We all know that breakups are hard. Whether we’re the ones doing the breaking up or receiving the bad news, it’s often a moment of dread, sadness, and even grieving what might have been.
But that doesn’t give us an excuse to act inappropriately and impose on our former partners, agreed the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITA) subReddit.
Redditor ThrowRA_danglovesick had to stand up for his younger brother, whose ex-girlfriend simply would not move on.
But when he was criticized for being too harsh towards her, the Original Poster (OP) wondered if he was in the wrong.
He asked the sub:
“AITA for refusing to drop charges against a 16-year-old?”
The OP and his younger brother had a special relationship.
“My brother (17 [Male]) lives with me (25 [Female]) and my husband (26 [Male]) full-time since both our parents passed away in an accident last February.”
“He’s a great kid, but losing our parents made him a quiet, sad young boy.”
“I’ve tried to encourage him to attend therapy so he can work on his grief, but he has refused every single time, telling me that he’s not ready yet.”
“I get it, everyone works at their own peace and as long as he’s not deliberately hurting himself, I won’t pressure him.”
“I try to be as involved in his life as I can be without it being overwhelming. We both enjoy movie nights or binge-watching shows on the weekends and he also helps my husband with his old car.”
The teen brother also had a relationship that it was time to end.
“Before our parents passing my brother had a girlfriend (16), and she seemed like a good kid too.”
“But after the funeral, my brother decided that being in a relationship wasn’t what he needed at that time and broke up with her.”
“Totally valid. But she didn’t take it well and was sure that my brother only needed ‘some love’ to heal.”
The girlfriend constantly tried to talk to her ex-boyfriend.
“Last month she began to drop letters and gifts to our door and my brother refused to open them every single time.”
“She used to message and call him too, and I could see the distress on my brother’s face.”
Then the girlfriend took it way too far.
“The worst thing happened last Friday. It was my brother’s birthday and my husband and I decided to take him out.”
“When we got back, he went to his room and as soon as he did it, he came down running.”
“Now, his ex found her own way into my house, arranged his room with photos of him with her, their friends and our family, put some balloons up, and was waiting for him with a cake.”
The OP had to take action.
“Mind you, this is creepy as f**k, so while my husband entertained her, I called the police and they took her in for trespassing private property.”
“My brother is thankful, but my husband and the kid’s parents are sure I’m overreacting and that I should drop the charges because she’s trying to do something nice.”
“AITA?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You’re the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
Some pointed out the gender did not matter.
“NTA Let’s do the gender reverse test.”
“A sixteen-year-old boy is broken up with by his girlfriend and sends her a bunch of letters, gifts, and eventually breaks into her house and bedroom.”
“She’s turned into a stalker OP and you need to protect your brother from her.” – Flaky_Tip
“Storytime…I dated a guy with an ex like this. Called and left incessant, explicit messages.”
“One time he came out of the shower to find her sobbing in the hall after she let herself in using a copy of the keys she ‘returned’ after they broke up.”
“The next time she broke in, she LITERALLY CLIMBED INTO HIS BED while we were taking a nap. Didn’t turn the light on and didn’t realize I was in the bed until she tried spooning.”
“The final time she broke in (and violating her peace bond), she set fire to his bed and bit his roommate’s arm so hard, he had to go to the hospital. She went to jail after that.”
“Hard NTA.”
“Honestly, the whole point of sharing this is so OP knows that people like her brother’s ex can and will escalate, regardless of gender. Please do not feel bad for taking the steps to keep your family safe; any fallout she experiences was brought on by her own actions. 16 is old enough to know that none of this is ok.” – fetchtheboxcutters
“I like to call this Chihuahua Syndrome, you know, like that little vicious crazy dog that escapes being put down for mauling people only because it’s too small to do any serious damage.”
“Imagine if a Lab or Rotty or Pit snarled any time you put your hand near it, or viciously tried to rip and tear your ankle/pant leg when you walked passed.” – g0d15anath315t
“Male or female doesn’t matter. Someone (an ex) broke in and did some creep stuff. That’s breaking and entering, stalking, etc.. She needs to be taught a lesson, unfortunately.”
“OP did the right thing by protecting their sibling who is going through an incredibly difficult period.” – Rumpelteazer45
Others agreed and said this was scary behavior.
“Put simply, she’s a stalker. Everything she’s done since the break up to this escalation is common stalker behavior. He told her no and she keeps pushing with notes, texts, and calls, and finally, she crossed the obvious line of breaking into y’all’s house.”
“It’s creepy and says something is seriously wrong with her and her dependency on your brother. She needs help, but that shouldn’t mean she should get away with tormenting your brother this whole time.” – fantasynerd92
“F**k no! She’s a creepy stalker and her parents need to get her into therapy, stat! If they don’t do this on their own, you can use the charges as leverage. NTA.”
“But OP, it’s time to put your foot down about therapy. After this experience, he’s going to need it: a trauma on top of major trauma. Not feeling ‘ready’ for therapy means you need it.” – usernaym44
“Woman here, hard nope. That’s creepy AF and breaking and entering. Your brother isn’t some project for her to fix, he’s a human that went through a trauma, and boundary stomping is just going to make it worse.”
“I’d charge her with whatever you can and make sure your husband supports your brother more in the future.” – Fair_Butterscotch_57
“OP, please pay attention to your gut and support bro listening to his.”
“This is not a safe situation and it’s already escalating. You are doing the right thing by pursuing and empowering him.”
“We know how scary being stalked can be and that THIS is not how someone who is all there should act.” – LongingWestward
After receiving feedback, the OP posted an update.
“I just talked to my brother and we agreed on getting a restraining order no matter what.”
“He’ll also be switching rooms since he told me that he can’t sleep there anymore. Our guest room is a bit smaller, but he says that he doesn’t care!”
Though there were people surrounding the OP who suggested he was being too harsh toward a love-stricken teenage girl, the subReddit begged to differ. Not only had she trespassed, but she was not respecting her ex-boyfriend’s boundaries, all of which carry consequences that a teenager should at least vaguely understand.