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Sober Redditor Called Out For Refusing To Do A Shot To Honor Their Girlfriend’s Dead Relative

Photo by Alena Plotnikova/Unsplash

Whether or not one consumes alcohol and why they chose to, or not is a very private decision.

But it can be a point of contention for many.

Socially we are an alcohol driven society. Some people can’t handle it, so they don’t drink.

Some are allergic and others just don’t want to. And some guzzle it down like water.

All personal choices that often get judged by others.

Case in point…

Redditor drinkingwiathway wanted to discuss their story for some feedback. So naturally they came to visit the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit.

They asked:

“AITA for not drinking during my girlfriends family tradition?”

The Original Poster (OP) explained:

“So long story short, I have a personal rule to never drink alcohol.”

“I have a myriad of reasons from general health to honoring loved ones, but that’s not the point.”

“The point is that I do not drink ever.”

“My girlfriend and I went to her family party and apparently they have a tradition of everyone taking a shot to honor one of their dead relatives.”

“Everyone does it at the same time and talks about what they’re thankful for and everything.”

“But I told the person handing me the shot I wouldn’t drink, and he looked at me funny.”

“Her cousin pointed me out before they drank it and said I need a shot.”

“And I said no I’m ok I don’t drink and he said it’s just one shot and I said no.”

“I can’t but please continue I’ll just drink something else and they refused to start.”

“I ended up leaving after being egged on too much and my girlfriend apologized for me and we left.”

“She did her best to defend me but her family is just stubborn.”

“Everyone was talking about me apparently saying that I was selfish and how I was ruining the night.”

“It was just one shot but I don’t know I couldn’t bring myself to do it.”


Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA?:

  • Not The A**hole
  • YTA – You’re The A**hole
  • NAH – No A**holes Here
  • ESH – Everyone Sucks Here

Redditors declared our OP was NOT the A**hole. 

It’s a tricky situation.

Let’s hear some thoughts…

“NTA… That’s very inconsiderate of them.”

“You could be a recovering alcoholic or whatever. It’s never a good idea to push someone to drink alcohol.”

“Never! And that’s coming from someone who likes to drink… Respect people’s boundaries!”  ~ Good_Comparison7402

“This. Exactly this! It is so hard to maintain my sobriety and that’s just with every day events affecting me, never mind the pressure of someone trying to force alcohol on me.”

“NTA OP. You did the right thing.”  ~ Throwaway51276

“I don’t drink because it’s bad with my medication.”

“People so often assume alcoholism because no one fathoms that someone doesn’t want to drink.”

“For social gatherings, I’ve taken to pretending I’m super high maintenance and quietly asking for a non-alcoholic version of things.”  ~ fieryprincess907

“As one of those who has had to stop drinking due to medication I thank you for being reasonable.”

“It doesn’t happen to me often, but it never ceases to amaze me when someone insists I should have a drink because ‘it won’t do any harm.'”

“No harm? SOB, it could kill me!”  ~ seamuswasadog

“This happened to me at a family get together.”

“I do drink, but I’m a total lightweight and usually I don’t bother. “

“If I drink, I have one or two beers/cocktails and that’s it.”

“I simply don’t enjoy having more than that.”

“But I could not give less of a crap if you want to have 8 pints and pass out in the bathroom.”

“Have fun! If you want hangover food in the morning, I’m happy to pop out for some bacon and orange juice.”

“But my aunt kept making snide comments about how I thought I was better than her, must be passing judgement, etc.”

“I literally had not said a word, or even noticed that you were drinking aunty.”

“I don’t want a glass of wine at 2pm because I’ll be asleep by 4pm if I do, and I won’t be able to have fun with my family.”

“If you want to have a drink, go ahead! “

“Although now I actually am judging you because of the comments you made, I know that you’re insecure about your drinking habits.”  ~ a_peanut

“Maybe the dead relative loved a particular alcohol and that where the tradition comes from.”

“I have a relative that every Christmas he does a shot of a particular whiskey with his three adult daughters, he passed last year, but the daughters are continuing the tradition in his memory.”

“Don’t say they should use water. That is not the tradition. They are totally welcome to do their tradition.”

“On that note, also NTA, it’s their tradition not yours and you declining alcohol in no way devalues their tradition.”  ~ Just-some-moran

“Also, you don’t need to toast with alcohol. You could put water in a shot glass and make a toast.”

“Hell, orange juice. Milk. Tea. It doesn’t matter.”

“If they want you to take part, they can give you something else to drink and you can toast right along with them.”

“If they insisted it had to be booze, they are definitely TA.”  ~ rlikesbikes

“NTA – I agree 1,000,000%.”

“I am the same, I hate the taste of alcohol and truly despise anyone who has tried to pressure me into drinking.”

“It seems to be some need to bond over alcohol that I just don’t get.”

“I am nice the first time in declining, but I can turn very nasty very quickly if they don’t give up.” ~ Firefox_Alpha2

“People can be allergic to alcohol, too! It’s just never ok to push someone once they say no.”

“OP even offered to take a shot of something else, so it’s not like they were spitting on this tradition, they just refused the alcohol part of it. NTA.”  ~ knitlikeaboss

“Yes! I like to drink too, but when I say to my friends I’ll pass on the shot, they either drink it themselves for me (as a joke), or they give me a shotglass with water/applejuice/milk/whatever.”

“If they want me to do a toast with them. We always do that.”

“If someone says no to alcohol, then give them something non alcoholic. It’s not that difficult, whatever that reason may be.”

“And no, you don’t even need a reason to not drink.”  ~ chonkehmonkeh

“Totally agree, there are literally zero situations where it’s ok to force someone to drink alcohol.”

“Some of My family were like this when I didn’t want to drink because driving, just mocking me, saying one drink doesn’t matter and serving me anyway.”

“Lots of my former friends also blamed me for ruining the parties and ambiance because I wanted to stop before being wasted.

“Just annoying. NTA.”  ~ Less_Shopping_3955

“I come from a culture (Russian/Eastern European) where we have the exact tradition that OP mentioned.”

“Nobody in my family would ever pressure someone to drink alcohol.”

“If someone who doesn’t drink wanted to humor us in solidarity, they can just have some juice/water/tea/etc.”

“Pressuring a non-drinker into drinking is very disrespectful, though unfortunately common. NTA.”  ~ VengefulAvocado

“I’m a social drinker myself but I know plenty of people who choose not to drink at gatherings.”

“Every single party I’ve been to, even sleazy college ones, not a single person pressured anyone else to drink.”

“It was always like ‘oh you’re not drinking? That’s cool! Have Steve at the bar get you a Coke, we have some for mixers.’” “

So these ‘adults’ in OP’s GF’s family are less mature about alcohol than literal college kids.”

“They are definitely the a**holes here!”  ~ DontBeABillHader

“NTA. As someone who also does not drink do NOT concede.”

“If you do it once (like I sadly did) they’ll try to make you do it every time.”  ~ PercyLegion

“What frustrates me is that there are certain excuses you can give (I’m sober, recovering, etc).”

“That are acceptable to people and they’ll give you a pass typically.”

“But then if you just don’t want to drink for literally any other reason (health reasons, religious reasons, that shit tastes terrible) then you’re pressured to no end.”

“As if any of these reasons are less valid than the others.”

“And don’t even get me started on how alcohol is one of the most dangerous drugs and somehow is completely legal and acceptable in our society.”

“You know how we went from smoking being culturally ubiquitous, to stigmatizing it over the course of a few decades?”

“Can we do that again please?”  ~ fool_on_a_hill

“I use to drink children’s champagne (that terribly sweet fruit juice) at every occasion at which others drink alcohol.”

“It has even become some sort of running gag.”

“Makes my friends chuckle, but no one would even dare to judge me.”

“Not wanting one of their funny poison drinks certainly doesn’t make me a worse human.”

“The family of OP’s gf seems really immature. Glad that she defended OP.”

“NTA.”  ~ OneGhastlyGhoul

“NTA!! It’s horrible that they tried to make you even after you politely declined.”

“I hate the fact that people think it’s okay to do that.”

“I don’t drink for lots of reasons and I can’t tell you how many times I’ve had people try to push me to drink.”

“Stick to your beliefs and don’t do anything you don’t want to do! NTA!” ~ Omelet_bar

Looks like OP has a lot of sober and dry support for future parties.

Hopefully OP and GF can make this work with her family for the future.

Cheers… with whatever you wish to cheers with!