the OP be willing to forgive her SIL's after this encounter, ideally after they offer her the profuse apology she deserves, then she will at least live up to her reputation of being the "best aunt ever."
New Mom Irate After Father-In-Law Ruins Her Birthday With 'Vulgar' Comment About Her Breasts
There's nothing quite like the feeling of going through all the work to prepare a fun celebration, just for someone to undo it with an unkind or gross comment.
That feeling just gets worse when it's your birthday, and that comment was made by someone who's supposed to care about you, sympathized the members of the "Am I Overreacting?" (AIO) subReddit.
Redditor Rude-Pepper-2389 had recently given birth and decided to have a special birthday celebration to reconnect with her loved ones after becoming a mom.
When her father-in-law stopped by unexpectedly and then made comments about her body, the Original Poster (OP) was left so uncomfortable that it ruined the whole celebration for her.
She asked the sub:
The OP wanted to have a special birthday celebration after her baby was born.
"I currently have a five-month-old and haven’t really been taking care of myself or dressing up since having the baby."
"It’s my (25 Female) birthday, and we were having friends over at our house for a private dinner to celebrate."
"My husband (24 Male) and I have been together since we were 18."
"I decided to put on this new silk shirt I got, which, admittedly, was low-cut, but I felt cute in it and felt comfortable around the friends we were having over."
Everything was fine until the OP's father-in-law (FIL) stopped by unexpectedly.
"My husband's dad decided to stop by on his way home from work."
"I will say, he was likely drunk. He works two hours away and proudly told my husband he's down to only four beers on his drive home each day... so, that's healthy."
"When he came in, I was on the couch with my baby propped up beside me, bottle feeding him. Keep in mind, I am not breastfeeding, so no, my breasts are not any larger right now."
"My husband's dad leaned down to look at the baby and then suddenly shouted, 'D**n, son, she could knock you out with those things in bed! Like cracking two coconuts together.'"
"This was fully and undoubtedly in reference to my breasts."
The OP was shocked by the comment and very uncomfortable.
"It made me deeply uncomfortable and embarrassed."
"I was so stunned, I couldn’t even process what he said to me, and our friends just stared at me, blinking."
"He’s a redneck, so he's said some pretty vulgar stuff over the years, but this just seems to take the cake, as it was the first time it was directed at me."
"When he stepped out, I told my husband he needed to speak to him, and that the comment wasn’t okay."
"I went to change clothes and decided to never ever wear that shirt again."
"When I brought it up to my husband, he said he didn't hear the comment at first, but then he laughed when I told him what he said. He's always laughed when he feels awkward and has always had a hard time standing up to his parents in any capacity."
"When he and my father-in-law spoke, my FIL just said, 'I shouldn’t have said that to her, I know how she can be,' which just feels even more like I’m just being dramatic."
"Since then, I think my husband just wants me to drop it and move on, truthfully."
The OP wasn't sure what to do after what happened.
"This genuinely ruined my entire night. Am I just too sensitive, or was this an inappropriate thing to say?"
"There's also been no apology since then. This happened on Thursday, and then my father-in-law came by again on Friday with flowers to wish me a happy Mother's Day before Mother's Day Sunday."
"I think that was his way of trying to just breeze past the awkwardness. He's never gotten me a gift the whole seven years I've known him, so the flowers were odd. But I still feel really uncomfortable."
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
Some reassured the OP that her father-in-law's comments were rude and just plain creepy.
"NOR at all. That was really rude of him. Anyone would be offended." - Bookbringer
"NOR. That’s firmly in the category of what should be an 'inside thought,' and we should learn what those are at a much younger age than this guy is."
"F**king h**l, this is an absolutely mental thing to say out loud, let alone to your daughter-in-law." - Electronic-Fennel828
"FIL is an AH. I love that you think his being a redneck excuses it, but d**n. Even rednecks should know better than to speak that way to their son's wife."
"What does your husband have to say? Does he understand how breath-takingly rude his father was, or is he Team 'That's Just How He Is'?"
"I'd go very low contact with the old perv. NOR, he put you in an uncomfortable position with his crude remark. Is he married? I'd tell the MIL. I'd tell the whole family. Yes, it's embarrassing, but he is the one who should be embarrassed. Don't accept his non-apology." - Top-Bit85
"Maybe I’m desensitized after having large breasts since I was 13 (I’m 28 now), but I let out a little snort based on how immature of a joke it was. I’d simply tell FIL, 'Yes, I know, my boobs are big,' and move on."
"That said, I would never make such a comment about another person's body. Just because I'm technically fine with it doesn't mean I assume anyone else is!"
"Not everyone is the same, and if OP felt uncomfortable, she’s NOR. Her body, her boundaries." - Both_Original2094
"I’m sorry. That’s upsetting. My father is like this with his father. Even if it’s very offensive comments, he’s uncomfortable and has problems confronting him. It sounds like your husband isn’t going to have a talk with him, which is hurtful."
"I would explain to your husband how uncomfortable the situation was for you and that it’s a serious matter, especially if it happens again. And if he still tries to brush it off, then I would tell him you no longer want your FIL coming to your home."
"It’s your life, too, and he’s not the one being hurt here, you are." - w_coastultraviolence
Others were specifically angry about the tactics the father-in-law used to try to get out of trouble.
"Seriously? Saying 'I know how she can be' is a classic way to blame the victim for having boundaries. It’s your birthday, not a Hooters convention. What a creep. If he can’t look at the baby without checking out your breast, he shouldn't be invited to the house." - Specific_Parsnip3264
"'I know how she can be' is so f**ked up. He's the one being a disgusting person. You need to shine up your husband's spine to properly call him out at the time next time, because there will be a next time." - dancepantz
"The bit that pisses me off the most is, 'I know how she can be,' which is his way of making it her problem that she doesn't like her FiL sexualising her in front of her friends." - Outside-Partait-8935
"The 'joke' comment is gross, but that follow-up comment is infuriating. NOR, OP. But this guy will be in your life for a while, so firmly & calmly shutting this stuff down is completely appropriate."
"I'd wear the d**n shirt again to the next family function and look him right in the eyes next time!" - RationalFish
"When we let things like this slide for others, it's not long before it ends up on our doorstep, and of course, nobody says anything because keeping the peace is the norm. It doesn't have to be getting into their face and yelling abuse back. Just a comment such as, 'Well, that's super tacky to say,' or asking them why they'd say that." - Kattnapped
"The OP said, 'He's said some pretty vulgar stuff over the years... but this is the first time it was directed to me.'"
"Normalise calling stuff out when they are talking about others, and they won't feel so comfortable saying it to you."
"It's a gross thing for him to say, but I guess him buying you flowers is his way of saying sorry."
"Sounds like you are in the situation of a lot of new mothers, where you suddenly realise this stuff matters because you want better influences for your child, and better support for yourself. NOR." - Jumpy-Jello-
Now, about that shirt...
"Please re-think your decision to never wear the cute shirt again, girl!! It's something that you liked very much because it made you feel good about yourself. Don't let some backwoods id**t ruin that for you."
"Wear that shirt till it's worn out and can't be worn anymore!! You should be able to feel good about yourself in whatever you like to wear."
"Your husband should have immediately checked his father, not waited until he was told to do so after his father left the room. In front of everyone there, your husband should have told his father not to ever speak about you or to you in that kind of manner, and if his father doesn't like it, he knows where the door is."
"Hubby should have called him out for his response as well. You did absolutely nothing wrong. You were not the problem; his dad was. This comes down to your husband needing to protect his wife, and he didn't do that." - Lynzo141982
"If he is a redneck, like you said, he won't outright apologize, but flowers are his way of saying sorry."
"I hope he won't say anything again, or else you can expect a nicely tended garden for at least a year."
"About your top, I hope you can wear it again. It takes a lot to feel cute, being a new mum."
"If not, get some fabric dye, dye the top a different color, and embroider a flower on it. This makes the top new, different, and every time you wear it, you can use the mantra ... I'm cute, I don't care what anyone says."
"You've got this!!" - No_Kangaroo_6637
Even if the father-in-law was joking and meant no harm, this is one of those situations where he needs to admit that his joke did not land well, he did cause harm, and he needs to apologize. Just because some people enjoy joking in that manner does not mean that everyone will be comfortable with it, and it's important to respect everyone's boundaries and zones of comfort.