Enuresis is the medical term for when a person urinates without meaning to. Bedwetting while sleeping at night is called nocturnal enuresis.
Nighttime bed-wetting is fairly common.
About 15% of all 5-year-olds, 7% of all 8-year-olds, and 3% of 12-year-olds experience nocturnal enuresis. About 99% of children who wet the bed outgrow it by the time they’re 15 years old.
Enuresis is most commonly caused by:
- difficulties waking up when asleep
- slower development of the central nervous system, which can allow the bladder to empty at night
- kidneys that produce more urine when asleep
- having relatives who wet the bed growing up
While a child is experiencing bed wetting, it can be embarrassing. Things other children take for granted—like overnight school trips or sleepovers with friends—can be difficult to navigate.
But how far is too far for a parent to go trying to make their child more comfortable?
A mother tackling that question turned to the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit for feedback.
Notmychildnyoubitch asked:
“AITA for removing my son from a sleepover?”
The original poster (OP) explained:
“I’m 37, female. I have a 10-year-old son. I’ll call him Sam.”
“My son was invited for a sleepover by one of his classmates, let’s call him Taylor. Because I don’t know his parents very well, we got together a few times so we could get to know each other.”
“We eventually set up a date and the other mother—which I’ll call Lady from now on—insisted on hosting the event. I agreed and later dropped my son off, telling him to behave and all that jazz.”
“Toward the end of the day, around 9-ish, I got a call from my son’s phone. He has a basic flip phone for things like this.”
“He was upset and wanted to come home. I asked what was wrong, and he told me that Lady wanted to put him in a diaper.”
“I told him to put her on the phone, and she answered it in a huff, telling me my son was being stubborn and misbehaving. I could hear my son in the background saying he just wanted to go home.”
“So I told her I’d be there in a few minutes and hung up.”
“When I got there, I was let in by her husband. He apologized for the trouble, and I went to find my son.”
“He was still upset when I found him sitting at their kitchen table along with Taylor. I asked him what was going on, and he explained to me that because Taylor wet his bed, Lady wanted him to wear a diaper as well.”
“I turned and looked at Lady and told her Sam doesn’t wet the bed and didn’t need to put anything extra on for bed.”
“She argued back that it wouldn’t hurt him and would make Taylor feel better. To be honest, I kind of understood where she was coming from and even considered asking Sam if he’d be willing to do it for his friend.”
“That was until I saw the thing.”
“I was expecting a pullup. But this was what looked like a thick adult diaper meant to fit kids.”
“Then the shocker came when my son told me she tried me make him take off his pants and lay on the floor so she could put it on him. I turned back to Lady and told her how inappropriate this all was and collected his things to leave.”
“She got belligerent and said Sam didn’t have anything she hadn’t seen before.”
“So we left.”
“Taylor, the poor boy, looked crestfallen. Not that a blame him at all.”
“But my problem and the reason for this post is due to the fact Lady put what happened on Facebook—she made it out like I busted into her home and ordered her around.”
“She worded it like I let myself into the house and told her what she could and couldn’t do in her own home. She presents herself like a good Christian lady.”
“She underplayed her part and overplayed mine. Most of the commenters are on her side.”
“So am I the a**hole for taking my child home?”
The OP summed up their predicament.
“I feel bad for Taylor. If I had known beforehand, I could have done something else.”
Redditors weighed in by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors unanimously declared the OP was not the a**hole.
“Former child welfare social worker here! NTA and under NO circumstances is what she tried to do to your son appropriate!!”
“Please have a moment with your son to tell him he did the right thing and you are proud of him for saying no and informing you right away. Saying no in a situation like that can be so scary and traumatic for a kiddo.”
“Express again that what his friend’s mom did was extremely inappropriate and give some space for him to talk about his feelings.” ~ rutheordare
“Uh NO!!!!!! Your son is 10, and she wanted him to take his pants off so she could put on a diaper?!!! Wtf!!!!!! And then had the audacity to post about it on Facebook!”
“Pfft, not only are you not the asshole (NTA), you’re way nicer than I would be.”
“I do feel bad for the embarrassment that the Taylor kid probably felt.” ~ Time_Explanation8090
“NTA. In trying to prevent her son from being embarrassed, she made things thousands of times worse.”
“Kids sometimes wet the bed; it happens; the thing to do is change the sheets, reassure them (chat with them in private if it’s an ongoing thing), and let them get back to sleep.”
“This mother basically shone a spotlight on her son wetting the bed in front of his friend, who she then tried to change like a baby. What the everloving f*ck???”
“I expect hundreds of thousands of therapy in poor Taylor’s future. Honestly, and I feel SO bad for Taylor, but as a mother, I would have to warn other parents of this, too.”
“I would NEVER tell someone if another person’s child wet the bed sleeping at my house—who cares? It happens.”
“But I couldn’t in good conscience let other people send their kids to stay with this woman without saying she tried to pressure my child into undressing for her (which would probably lead to me having to explain why).”
“I feel sick even thinking about it—10 is not a baby; kids have bodily autonomy, too. This is so wrong.” ~ hoginlly
“Yep, and depending on what OP’s kid’s next move is, word of his bed-wetting and his crazy mom is going to spread throughout the class.”
“I cannot blame Sam for potentially wanting to warn people about Taylor’s crazy mom because she literally wanted to undress an unrelated boy who did not need a clothes change.”
“It’s going to come out why she wanted to undress him and why Taylor wets the bed and wears diapers to bed.” ~ GoodQueenFluffenChop
“NTA. And I’m super curious how on earth Lady worded things on her Facebook post to make so many people agree with her.”
“Even before I read the part about her trying to lay your son and the floor and put the diaper on him, I was thinking Lady was absurd and that you were NTA.”
“But reading that part about trying to force the diaper on him really put things way over the edge. How could she have possibly said things on Facebook to put herself in a positive light?”
“Nothing about this encounter was OK.” ~
“NTA. Making a 10-year-old take off his pants against his will in order to put him into an unneeded diaper would get you in trouble with the police in most countries.”
“I would politely let one or two other gossipy moms in the class know what is going on and let her be rightly reviled.”
“Her intent was good, but her execution was horrific.”
“If she put hands on my son to make him take his pants off, there would be hell to pay, let me tell you. I wouldn’t put my hands on her, but there would be words with the right people.”
“If you feel the need to correct things on Facebook, I would say: ‘Lady, every story has two sides. All I ask is that strangers do not seek to put their hands on my son’s undressed body’.”
“But that would cause a sh*tstorm, so maybe don’t…” ~ Squiggles567
“Share the truth with someone you trust to spread it. It only takes one person.”
“Make sure they know all the details.”
“You did the right thing. ‘Nothing I haven’t seen before’ is a disgusting excuse to have a child expose themselves to you.”
“Children deserve respect and bodily autonomy. Your son is able to dress himself.”
“I’m so sorry you’re dealing with this. I hope you’ve been able to make sure Sam knows he did the right thing.”
“Please be prepared for this to turn into bullying at school as the gossip goes around. He doesn’t deserve it.” ~ Personal_Regular_569
“NTA. I mean, most adults have seen naked men and women before.”
“But if you tried to use that logic to demand someone strip in front of you, most people would be rightly horrified because that’s just not how it works.” ~ ComfortableRemote770
The OP may have been portrayed as the villain on Facebook, but Reddit had her back.
Regardless of the reason, a parent is allowed to take their child home when they don’t feel comfortable in someone else’s home.