Teaching kids about money and how the world works can be a very daunting task.
But the sooner everyone learns how important money can be, the better off many people are.
Sometimes adults can decide to take a more difficult road in teaching.
Sort of a 'tough love' approach.
That route can often come with drama and harsh feelings.
Case in point...
Redditor Mindless_Cut7653 wanted to discuss his experience and get some feedback. So naturally, he came to visit the "Am I The A**hole" (AITA) subReddit.
He asked:
"AITA for 'stealing' from my 17-year-old stepdaughter?"
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
"I 46 [Male] have been married to my wife Amanda 41 [Female] for 6 years."
"When Amanda and I met she had two children from a previous relationship Chloe 17 [Female] and Marcus 15 [Male]."
"Despite their father being absent, the children have never viewed me as a parental figure which does not bother me as although I love their mother, I don't see them as my children or feel any love for them."
"They're good kids, just not mine."
"Earlier this year Chloe expressed her desire to move out at the end of the year."
"I did not think she could realistically afford to move out."
"Her mother and I both work long hours, so Chloe leaving would mean I would most likely have to hire help or cut down my working hours as she does a lot to help out at home so her leaving would not be ideal."
"I handle all household expenses so in order to deter her from leaving I suggested she try paying a portion of the bills/home expenses to get an idea of what living alone will be like."
"She and her mother both agreed this would be a wonderful idea and so we drew up an agreement that she would pay ¼ of the bills and household expenses and her mother and I would stop financially supporting her."
"I thought this would be enough for her to change her mind however she was able to afford this comfortably."
"I decided to lie to her and tell her that due to inflation our bills and expenses had risen greatly and she would owe me an extra $150 a month."
"My hope was that even if she could still afford to pay me she would not be able to simultaneously save enough money to move out."
"Recently her brother Marcus was doing a school project that required him to analyze our family's electricity, gas, water, etc usage."
"I foolishly allowed him access to my study to look over our past bills."
"At some stage, he asked his sister to assist him in his work."
"When she was looking over the bills it came to her attention that I had been overcharging her for some time."
"She worked out roughly how much money I overcharged her and went to her mother with this number."
"They are now calling me an a**hole for stealing her hard-earned money and are demanding I return the money."
"I don't think it's fair to call it hard-earned when most of it is inheritance from her father's passing."
"I had her best interest in mind and think I was just teaching her how the world works."
The OP was left to wonder:
"So AITA?"
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA:
- NTA - Not The A**hole
- YTA – You're The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH - Everyone Sucks Here
Many Redditors declared OP WAS the A**hole.
"YTA. You had her best interest in mind and were teaching her how the world works?"
"Yeah, sure, that she has to watch out because the world is full of thieves and jerks." ~ Holiday_Trainer_2657
"Yes! Imagine saying 'I lied to my stepkid about our expenses so I could take money from her so she wouldn't leave and instead would be our free labor when she's trying to branch out as an adult.'"
"And not seeing how every part of that is an AH move 😭 but exactly, there are people like OP in the world, so at least now she knows how awful humans can be." ~ Lostsock1995
"100% this. His goal must have also been to teach her that everyone is out for themselves, and you can't trust anyone, even family." ~ KMK_Direct
"Ooof a true piece of work."
"If you were truly trying to 'help' her you would have never actually charged her and just saved all the money she gave to you to give back to her."
"Why randomly start charging her to try to keep her from being able to leave??!"
"That's so Incredibly manipulative!"
"You were just stealing from her with the intention of keeping her at home so she could clean your house and pay you to do it."
"I cannot believe her mother accepted this."
"It's straight-up villain behavior."
"And you would have gotten away with it too if it weren't for those meddling kids... goodness gracious." ~ fatoodles
"'I don't see them as my children or feel any love for them.'"
"Yeah, YTA. Especially because you also used deception to take money from a child."
"You clearly have some resentment for their father because you made it sound like he was absent when he was dead."
"Not only that, to take from your partner's child's inheritance for completely selfish reasons is insane."
"You don't have her best interest at heart if you're spending her father's money to prevent her from moving out."
"You're mooching off of a teenager, seek help." ~ lenaanabelle
"Of course YTA."
"Why are you putting 'stealing' in quotes as if it's not actually what you are doing?"
"You lied to her and stole her money."
"You took advantage of a teenager and manipulated her to line your own pockets."
"Disgusting that you even try and justify your behavior."
"Your wife should have second thoughts about you if this is how you act and think it's acceptable."
"Pay back your victim." ~ HeirOfRavenclaw
"YTA what you did was both shi**y and shady and I'm glad they're calling you out."
"Also how much does Marcus help around the house?"
"If losing Chloe is going to leave the house in shambles then maybe it's time for everyone else to step up a bit." ~ nayciajazomo
"YTA and the 'I had her best interests at heart!' bit at the end is hilarious considering you just spent the entire post complaining about how much you don't want her to move out because she does a lot around the house."
"You're just mad you're losing a live-in maid, so you've been lying to her in order to extort money to try and prevent her from moving out."
"Give her that money back, loser." ~ Reasonable_Rub6337
"YTA. What I'm hearing is that you didn't want to lose your live-in maid, so when she proved that she could indeed afford to live on her own, you lied to her to keep her at home."
"You are disgusting." ~ WolfGoddess77
"YTA. You literally wrote you don't love your wife's kid and the reason you don't want her to leave is because she does the chores."
"I would get banned if I wrote all the nice things I think about you using your stepdaughter as a maid and trying to manipulate her to stay home to do the chores."
"I don't know how you even thought anyone would write NTA." ~ Rough-Nebulaz
"YTA. But you got one thing right."
"You did teach her a valuable lesson about the world and how it works."
"Even supposed family members may try to screw you over and steal from you."
"And it's a steal, not 'steel.'"
"No need to use quotation marks when you literally stole from her."
"Oh, and you actually stated right at the beginning that you did this to deter her from moving out, not to teach her anything."
"You were thinking of yourself, not her."
"At least your wife can see what an a**hole you are even if you can't." ~ inFinEgan
"YTA in so many ways."
"You freely admit you did not want her to move as she helps out so much it would not be 'ideal,' then claim a few paragraphs later you were looking out for her best interest."
"Let's see how."
"Instead of hiring a housekeeper; you lied and pretended to give a s**t about preparing your S[tep]D[aughter] for life away from home."
"In reality, you were hoping she would fail financially."
"When she didn't you doubled down to set her up for failure by lying about your utilities."
"Who knows what lengths you would have taken this to; at the expense of her finances and self-worth if you weren't caught."
"Getting an inheritance because your father died isn't easy money."
"I'm sure they'd rather have their father, especially now, but someone like you could never comprehend this."
"You are a cheap monster and I hope her mother leaves you over this."
"Anyone deserves better."
"If you're trying to teach her the world is full of AH's well done."
"This is the first time I wished there was a level of YTA."
"Shi**iest of YTA's." ~ ckptry
OP came back with some info...
"Thank you, everyone, for your helpful suggestions."
"I will be putting the sum she estimated I overcharged her into an account and will tell her I was saving it as a surprise."
"Hopefully, she doesn't come across this post."
"A response to some common themes in the comments..."
"I would like to make it clear I have never cleaned my home and will not be starting now."
"I do not like the noise of the vacuum or the smell of cleaning products."
"Maybe I went too far by saying I have no love for my stepchildren."
"I want to make it clear that I like them they just annoy me as they're not my blood."
"You all need to get a life."
"I aged down everyone for privacy reasons which was my mistake."
"Many people are concerned Chloe is a minor."
"I would like to make it clear she is in fact older."
"However, I still do not wish to reveal her age for anonymity's sake."
Well, OP, Reddit had a strong reaction to your situation.
Thankfully, it sounds like you came around a bit.
A life lesson was learned for everyone here.
It may be time for some family therapy.
Good luck.
New Mom Irate After Father-In-Law Ruins Her Birthday With 'Vulgar' Comment About Her Breasts
There's nothing quite like the feeling of going through all the work to prepare a fun celebration, just for someone to undo it with an unkind or gross comment.
That feeling just gets worse when it's your birthday, and that comment was made by someone who's supposed to care about you, sympathized the members of the "Am I Overreacting?" (AIO) subReddit.
Redditor Rude-Pepper-2389 had recently given birth and decided to have a special birthday celebration to reconnect with her loved ones after becoming a mom.
When her father-in-law stopped by unexpectedly and then made comments about her body, the Original Poster (OP) was left so uncomfortable that it ruined the whole celebration for her.
She asked the sub:
The OP wanted to have a special birthday celebration after her baby was born.
"I currently have a five-month-old and haven’t really been taking care of myself or dressing up since having the baby."
"It’s my (25 Female) birthday, and we were having friends over at our house for a private dinner to celebrate."
"My husband (24 Male) and I have been together since we were 18."
"I decided to put on this new silk shirt I got, which, admittedly, was low-cut, but I felt cute in it and felt comfortable around the friends we were having over."
Everything was fine until the OP's father-in-law (FIL) stopped by unexpectedly.
"My husband's dad decided to stop by on his way home from work."
"I will say, he was likely drunk. He works two hours away and proudly told my husband he's down to only four beers on his drive home each day... so, that's healthy."
"When he came in, I was on the couch with my baby propped up beside me, bottle feeding him. Keep in mind, I am not breastfeeding, so no, my breasts are not any larger right now."
"My husband's dad leaned down to look at the baby and then suddenly shouted, 'D**n, son, she could knock you out with those things in bed! Like cracking two coconuts together.'"
"This was fully and undoubtedly in reference to my breasts."
The OP was shocked by the comment and very uncomfortable.
"It made me deeply uncomfortable and embarrassed."
"I was so stunned, I couldn’t even process what he said to me, and our friends just stared at me, blinking."
"He’s a redneck, so he's said some pretty vulgar stuff over the years, but this just seems to take the cake, as it was the first time it was directed at me."
"When he stepped out, I told my husband he needed to speak to him, and that the comment wasn’t okay."
"I went to change clothes and decided to never ever wear that shirt again."
"When I brought it up to my husband, he said he didn't hear the comment at first, but then he laughed when I told him what he said. He's always laughed when he feels awkward and has always had a hard time standing up to his parents in any capacity."
"When he and my father-in-law spoke, my FIL just said, 'I shouldn’t have said that to her, I know how she can be,' which just feels even more like I’m just being dramatic."
"Since then, I think my husband just wants me to drop it and move on, truthfully."
The OP wasn't sure what to do after what happened.
"This genuinely ruined my entire night. Am I just too sensitive, or was this an inappropriate thing to say?"
"There's also been no apology since then. This happened on Thursday, and then my father-in-law came by again on Friday with flowers to wish me a happy Mother's Day before Mother's Day Sunday."
"I think that was his way of trying to just breeze past the awkwardness. He's never gotten me a gift the whole seven years I've known him, so the flowers were odd. But I still feel really uncomfortable."
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
Some reassured the OP that her father-in-law's comments were rude and just plain creepy.
"NOR at all. That was really rude of him. Anyone would be offended." - Bookbringer
"NOR. That’s firmly in the category of what should be an 'inside thought,' and we should learn what those are at a much younger age than this guy is."
"F**king h**l, this is an absolutely mental thing to say out loud, let alone to your daughter-in-law." - Electronic-Fennel828
"FIL is an AH. I love that you think his being a redneck excuses it, but d**n. Even rednecks should know better than to speak that way to their son's wife."
"What does your husband have to say? Does he understand how breath-takingly rude his father was, or is he Team 'That's Just How He Is'?"
"I'd go very low contact with the old perv. NOR, he put you in an uncomfortable position with his crude remark. Is he married? I'd tell the MIL. I'd tell the whole family. Yes, it's embarrassing, but he is the one who should be embarrassed. Don't accept his non-apology." - Top-Bit85
"Maybe I’m desensitized after having large breasts since I was 13 (I’m 28 now), but I let out a little snort based on how immature of a joke it was. I’d simply tell FIL, 'Yes, I know, my boobs are big,' and move on."
"That said, I would never make such a comment about another person's body. Just because I'm technically fine with it doesn't mean I assume anyone else is!"
"Not everyone is the same, and if OP felt uncomfortable, she’s NOR. Her body, her boundaries." - Both_Original2094
"I’m sorry. That’s upsetting. My father is like this with his father. Even if it’s very offensive comments, he’s uncomfortable and has problems confronting him. It sounds like your husband isn’t going to have a talk with him, which is hurtful."
"I would explain to your husband how uncomfortable the situation was for you and that it’s a serious matter, especially if it happens again. And if he still tries to brush it off, then I would tell him you no longer want your FIL coming to your home."
"It’s your life, too, and he’s not the one being hurt here, you are." - w_coastultraviolence
Others were specifically angry about the tactics the father-in-law used to try to get out of trouble.
"Seriously? Saying 'I know how she can be' is a classic way to blame the victim for having boundaries. It’s your birthday, not a Hooters convention. What a creep. If he can’t look at the baby without checking out your breast, he shouldn't be invited to the house." - Specific_Parsnip3264
"'I know how she can be' is so f**ked up. He's the one being a disgusting person. You need to shine up your husband's spine to properly call him out at the time next time, because there will be a next time." - dancepantz
"The bit that pisses me off the most is, 'I know how she can be,' which is his way of making it her problem that she doesn't like her FiL sexualising her in front of her friends." - Outside-Partait-8935
"The 'joke' comment is gross, but that follow-up comment is infuriating. NOR, OP. But this guy will be in your life for a while, so firmly & calmly shutting this stuff down is completely appropriate."
"I'd wear the d**n shirt again to the next family function and look him right in the eyes next time!" - RationalFish
"When we let things like this slide for others, it's not long before it ends up on our doorstep, and of course, nobody says anything because keeping the peace is the norm. It doesn't have to be getting into their face and yelling abuse back. Just a comment such as, 'Well, that's super tacky to say,' or asking them why they'd say that." - Kattnapped
"The OP said, 'He's said some pretty vulgar stuff over the years... but this is the first time it was directed to me.'"
"Normalise calling stuff out when they are talking about others, and they won't feel so comfortable saying it to you."
"It's a gross thing for him to say, but I guess him buying you flowers is his way of saying sorry."
"Sounds like you are in the situation of a lot of new mothers, where you suddenly realise this stuff matters because you want better influences for your child, and better support for yourself. NOR." - Jumpy-Jello-
Now, about that shirt...
"Please re-think your decision to never wear the cute shirt again, girl!! It's something that you liked very much because it made you feel good about yourself. Don't let some backwoods id**t ruin that for you."
"Wear that shirt till it's worn out and can't be worn anymore!! You should be able to feel good about yourself in whatever you like to wear."
"Your husband should have immediately checked his father, not waited until he was told to do so after his father left the room. In front of everyone there, your husband should have told his father not to ever speak about you or to you in that kind of manner, and if his father doesn't like it, he knows where the door is."
"Hubby should have called him out for his response as well. You did absolutely nothing wrong. You were not the problem; his dad was. This comes down to your husband needing to protect his wife, and he didn't do that." - Lynzo141982
"If he is a redneck, like you said, he won't outright apologize, but flowers are his way of saying sorry."
"I hope he won't say anything again, or else you can expect a nicely tended garden for at least a year."
"About your top, I hope you can wear it again. It takes a lot to feel cute, being a new mum."
"If not, get some fabric dye, dye the top a different color, and embroider a flower on it. This makes the top new, different, and every time you wear it, you can use the mantra ... I'm cute, I don't care what anyone says."
"You've got this!!" - No_Kangaroo_6637
Even if the father-in-law was joking and meant no harm, this is one of those situations where he needs to admit that his joke did not land well, he did cause harm, and he needs to apologize. Just because some people enjoy joking in that manner does not mean that everyone will be comfortable with it, and it's important to respect everyone's boundaries and zones of comfort.