While we can all agree that getting pregnant and having a baby are going to be big life changes, few people understand just how big of a change it will be until it’s already happened.
Misconceptions about how big of a change this will be can cause rifts in important relationships, cringed the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITA) subReddit, especially when someone doesn’t respect what their pregnant friend or family member is going through.
Redditor Glass_Sale_91’s older sister was still living at home and was pregnant, and her older sister had surprised her when she suggested they switch bedrooms to make her new motherhood easier.
Because her room had just been renovated, the Original Poster (OP) was reluctant to move.
She asked the sub:
“AITA for refusing to swap rooms with my sister just because she’s pregnant?”
The OP’s older sister wanted to make changes at home since she was pregnant.
“I [17 Female] just recently found out that my sister [21 Female] is pregnant, and the father is no longer in the picture and still living at home with his parents, as well.”
“After she told me, she said that she wanted us to swap rooms because my room would be more convenient for her to have. She pays rent, and I’m still in school.”
The OP didn’t agree with her sister’s reasons for wanting to switch bedrooms.
“The main reasons she wants to swap are because my room is downstairs and hers is upstairs, and she doesn’t want to have to carry a baby up and down the stairs constantly and she wants to easily be able to take the pram into her room.”
“My room is also closer to the kitchen, has more storage space, and has an en suite.”
“Her room is bigger than mine so I don’t know why she would want a smaller room even though she’s going to have more things to put in it, and although she doesn’t have an en suite, there’s a bathroom right beside her room so it’s not like she has to walk a mile for a bathroom or anything.”
“But the main reason I don’t want to swap is because my parents just paid for my room to be freshly painted and to have new flooring put in so I don’t want to just change rooms and have it be done for nothing.”
This led to an argument between the sisters.
“I told her that and she said it was selfish of me to not want to give her my room.”
“I found this to be hypocritical because I asked if I could swap rooms with her ages ago, and she said no, but now that SHE wants MINE, it’s selfish of me not to give it to her.”
“She started going on about how I have no idea how hard it’s going to be for her and a bunch of other stuff to try and make me feel bad, but I told her I don’t care how much she asks for it I’m not swapping.”
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You’re the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
Some understood the OP’s reluctance to switch rooms after it was previously declined.
“This is why babies shouldn’t have babies. I feel old these days when I see a 21-year-old as definitely still a baby.”
“But any bias aside, she’s the one who made the decisions that led to her being pregnant. She has to suck it up and deal with the situation she put herself in, she can’t now use that as why everyone should come to her beck and call.”
“She’s not entitled to your room. She can ask, and you can say no. NTA.” – sugahbee
“Sister knew the situation BEFORE getting pregnant. There’s nothing wrong with not wanting to give up your space just because someone is pregnant or has a kid and I say that as a parent.”
“I would NEVER expect someone else to give up their space/seat/room simply because I have a kid. Would it be a kindness? Absolutely, no question about that but it’s not a moral or ethical decision.”
“NTA.” – yetzhragog
“My sister is dealing with a similar situation right now, but it’s a pregnant stepdaughter who wants to move into a basement suite for free, displacing a paying tenant.”
“The audacity of pregnant people blows my mind sometimes.”
“OP is definitely NTA and should feel free to keep her room as-is.” – unicorn_in_a_can
“If you’re willing to consider this at all, your sister’s old room would need to be repainted and have new floors installed first. And there needs to be an understanding that (a) you won’t be moving again if/when your sister finds the new room to be too small and (b) no one will be storing anything in your room but you (no baby items, none of your sister’s belongings, etc…).”
“Also, whether you stay or change rooms, you should get a good key lock doorknob for your room as soon as possible. Once this baby is born, your sister (and possibly other family members) may expect you to babysit. Having a door you can lock to maintain your privacy will help ensure that no one can just pop in and dump a baby on you.” – teresajs
“NTA. Tell your sister you see the best solution is for her to move out and get her own place. If she’s old enough to reproduce, she’s old enough to live out from under her parent’s roof. Her lack of planning is not your responsibility.” – aholereader
But others challenged the OP to put her sister’s medical needs and future child’s needs first.
“She’s going to be bleeding significantly from her genitals and it’s going to be very difficult for her to carry the pram up and down stairs. She will also most likely need easy and fast access to the kitchen for feeding the child and need storage for baby things.”
“What on earth is wrong with you? Yes, YTA. How old are you even? This reads like an angry child throwing a tantrum over basic decency.” – theannieplanet82
“YTA. Oh my god. Just let her have the room. Do it for the baby. She knows what setup she needs.”
“As someone with a kid, her reasons are sound. Also, having the baby on another floor will be good for the family as a whole. You will all sleep better and she won’t feel as guilty. Do it for the baby.” – NyxZeta
“When I lived at home I got moved into any room my parents let me have. When the family changed so did my room.”
“YTA. Not your house, not your say. It is safer for a pregnant woman and someone with a baby to be on the main floor. It would be so much easier for her to have an ensuite and easy access to the kitchen.”
“Just be kind, ask your parents for some funds to redecorate the new room, and move without causing drama.” – readzalot1
“Your sister pays rent, you don’t.”
“Your sister’s life would be made easier by switching, you simply don’t want to.”
“You didn’t pay for any of the renovations to the room.”
“The room is in your parent’s house, it’s not YOUR room at all.”
“Your post comes off as, ‘I want, I want, I want,’ and you are not thinking of the needs of your sister or your future niece/nephew. This whole thing comes off as you being very selfish, to be honest.” – raidersfan18
“The most mitigated YTA. I feel bad because you’re not an a**hole; you’re just wrong here.”
“It’s not your room, it’s not your house, you didn’t pay for the repainting or new flooring, it’s not your decision at all. You’re a child, in your parents’ house.”
“Soon there will be a new child in your parents’ house and it’s very much normal and accepted that rooms may move around to accommodate the safety, security, and convenience of all family members when a new family member appears.”
“Ideally, she wouldn’t be living with her parents and having a child, that’s neither here nor there and is a matter for discussion between your parents, your sister, and the father of the child.”
“Ultimately, your desire to keep the room is that it’s just been redone (by your parents, not you, so you have no greater right to those upgrades than your sister if your parents choose that way) and it’s ‘yours.’ Especially given you’ve actually asked to swap the rooms before and she said no, you’ve not got a genuine reason to say no. She wants the room because it’s safer and more convenient.”
“Again, I can understand why you’d resent it because you’re losing something you like because of decisions that you don’t make but that’s one of the downsides of being a child in your parent’s home, decisions about you are made on the benefit of the whole family and not just you. There are upsides too. I don’t think you’re an asshole because I get it, but I do think your sister should have the room.” – ImperialSyndrome
“YTA. You have never given birth and are clueless about the needs of a pregnant/postpartum mother and a newborn, and how exhausting it is. Plus, the baby will cry and constantly keep your parents and any other family members awake. Your sister’s reasoning for needing your room is totally reasonable and you are acting ignorant and selfish.”
“Stop acting like a brat just because you feel entitled to take revenge just because she wouldn’t switch rooms before. This is irrelevant and makes you seem really immature and like a bitter, unreasonable person.”
“Do you really feel like holding onto bitterness is more important than the rest of your family’s needs and the care of your future niece or nephew? Not a hill you should be willing to die on and not a good look for you.”
“I would have voted ESH if you were much younger, and if it seemed like your sister was trying to force you or ‘guilt’ you into switching. I don’t believe that pleading her case and calling you selfish were out of line here. You’re being unreasonable and it’s fair that you get called out for it.”
“Plus, you seem completely unwilling to negotiate or compromise. You could ask that the upstairs room be redone, but no, you’re stuck on the fact that she wouldn’t trade it even though it was ages ago. Since you feel the need to even bring this irrelevant point up and aren’t even willing to get the upstairs room fixed up, you show that you are more concerned with acting petty, entitled, and sticking it to her. You’re almost an adult, for f**k’s sake, start acting like it. That includes putting the needs of babies before yourself.” – Sufficient-Skill6012
The subReddit understood why the OP might want to keep her room, but they were really divided on whether or not she should. Some agreed with her about her earlier offer to switch rooms, while others pointed out that the sister possibly could have planned better before becoming pregnant.
But others encouraged the OP to show empathy and to help her sister through a difficult time, planned or not. Being on the first floor would be medically safer, and it would also be easier to raise a young baby on the main floor of the home. Plus, as the OP pointed out, her sister’s bedroom was bigger, and she’d at least be able to say that she had been a helpful, considerate aunt.