Dining out with friends and loved ones is a basic part of social interaction.
Everyone gathers together to let loose the worries of the world.
New relationships are forged.
Debauchery can be afoot.
It can be a blast.
Until the check comes.
Checks in large parties can be a minefield.
Case in point…
Redditor InformalSignature436 wanted to discuss their experience and get some feedback. So naturally, they came to visit the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit.
They asked:
“AITA for embarrassing my sister in public by accusing her b[oy]f[riend] of stealing my tip money?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“My sister and I live in different states, and she just started dating this guy, although he’s been a part of her friend group since college.”
“This was also the first time I met her boyfriend.”
“This past weekend I was in a city near hers and called to see if she wanted to meet up.”
“She had plans with her friends, so she invited me to come along, which I did.”
“We had a fun day with the group and eventually went to dinner.”
“Nothing was out of the ordinary until the check came.”
“Her boyfriend took the check, read aloud the amount, and split the bill and tip (which we rounded to $10 a person) amongst the table then he placed his credit card for the server to take away.”
“Everyone handed him cash for their portion.”
“I guess I gave off a look, so my sister explained that he doesn’t like to go to the bank, so whenever the group goes out, he pays with his card, and the group gives him cash.”
‘I didn’t think anything further about it so I handed him my portion.”
“The next day I couldn’t find my prescription sunglasses in my hotel room or rental car and I knew I had it yesterday.”
“I remembered the last time I took it off was when we got to the restaurant.”
“On my way to lunch with my sister and some people from last night, I stopped by last night’s restaurant to ask if they found a pair of sunglasses and was greeted by the same server but this time she looked angry.”
“The short of it was that I found out my sister’s boyfriend only tipped her $10 for our group of 12 people.”
“I was taken aback because based on our split, she should have gotten $120 in tips.” I asked to see the receipt and sure enough, it was $10.”
“I apologized and gave her another $10.”
“When I got to lunch, I immediately asked him to give me back $10.”
“That started the questions from the group that descended into an argument until the restaurant asked us to leave.”
“My sister is now mad at me for causing a scene and embarrassing her in front of her friends and the people in the restaurant.”
The OP was left to wonder:
“So AITA?”
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Many Redditors declared OP was NOT the A**hole.
“NTA. He stole your money and his/their friends.”
“If he does this all the time, then I assume it happened a lot more often.”
“It became an argument because his friends realize he ripped them and the servers off.”
“He even stole from your sister and still had the gall to enter a relationship with her.”
“You didn’t embarrass your sister; if she defended him, she embarrassed herself.” ~ EatThisS**t
“Technically, he just stole from the server since the money he kept was supposed to go to her.
“He just made everyone else look like cheap a**holes.”
“I would never spend time near a person like that again.”
“If my girlfriend defended the behavior, I’d dump her on the spot.”
“There are too many good people out there for me to waste my time on bad people.”
“If you aren’t considerate of others, I don’t want to be associated with you.”
“So, theft from a server?”
“That is irredeemable to me.”
“I personally tip generously.”
“So, this specific issue is important to me. NTA.” ~ Lou_C_Fer
“Plus, now the friend’s group has to wonder how the various restaurants they go to that had tips lowballed treat their food before it is brought out.”
“Every person I know in food service has a number of wonderful things they do to people who lowball on tips like that, especially large groups.”
“I even had a roommate whose girlfriend’s family owned a restaurant that she worked at.”
“They had a handful of people they knew lowballed tips (including catching one lifting the tip pile after the rest of the group left) that they blackball from the restaurant, including groups they are in.” ~ chudan_dorik
“Yeah, I actually stopped having shared dinner with friend groups after someone at the table pulled this nonsense.”
“It was the birthday girl’s sister, and she was notorious already for always overspending and never having anything left for things like rent and car payments (on a car she couldn’t afford anyway).”
“So we’ve all eaten and it’s time to pay the bill.”
“The server starts at the head of the table, and the sister is first to be asked to pay up.”
“She gives an awkward look and says she’ll pay last while she’s still counting her money. So everyone else pays their portion, and we pitch a bit extra for the birthday girl so she doesn’t have to pay for her own.”
“Now it’s back to sister to pay for her FAIR SHARE of the meal.”
“She just asks the waitress if she has more than enough already, to which she says she does, and sister uses the tip money we gave the waitress to pay her for her meal.”
“I didn’t want to ruin the dinner, so I didn’t say anything, but I never hung out with them again.”
“Maybe they’re ok with that nonsense but I certainly wasn’t.” ~ Novel_Fox
“NTA. How else does your sister propose to explain it?”
“He paid for the whole bill, including the tip on his card.”
“You have a copy of the receipt to prove that only a $10 tip was paid.”
“The 11 of you each handed over $10 for the tip, so what’s their explanation for the other $100?”
“He is stealing.”
“I would guess from your sister’s reaction she knew all along the full reason why he pays for the ‘whole’ meal with his card and pockets everyone else’s contribution.”
“She probably benefits from the extra spending money.” ~ Doktor_Seagull
“He left the tip on the card; he only left $10, and he had all the rest of the cash ($110) in his pocket.”
“He was supposed to fork over the other $10 to make it $120, so he stole $110 in total.”
“Yes, I understand that he still paid $10, but that was the portion he was supposed to pay.”
“Op is NTA either way, but the dude definitely stole all the tips that were cash and pocketed it.” ~ whydoweneedthiscrap
“NTA. Either your sister is very embarrassed by her b[oy]f[riend]’s behavior and is misdirecting her anger at you, or (and more likely in my opinion) it’s a scam they regularly run on their friends, and she’s grasping at straws trying to distract them from the real elephant in the room.”
“Either way, she’s an a**hole.”
“If she didn’t know he’d done this, she’s an asshole for blaming anyone but the guy who stole $100 from her friends and family; if she’s complicit, well that’s self-evident.”
“He’s obviously an a**hole.” ~ TurtleTheMoon
“‘Either you didn’t know that he was stealing money from everyone — in which case, you should be mad at him for stealing, not mad at me for revealing it — or else you already knew and are complicit in his thefts.'”
“‘The fact that you are ’embarrassed’ instead of mad at him makes me worry that you knew full well what was going on.'”
“NTA. Once you knew about the theft, you had an obligation to immediately inform the other victims, especially since you knew they were about to give him more money under false pretenses.”
“I’m curious what your sister proposes you should have done instead.”
“Does she think you should have allowed him to steal from her friends again?”
“Does she think that you should have pulled him and her out of the restaurant to confront him in the parking lot or something?”
“Frankly, the fact that it devolved into a group argument so quickly suggests that he either had a lousy response to your accusation or that he has done other things that predisposed his long-term friend group to easily believe that he was a thief.”
“Either way, that says more about him than it does about you.” ~ DinaFelice
“NTA. You didn’t embarrass her.”
“She and her boyfriend embarrassed themselves.”
“I highly doubt your sister didn’t know of his little con game.” ~ RazorRamonReigns
“NTA. He stiffed the wait staff and flat-out stole money from the rest of you.”
“If asking for cash is his usual way of splitting the bill, chances are he has been ripping off his friends/family like this for YEARS!”
“He’s the AH, not you.” ~ 3kidsnomoney—
“NTA. The friends should know this guy is stealing their money and ripping off the servers.”
“It’s probably not the first time.”
“Why would your sister be embarrassed since it was her bf that did it, not her?”
“If she wasn’t participating in the theft, she shouldn’t have any secondary embarrassment.” ~ tatersprout
“What a nifty scam.”
“Reminiscent of the bride who got both her dad AND her bridesmaids to pay her for her bachelorette party, leaving her with a profit.”
“This creep deserves to be embarrassed! You’re NTA.” ~ Flimsy-Wolverine-663
“NTA – The easy way to not get called out for being a thief is not to be a thief.”
“If you hadn’t brought it up, odds are they would have done it again.” ~ Aestro17
Well, OP, Reddit is with you. This man is a thief.
He stole money from the waiter and the group.
Someone needed to announce his scam.
You’re allowed to be angry when someone steals from you.
Good luck with your sister.