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Stepdad Upset After Spouse Lets Daughter Sneak Out Of House Without Asking His Permission

Teen sneaking out
Klaus Vedfelt/Getty Images

Some adults may be of the philosophy that the teenage years are meant for getting into a little bit of trouble.

Redditor Disastrous_Lemon7985 seems to subscribe to that camp, because recently when their daughter asked permission to sneak out, they said yes.

The Original Poster (OP) was recently approached by their almost 18-year-old with an interesting request.

She wanted to experience sneaking out of the house.

The OP obliged, but their husband, their daughter’s stepdad, apparently subscribes to the other camp.

This caused some friction between the OP and their husband, ultimately driving the OP to subReddit “Am I the A**hole?” (AITA).

“AITA I let my 17 year old daughter sneak out.”

“My daughter turns 18 in a couple of months. She came to me and asked if she could have the experience of sneaking out.”

“She told me who she would be with, what she would be doing and when. I said yes. I did not tell my husband, her stepdad.”

“Well she didn’t put her screen back on the window. When my husband noticed he came to talk to me about it. I told him that I gave her permission to sneak out.”

“He wants to punish her. I said no because I gave her permission. He is really upset and it looks like this is going to ruin Thanksgiving.”

“She’s a good kid, currently has all A’s. He has been in her life since she was 5, and we sometimes buttheads about parenting styles.”

“I just wanted to ask AITA?”

Redditors weighed in by declaring:

  • NTA – Not The A**hole
  • YTA – You’re The A**hole
  • NAH – No A**holes Here
  • ESH – Everyone Sucks Here

Redditors decided:

“I’m sorry, the idea of a daughter asking for permission to “sneak out” is just so cute! Good kids trying to be bad and have a tiny rebellious phase!”

“NTA – I think the things to ask your husband are: 1- is he upset that you gave her permission to go out with friends without his knowing? If so, his issue is with you, not her.”

“2- is he upset that she crawled out the window instead of using the door?”

“Because if the answer to 1 is no, if you’ve given her permission to go out before without running it by him, then the issue really becomes that she used a window instead of a door.”

“Is that really a thing to punish a kid for?”

“Honestly, he should show her how to reattach the screen, and then be grateful that he has a kid whose biggest rebellious phase is checking with her mom before going out with friends…”

“…and then using the window instead of the door when she leaves. Let’s put this in perspective here!” – somethinglucky07

“You’re the mother. He’s the step-father. And you gave her permission.”

“In fact, it’s not even ‘sneaking out’ because you gave permission. It was roleplaying sneaking out. Your husband is being a giant a**.”

“NTA for not punishing her.”

“It’d be sadistic to punish her for something you told her to do.” – He_Who_Is_Person

“NTA and what an amazing duo! She wanted a different experience, and she asked for it…”

“The fact that she messed up, shows only one thing, she didn’t do that before, she made mistakes that she wouldn’t do if it wasn’t the first time.”

“I don’t feel like you’re an AH for not telling your husband, yes, his been in her life for 13 years, he is a father to her, but it would definitely not be a sneak out if everyone knew…”

“But I also see his point, as a father he is worried, being blind sided left him worrying.”

“But you knew everything that was going to happen, and if your kid asked permission for this, I’m dumb enough to believe that she is actually doing just what she said she would be doing.”

“Once he discovered, you explained the situation, so I don’t think there’s a reason for any drama… It was just a small scare… I’ve done worst 😅” – AndySM93

“If you punish her you send the wrong message. Being punished for something you have permission to do has some major adverse affects on people.”

“One thing that can happen, your daughter will just start keeping secrets since the conclusion for asking permission is identical to just doing it secretly.”

“Dont punish her. Nta, great mother. Keep doing you. No comment on husband.” – ElectricalHeart8834

“NTA I snuck out when I was 16 and did same thing with forgetting the screen.”

“My parents gave a me a small lecture but finally said, you’re going to be an adult soon, if you want to go out at night then you can do so, just please tell us so we can call you if there’s an emergency.”

“That was that. Never got in trouble again, never even wanted to go out that late again anyway.”

“Your kid got straight up permission and is literally almost an adult. You don’t ‘punish’ an adult with childish things like grounding or taking things away.”

“Your partner seems insane for still wanting to punish her, nearly an adult, despite literally getting permission” – Nicki-ryan

“ESH. You should have told her dad. he’s been in her life helping you raise her for 12 years.”

“It’s not like you’re newly married and he has no say. So he’s either a parent, or he isn’t. But he can’t be both.”

“Also him for wanting to punish her when his issue should be with you, not her.”

“Only non AH is your kid, for asking for permission to sneak out. Super wholesome and signs you both are doing a great job!” – Spare-Article-396

“NTA. However, to get the full experience of sneaking out- perhaps she should be punished so that she will know how we felt when we forgot to cover our tracks and replace the window screens.”

“Sneaking out should be done so that nobody finds out…and if they do, then you get punished. The person who wasn’t in on it found out, therefore you got busted young lady!” – bobbejaans

“What a sweetheart. If anything this speaks to your bond and how it won’t change as she gets older.”

“You’ve fostered a great amount of mutual trust and that’s very rare.”

“Your husband needs a horse sized chill pill asap. He’s her stepdad and she’s almost an adult. It’s not that deep. Perhaps he’s projecting something onto this situation.” – cuppaclouds

“NTA. Why does he even want to punish her? She asked permission, for crying out loud. Did she, like, climb down the lattice on the side of the house like in 80s movies?”

“Could she have gotten hurt on her way out? That’s the only thing I can imagine he’d be upset about.” – secret_identity_too

“Punish her for what? Asking her mother for permission to leave the house via the window? Telling her mom where she was going and who she was going to be with?”

“He’s just sour because neither of you “asked” his permission. Your husband is an idiotic a**hole.” – Banana_Puddin11

“NTA. That’s adorable. I can only pray my daughter is that sweet when she’s a teenager.”

“The stepdad is being a jacka** though. You’re the mom, you made the call, if he wants to be grumpy he should grump at you and not the kid.”

“But frankly, it’s cute and he just needs to calm the eff down. Your kid. Your choice.”

“If you do let her be punished, then you’re a huge A. But i get the feeling you’re not gonna let that happen.” – Abittwitchy

“NTA, but you should have told him.”

“He is an AH for wanting to punish her when his issue is really with you giving her permission and not discussing it with him.”

“It’s obviously wrong to punish her for something her parent gave her permission to do.” – lawfox32

“I’m gonna say NAH*, because you allowed your daughter to do it and it was nice, but also you didn’t communicate it to your husband, which is what actually caused the issue here.”

“If the position was reversed could you honestly say you were 100% comfortable with your daughter telling your husband and him not telling you at all?”

“I don’t think you giving permission was wrong, and I don’t think your husband’s feeling are wrong, how he’s expressing them isn’t good though.”

“You should just have a simple and calm discussion with each other and get over it and maybe reflect on how communication should work in the future.” – PokeMan3076

“NTA but for the people saying she is the mother and he is just the stepfather is crazy. He has been on her life since 5.”

“I’m pretty sure he feels like that’s his daughter and does stuff for her as if she was his own.”

“So let’s not pick and choose when we want to say ‘just the stepfather’ that’s doesn’t make him any less then her mother. Especially if they are both raising her.” – Akkkkkk0220

The OP went on to update their original post:

“Update: He has calmed down now. He no longer wants to punish her. But his feelings are hurt.”

The sweetest rebellion there ever was.

Written by B. Miller

B. is a creative multihyphenate who enjoys the power and versatility of the written word. She enjoys hiking, great food and drinks, traveling, and vulnerable conversation. Raised below the Mason Dixon, thriving above it. (she/her)