The first year of college is one of the biggest turning points in anyone’s life.
In addition to being the first time many people have lived away from home for an extended period of time, it’s also where young people begin to decide what they want to do in their professional lives.
Of course, the first burning question people have when they move on to campus is whether or not they will get along with their roommate.
Things got off to a somewhat shaky start when Redditor Beautiful_Sir_3437 and her assigned roommate, after the original poster (OP) disclosed information about her personal life.
Sadly, the OP’s efforts to smooth over the situation only seemed to make things worse.
Wondering if her behavior was out of line, the original poster (OP) took to the subReddit “Am I The A**hole” (AITA), where she asked fellow Redditors:
“AITA for telling my roommate not to flatter herself because I would never date her?”
In a short, concise post, the OP explained how what seemed to begin as a lighthearted chat between her and her roommate quickly took an unfortunate turn.
“I (18 F[emale]) just started college and because, I’m dorming, I needed to start chatting with my roommate.”
“Our school lets us chat with our roommate via an app before we are living together. “
“We exchanged Snapchat’s and continued to talk there.”
“While on Snapchat she made a ‘joke’ about wanting to go to frat parties and to stay away from any guy that she might wanna talk to.”
“I replied that it wouldn’t happen anyway because I’m not into men.”
“She got really weird and said that she doesn’t know how she feels living with a “lesbo” because she’s never done it before.”
“I told her ‘it’s really not rocket science, it’s like having any other roommate’.”
“She then said ‘if you ever develop feelings for me please don’t tell me it’ll make me uncomfortable’.”
“I told her ‘please don’t flatter yourself, I’d never date you let alone have feelings so that won’t be a problem’.”
“She then got defensive and said I was being rude and left my next message on read.”
“AITA?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
The Reddit community agreed that the OP was in no way the a**hole for clapping back at her roommate.
Everyone agreed that the OP’s roommate needed a stern speaking to after her homophobic remarks, agreeing that the OP had just the right response, with many urging her to request a change in roommates.
“NTA.”
“She’s basically treating you like a sexual predator because you’re gay.”
“Needed to be put in her place.”- ShowUsYaNungas
“NTA.”
“She’s in college and used the term ‘lesbo’?”
“That’s… special.”- NUT-me-SHELL
“NTA.”
“But dayum y’all gotta get a roommate switch.”
“That is not okay for her to be saying that crap to you.”
“It’s not psychologically safe for you, bb.”- Lady-Meows-a-Lot
“NTA.”
“If I were you I would contact the college and ask if you can be moved because your roommate is homophobic.”
“If she’s being so rude now when you haven’t even met, I can only imagine how she will be in person.”- SG131
“NTA.”
“As a bisexual woman I definitely understand where you are coming from.”
“Especially when you two know the bare minimum of each other.”
“Straight woman always make the conversation awkward saying shit like ‘you may like me’ or ‘you may be into me’ and it’s always like?”
“Always so quick to assume something that wasn’t even a thought in my head.”-confusedperson0917
“NTA.”
“You might want to think about asking for another roommate because she sounds homophobic.”-Least-Chip-3923
“NTA.”
“Your roommate was just flat out homophobic.”
“I’d say it’s reasonable to lay out expectations.”
“And your expectations are that she’s is absolutely NOT worth dating.”- FormalStruggle7761
“NTA.”
“Nope nope nope.”
“As a lesbian I have no patience for this homophobic nonsense.”
“Here are my usual replies to this type of scenario, which I am now passing onto you, Padawan.”
“Mild: ‘Don’t worry, you’re not my type’.”
“Moderate: ‘Bold of you to assume that just because I’m gay that I would be into you’.”
“Nuclear: ‘I said I am gay, not desperate’.”- SaorsaAgusDochas
“Lol, I was so ready to call this, and I was so wrong.”
“NTA Carry on.”- MakeupForBarnie
“Straight people have gotten away with this kind of shit for too long, it’s 2022 at this point it’s entirely willful ignorance or intentional malice.”
“She was being presumptive and bigoted with that backhanded ass comment, and all you did was answer it honestly.”
“Play stupid games, win stupid prizes.”
“NTA.”- YaBoyfriendKeefa
“NTA.”
“She started this.”
“Ask stupid questions, get stupid answers.”- Awhkm
“NTA.”
“She was being rude & kinda homophobic.”- william-bitch-blake
“NTA.”
“Change roommates.”-macisasnack
“LMAOO NTA I did the same thing once except I’m bi.”
“Their logic legit don’t make sense.”
“They tell you they hope you don’t have a crush on em but once you tell them that you won’t bc they’re not your type and you have standards they lose their sh*t.”
“Like?”- Agitated_Nail_
“NTA.”
“I wouldn’t date her either.”- ShottySHD
“NTA.”
“Super gross of her to make assumptions based on your sexuality.”
“Honestly your response was probably the nicest way you could’ve went about replying.”-throwRAchxrbb
“NTA.”
“I came into this expecting you to be the a**hole, but no.”
“She was out of line and you just brought realism into the conversation.”- madelinegumbo
“NTA.”
“She is supposed to be heterosexual, doesn’t she?”
“So why would she care about it?”- DeyvsonMCaliman
“NTA.”
“Contact your college and see if you can swap roommates because yours is homophobic and is making you feel uncomfortable and unsafe.”- hannahryder215
“NTA.”
“People need to realize whether someone is straight or gay everyone WILL NOT be attracted to u and that’s as simple as that.”
“Peoples egos are so full up their behinds smh.”
“She’s weird for the comments just ignore her.”- tangysushi
“Hi OP.”
“I worked for housing for 3 years, and am queer myself.”
“Please request a new roommate.”
“Yeah, there’s the off chance she’ll be fine, but more likely than not she will be a lot to deal with.”
“I’ve seen my fair share of girls like this in roommate conflicts, and these types of girls are also capable of accusing you of sexual assault and getting their parents to harass the housing office for them, or generally bullying you in your own living space.”
“Dorms are small, and learning conflict management is essential to surviving them, but these types of people are more trouble than they’re worth.”
“It’s better to try to meet someone else you can at least passively get along with than have someone consistently antagonize you for your entire first semester.”
“Good luck! & NTA.”- m00nslime
“NTA.”
“Request a different, less bigoted roommate.”- ThisPower4135
“NTA.”
“She’s homophobic, plain and simple.”- triggerhappypoptarts
“NTA.”
“She was the rude one for even insinuating you’d crush on her.”- BeyoncesLaptop
“NTA.”
“And I would strongly recommend requesting a roommate swap.”
“She is probably not the safest person to share a room with, especially if starting on this foot.”-maantre
“NTA.”
“Everything about this screams ‘do not move in with her’.”
“I hope you’re able to get the housing reassigned.”- Kephri1337
“That’s a bizarre way the conversation took quickly.”
“Ummm…. NTA.”- CorkBullet
“NTA.”
“Sounds like a horrible atmosphere between u two.”- Total_Eagle_7359
“Don’t develop feelings for me.”
“I’m not gay.”
“No worries, you’re not my type.”
“offended straight person: WHAT DO YOU MEAN I’M NOT YOUR TYPE?!'”
“Straight people are something else, and I say this as a straight guy.”
“NTA.”
“Girl is just looking to create drama.”- L3GI0N__1183
“I need a shirt that says ‘just because I’m bi doesn’t mean you’re attractive’.”
“NTA.”-TeamShadowWind
“NTA.”
“NTA.”
“NTA.”
“I once had a cousin tell me he was uncomfortable around his ‘F-word’ uncle’ because he was gay.”
“I asked him ‘why?’ and he told me that it was because he doesn’t like the idea of being around gay men and having them looking at him and ‘evaluating him’ as attractive IN THEIR HEADS.”
“Conversely, he thinks that women in comfortable clothes are wearing them explicitly because they want HIM TO LOOK AT THEM.”
“He spends 10+ hours a week at the gym because he wants people to look at his body.”
“He has also never had a relationship in his life, aside from the 6 months he ‘dated’ an escort’.”
“He also WORSHIPS power-lifters, he LOVES muscles.”
“Basically, he’s got the ‘NOT-GAYS’ which is when you feel compelled to communicate to other people that you are NOT GAY, and it is usually compelled by ones insecurity surrounding their own sexuality.”
“Your friend might have actually have been propositioning you.”- MAS7
The OP later revealed that a subsequent message from her prospective roommate resulted i an immediate change to her on campus living situation.
“She just messaged me saying that she refuses to room with someone like me.”
“My dad and I have already contacted the school with a request of roommate change.”
“Also I found out she’s a nursing major, I can’t see that working out well for her patients in the future if they are LGBTQ.”
The OP can at least feel grateful that her roommate’s apparent bigotry was discovered before they started living together, and she thus dodged a bullet.
One hopes the OP will now be paired with a kinder, more compassionate roommate.
And one hopes her almost-roommate will learn a lesson or two in compassion before she begins working with patients.