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Teen With Alopecia Livid After Stepdad Excludes Her From Family Photos At Her Own Birthday Party

Ahmed Carter/Unsplash

Having a chronic illness is a tough battle.

More often than not, chronic illnesses are looked upon with less care than acute short-term illness.

And some physical chronic illnesses are seen as a bigger problem for the outside world instead of the person suffering.

That can lead to a lot of hurt feelings and drama.

Case in point…

Redditor bald_aita23 wanted to discuss her story for some feedback. So naturally she came to visit the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit.

She asked:

“AITA for leaving my own birthday celebration when my stepfather wanted the family pictures to not include me?”

The Original Poster (OP) explained:

“My 18th birthday was this past weekend and my mom organized a small get together at home to celebrate.”

“I have been struggling with Alopecia and decided to shave my head before my birthday because it was depressing me.”

“I was actually pretty satisfied with the results and I was looking forward to not hiding behind head scarves anymore.”

“I got a very positive reaction from my friends and family and it felt really good.”

“When it was time to take photos, my stepfather asked me to not be in some of the pictures because apparently I looked sick and he wanted to gift his parents some pictures.”

“My mom was tipsy then so I’m not sure whether she heard or not.”

“For some perspective, my stepsisters have long and beautiful hair and so does my mom.”

“I ended up locking myself in my bedroom and just browsing the internet.”

“Later on when everyone was gone, my mom asked me why I left when everyone came to celebrate me and I told her I left because of what my stepfather said and she said I was overreacting.”

“She said I embarrassed the family just because my stepfather wanted a few pictures of just their family.”

“I told her that I perfectly understood that I’m not part of her new family and she called me an ungrateful a**hole who did not appreciate the effort she made.”

“AITA for leaving my own birthday celebration when my stepfather wanted the family pictures to not include me?”

Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA?:

  • Not The A**hole
  • YTA – You’re The A**hole
  • NAH – No A**holes Here
  • ESH – Everyone Sucks Here

Redditors declared our OP was NOT the A**hole. 

It’s a tricky situation.

Let’s hear some thoughts…

“NTA. He treated you like an embarrassing problem, not a family member. He is an insensitive AH.”

“Your mother is AH for not defending you.”  ~ MerlinBiggs

“Mom is such a tremendous AH, especially with that heinous comment of taking pics with ‘just their family.’”

“It’s really depressing how many people allow their new spouses to mistreat and ostracize their children.”

“Especially in OP’s case where they have a literal medical condition.”  ~ p3ttyb3ttie

“He treated you like an embarrassing problem, not a family member”

“At OP’s birthday party!!”

“He would have been a AH to exclude OP at any time, but to act this way at the birthday person’s own party (when it should be all about OP) makes him a massive AH.”

“NTA and happy birthday from an internet stranger 🎂🎈.”

“Forgot to add, mom is AH too.”

“Maybe she didn’t hear the initial conversation, but once she heard what happened and didn’t defend/side with OP, she became a AH too.”  ~ Wearealreadyhere

“I was shocked when the mom described the family unit, sans OP, as ‘their family.'”

“This woman is openly telling OP that she doesn’t see them as a part of her new union.”

“OP was the guest of honor, yet the stepfather and mother openly wanted to erase them.”

“Hard NTA. I think the mother is the biggest AH here.”

“A spouse may come and go, but this is her child. She clearly chose a man over OP and that is low.”  ~ Electrical-Date-3951

“Your step father is an awful person and your mom is just as bad for accepting his excuses and claiming you embarrassed the family.”

“Hair or no hair, a birthday party is not the time and place to be taking family pictures.”

“Especially when the guest of honor is ‘not part of their family.'”

“That alone is classless.”

“Not to mention the fact he cared more about his image and not wanting people assume you were sick for having no hair. NTA.”  ~ cashycallow

“NTA. Your step father insulted you by saying that you looked sick and asking you not to be in the photos.”

“Wasn’t there another time and place to take the photos, instead of at your birthday party?”

“I also have alopecia and know your pain.”

“Mine isn’t so bad that I’ve had to think about shaving it, but I do have a bunch of quarter-sized spots on my head that lack hair. It sucks.”  ~ TheUtopianCat

“NTA, I wouldn’t be having it if someone told me that I looked sick and they didn’t want me in pictures that are being taken AT MY PARTY.”

“It sounds like they made a good day worse and You didn’t deserve that.”  ~ QueerBoness

“NTA. What your stepfather said was cruel and so unnecessary.”

“If he is really that shallow, couldn’t he have arranged his own gathering for these precious gift-able photos?”

“Why your birthday party? He and your mom are off their rockers.”  ~ moderatelywhelmed

“NTA. But your mom and her husband sure are.”

“There should be no ‘mine’ or ‘their’ families in that house, just one family, all together.”

“You could have shaved your head just because that’s what you wanted to do and still be acceptable to be in ‘family’ pictures.”

“The point is not that hair makes one beautiful or family. The person does.”  ~ KatzAKat

“Dear Lord NO, OP you did nothing wrong and my heart breaks for you.”

“Your stepdad is a massive tool. To exclude you on a day they are ‘celebrating you,’ what?”

“Talking about mental gymnastics.”

“And your mom is a second idiot to him, she should be 100% on your side calling him out for that nonsense he tried to pull on you.” ~ Least_Conference2617

“NTA – your stepfather embarrassed himself and they are trying to turn it around on you.”

“The fact that your mom is on his side makes them both TA. Can you move out, it’s time.”  ~ coloradogrown85

Well OP can take comfort in knowing that plenty of people on Reddit are on her side.

Sometimes family is the most toxic source in life.

And you have to be able to vent.

Let’s hope OP and her family can bridge an understanding.