Legally and morally, parents assume responsibility for their children as soon as they decide to have children. But are there limits to a parent's liability?
What happens if someone else is temporarily in charge of a child? Does it matter if the caretaker is a paid employee or an extended family member?
A mother turned to the "Am I The A**hole" (AITA) subReddit for feedback about an incident with her sister.
DashesofAshes99 asked:
"AITA for not paying for my sister’s phone after my toddler broke it?"
The original poster (OP) explained:
"This happened a few years ago but it got brought up recently and I’m wondering if I was in the wrong. I (27, female) have a son (at the time 18 months old)."
"He was spending the day at my parent’s house and my sister (25, female) came over and took him into their backyard pool. I wasn’t there, so the specifics of what happened are lost on me, but somehow my son picked up my sister’s phone, an iPhone that was maybe a few years old at that point, and threw it in the pool."
"She tried to salvage it but a few major features stopped working so she asked me to cover the cost of a replacement which was $800. I didn’t get any details other than it was thrown in, she got it out and put it in rice for a day, and after that it was working for calls and texts but other things like FaceTime weren’t working."
"We’re not in the US. I suppose if she did still have Apple care on it she could have tried to get it repaired whenever she traveled again, but most people in my country would just replace their phone. I was of the opinion that the replacement wasn’t my responsibility."
"She was the one supervising my child and was negligent and allowed the incident to happen. If my kid was older and able to understand he was doing something wrong and did it anyway, then I would 100% pay for it, but this was a baby she was watching."
"I explained this to her and offered to cover half of the cost for the sake of not burning bridges with family. She was not happy with the compromise and thought I should have covered the entire thing."
"I want to point out also that we both make good money and the cost wouldn’t be a huge blow to either of us."
"My husband and I discussed it. Our thinking was, if our kid ran up to a stranger (had they been at a public pool) and grabbed their phone and tossed it we would have paid. Similarly, if my kid was with his grandparents and my sister was chilling by herself and the same thing happened, we would have also paid the full thing."
"However, we thought her taking him outside to watch him changed things, hence us offering to pay half."
"To be honest, I didn’t even want to pay the half because about 2 months before I lent her an about $300 item and I had to physically go and find it myself at our parents house weeks after lending it to her and at that point it was damaged to the point of being barely usable."
"When I brought that up with her, she said she had only used it one time and that some of our nieces and nephews must have damaged it while they were visiting the house and she never offered to replace them. I let it go because sh*t happens, but I’d be lying if the phone thing didn’t rub me wrong after that incident."
"I didn’t add that to say she doesn’t really take responsibility, just to explain why I was kinda salty having to pay because I had just recently chosen to take a loss on the other thing rather than ask her to replace it."
"I love my sister and she’s the sweetest person ever. Our relationship did not suffer because of this situation. It just got brought up recently and it made me wonder who was wrong in the situation."
"It came up jokingly over dinner and given that I creep this Reddit all the time, I thought this was finally my time to share something post worthy. There are no grudges and we’re fine. She took the compromise, and it did come up as a funny story of when my son yeeted his aunts phone into a pool."
"AITA for only paying half?"
Redditors weighed in by declaring:
- NTA - Not The A**hole
- YTA - You're The A**hole
- NAH - No A**holes Here
- ESH - Everyone Sucks Here
- INFO - more information needed
Redditors couldn't decide if the OP was not the a**hole (NTA), was the a**hole (YTA), or if everyone sucks (ESH).
"I’d say NTA. It seems like your sister needs to be a little bit more proactive on taking care of her/other people's things and consider who is around; kids, babies, etc..." ~ Okra_Zestyclose
"If an 18-month-old had time to go to the phone, pick it up, and throw it in the water, I am concerned at the level of care the child was receiving around the pool. Feels dangerous." ~ willowmarie27
"They are also very fast and surprisingly quiet when they fall into a pool and slip under. I’ve had to grab two toddlers out of pools where they quietly slipped in and no one noticed."
"Neither were my kids. Their parents were less than 3 feet away both times-they just had their backs turned. ~Lumpy_Machine5538
"18-month-olds are extremely grabby. You wouldn't believe how fast they can snatch something up. ~riotous_jocundity
"Yeah, but they can't throw a phone multiple feet. They have sh*t arms at that age, and usually just throw things straight down, or even behind themselves."
"They would have had to pick it up, walk over to the poolside, and drop it in basically. Which is some just trash level supervision."
"NTA. If OP was the one watching their kid, then I'd say she should pay 100% of the cost. But because the sister was the one watching the kid, I think 50% is more than fair."
"And with the context of OP's sister basically destroying a $300 item of OP's, I think it makes sense to toss the sister $100 and call it even. The sister doesn't get to blame the damage on nieces and nephews when she's the one borrowing it, as you take on 100% of the liability at that point." ~ Thelynxer
"They're grabby, but they're not very tall and their manual dexterity is poor. Putting things out of their reach is not challenging. ~RequirementQuirky468
"Just be thankful it was the phone that went in the pool and not the baby! OP should have been asking if the baby was being watched at all." ~ ether_reddit
"That was my first thought. I feel like if you’re taking a toddler to a pool, you don’t have them constantly under supervision, and the most unfortunate thing that happens is your phone gets wet? That’s far from the worst outcome.
"Honestly, if I were in OP’s shoes, I don’t think I’d trust this person to watch my kid again. Nor would I lend them anything that costs more than $10." ~ SwantimeLM
"Both of you sound petty. ESH." ~ Ok_Leave_5430
"Honestly OP I would be far more concerned that your 18 month old was unsupervised around a pool for long enough to grab your sister's phone and throw it in the water. That's how kids drown." ~ ThroughtheStorms
"NTA. If your child was under your care and he damaged something , then yes it would be your responsibility to replace/reimburse. You offered to pay half to prevent bridges from burning, sounds like you did enough in my opinion."
"Whoever was baby sitting should be the one responsible for damages." ~AttentionOk6526
"The fact this is not a money issue because you mentioned you both are well-off and able to pay the damaged belongings but still didn't makes me think y'all are just petty, so ESH. Do you even like each other?" ~ WildMemoir
"NTA. He wasn't in your care at the time and she engaged in risky behavior. Toddler plus phone plus pool... yeah, that's a foreseeable outcome." ~ NotACompleteDick
"I'm torn. On one hand, yes, she was the one supervising the kid, but on the other hand, it's pretty insane to think responsibility should fall solely on the one doing the supervising. Don't forget, she's doing you a favour watching after your kid." ~ WrathOfTheKressh
"She should have offered to replace the $300 item that broke while she had it."
"You should have offered to replace the phone your son broke. The fact that he doesn't know what he's doing is even more of a reason to offer, because you are responsible for his actions, even if you're not there."
"Like once my puppy knocked over my roommate's decorative bowl while I was gone. I offered to replace it right away. I wasn't like, 'well I wasn't there and you were, and the dog didn't know what she was doing, so it's your problem'. ESH." ~Elegant-Analyst-7381
OP and her sister came to an amicable solution years ago.
Maybe it's time to drop this issue, even in fun, if they're still asking who was "right."
skybluepink15/Imgur
