Money. Money is always an issue.
Good or bad, it influences everything.
For some reason it’s especially a problem at dinner.
Case in point…
Redditor Slow-Pianist-4431 wanted to discuss her experience and get some feedback. So naturally, she came to visit the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit.
She asked:
“AITA for bringing my SIL’s wallet to the restaurant when she conveniently always forgets it?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“My (F[emale] 28) S[ister] I[n] L[aw] ‘Amy’ (F 26) always comes to visit from out of town.”
“She stays with us instead of a hotel, and always wants to go to expensive restaurants.”
“She always conveniently forgets her wallet, or comes up with some excuse as to why she can’t pay her share.”
“She has implied that since I make much more money than her, I should be the one to pay (no, not my husband should pay, but me specifically).”
“I do make a fair amount of money.”
“But not so much that I can treat someone every time they come into town.”
“Nonetheless, in the past, I have just paid the bill and asked her to pay me back.”
“She never has.”
“She had made a reservation at an extremely expensive restaurant last night.”
“And before we left, I made it clear that I wouldn’t be paying her bill.”
“This is where I might be the asshole, and I’ll admit I got this move straight from and episode of Two and a Half men.”
“As we were leaving, her and my husband went to the car.”
“I pretended I forgot something and went back inside.”
“I found her wallet sitting right on top of her suitcase.”
“I put it in my purse and we went to the restaurant.”
“When we were done eating, I asked for separate bills.”
“She said no, we need one bill, because she ‘forgot’ her wallet again.”
“I reached in my purse and said, ‘this wallet?'”
“She was extremely furious.”
“She said that I should not have touched or grabbed her wallet.”
“So AITA for taking her wallet and bringing it to the restaurant?”
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA?:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Many Redditors declared OP was NOT the A**hole.
Let’s hear some thoughts…
“NTA. But you totally should have flipped the switch- left your wallet at home- only brought your license so she had to cover the whole bill then never taken her out to a restaurant again.” ~ jizzy_lizzie
“Yeah, on this occasion when I’ve made it clear it’s [insert social party]’s turn to pay the dinner bill.”
“I’d do similarly and make a joke out of asking ‘So, got your wallet? Hahaha, let’s see it, Forgetful Freida!'”
“If she doubles down that she shouldn’t have to show her wallet.”
“I’d have a frank discussion with SIL that me/partner will no longer be covering their bill when eating out.”
“And if she still refuses to show her method of payment this evening before going when she’s agreed to pay.”
“Husband and I are going out to eat elsewhere and thank her for the invitation to join their reservation and we’ll meet up after dinner.”
“NTA though, original post was a clever way to call SIL out on her crap.”
“OP literally ‘remembered’ SIL’s wallet for her.”
“SIL’s anger is at nothing but being called out in a deliberate lie.” ~ pdubs1900
“She made the reservation and invited you.”
“Etiquette says she would be responsible for 100% of that bill. NTA.” ~ Bitter-Conflict-4089
“This! It’s the same principle with dates, the person who asks chooses the restaurant (ideally with the other person in mind) and then pays the bill. NTA.”
“Clarification: I worded this kind of poorly, this is my own approach to dates, but whatever works for you and the people the you date is cool!” ~ high_on_acrylic
“NTA. That was a boss move.”
“But if you want to keep it up without getting accused of touching her things, when you’re in the car, don’t let your husband start driving until she shows you she has her wallet on her.”
“You told her right up front “I’m not paying this time.'”
“And she tried to push you into it.”
Honestly, I don’t know why you keep going out with her. Cancel.”
Or insist your husband pays. Like, what does he say about all of this?”
“Because he needs to have a chat with his sister about how she’s abusing your generosity.”
“Next time she stays and says there’s a reservation: ‘Oh, hey, I hope you guys have a nice time. Yeah, I’m not going. I’m getting tired of someone who isn’t my husband continuously trying to f**k me.'”
“ETA: In regards to OP’s edit…”
“Amy, your SIL couldn’t badmouth you if you didn’t give her plenty of ammo.”
“You’re saying she’s badmouthing you?”
‘She’s just telling people what you did.”
“If you feel some kind of way about it, that means you’re aware that you done f**ked up.”
“Stop being mad at other people for reacting to your shitty behavior.”
“Change your shi**y behavior.”
“Grow as a person.” ~ DNRmyDNA
“NTA. I wouldn’t have touched her wallet.”
“But when you got to the car, you could have said, ‘Hey I just noticed your wallet is still inside. You should go grab it so you can pay your bill as we agreed.'”
“And then simply refused to go until she did.” ~ kemushi_warui
“NTA – Why do you and your husband still allow her to stay with you or choose expensive restaurants or even go out with her?”
“I think you need to talk to your husband about this behavior.”
“I am very curious as to why he hasn’t stepped in and shut this down and wonder if he is the one encouraging her to do this behind your back.” ~ SamGamgE
OP had some thoughts…
“Edit: Wow, thanks for all the awards!!!”
“Jeez lol! So many comments that I can’t keep up, but thank you to everyone who had something to say.”
“Amy just called me, she saw this post and she yelled at me for ‘badmouthing’ her on the internet.”
“Honestly I don’t care.”
“Amy, hopefully reading all these comments is a wake up call for you.”
Also…
“Also because he’s the only male in his family.”
“And frankly they’ve (his sisters, mother) have always taken advantage of him like this in the past.”
“Now they’ve found a new target, me.”
“They’ve got it in their minds that their poor family has married into a rich family or something like that.”
“I’m by no means rich, but they didn’t have it easy growing up.”
“I don’t personally think this is an excuse for being a mooch.”
“She works, she has her own money now, she’s not in any dire financial situation, she can pay her own way.”
Reddit continued…
“Venmo exists now so she really cant play the ‘oh I forgot my wallet,’ trick.”
“I say if she pulls this again that you don’t pay for her portion unless she immediately venmos right then and there.”
“You cant touch her wallet,’ but she can spend your money?”
“Yeah no. Also stop having her stay with you guys!”
“You and your husband need to grow backbones my friend.”
“She is taking advantage of y’alls’ kindness. NTA.” ~ stop_spam_calls
“Usually, I’m against people touching others’ property, but in this case, well done.”
“Be aware that next time she will be hiding her wallet, but maybe just refuse to go out to dinner if she didn’t bring her wallet/card.”
“Let her know if she doesn’t pay she will not be going out with you and your husband and make it clear that your hospitality is a courtesy, not an obligation.”
“She’s very welcome to stay in a hotel next time if she doesn’t abide by the rules and respects you.”
“Your husband’s family might start harassing you after you establish the rules, so might be worth having a dialogue with your husband and having him be ‘the bad cop.'”
“If the family complains, tell them that they are welcome to pay your SIL’s expenses, including past dinners if you have the receipts or bank statements.”
“Your SIL’s an entitled brat.” ~ Iataaddicted25
“NTA – I would have done the same.”
“She’s only furious because you called her on her crap and beat her at her own game.”
“If she genuinely forgot her wallet she would be thanking you for having the forethought to remember it for her so since she’s so ‘forgetful.'” ~ ladygreyowl13
“NTA, but you really have a husband problem.”
“He needs to lay down the law to his sister. She is the guest.”
“If she is picking the restaurant, she is paying for her meal.”
“That from now on, there will be a wallet check before she leaves the house.”
“And that his wife’s job isn’t there to supplement Amy’s lifestyle.” ~ NerdySwampWitch40
Well OP… Reddit is ready to throw down for you.
Nobody forgets their wallet that much.
There are some VERY interesting future family dinners coming.
Good luck.