Divorce is never fun.
It’s especially arduous when children are involved.
What a mess it can make emotionally.
And when you get a rundown of all the payers involved, it can lead to quite the scandal.
Case in point…
Redditor AcrobaticHearing883 wanted to discuss her story for some feedback. So naturally she came to visit the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit.
She asked:
“AITA for outing my stepmom to her new coworkers?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“I don’t really get along with my dad that well but he has custody of me for a few months per year.”
“The backstory is that my parents divorced when I was 8.”
“My mom was having an emotional relationship to be fair, but I’m pretty sure my dad was sleeping around a lot.”
“I just have a lot of vague memories of him hanging out with nice ladies that weren’t my mom without my mom being there.”
“Then one day he was like I’m leaving your mom for Shelly, the 23-year-old nanny you’ve had for 3 months.”
“And then was all *shocked pikachu face* when kid me wasn’t like ‘yay can’t wait to live with my new Mommy Nanny Shelly.'”
“I’m 16 now.”
“It’s been almost 10 years and I went to therapy and everything.”
“I don’t really care about Shelly at that much either way, I blame my dad much more than her.”
“If it wasn’t Shelly, it would have been someone else and eventually my mom probably would have left my dad anyway.”
“But that doesn’t mean I like her or respect her that much.”
“She was having some friends from her work over which was really unusual.”
“I came out for food and one of the coworkers waved me over to where they were sitting and started asking me how old I was and if I’d started applying to schools yet and stuff.”
“I was feeling really awkward and just wanted an excuse to escape the room so I picked up my half-sister who was playing on the floor nearby and told Shelly I’d put her down.”
“Shelly would normally say thank you but instead said like thank you in a really off way.”
“And saying how great I was and how close I was to my half-sister and all this stuff.”
“One of the coworkers was like ‘you two have such a great relationship how long have you known each other?'”
“Usually when they get asked the how did you meet question Shelly or my dad is like ‘We met and just knew right away.'”
“The age difference between them is obvious but they moved to a new city post-divorce (so did my mom) so it’s easy to not share the details.”
“But I don’t think anyone has ever directly asked me how I met Shelly.”
“So I was like ‘Oh Shelly was my nanny. Before the divorce.'”
“I didn’t say it but I didn’t really have to.”
“There was this long awkward silence and I left the room with my half-sister.”
“Shelly was really mad at me for bringing up the past like that, and I do feel bad because she just started working again.”
“She has been a stay at home mom.”
“But now my half-sister is in school so she wanted to work again and actually start working in her degree field for the first time ever.”
“So she really wanted these coworkers and this company to like her and I outed her even though she said all this nice stuff about me first.”
“Which yes she was doing for her coworkers but it wasn’t totally made up like she said real true nice things about me.”
“I don’t know why I said what I said honestly, it was very embarrassing to her.”
“AITA?”
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA?:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors declared our OP was NOT the A**hole.
It’s a tricky situation.
Let’s hear some thoughts…
“If you don’t want to be characterized as the nanny cliche, don’t be the nanny cliche. NTA.” ~ ErisianImpulse
“If you do it or say it, you have to own it.”
“NTA. You’re not Shelly’s PR manager.” ~ JuliaX1984
“You’re a 16 year old kid.”
“You’re not obligated to come up with a tidy little lie to make your stepmother look good.”
“You weren’t malicious, just honest. NTA.” ~ gmo_joosbox
“Honestly NTA.”
“It’s the truth, who cares how it makes someone look.”
“If you didn’t want to look like a house wrecking nanny, don’t be a house wrecking nanny.”
“But from what you posted, the question wasn’t how did you meet but how long have you known each other.”
“A better answer would have been ‘since she started being my nanny about X years ago’ just to actually answer the question.” ~ laser_xvs650
“If you were 25, I’d be a YIKES but you’re 16 years old and your stepmom did you dirty by getting with your married parent, so you get a pass from me.”
“Not the nicest move but pretty common for teenagers to roast their parents at the worst times.”
“I know you blame your dad more.”
“And he does have a greater burden of the blame for the disruptions in your life.”
“But anyone hired to look out for your emotional and physical wellbeing, like a teacher, tutor, coach or nanny, does have a moral obligation to not harm you, a child in their care.”
“Your stepmom really fucked up when she owed you to be a positive influence.”
“NTA. Being close to your little sibling is a blessing your stepmom should be grateful for.”
“She should consider herself lucky you haven’t been roasting her continuously since you were 8.” ~ wildferalfun
“DUDE. Seriously. If you don’t want your coworkers to know that you’re a home wrecker, DON’T. WRECK. HOMES.”
“There are CONSEQUENCES for your choices in life and just because you’ve mostly avoided them for years doesn’t mean you’ll always be able to avoid them.”
“Especially since you avoided them because the people who were most affected were TINY CHILDREN at the time and now are growing up.”
“(EDIT: please note the “you” used here is the general “you,” as opposed to the “you” used below which refers to OP specifically.)”
“If Shelly continues to act mad at you ask her, in so many words, did she expect you to lie to her coworkers so that she could avoid the consequences of her actions?”
“NTA in any way, shape, or form.” ~ JadieJang
“NTA- you are not obligated to lie.”
“When I was your age, I’d have not been as nice about it, so she needs to suck it up and be lucky that’s all you said.”
“She wasn’t ashamed when she was stealing someone else’s husband so she shouldn’t be ashamed when people find out.” ~ childfreechick27
“NTA. This doesn’t sound malicious and I kind of cracked up.” ~ slendermanismydad
“Yeah, it’s the apparent pack of malicious intent that makes NTA.”
“It’s just a boring fact for OP at this point.”
“I have stated facts/answered questions very matter of factly that take other people by surprise because I’ve processed and moved past the negative emotions around it.”
“Why’d she say it?”
“It was a straight answer to a straight question.”
“Is there a less socially loaded but still truthful way to answer?”
“Sure, but sometimes we don’t finesse that well when we’re uncomfortable and put on the spot.”
“Especially at 16.”
“The responses on this thread focusing on trashing the ‘homewrecker’ stepmom instead of OP’s intent, though, illustrate exactly why OP even has to consider if they’re TA for stating a decade-old fact.” ~ audioaddict321
“NAH or ESH.”
“You mom was also having an emotional affair.”
“I doubt you know all the details of their relationship.”
“You were a child back then.”
“Your parents could’ve had a loveless marriage where both were looking outside the relationship.”
“Your dad and Shelly clearly worked out so far so if wasn’t just a fluke.”
“You don’t have to lie for anyone.”
“You say that you’re neutral towards her, yet you saw it was fit to air dirty laundry in front of literal strangers that she will be interacting with everyday.”
“This isn’t a recent thing, it’s a been a decade.”
“People change so much in that time.”
“Here’s my thing, as much as I enjoy cheaters and homewreckers being humiliated, you’re almost an adult.”
“You should know what’s appropriate to say in what situation.”
“This is her first job after being a stay at home.”
“She’s probably already terrified and you added extra stress by airing her past.”
“My dad always says it’s not our errors that define us, it’s what you do after the error and so far it seems that she has tried to be a good stepmom to you.”
“Sure she did something super shitty but like you said, Dad is more at fault here than her.” ~ km1180
“NTA— Honestly, I thought while reading this that your stepmom was pretending you were her partner and not her stepson.”
“I realize that’s not the way it turned out but the whole situation feels strange and I agree it is not your responsibility to ‘save face’ for her image.”
“I think you’ll need to set some very clear boundaries to avoid situations like this in the future.” ~ Hot_Asparagus_74
Well OP, take solace in knowing Reddit has your back.
It sounds like you may have years more therapy to work all of this through.
But you’ve already come so far, no one seems worried.