Dining with family can be a hassle. There are always certain places half of the group wants to go, and the other half would rather die than go to.
So, of course, picking the restaurant becomes a war.
However, there are a few particular places that may make some people feel uncomfortable to be at.
So those should probably be avoided, right?
Wrong.
Redditor HamsterInformation wanted to discuss her experience and get some feedback. So naturally, she came to visit the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit.
She asked:
“AITA for refusing to go into Hooters for my brother’s 18th birthday and sitting in the car?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“I’m 14 F[emale] and just last week my older brother turned 18.”
“He is at college a few hours away so my mom, dad, and I got in the car to meet him and give him presents, and yeah.”
“I crocheted him a Pikachu.”
“Nobody talked about what we were eating for dinner ahead of time or I just wouldn’t have gone.”
“But when we got there my dad kept asking if my brother wanted to go to Hooters.”
“I’m gonna be honest and just say that it made me feel really uncomfortable.”
“For those of you that don’t know Hooters is this chain restaurant where the whole point is to gawk at the waitresses who are all hot girls wearing white shirts and little orange shorts.”
“It made me feel really, really uncomfortable and bad, so I said that they could go inside, and I looked and saw there was a bookstore like a 5-minute walk away, so I’d go there instead because I did not want to go.”
“My dad got pissed off and started screaming at me that if I had a problem, I could sit in the car.”
“So I said ok, I’ll just sit here.”
“He snatched my phone and screamed that I wouldn’t need my phone to sit here.”
“I said ok.”
“They went in, then about 20 minutes later, my mom came out to ask me to go inside with them, and I said no, I don’t want to go there.”
“After they dropped off my brother he screamed at me for my actions.”
“I lowkey thought my mom would get it but when we got home she told me that I should have just gone in because it was not that big a deal.”
“I told her that it felt really gross to go to a restaurant just meant for gawking at women with my dad and brother.”
“That if my dad wanted to perv out like that, he should have just gone with my brother.”
“She said that sometimes we have to do things we don’t want to do.”
“Which, yeah, I get that, but I figured that applied more to stuff like having to do homework or babysit my mom’s friend’s kids.”
The OP was left to wonder:
“AITA?”
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Many Redditors declared OP was NOT the A**hole.
“NTA. You’re right – going to Hooters with your dad and brother does sound like a gross time.”
“I wouldn’t have wanted to go either.”
“It’s not a family restaurant. They have a target demographic – and you’re not it.”
“Your dad’s reactions are WAY out of line and sound borderline abusive.”
“I’m sorry – you may want to talk to your school counselor about his actions.”
“She said that sometimes we have to do things we don’t want to do.”
“And hard no on this – this is for stuff like homework, not going to a restaurant whose sole purpose is to objectify women with your brother and father while they eat wings and make inappropriate comments.” ~ Discount_Mithral
“As much as I love all the ideas on here, I feel they would still ultimately end up bad for OP as he would continue to make her life hell.”
“So, if I was OP, I’d be calculating the exact moment I could tell him to go f**k himself and go completely No Contact with him.”
“And in the meantime, I’d focus on getting my ducks in a row and slowly distance myself as much as possible from him.”
“For example, if he was going to pay for college, have him pay for college, but then find reasons why you can’t come home during breaks, things like that.”
“Don’t derail your life because he’s a sleaze-bag.”
“Play the long game.”
“Use him to get yourself into a position where you will never need help from a sleaze-bag like him again.”
“And when that day comes when your mom is desperate to meet her grandchildren, make sure to tell her ‘Sometimes we have to do things we don’t want to do.'”
“So for the safety of your children, you can’t allow her to have contact with them.” ~ PurplePufferPea
“NTA. So so right.”
“It appears that Dad really wanted to go to Hooters, the brother didn’t suggest it.”
“Not to be seeing sexual abuse everywhere, but this 14-year-old girl was very upset, and the father seemed enraged that she didn’t want to go there.”
“Is there some underlying reason the OP was so uncomfortable?”
“And why in the hell would a father want to take his 14-year-old daughter to Hooters anyway?”
“If I was the mom, I would have said hell no.”
“Dysfunctional and I really hope OP talks about this to a school counselor or someone out of the family.” ~ Ms_Apprehend
“As a 30-year-old who has an abusive father, don’t f**king do this.”
“If he’ll scream at you in a parking lot and take your phone for not going in Hooters, he’ll make home a prison for you if you embarrass him at best.”
“Do people here forget that some people hit their kids? Starve them?”
“Lock them inside the house? Don’t do this.”
“Ask your counselor for extensive scholarship help and to point you in the direction of after-school programs that’ll build up your portfolio/CV/college applications and put all of your focus into becoming independent and setting up a future where you never need to talk to your abusive parents again.”
“That’s what you do, not take petty shots at them that will be funny for a second and then ruin you emotionally, physically, and academically for years after.”
“My dad used to take my homework and my books and throw them in the bathtub or snow.”
“Understand that not all parents give a f**k about their children’s succeeding, especially their girl children.”
“Some are more concerned with demoralizing them and keeping them under their thumb, and OP’s dad seems more like that, doesn’t he?” ~ EarlAndWourder
“I 100% agree with this and OP’s dad sounds like a weirdo.”
“It kind of sounds like going to Hooters was his suggestion to begin with, which is something he should have done as a father/son thing some other time if he wanted to go so bad.”
“I’m a guy and I’d feel super awkward going somewhere like Hooters with my mom and sisters.” ~ Alternative_Loss_128
“NTA. Genuinely so impressed with you sticking to your values and not going along with misogyny and the objectification of women even under huge pressure from your parents.”
“There’s no way I would have had that level of maturity and strength of mind at your age!”
“Girls like you will change the world. 🙂 “ ~ grammarlysucksass
“You felt uncomfortable being there, him getting angry because you disobeyed him sends the wrong message to you.”
“By his logic, you would always have to force yourself into uncomfortable situations to satisfy your father or husband or whomever.”
“You stuck up for yourself and never feel bad for that.”
“Massive respect to you. NTA.” ~ Philip_J_Fry3000
“NTA… but both your parents are huge a-hole.”
“Your dad yelled at you to try and cover up his embarrassment for wanting to ogle young girls like the creepy old man he is.”
“Why would they expect a 14-year-old girl to enjoy Hooters?”
“I feel so sorry you have to live with these two creepy people.”
“Just thinking about a dad and mom trying to force their young daughter into a Hooters against her will just gives me the creeps. Yuck.”
“Show these responses to your horrible parents.” ~ Agreeable_Rule_7768
“NTA, and screaming at you is way out of line.”
“This wasn’t ‘Oh, I don’t like seafood and that’s a seafood restaurant’ – then you suck it up and go.”
“This is a restaurant that overtly sexualizes the waitresses, and I completely understand being uncomfortable going, especially as a teenage girl.” ~ InannasPocket
“NTA. Never understood why anyone thinks it’s okay to force someone else to do something they’re not comfortable with.”
“End of the day, you feel a certain way about something and take a stand in line with your personal beliefs and morals.”
“Seems like a pretty impressive thing to do to me, especially when it’s family.”
“Anyone can argue against your feelings if they feel differently, but that still doesn’t make you the AH for not wanting to support something you don’t like, agree with, or feel uncomfortable with.” ~ daedric_dad
“NTA – your dad on the other hand is total AH and needs reminded that it’s 2024 and no teenage girl going through puberty should be forced to go into a place like that.”
“He should have just gone to a strip club.”
“Your mum needs to grow a backbone and put herself in your shoes.” ~ Ok-Swordfish-2455
OP came back to chat…
“I wanted to clear up something because it keeps coming up but my brother’s birthday dinner wasn’t ruined.”
“They got to go inside and have a good time.”
“He got his presents and money, and he and Dad talked about how big their waitress’s ‘t*ts’ are and how hot it would be to see her and the other girl together on the drive back to his school.”
“So nothing was ruined because I wasn’t there.”
“And no I’m not lying about my dad screaming.”
“He screams when he gets mad.”
“I know the difference between a scream, a yell, and a raised voice or talking sternly.”
“Go ahead and judge me, but don’t call me a liar.”
Well, OP, Reddit is with you. You shouldn’t have to be uncomfortable for a simple dinner.
Maybe approach your Mom first to open a dialogue.
Good luck.