There are painful things a child shouldn’t have to experience. Losing a parent, especially early on, can be devastating for emotional development.
So when Reddit user throwaway81047 found out her new stepsister lost her mother when she was born, she felt bad for her. As time went on, however, the original poster (OP) became less sympathetic.
After a few years, OP finally lashed out and now asks the subReddit “Am I the A**hole” (AITA) if she was wrong to react as badly as she did.
“AITA for telling my stepsister she can’t keep using the death of her mother as an excuse for everything?”
Her story goes:
“So I (F[emale] 18) live with my brother (M[ale] 19), my mom, her husband, and his daughter (f[emale] 18).”
“My stepsister’s mom passed away during childbirth. From what I’ve been told, she never had a mother figure in her life.”
“I felt for her, I really did. But around 16, it got really old when she got away with sh*t because she used the death of her mom as an excuse.”
“My mom remarried when I was 13 btw”
“It turned from small things she got away with to larger things. For instance, when we were 14, she completely trashed my room after she lost in a game of uno.”
“Everything in my room from posters to my bed sheets were ruined.”
“Her dad gave me $10 and said I shouldn’t take it to heart because she was upset from not having a mother figure.”
“Another one, my brother got his first car at 17 and she wanted him to take her to see friends, go shopping, just treat him like a personal Uber. He said no so she scratched it up with a something and it was ruined.”
“Again, my mom and her dad said ‘she’s just not in the right mindset because she misses her mom’.”
“Today, my brother and I were going to see my dad for his birthday. We made a cake for him and got him a custom blanket with a picture of his dog who passed a few weeks ago.”
“As we’re getting ready to go, my stepsister complained to her dad about us getting to ‘leave out’ during the pandemic but she’s not allowed to see her friends.”
“We told her we were only going to see my dad and coming back and it was just the three of us not a large group of friends. She got mad and stormed off and we didn’t think much of it.”
“It was stupid of me but I left the blanket downstairs not thinking much about it and when I went back down, it had bleach on it and the cake was sort of smashed by a ketchup bottle in the fridge.(even tho it had a top over it)”
“I already knew it was her and asked wtf was wrong with her. Both my brother and I were upset and it just turned into a screaming match.”
“My mom came down to see what was happening and she started fake crying and said ‘it hurts seeing them get to visit their dad but I can’t visit my mom, I miss her so much it’s not fair’.”
“Surprisingly enough my mom got upset with her but her dad came in and told us it wasn’t a big deal and we could just get a new one he continued with ‘she just misses her mom a lot, cut her some slack’.”
“I finally lost it and told her she can’t keep using the death of her mom because it was not a valid excuse.”
“I kinda got into detail how she was just being a bitch and I was not letting this slide.”
“She stormed off crying (as usual) and her dad wants me to apologize because ‘I’d never understand the pain of losing a parent’. I said I wasn’t apologizing and my brother stood by my side.”
On the AITA subReddit, people will judge you with the following acronyms:
- NTA – Not the A**hole
- YTA – You’re the A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everybody Sucks Here
It was determined that OP was not in the wrong here.
“NTA. I get that losing a parent is a big deal. However she never knew her mother and the world is going to hit her on her rump when she leaves home and ends up potentially getting arrested.” – Poison-walker3
“NTA, not having her mother around doesn’t excuse your stepsister for being an a**hole.”
“That just sounds like poor parenting on her father’s part for letting this go on for 18 years. She’s in for a big surprise when she moves out and realizes that no one is gonna have any sympathy for her BS sob stories.” – kkpls
“NTA, and I would honestly bring up the fact that enabling her behaviour is doing her a massive disservice. How is she going to cope in the real world?”
“Her future coworkers and bosses aren’t going to give a flying eff about her mother being dead, sh*tty excuses and temper tantrums won’t be tolerated. Future partners won’t put up with being abused.”
“And watch what could happen if she has her own kids; I never had a mother, so it’s not my fault I’m a crappy parent. Bull. Sh*t.” – cynical-mage
“I lost my father when I was 7. It’s been 16 years, and i stopped using the ‘no father figure’ excuse when is was 9 or 10.”
“Her father is enabling her, and it’s disgusting. She knows exactly what she’s doing, and i would suggest you discuss divorce with your mother. This is not a healthy situation.” – thatonefallenangel
Others were very concerned with how the stepfather was treating his daughter.
“Like here’s the thing, stepsister has some shit to deal with but the biggest asshole by far is the dad for not actually being a parent and enabling this shit that she’s doing.” – DeathGP
“That’s what I was looking for. The dad created this issue by not finding a way to deal with this in childhood. She continues behaving this way because everyone lets her and it is her normal.”
“How does she have friends if this is how she acts when someone disagrees with her?” – Whenitrainsitpours86
“Nta, it’s been five years of acting out. If her Dad hasn’t been competent enough to get her into therapy by now he needs to start footing the bill for everything she destroys.” – pengalin
OP gave an update explaining her stepfather hasn’t taken his daughter to a therapist because he doesn’t believe in the efficacy. However, if he doesn’t make this situation right, OP has said she will take the matter to the police.
OP’s dad found out and so her mom is upset about that, but it sounds like an adult needs to be on OP’s side in this. Hopefully things will improve.