Sleep is a necessary part of life. Going without it for long periods can cause a lot of stress to the body and to life in general.
Sometimes people get so tired the body just can't keep the eyelids open.
This can be an even bigger issue if one has plans and people waiting on them.
Is sleep getting in the way?
Case in point...
Redditor GatesDontKillMe wanted to discuss his experience and get some feedback. So naturally, he came to visit the "Am I The A**hole" (AITA) subReddit.
He asked:
"AITA for sleeping in on my G[irl]F[riend]'s birthday?"
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
"I (M[ale] 25) have been dating my GF (F[emale] 22) for about 2 months and she got extremely upset with me after sleeping in on her birthday."
"We agreed to have her birthday at my house, inviting all her young college friends who I don't really trust yet and even having her DJ friend come, despite noise concerns."
"I agreed to it because I wanted her party to be special and she had no other option."
"I spent 9 hours straight cleaning my house top to bottom in preparation and even made edibles for the party."
"Last week I had to fly out for 5 days on a business trip."
"They ended up scheduling it on top of her birthday after I agreed to host it."
"I fought to rework the entire project schedule and got multiple other people to change plans just so I could be back in time for the day of her birthday and then the party the next day."
"This trip turned out to be one of the most mentally taxing projects of my career."
"Both flights in and out were red eyes and the work required me to do everything late at night (as late as 6 am on a few nights)."
"I worked 62 hours and got an average of 4 hours of sleep per night in a 5-day span."
"One night I only got 1 hour of sleep before working 12 hours."
"I stayed in sketchy hotels, got an eye infection, and even ran into my bipolar ex that emotionally traumatized me."
"Needless to say I was drained mentally and physically."
"I took the day off after I got back so we could hang out on her actual birthday."
"She spent the entire week with her mom shopping and hanging out."
"We never agreed on a specific time or even plan on what we were doing."
"I woke up early to a work call to fix one last thing from the project, said good morning to my girlfriend and we talked about getting coffee at some point."
"My body just couldn't physically stay awake anymore and I ended up falling asleep for more than 3 hours."
"Finally I get up, get her some flowers, and head to her place to take her for her favorite lunch, see a movie she wanted, and get her favorite cake."
"When I got there, she was extremely upset and crying really hard because I slept too long."
"When I tried to explain, she dismissed my sleep deprivation because she doesn't get a good sleep in general and said 'Welcome to my life!'"
"She didn't thank me for the flowers, lunch, movie, or cake."
"I felt like I have been giving 110% to everyone and everything and yet I'm still getting yelled at."
"It brought back feelings of never being good enough and walking on eggshells that my traumatizing ex gave me."
"She even told me later that negative reinforcement works better."
The OP was left to wonder:
"So AITA?"
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA:
- NTA - Not The A**hole
- YTA – You're The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH - Everyone Sucks Here
Many Redditors declared OP was NOT the A**hole.
"This is a very obvious case of 'break up ASAP.'"
"You don't need this in your life."
"If she is like this after 2 months, she will make your life a nightmare."
"Find a nice, well-adjusted girl." ~ Pale-Link-9622
"Can you believe she had the audacity to make that comment!!!"
"OP, sensing the extremes you went to for this ingrate, I anticipate you'll still allow the party to proceed."
"I would suggest that shortly thereafter, you simply move on."
"No explanation is necessary."
"It will be a total waste of your time."
"Seek out a woman for your next relationship. Good luck."
"Oh, GF is TA."
"OP is NTA." ~ Tight-Shift5706
"People complain that responses on Reddit jump to 'break up' so much, but they ignore that people in good relationships rarely post anything here."
"By the time someone posts here the relationship is having problems, usually bad ones."
"In this case, I agree that if she is like this after 2 months they are not right for each other."
"She needs someone in a 9 to 5 job who can spend the rest of his time worshipping the ground she walks on."
"OP needs someone that realizes sometimes life just gets in the way of plans and adjustments have to be made."
"OP is NTA, but the 'GF' is the AH." ~ floridaeng
"Agreed. You don't see posts like 'I'm completely content in my healthy relationship and we solve issues in a mature and respectful way. AITA??'"
"Normally I say that everyone has a right to feel upset even if the intention wasn't to upset them."
"But this is clearly a scenario in which OP should've been offered some grace."
"I think GF is allowed to feel a little sad that the day had a slow start."
"But she blew it way out of proportion by taking that out on him and acting like he didn't care while he literally inconvenienced himself and others to be there… yeah OP, not looking good."
"She's assigning too much meaning to you needing an extra couple hours of sleep."
"She needs to grow up and learn that not everything is gonna go 100% her way and that she should pick her battles better especially when that person is already doing something nice for her." ~ moth_girl_7
"'Break up ASAP.'"
"And hopefully before the party."
"I have a feeling that if the party happens, OP's place will get trashed, and a bunch of his stuff stolen or destroyed."
"If the GF has so little respect for OP, I can't see her friends respecting him either."
"And if she is complaining to her friends about this morning, some might look for some petty revenge at the party."
"And that's on top of OP already not feeling comfortable with all her friends coming over."
"I'm also guessing that there is a decent chance that the girlfriend will dump OP after she gets her party." ~ TheShadowCat
"Second this. I don't like to jump to breakup/divorce in these posts, but this seems like a post that needs this. NTA."
"Despite only being three years apart, they seem to be at very different mental points in their lives."
"On top of that, OP's GF just seems too immature to even be in a relationship."
"Better to cut them loose."
"It's only been 2 months." ~ AnnaK22
"OP is NTA."
"The 'crying really hard' part is what got me."
"Who TF cries their eyes out over something so silly?"
"She sounds incredibly immature and emotionally unstable."
"This is the kind of person who will never be satisfied with anything OP does for her because it can't possibly live up to her fantasies." ~ Economics_Low
"Yes, this. It happened to me, it happened to my friends."
"It is life, it's life that sometimes you're absolutely shattered and need a longer nap to function like a human being and pretty much pass out, I've been so jetlagged after work trips I couldn't remember what happened sometimes."
"If my boyfriend did what she did to me, I'd laugh in his face."
"Temper tantrum over 3 hours of sleep you needed when you didn't have set plans; she's having a laugh." ~ idasiek
"NTA. If you believe that you did everything in your power and your GF doesn't care much about you even after you changed so many things just to be able to be back for his birthday."
"Intelligent people understand that you can plan whatever you want but reality can bring changes at any given moment and it is all about willingness to find the best solution, you tried it and she didn't appreciate it at all."
"You have to figure out if she is someone that you really want in your life or not - you choose who you build relationships with so choose wisely." ~ forgeris
"NTA. Even if she's young and used to the birthday madness, it sounds like her life 'may have been' it's time to grow up."
"You haven't been together long enough for this drama."
"You did what you could."
"Her expectations weren't met."
"It sounds like an honest adult conversation wasn't possible."
"You should probably move on." ~ ladypi95
"NTA. A good partner would be empathetic."
"She seems to be very selfish."
"Have a conversation about how you feel and your boundaries and if she doesn't respond with compromise then it's time to leave the relationship as that's not a good sign for a long-term or marriage." ~ ListPlenty6014
"NTA. Putting real life before a birthday is normal adulting."
"It's pretty narcissistic to turn a birthday into a day that revolves entirely around the person having it."
"Sounds like she made a week out of it." ~ maj0rdisappointment
"Time for dumpies. NTA."
"In my opinion, when anyone cares that much about their birthday, it's a big ol red flag."
"I think mature people can enjoy their birthdays of course but they won't mind if they have to celebrate it a day or two late/early."
"It's just another silly day in our silly lives." ~ bebepothos
"Ah, the plight of dating a 22-year-old."
"Yeah, it's silly, you did your best. NTA." ~ RainyDayProse
Well, OP, Reddit is with you.
You didn't blow off her entire birthday.
It may be time to do some relationship evaluation.
Get some sleep!
Woman Breaks Up With Boyfriend Who Worried People Would Think She Was Trans For Using Stand-To-Pee Device
Content Warning: Transphobia, Transphobic Comments
There are countless different reasons that a relationship might end, and a red flag could arise at any time. Some of these might have been learned in childhood and could improve over time.
Transphobia is absolutely a red flag that should be acted on immediately; however, with no option to fly again, pointed out the members of the "Am I the A**hole?" (AITA) subReddit.
Redditor funnelfuss was in the car with her boyfriend when they got stuck in a traffic jam.
She really needed to use the restroom, so since she had a device with her to make the process easier, she decided she'd step out of the car.
But when her boyfriend panicked and thought people might mistake her for a man, the Original Poster (OP) realized that her boyfriend was not who she thought he was.
She asked the sub:
The OP had to use the restroom while stuck in a traffic jam.
"My (26 Female) boyfriend (25 Male) and I got stuck in an insane traffic jam. My boyfriend was driving."
"We were at a standstill. Found out later on, they had closed the highway."
"I had to pee really bad, like bad bad bad. I saw that a couple guys had run to the side of the road to pee, and I decided to do the same."
"It was super open, with a few bushes by the side of the road, really not much cover."
The OP's boyfriend became uncomfortable when he realized she had a pee-to-stand device.
"I have a stand-to-pee device in my car, but when I grabbed it, my boyfriend got all weird."
"He said people would see me pee standing up and think I was Trans."
"I said no one would think that, plenty of women have pee funnels, and that also I didn't care. I have no beef with Trans people!"
"He said I should squat, just to put his mind at ease."
"I said I didn't want to get my butt and c**ch out on the highway in front of everyone, or get pee on my shoes, and I just wanted to be quick and clean."
"He said he didn't want people to look at the girl he was dating and think she was Trans and that I should squat, like GIRLS do."
The OP decided she was over it.
"I was dying by this point. I couldn't hold it anymore, and I really didn't want to show the world my butt, so I ran to the side of the road and slipped the device into my jeans and just peed standing up with my back to traffic."
"No one could see anything; it just slides through the zipper. But I guess maybe if someone was looking, they would be confused? But also, who's LOOKING?!"
"When I got back to the car, my boyfriend wouldn't talk to me. He says I disrespected his feelings. But it was 100% an emergency, and I don't get what his problem was."
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
Some reassured the OP that there was nothing wrong with using the restroom how she wanted.
"OP, don't think for one more second about this. Your boyfriend is being ridiculous."
"As if you will ever see any of those people again! Plus, holding it in for too long can cause a whole host of issues."
"It's actually genius that you have something like that in your car, just in case. I'm going to order one too now! NTA." - m_alice88
"'Honey, please show all these strangers your c**ch and a** so they know I'm not gay, mmmm'kay?'"
"A weak man, a very weak man." - lefteyedcrow
"You must have a she-wee! Those are so great for women."
"Tell your boyfriend to get over himself. You had to pee. He does not understand that squatting can suck and leave you exposed."
"If he is that upset you did this, rethink this relationship. I would find it hysterical."
"NTA." - Oktodayithink
"NTA, OP. You just needed a makeshift restroom."
"Your boyfriend apparently thought that it was normal for people to stare at strangers who are trying to pee to evaluate who they are, who they're with, and what the status of their relationship is."
"You know, to pass the time while in gridlock traffic." - Pixichixi
"You did nothing wrong, OP! When you have to go, you have to go. It's healthier to go."
"And don't apologize! We're so wired to reduce conflict, even to the point of downplaying how we feel to keep the peace or end the silence. Don't do it."
"It's a him issue. He thinks his feelings on this are more important than your discomfort about showing your naked body on the side of the road. If he can't figure that out for himself and apologize, it would be a dealbreaker for me." - lelawes
Others agreed and pointed out that the ex-boyfriend was very transphobic.
"NTA. Your boyfriend is clearly transphobic. That is 100% on him. And who cares if people think you are Trans?"
"'He said he didn't want people to look at the girl he was dating and think she was Trans.' And you don't want people to think you're dating someone bigoted and hateful." - GreekAmericanDom
"He may not consider himself transphobic ('I don't hate Trans people! I just don't want to be associated with them or have anyone think I'm with a Trans person!'), but he absolutely is, probably with a healthy side helping of homophobia."
"Why would he care, unless a) Trans women are not women in his eyes, or b) it somehow would be emasculating or embarrassing to his ego to be with a Trans woman."
"Also, you're in a traffic jam. Who the f**k is even watching close enough to care, and who of those people matters enough to give two s**ts about what they think."
"Not to mention, he's being weirdly controlling about your behaviors and how they reflect on him in a scenario where arguably he's never going to interact with a single person he's worrying about." - maladicta228
"This post reminds me of the time I got dressed to go to a function. It was a casual gathering. My kid (this was solidly on their father, my ex, as he's gotten insanely bigoted as he's aged) said, 'Mom, you're dressed like a Lesbian.'"
"Me: 'Lesbians have great fashion sense, I'd love to be mistaken for one.'"
"They paused for a second and realized that I truly wasn't dressing for men (despite it being my husband's work function), and that being seen as a lesbian was a good thing. I'm so glad I raised them to think for themselves, and realize that one can be wrong, admit it, and work on being a better person every day. They've never said anything like that since." - baconbitsy
"He's so insecure (and transphobic) that he cares more about what some strangers in a traffic jam might wrongly assume about you (and thereby him) than YOUR needs, comfort, and health."
"He expected you to prioritize his insecurities (feelings) above that and then punished you when you prioritized your health."
"You sure you want to be with someone like that?? NTA." - molotovmerkin
"Your boyfriend is so transphobic that he wants you to expose your genitalia on the side of the road to prove that you're not a Trans woman because he can't stand the idea of a total stranger, in a neighboring car, whom he will never speak to or see ever again, thinking he MIGHT be SHARING A CAR (because the strangers in other cars have no idea that you're dating) with a Trans woman."
"You're NTA, but get a better boyfriend." - HighCsummer
"Literally, you have to be super transphobic to think people in traffic are gonna judge you if your girlfriend is standing to pee. Like come onnnnnn, this is some insane insecurity." - Responsible-Pickle-2
Some pointed out that not only was the ex-boyfriend transphobic, but also controlling.
"This won't be the last time he expects OP to sacrifice things or make her life worse so that she can conform to his ideal of feminine stereotypes and keep up appearances for his fragile masculine ego."
"And that he gave her the silent treatment for not obliging his transphobia and misogyny disguised as 'feelings' is also problematic." - blancamystiere
"He's insecure and transphobic. He also puts his insecurity and transphobia above your comfort."
"NTA, and honestly, you can do better than this specimen." - PetersMapProject
"NTA. Your boyfriend would have preferred for everyone to see your a** and vagina than have a random stranger think his girlfriend is Trans. He would rather you expose yourself for his personal gain."
"Get a better boyfriend." - Amaze-balls-trippen
"The transphobia? The insecurity? And the silent treatment when he doesn't get his way?"
"So many red flags!" - CarolynDesign
"He also puts his insecurity and transphobia above your comfort and safety."
"He would rather you invite unwanted attention and risk by exposing your private parts to the world than have people think he (who most of the onlookers couldn't even see) might be dating a Trans person."
"NTA. OP, he's too insecure, self-centered, and immature to be a good partner to you, given that he's willing to compromise your safety to avoid a single twinge of discomfort. Dump him." - Hari_om_tat_sat
After receiving feedback, the OP was reassured and shared some positive updates.
"UPDATE: Thank you, everyone, for helping me feel sane again!"
"I got quite a few questions about which device I use, and honestly, it's about what fits you best. There are a ton of options. It's what fits you. Check out pStyle, Freshette, and EllaPee."
"I tried peeing standing up in a toilet, and it worked fine. I think my aim was pretty good, but then I saw little droplets on the floor. No thanks, don't need that. Also, it's loud? Awkward."
"But for the outside, it's pretty fun! I drive a lot, that's why it was in my car. Lifesaver."
"Also, I guess in this case it brought out an ugly side of my (ex) boyfriend and clarified some stuff for me. A winner all around."
"And to all the commenters asking, YES, he is an ex-boyfriend now."
"And yes, there were other red flags."
"Ditched the man, kept the pee funnel. Gonna laugh at him every time I pee standing up."
There's no way to imagine just how awkward the rest of the car ride was after using the restroom and returning to the now-silent and very entitled boyfriend, still stuck in a traffic jam.
But fortunately for the OP, she learned something vital about her relationship during a moment that should have been a total non-issue.
By being concerned about this and expecting the OP to prioritize her ex's pride over her comfort, safety, and cleanliness, her ex told her everything she needed to know.