Redditor Pale_Ad914 is a 19-year-old woman who came to study abroad in the US and realized she had much to learn outside of an academic setting.
Coming from Indonesia, she didn’t realize some of the social customs and etiquette she was used to didn’t translate well here in America until it was too late.
When an interaction with a stranger at a public park backfired, she visited the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITA) subReddit, where she asked:
“AITA for telling a woman to cover up her boobs?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“Hi! I just moved to the USA from Indonesia last November for school.”
“It’s been hard adjusting due to the current situation, cultural differences, and my bad english speaking skills but I’m trying.”
“Problem starts when I’m sitting in a park. I saw this lady sitting down across me with a hand bag covering her stomach and a mesh shirt. The thing is that her chest was fully revealed.”
“A lot of people were staring and whispering at her while she play with her phone not noticing. So I thought her bra or tube top must have slipped down and so I told her nicely that her chest was exposed.”
“Next thing I knew she was yelling at me and talking really fastly. I couldn’t fully understand what she was saying but she was telling me that the chest reveal was intentional and how dare I told her to cover up.”
“She tell me that I insult her body (maybe because she was chubby) and yell other stuff at me. I said sorry multiple times but she won’t listen and kept yelling while crying really hard.”
“Then a guy (maybe bf or brother) came and took her away apologizing to me.”
“I told this to my roommate and she told me I was wrong for meddling into other people’s business.”
“I felt really bad for making the lady cry but at the same time I feel like I was polite and quiet when alerting the lady of her chest. AITA?”
After an accusation mentioned in the thread, the OP clarified :
“I think a lot of people think that I called her chubby out right or that I alert her chest exposure because she was chubby. I didn’t.”
“When she told me that I ‘insult’ her body she was saying it (paraphrasing) ‘Is it because I have this kind of figure what if a skinny model walk around like this would you call her out?’ So I assume that she made that comment because she though I was fat shaming her. I didn’t.”
“The only thing I said to her were along the lines of ‘I’m sorry if I’m rude but I think your chest is exposed.'”
Strangers on the internet were asked to declare one of the following:
- NTA – Not the A**hole
- YTA – You’re the A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everybody Sucks Here
A majority of Redditors thought the OP was not necessarily the a**hole in the situation but did offer their two cents about different social etiquette.
“Welcome to the US, don’t tell other women what to do with their boobs!”
“LOL sorry you had to learn the hard way and a total stranger yelled at you. Unless someone’s fly is down or they have lipstick on their teeth it’s best to just let people dress however they want and mind your own friendly business.”
“NTA, you’re new to the neighborhood.” – 1-900-SNAILS
“The best rule of thumb is ‘If it can’t be fixed in 5 minutes or less, don’t mention it.'”
“Someone has a piece of spinach in their teeth? Mention it, it takes 2 seconds to remove it. Someone has a piece of toilet paper stuck to their shoe? Mention it, it takes 2 seconds to remove it.”
“Someone’s shirt is partly untucked in the back when you know they want it tucked it fully? Mention it, it takes a minute to tuck back in. Someone accidentally left a hair roller in their curls? Mention it, that’s a 5 minute trip to the bathroom to remove the curler and put it in their bag.”
“You’re out somewhere, a piece of their outfit is see through, and they have nothing to cover it with or change into? Don’t mention it. Their make up clashes horribly with their outfit when you meet up at the restaurant and to fix it they’d need to drive all the way home? Don’t mention it.”
“Their teeth are stained yellow because of their smoking/soda habit and it would take professional attention to clean them? Don’t mention it.”
“It’s all about decorum, and knowing when to not embarrass someone over something they can’t change.” – 9r7g5h
“This should be the standard rule in life, I wish more people would live this way. Its not helpful to ‘mention’ things people can’t fix quickly, like their weight, hair style, clothing, teeth, etc. And you never know what is intentional and what isn’t.” – oldandopinionated
“NTA. Sitting in a park (EDIT: Not a beach – a city park where you’re the only one with your nipples out) with your nipples or entire breasts visible is not a common thing to do in America.”
“If she seemed that she was not crazy or not drunk, then telling her that her bra might have slipped down is not a rude or bad thing to do.”
“But you said that someone came and took her away, which makes me think that she had something wrong with her mentally. If that is the situation, then it is not surprising that she got upset and yelled at you.”
“You still didn’t do anything wrong, but I think that America, more than other countries, has a lot of people with mental illnesses who are not taken care of and act strangely in public. Especially in big cities. There is usually nothing you can do to help them.”
“People in very big cities also usually mind their own business and don’t interfere with other people. If she seemed crazy, or seemed like she just want to show off her breasts, then people wouldn’t talk to her.”
“But you are not an a**hole for being friendly and trying to help!” – hellokitty1939
“The guy who came to take her away apologized to you. That is your clue that you are NTA.”
“She reacted badly to a polite, quiet notice from you that she might be showing more of her body than she intended.”
“Sadly, this kind of reaction is why too many people don’t say something to help people out. Don’t be discouraged.”
“The problem was with this woman – something was going on with her more than her clothing – not with what you said.” – ParsimoniousSalad
Overall, Redditors acknowledged the OP’s intentions were innocent in the wardrobe malfunction situation, especially since she was acclimating to different societal norms in a new country.