'Tis chilly season and most people are enjoying warm drinks and extra blankets.
A Redditor (who has since deleted their profile) opted for a less conventional way of staying warm.
His decision led him to a fight with his brother and a post on subReddit "Am I the A**hole?" (AITA).
He asked:
"AITA for sharing a bed with my brothers girlfriend ?"
He went on to say:
"I'm 18, my brothers girlfriend is 18 and my brother is 19 if it matters."
"We were staying in a hotel for a few nights because we were on a trip. My brother stayed at his friends house for a bit and me and his gf when back to the hotel."
"We were both trying to have a nap but she got In bed with me because it was really cold and she was cuddling up to me to keep warm (we didn't have any extra blankets or anything.)"
"I woke up to my brother screaming at us both and saying how disgusting we are. We did explain to him that nothing happened but he was still really upset and angry."
"They're on the verge of breaking up and I feel really sh*tty about it."
"I just wish my brother would understand that I don't like her that way at allll and she doesn't like me like that either she was just cold."
"I'm worried that I've messed up my relationship with my brother and my friendship with his gf."
"I feel like it's kinda dumb though because if I was a girl he wouldn't care? Like just because I'm straight doesn't mean I want to f*ck every girl I interact with"
"My parents are pissed too and said they're really ashamed of me. Am I the a**hole?"
The OP went on to post a couple of edits:
"edit: idk if it changes anything but I have known her before she knew my brother and our relationship has always been touchy in a platonic way though"
"The hotel did have extra blankets but they were the gross scratchy ones and it did have a thermostat I turned it up but I don't know if it was working or not …"
"…because it was still kinda cold and there was two beds"
Redditors weighed in by declaring:
- NTA - Not The A**hole
- YTA - You're The A**hole
- NAH - No A**holes Here
- ESH - Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors decided:
"Soft YTA"
"I say soft because I'm gonna give you the benefit of the doubt and believe you when you said nothing happened but..."
"seriously....you thought it was a good idea for you and your brother's girlfriend to cuddle up in a shared bed?" - wanderingstorm
"Yeeehp, YTA. You only use a bed for sleeping or shagging, it doesn't matter you were only doing the former, that's way too intimate a place to be with your sibling's SO." - No-Personality-3344
"Sorry dude, but YTA. In bed, cuddling someone in a relationship is a d*ck move. You should've expected blowback from that." - thedrunkensot
"YTA"
"You can not be that dumb."
"Cold? This hotel has rooms with no heaters? No extra blankets? Was it Hotel California with voices down the corridor telling to cuddle bro's girlfriend?"
"You could be innocent if you are a literally mechanical waterfall reasoning autistic otherwise you and the girl are sinners. Even if you had no flesh intentions; you maybe indulge in hers."
"In the case you both are super clueless newborns (nothing impossible in the universe), do you realize what it looks like when looking from outside?"
"Today I feel nice and will bet on your honest mistake; learn from this incident, OP ." - ISD-444
"YTA."
"Bro."
"Just read back your post from a 3rd person, and you see how bad this looks."
"On the upside, you saved your bro from a bad relationship. That girl is the real A.H." - PaxUnDomus
"OP, obviously by now you know YTA here, not the only one, but one."
"You should never share a bed with someone else's partner unless all parties within those relationships are aware and consent or there will be fallout. Period."
"BUT ALSO - Just wanting to point out that this girl likes you."
"I've read among comments you've known her longer than your brother and that your relationship has always been 'touchy'/physically interactive."
"So why did he end up with with her, versus she being with you in the first place? You do not mention your own gf, so I assume you are single?"
"OP, what are/were your intentions with this girl? Have you ever talked about it with her?"
"I find it interesting that you considered her 'being cold' and 'not wanting to borrow a hoodie' high priority in your decision-making to chose to get in bed with her…"
"…and are now pretty much playing dumb with reality. It feels unreal that you wouldn't know on some level this was a bad call you made, but you still made it."
"Do you like the attention she gives you? Like, what's going on here, really?"
"If your response to the intentions question above rings anything like 'well I just never thought about her like that'…"
"…then I strongly recommend you use this as a learning opportunity to assess your interactions with women you consider friends. Just advice, good luck!"
"Edit: Phrasing for clarity about why she was/is with the brother." - TheWolfMaid
"Info, did you also take all your clothes off to share body heat better during this snuggle to just get warm? /s"
"So you're definitely the AH. So either you're a really naive a**hole who got played by his brothers GF who had some f*ck on her mind, which I highly doubt."
"Or you are just an a**hole for overstepping."
"Other and better options: Ask reception to turn the thermostat up higher or for more blankets."
"Or seeing as you were spending the night in a hotel, surely either of you brought extra clothes she could've put on" - High_Lizord
"The hotel room was booked for you and your brother's GF, and he went to stay at a friend's?"
"Then there's ONE bed for the both of you, and it just happens to get super cold, so you 'need' to cuddle together for warmth, but then you totally didn't do anything?"
"This is a D-list porn movie plot."
"Either this never happened, or you f*cked your brother's GF, and you're lying about it to save face to strangers on the internet."
"Glad to see the average Redditor has 0 critical thinking skills." - Independent_Baker_80
"Sorry YTA. Relationships come with boundaries, and one of those generally is 'you don't end up in bed with other people.'"
"The gf is also an AH here, but you're pretty complicit in this situation." - BarNo3385
"YTA (and so is she), and what a crappy excuse, just say that you guys want to have sex already."
"'I'm too cold so only solution is to cuddle up' Nope, you're in a hotel they usually have a thermostat you can adjust, and if that fails you can ask for extra blankets." - PlateNo7021
"I'm gonna go ahead and stick my neck out and say NTA."
"People way over-sexualize the act of sleeping next to another human being."
"Which is wild because in the developing world to this day, and in the United States until the middle of the last century or so…"
"…unrelated people sharing a bed in a motel while traveling wasn't at all uncommon."
"You're traveling with your brother and your friend who is dating your brother. Neither of you have sexual intentions with eachother. You take a nap with your friend."
"Everybody else in the situation is mad at you - ON THE ASSUMPTION THAT THERE WAS SOME SEXUAL INTENT THERE -"
"everybody else trying to sexualize your friendship is gross." - Savager_Jam
"Mostly NTA"
"I admit, if I walked in on my girlfriend in bed with someone we both knew, I'd probably be upset. But relationships are fundamentally built on trust."
"If she tells me there's nothing going on, I can either trust her to be telling the truth, or walk away."
"Plus, these are all kids. All of their responses are valid. They need to learn how to deal with their relationships being challenged."
"The parents are the real a**holes if anyone. Trust your kids well enough to talk with them before leaping to judgment." - BronadoBobby729
"YTA, but she is more so. What would make her think that was appropriate? The lack of awareness from both of you is astounding."
"Imagine coming into a room and seeing your girlfriend in bed with your brother! What would you think? There are always options in situations like these, and she chose the worst one."
"Your lack of awareness to the inappropriateness of the situation cannot be tolerated" - No-Communication9979
"You're either being willfully obtuse, are actually nine years old, or are maybe on the spectrum and genuinely missed how obviously not okay this is…"
"…YTA if the first two, please get tested if the latter because this is gonna keep biting you in the a** in life. Trust me, I know." - Schrodingers_Dude
Some boundaries shouldn't have to be stated.
What do you think, reader? Is this cool or would you have gotten heated?
New Mom Irate After Father-In-Law Ruins Her Birthday With 'Vulgar' Comment About Her Breasts
There's nothing quite like the feeling of going through all the work to prepare a fun celebration, just for someone to undo it with an unkind or gross comment.
That feeling just gets worse when it's your birthday, and that comment was made by someone who's supposed to care about you, sympathized the members of the "Am I Overreacting?" (AIO) subReddit.
Redditor Rude-Pepper-2389 had recently given birth and decided to have a special birthday celebration to reconnect with her loved ones after becoming a mom.
When her father-in-law stopped by unexpectedly and then made comments about her body, the Original Poster (OP) was left so uncomfortable that it ruined the whole celebration for her.
She asked the sub:
The OP wanted to have a special birthday celebration after her baby was born.
"I currently have a five-month-old and haven’t really been taking care of myself or dressing up since having the baby."
"It’s my (25 Female) birthday, and we were having friends over at our house for a private dinner to celebrate."
"My husband (24 Male) and I have been together since we were 18."
"I decided to put on this new silk shirt I got, which, admittedly, was low-cut, but I felt cute in it and felt comfortable around the friends we were having over."
Everything was fine until the OP's father-in-law (FIL) stopped by unexpectedly.
"My husband's dad decided to stop by on his way home from work."
"I will say, he was likely drunk. He works two hours away and proudly told my husband he's down to only four beers on his drive home each day... so, that's healthy."
"When he came in, I was on the couch with my baby propped up beside me, bottle feeding him. Keep in mind, I am not breastfeeding, so no, my breasts are not any larger right now."
"My husband's dad leaned down to look at the baby and then suddenly shouted, 'D**n, son, she could knock you out with those things in bed! Like cracking two coconuts together.'"
"This was fully and undoubtedly in reference to my breasts."
The OP was shocked by the comment and very uncomfortable.
"It made me deeply uncomfortable and embarrassed."
"I was so stunned, I couldn’t even process what he said to me, and our friends just stared at me, blinking."
"He’s a redneck, so he's said some pretty vulgar stuff over the years, but this just seems to take the cake, as it was the first time it was directed at me."
"When he stepped out, I told my husband he needed to speak to him, and that the comment wasn’t okay."
"I went to change clothes and decided to never ever wear that shirt again."
"When I brought it up to my husband, he said he didn't hear the comment at first, but then he laughed when I told him what he said. He's always laughed when he feels awkward and has always had a hard time standing up to his parents in any capacity."
"When he and my father-in-law spoke, my FIL just said, 'I shouldn’t have said that to her, I know how she can be,' which just feels even more like I’m just being dramatic."
"Since then, I think my husband just wants me to drop it and move on, truthfully."
The OP wasn't sure what to do after what happened.
"This genuinely ruined my entire night. Am I just too sensitive, or was this an inappropriate thing to say?"
"There's also been no apology since then. This happened on Thursday, and then my father-in-law came by again on Friday with flowers to wish me a happy Mother's Day before Mother's Day Sunday."
"I think that was his way of trying to just breeze past the awkwardness. He's never gotten me a gift the whole seven years I've known him, so the flowers were odd. But I still feel really uncomfortable."
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
Some reassured the OP that her father-in-law's comments were rude and just plain creepy.
"NOR at all. That was really rude of him. Anyone would be offended." - Bookbringer
"NOR. That’s firmly in the category of what should be an 'inside thought,' and we should learn what those are at a much younger age than this guy is."
"F**king h**l, this is an absolutely mental thing to say out loud, let alone to your daughter-in-law." - Electronic-Fennel828
"FIL is an AH. I love that you think his being a redneck excuses it, but d**n. Even rednecks should know better than to speak that way to their son's wife."
"What does your husband have to say? Does he understand how breath-takingly rude his father was, or is he Team 'That's Just How He Is'?"
"I'd go very low contact with the old perv. NOR, he put you in an uncomfortable position with his crude remark. Is he married? I'd tell the MIL. I'd tell the whole family. Yes, it's embarrassing, but he is the one who should be embarrassed. Don't accept his non-apology." - Top-Bit85
"Maybe I’m desensitized after having large breasts since I was 13 (I’m 28 now), but I let out a little snort based on how immature of a joke it was. I’d simply tell FIL, 'Yes, I know, my boobs are big,' and move on."
"That said, I would never make such a comment about another person's body. Just because I'm technically fine with it doesn't mean I assume anyone else is!"
"Not everyone is the same, and if OP felt uncomfortable, she’s NOR. Her body, her boundaries." - Both_Original2094
"I’m sorry. That’s upsetting. My father is like this with his father. Even if it’s very offensive comments, he’s uncomfortable and has problems confronting him. It sounds like your husband isn’t going to have a talk with him, which is hurtful."
"I would explain to your husband how uncomfortable the situation was for you and that it’s a serious matter, especially if it happens again. And if he still tries to brush it off, then I would tell him you no longer want your FIL coming to your home."
"It’s your life, too, and he’s not the one being hurt here, you are." - w_coastultraviolence
Others were specifically angry about the tactics the father-in-law used to try to get out of trouble.
"Seriously? Saying 'I know how she can be' is a classic way to blame the victim for having boundaries. It’s your birthday, not a Hooters convention. What a creep. If he can’t look at the baby without checking out your breast, he shouldn't be invited to the house." - Specific_Parsnip3264
"'I know how she can be' is so f**ked up. He's the one being a disgusting person. You need to shine up your husband's spine to properly call him out at the time next time, because there will be a next time." - dancepantz
"The bit that pisses me off the most is, 'I know how she can be,' which is his way of making it her problem that she doesn't like her FiL sexualising her in front of her friends." - Outside-Partait-8935
"The 'joke' comment is gross, but that follow-up comment is infuriating. NOR, OP. But this guy will be in your life for a while, so firmly & calmly shutting this stuff down is completely appropriate."
"I'd wear the d**n shirt again to the next family function and look him right in the eyes next time!" - RationalFish
"When we let things like this slide for others, it's not long before it ends up on our doorstep, and of course, nobody says anything because keeping the peace is the norm. It doesn't have to be getting into their face and yelling abuse back. Just a comment such as, 'Well, that's super tacky to say,' or asking them why they'd say that." - Kattnapped
"The OP said, 'He's said some pretty vulgar stuff over the years... but this is the first time it was directed to me.'"
"Normalise calling stuff out when they are talking about others, and they won't feel so comfortable saying it to you."
"It's a gross thing for him to say, but I guess him buying you flowers is his way of saying sorry."
"Sounds like you are in the situation of a lot of new mothers, where you suddenly realise this stuff matters because you want better influences for your child, and better support for yourself. NOR." - Jumpy-Jello-
Now, about that shirt...
"Please re-think your decision to never wear the cute shirt again, girl!! It's something that you liked very much because it made you feel good about yourself. Don't let some backwoods id**t ruin that for you."
"Wear that shirt till it's worn out and can't be worn anymore!! You should be able to feel good about yourself in whatever you like to wear."
"Your husband should have immediately checked his father, not waited until he was told to do so after his father left the room. In front of everyone there, your husband should have told his father not to ever speak about you or to you in that kind of manner, and if his father doesn't like it, he knows where the door is."
"Hubby should have called him out for his response as well. You did absolutely nothing wrong. You were not the problem; his dad was. This comes down to your husband needing to protect his wife, and he didn't do that." - Lynzo141982
"If he is a redneck, like you said, he won't outright apologize, but flowers are his way of saying sorry."
"I hope he won't say anything again, or else you can expect a nicely tended garden for at least a year."
"About your top, I hope you can wear it again. It takes a lot to feel cute, being a new mum."
"If not, get some fabric dye, dye the top a different color, and embroider a flower on it. This makes the top new, different, and every time you wear it, you can use the mantra ... I'm cute, I don't care what anyone says."
"You've got this!!" - No_Kangaroo_6637
Even if the father-in-law was joking and meant no harm, this is one of those situations where he needs to admit that his joke did not land well, he did cause harm, and he needs to apologize. Just because some people enjoy joking in that manner does not mean that everyone will be comfortable with it, and it's important to respect everyone's boundaries and zones of comfort.