Everyone loves a good moment in the spotlight.
Well, a lot of people do.
And most people only get a few chances.
Usually, it’s during a crucial life event.
Birthdays. Graduations. Weddings.
So when a very personal special moment is eclipsed, it can cause some MAJOR drama.
Case in point…
Redditor 1Meia wanted to discuss her experience and get some feedback. So naturally, she came to visit the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit.
She asked:
“AITA for stealing my sister’s thunder at her engagement party?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“My (23 F[emale]) sister (25 F) recently got engaged to her fiancé (26 M[ale]) after they’d been dating for a year.”
“Their engagement party was basically a dinner with friends and close relatives, and my sister went all out on the food.”
“To her marriage is a huge deal, and she’s had her whole wedding and married life planned out since we were kids.”
“I’ve never felt the same excitement for weddings and kids and such things.”
“Even though I do want it at some point, and since I’m a lesbian in a homophobic family, I long ago accepted that a big fancy wedding with my father walking me down the aisle isn’t part of the plan.”
“This doesn’t sadden me much.”
“But my sister (the only one in my family who knows about my sexuality) has been convinced that I’m jealous of her since she started dating her fiancé.
“The dinner started out great, but after the main course, my family and relatives started asking about my dating life.”
“It was pretty harmless questions at first, such as ‘When are you getting a boyfriend? and Why aren’t you dating? I saw that boy hitting on you just yesterday!'”
“It annoyed me, but my sister seemed even more annoyed.”
“After dessert, when the alcohol started kicking in, the questions got a little out of hand.”
“My mom said ‘I can’t believe your sister got engaged first, you’ve always been more social!’ and My grandma commented that I was always the more attractive sister.'”
“My sister obviously got hurt by this, and I caught her crying in the bathroom at one point.”
“I tried to talk to her, but all she said was ‘Happy? You’ve made my engagement all about you.'”
“And then avoided me for the rest of the party.”
“So this is the part where I might have been the bad guy.”
“After my Aunt asked when I would get a boyfriend for the millionth time, and I’d had my millionth glass of wine, I told her that I’d never get a boyfriend.”
“But when I got a girlfriend she’d be the first to know.”
“I stormed out of the apartment, accidentally knocking a glass over, and took a cab home.”
“My phone immediately started blowing up, but I turned notifications off and went straight to bed.”
“One of me and my sister’s mutual friend, who was at the party, told me the next day that a wild discussion about what I said to my Aunt was held.”
“And then the party cut short, my sister locked herself in her room crying and everyone went home.”
“I have now been blocked by most of my family and relatives.”
“My sister sent me a nasty text about how my coming out at her party stole her thunder, and my mother no longer considers me family.”
“I’m not gonna try to make up excuses for my behavior, because I definitely could have been a more supporting sister.”
“But I just wanted to know, AITA?”
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Many Redditors declared OP and everyone involved was the A**hole.
“ESH Let me explain.”
“It isn’t YOUR fault you were asked questions. Period.”
“The relatives kept saying stuff that was…”
“1) Taking the shine off of your sister…”
“2) Bringing up your dating status. I wish you would have…”
“1) Quit drinking when you were getting interrogated…”
“2) Left earlier I wish you would have come out at a later date, OR better still a long time ago, Dear. Life is short.”
“Edit: I want to edit this.”
“I don’t like ignoring people.”
“The young lady obviously has felt alienated from her family for a very long time.”
“If it is religion, sexuality, or even politics, it is emotionally draining to live around this crap, let alone know your authentic self would be disowned by the people you should trust most in life.”
“Weddings and engagements, baby showers like the trinity of ‘let the focus be on whoever the event is for.'”
“If OP got badgered into saying she was an apostate, or a liberal, or whatever this ‘family’ doesn’t like, she was pushed.”
“It wasn’t her choice.”
“It is a dangerous time to be LGBTQ+ right now, and if she didn’t want them to know, I am not sure this is the safe way to go.”
“And yes, if someone is having to hide who they are, it has to suck.”
“Many of us know people who have lived their whole lives for a family member, a religion, whatever.”
“I personally think it has to feel like crap.” ~ Wishiwashome
“Right, and it’s not like she was wrong to fear judgment from her family.”
“They immediately disowned her. I’m going with NTA because the family chose to focus on OP over her sister when they thought OP was just single.”
“And the family escalated the issue throughout the night until she snapped and revealed she’s gay and single.”
“If I’m the sister my parade was already rained on when the aunt said I’m the homely one.” ~ jenniferroses
“I thought NTA at first too… but now leaning to ESH.”
“OP: why in the devil’s haircut didn’t you stop the comments earlier, without coming out?”
“’Grammy, let’s not talk about my love life. We are here to celebrate sister’s! I wonder what their first dance song will be. What do you think?’”
“’Aunty, I pulled you aside because the comment you made comparing our looks was hurtful, especially on Sister’s special day. She is crying. Are you going to go apologize or should I handle it?’”
“OP, how they talk about you both is dreadful.”
“The heteronormativity here is not even the main event in this instance.”
“This party sounds like a race to the bottom in terms of who can ruin the party for your sister the most.”
“If she has constantly been told she is less social, less attractive… no wonder she wanted to show off at an event showing someone loves her above all others.”
“I feel awful for her.”
“OP, I am sure you already regret weaponizing your coming out and are now dealing with the incoming homophobic reactions.”
“You deserve much better too.”
“But I hope you apologize to your sister for not facing up to these bullies.”
“You and your sis need to team up against this cruel, bigoted ‘family.’”
“All you can do is make your own best choices.” ~ moreKEYTAR
“I’d still go with ESH.”
“The judgment on OP is more that she let her family get to her during a party meant for her sister and fiancé.”
“To me, the second one of my family members decided to say ‘you’re the pretty one’ and put my sibling down like that, I’d no longer put any stock into anything else they chose to say.”
“Even if OP was straight, the constant ‘when will you get a boyfriend’ questions would be idiotic.”
“Like do you want a specific date? Am I a psychic?”
“Okay, sure March 23rd, 2024.”
“I’m pretty sure that’s the day.” ~Wet_sock_Owner
“The bride-to-be was already crying in the bathroom lol I think the party definitely ended in spirit well before OP came out.”
“The family we’re being completely inappropriate and created a problem that hurt both women, OP’s sister turned on her instead of being mad at the people who were being rude, and OP finally said the only thing that would get them all off her back.”
“If OP is an asshole she’s definitely the least a**hole out of everyone.”
“Literally the entire party was treating her like sh*t.”
“You don’t have to keep being respectful when you’ve been telling someone to stop all night.”
“And suggesting she take the opportunity to stand up for her sister when her sister is reacting like a jealous teenager is a nice sentiment but I hardly think OP can be blamed for not being the bigger person after all that.” ~ literallylateral
“I agree that ESH but not for the same reasons.”
“It’s okay for OP to have been drinking and it’s also okay for OP to make a scene.”
“But she did it for the wrong reasons.”
“She should have immediately stood up for her sister and shut those questions down.”
“Made it clear…”
“Hey, y’all let’s focus on my sister. It’s her day!”
“‘And she’s beautiful!'”
“Etc… sh*t like that.”
“It’s clear the family is responsible for creating an unhealthy dynamic and pitting the sisters against each other.” ~ spooktaculartinygoat
“ESH. Them for being intrusive and their comments about you being the prettier sister.”
“Your sister for blaming you for their questioning.”
“A very very very little you for choosing this party to come out.”
“I love your answer to Aunt, but maybe this party wasn’t the place for it.”
“And the worst of all a**holes is your mother.”
“I don’t have kids, but I can’t imagine turning my back on my kid just because they’re gay.” ~ Competitive-Cut-6344
Wow, OP, this is a lot to digest.
It sounds like Reddit feels the wealth can be spread around in the “Who is the A**hole Department.”
It stinks you have to go through this.
And sad your sister is treated that way by the family.
Maybe when everyone is calm a brighter outcome can prevail.
But going forward, you do what you have to do.