As much as we all would like to always believe the best about the people around us, the truth of the matter is that sometimes they make it really hard for us to continue to do so.
Especially when a person does something to swindle someone else out of their money, cringed the "Am I the A**hole?" (AITA) subReddit.
Redditor Conscious_Koala_7009 thought something was up when their daughter's first-grade teacher began to demand they replace her phone, as she was certain their daughter had broken it.
With their husband urging them to keep the peace, the Original Poster (OP) wasn't sure whether to protect their funds or do as their husband suggested.
They asked the sub:
"AITA for not covering a phone my child broke?"
The OP recently learned of an activity their daughter's teacher hosted in class.
"My daughter is in 1st grade, and her teacher had a class where the teacher distributed magnets and had the students see what they could stick to and were walking around the classroom doing this."
"The teacher's phone got destroyed during this exercise because one of the students stuck a magnet on it."
The teacher ended up contacting the OP over the exercise.
"The teacher asked the class if they knew who touched her phone, and one student spoke up and said they saw my daughter do it."
"My daughter claims she did not do it."
"The teacher is asking me to reimburse her for the cost of the phone."
The OP felt reluctant to do such a thing.
"I told her absolutely not, especially since she didn't have her phone put away when encouraging 1st graders to stick magnets on things."
"Plus, the kids that said she saw my daughter could be lying."
"My husband thinks we should keep the peace and replace the phone, while I think my daughter did not do it."
"AITA?"
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You're the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
Some said the teacher should have better prepared for that classroom activity.
"NTA. Even IF your daughter stuck the magnet to the phone, the teacher had literally told her to stick magnets to things. The teacher should keep her valuables put away." - hockeypup
"Teacher: OK children, time to stick magnets to things!"
"Kids: stick magnets to things, including things magnets should not be stuck to."
"Teacher: surprised Pikachu face." - retired-penguin
"How did the teacher not know to tell students to be careful and not put it on electronics!"
"Our school district gives the kids ipads in 1st and we have a LONG talk about magnets and electronics before the kids get to do this experiment (this is a standard 1st-grade experiment where they have to make a hypothesis and then run the experiment as a class.)" - KSknitter
"Cell phones are seldom cheap, and they always contained treasured photos, cell phone numbers, etc."
"That teacher should have put her phone away BEFORE encouraging the kids to stick their magnets onto every available surface." - Marzipan_Shepherdess
"This is a liability thing. Why is her phone out? My sister works in a high school and her phone needs to be in a desk drawer and not be visible because it promotes a bad example to her students." - millioneura
"NTA. Any teacher who doesn't have their phone put away during class is a teacher who doesn't get to play the victim when their phone gets broken." - NUT-me-SHELL
"It's not just that her phone shouldn't have been out for this activity. It shouldn't be out at all. I have to remind my college students that they cannot have their phones out during class, and it's a lot harder when they grew up with teachers who have their phones out during class."
"Accommodations for disabilities are obviously different circumstances. I have not personally seen an accommodation that included a cell phone since all of my students have laptops, but I have never and would never stand in the way of a recommended accommodation." - SincerelyCynical
"A teacher having a phone 'out' and 'using it' are vastly different."
"My admin and coworkers frequently text me important info. I am expected to have my phone available and at least on vibrate so I can be reached. We don't have landlines in most of our classrooms, but a text doesn't interrupt the lesson the way a phone call does, so that's not even an equal option."
"My phone is in my pocket or out and in sight at all times. When it's not on my person, the students know not to touch it, even first graders."
"If the teacher can't prove that OP's kid did it, she can't expect OP to pay for it, but just 'put the phone away' isn't necessarily possible or best practice. If a kid touched my phone without permission and broke it, believe me that I'd expect their parents to replace it."
"If a child was able to break the phone with a magnet, the teacher obviously wasn't using or even paying attention to her phone." - fastyellowtuesday
"NTA."
"Doesn't matter which kid did it. They are not at fault. The teacher left the phone out and told the kids to put magnets on things. 100% the teacher's fault. I would bypass the teacher and go straight to admin with this demand." - tatersprout
Others were skeptical about the damage to the iPhone.
"It's extremely unlikely that a magnet would damage an iPhone. H**l, I have a pretty strong neodymium magnet on the back of my phone for a car phone mount."
"The whole 'don't put magnets near electronics' is mainly for hard disk drives where it could damage it, but iPhones have solid-state drives." - Flleaz
"I'm thinking perhaps the phone was already damaged and the teacher left it out deliberately, knowing it would only be a matter of time before a child put a magnet on it like she told everyone to do, and then she could use the opportunity to get a replacement phone." - Doolie12000
"It would have to be very powerful magnets to permanently damage most electronic devices, even excluding the fact that even very powerful magnets can't harm most smartphones."
"Any teacher that hands out individual powerful magnets to a bunch of 6/7-year-olds should not be allowed to supervise children."
"Maybe pass one set around the class, or demonstrate for them. No responsible person would give them out to all of them at that young of an age."
"I think she planned this. She probably handed out whiteboard magnets and used the opportunity to scam for a new phone." - Stickleshlop
"Being as generous as possible, it broke at the same time, unrelated, and the teacher doesn't understand about phone and magnets."
"Which, considering she's 1st grade and likely not a science specialist, that could be the case." - eletheelephant
"Magnets CAN damage phones but the strength of magnets kids would be playing with isn't even close. MagSafe chargers are probably stronger magnets."
"A strong electromagnet could probably destroy a phone, though." - skellious
"Also, magnets don't completely ruin phones like that. To ruin a phone sold today you would need magnet powers that would make the first graders fly across the room to the next magnetic object. And I am pretty sure that didn't happen." - J_lmn
"I literally had a student throw my phone as I was using it for work-related purposes. 5-year-old. That's why it has a heavy-duty case and two screen protectors. Also why I don't pay more than $150 for a phone."
"I wouldn't think to charge the parents when I'm taking the risk by letting it near a kid. I've had kids fish it out of my pocket and throw it."
"I work with a group that is known to be destructive. Heck, it's always safer to assume that any kid is gonna be destructive. If you value it, don't leave it in the reach of a kid." - InfuriatedBadger
"Just no."
"From Google: 'No, a magnet will not damage your smartphone's… And the reason why not is simple: your phone's components are not magnetic. If they aren't magnetic, they cannot be disturbed by magnets in your phone's case. Apple iPhone and Android devices use NAND flash memory, which is not affected by magnets.' Oct 7, 2021" - EggAndSpoon48
After reading the comments, the OP shared an update.
"One of the commenters here has informed me that modern iPhones cannot be damaged by magnets, so this instructor is trying to con me into replacing her damaged phone."
"I looked it up, and it seems new phones are not affected like the devices I grew up with."
The subReddit was immediately suspicious of the story the teacher had told the OP and wondered if she was either trying to pull a fast one with multiple parents for extra funds or if she had a broken phone that she was hoping someone would help her replace.
Either way, the teacher needed to find another means to replace her phone than contacting parents about it, especially when it may or may not have been caused by a classroom activity she personally hosted.
Woman Asks If It's Wrong To Hold Grudge After Mom Told Her When She 8 Years Old That She Wished She'd Aborted Her
While some people view having and raising children as the greatest blessing, some parents hold their children's existence against them for their entire lives.
And when they feel that way about their children, they're unfortunately typically pretty honest about it, cringed the members of the "Am I Overreacting?" (AIO) subReddit.
Redditor heavelymango knew from the time she was young that her mother did not really like her and significantly favored her sister.
But when her mother told her at the age of eight that she wished she had aborted her, the Original Poster (OP) held on to that grudge for years after the fact.
She asked the sub:
The OP had a grudge against her mother.
"I (22 Female) have been holding onto a grudge due to something my mom told me when I was roughly eight or nine years old."
"Growing up, I was a rebellious kid and always felt as if my mom favored my older sister. My sister would always get whatever she wanted."
"I know she was born with Down syndrome and always needed more attention and care, but if my sister wanted my tablet, for example, she would have it for the whole day while mine was limited to 30 minutes so she could have it."
"As a kid, I lashed out more because of this. She could take all of my things, but I could never use hers."
During a heated moment, the OP's mother said something unforgivable.
"Eventually, this led to an argument with my mom. I don't recall the whole thing, but it was related to my sister and how I felt my mom didn't care about me or give me the same amount of attention."
"The fight got heated, and I probably told my mom that I hated my sister and her."
"I remember she said back, 'I never wanted you from the start. I knew I should've aborted you when I had the chance.'"
" I didn't know what aborted meant at the time, and I remember I looked it up, and it made me cry. I never forgot it, and it lingers in my mind whenever I am home."
The OP's mother pressured her to "let it go" and move on.
"Even growing up, I still brought it up, and she would get mad, saying I need to let it go and how I'm stubborn for not just forgetting what she said."
"There was even a time in high school when she took me to a therapist, and she complained about how I never dropped what she said."
"She says I need to move on from it because it has affected my relationship with her, and she wants to fix it."
"I know I'm older now and it was so long ago, but it still hurts, and I feel like it's made me not want to have her in my life in the future, and I have told this to her."
"How I don't want her in my life once I move out, get married, or have my own kids."
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
Some reassured the OP that this sounded like a core memory more than a grudge.
"The axe forgets. The tree remembers."
"It sounds less like you're holding a grudge and more that this is a formative, core memory for you."
"It won't stop being a core memory (unless maybe with the help of a lot of therapy). Has your mom ever apologized for saying that? Because you don't have to forget to forgive, but if she's not remorseful for saying that terrible thing to her young child (not just remorseful that you remember it), then she probably needs therapy (or is a narcissist/sociopath/similar)."
"You are certainly not obligated to 'get over it.'" - Hot-Can3615
"This is not a 'grudge'; it is pain that is still felt to such a degree. If she said it, then she was thinking it. She'll probably never apologize, but that doesn't mean your pain is or was invalid." - Fast_Register_9480
"NOR. This kind of thing needs a real apology. Like she needs to acknowledge the damage and genuinely care about it. Brushing it off won’t make it go away." - TentacleWolverine
"NOR. Did she really want to fix things? She basically just told you to get over it from the start instead of giving you a sincere apology."
"That isn't working on anything. She wants you to get over it so she can pretend that she never said it, so she doesn't have to feel bad about what she did. It doesn't sound like she cares much about how you feel."
"She just doesn't want to deal with it. For that reason, I would still have issues with what she said." - Chemical-Ad6809
"If your relationship with your mother is being affected by the actions of your mother, your mother is responsible for fixing it."
"You should know you probably aren't ever going to get closure, but you don't have to swallow it down. It helps to be the person you needed when you were younger out loud to yourself, but especially to others."
"For example: My name is Liz, and my mom told me to go ahead and do it already and save us all the heartache when I finally had the courage to tell her about how much I've been struggling with self-harm and suicidal ideation. I'm never going to forgive her for that, and we have never been close as a result of her actions."
"You aren't holding onto a grudge; you have a core memory of your mother distilling her feelings into a world-shattering sentence."
"You did not have a secure attachment before and can't have one now because of the deep trauma. You do not apologize for being stabbed."
"Find another therapist. I mean it. Someone who cares about your well-being wouldn't force you to apologize for being verbally abused as a child. I'm 29 now, and I lived through it. I still struggle with suicidal ideation daily, but once I stopped relying on my mom and unstable sources for support, my life got better immediately."
"You want things for comfort and familiarity. Don't let your mom or your therapist gaslight you into crossing a boundary."
"It might help to ask for a written five-part apology from your mom. 1. Acknowledge what you did 2. Say why it was wrong 3. Promise not to do it again 4. Ask how to make amends. 5. Share your feelings at this time if there's anything you'd like to say."
"My mom can be a good person and a bad mom and role model. Being in your own company is so much better than poor company." - PotLuckyPodcast
Others hoped the OP would go no contact with her mother sooner rather than later.
"NOR. It’s emotional abuse. And you do not owe her closeness after that, especially as she refuses to be accountable for that and try to make it up to you."
"She knows you have her number, and she can’t forgive you for knowing what a colloidal b***h she is."
"It’s unlikely that will change; it will at least be turned back on you with her the victim."
"Stop expecting her to apologize. If she doesn’t pay your bills, ghost her." - SnooCheesecakes2723
"My mom said something similar. My brother and I were adopted, and when I was a teen, in front of a church lady, she said, 'We didn't even really want you, but the people didn't want to split y'all up, so we just took you, too.'"
"Me and the church lady were shook. When I say my falbbers were ghasted. Like huh? She didn't remember saying that when I brought it up years after the fact."
"I also got grounded two times for two separate nine weeks (for C's on my report card) and a three and a half to four months (for smoking at 16 and getting caught because she liked to just pop up out of nowhere), and we just had a talk about that, and she didn't even remember."
"She said, 'No, I didn't. I never grounded you for that long,' and when I gave my rebuttal, she said, 'Well, if I did, it definitely wasn't for no nine weeks or months,' and this started because she was praising me for reading so much and liking books. I said, 'Well, when you were grounded like me, that's all I could do (no TV, no friends outside of school, no music, nothing but my room and books)."
"There's a reason I only call or answer her calls once or twice every few weeks. And I only call to get food, really..." - ManicalMoe
"‘Fine, I'm sorry’ is not an apology."
"Whilst I’m sure it was said in anger, most things said in anger have a grain of truth. There are also some things that no half-decent parent ever says to their children, no matter how angry they are, and this is one of them! It also sounds like she has made repeated similar comments of not wanting you as her child."
"I understand her eldest had a disability, but this is no excuse for neglecting and emotionally abusing her younger child. Lots of families deal with a child with additional needs whilst still managing to prioritise their other kids. Children with Down syndrome are capable of understanding ‘that’s your sister's, not yours; give it back’ !! It sounds like your mum has mental health issues?"
"Do you have a present father or other family you can turn to?"
"Protect your peace. Your mum has hurt you time and time again, honestly, for no real gain other than momentarily satisfying her anger. You owe this woman nothing." - Background_Term9810
"I went through something similar. When I was a little girl, my mother used to make comments that implied she didn't want me, though it was never that explicit. 'I only had you because your brother wanted a sister,' and 'My figure never recovered after you; after your brother, it did.'"
"Each comment stayed with me, but I never addressed it with her. I tried to move on and leave it in the past. She did a lot of horrible things throughout my life, but her behavior was always ignored because that's the precedent my dad set, where she can do essentially whatever she wants."
"A few months ago, she came to see me because I was desperate for help and sick. Instead of helping, she made my life so much worse. I won't go into details. At one point, I could no longer keep it inside, and I told her that she is a narcissist, to which she responded with, 'It would have been better if I had never had you.'"
"In some ways, it felt really good to hear her come out and say it. It felt good to hear the truth I've always known."
"I don't know what you should do, but I've chosen to not forgive."
"Every time I forgave, I just let her know that she can get away with whatever horrible things she had done. Her apologies were never real apologies. She always found ways to blame me or others for whatever she had done."
"And I'm truly just done with it. As sad as it is to not have a mom, it's sadder to pretend that you have one when in reality you don't... quite the opposite, if anything." - Neos_Mom
"So, OP, what will hurt more: keeping her and the grudge in your life or making a break and going low or no contact with her?"
"Frankly, we've no idea of what she might have been dealing with at the time, but regardless, what she said was said only to cause pain and suffering. 'Sorry' doesn't magic that intent away."
"Me, I think spending time alone or with friends or in therapy away from her might be what you need here. You might come to some sort of acceptance, but if this is something that's just going to keep coming between you, then stop trying to have that relationship." - Tal_Tos_72
After the OP received feedback, she shared a few clarifications from her original post.
"I wanted to clear some things up, take accountability where it's due, and provide some much-needed context from many people commenting the same questions."
"I want to be completely honest. We had many arguments, and I was a rebellious kid. I acted out and argued with my mom."
"I don't want to give off the impression that I was an entirely innocent kid who never did anything wrong and my mom just snapped out of nowhere. We both said hateful and hurtful things to each other during our fights."
"Growing up, the only way she would accept an apology was if I got on my knees and begged her for forgiveness. If I ever asked her to apologize to me, she would say, 'I have nothing to apologize for; you should be the one begging for my forgiveness.'"
The OP had a lot of physical memories, too.
"Things also would turn into physical arguments, not just verbal ones."
"There were times when she would get so angry she would get physical. Like yanking me by my hair, twisting my arms, or throwing things at me (like remotes, a bug spray can, or a radio)."
"When she yanked my hair, I would fight back just to get her to let me go, and she would scream that I was trying to kill her and she would get me arrested. When she twisted my arm, and I begged her to stop because it felt like it was going to break, she would say she hoped it did."
"When she threw objects at me, she would say she wished they would hit my face."
"I remember in middle school, during an argument, she said she wished she could break my face and that she hated it because I look like my dad. I won’t lie, whenever she said things like that, I would say nasty comments about how she chose to have him put us in her."
While the OP wasn't financially ready to move out yet, she hoped to as soon as possible.
"Why haven't I moved out yet? The main reason I haven't been able to move out is financial."
"I wasn't making enough to support myself without worrying about whether I’d end up having to crawl back home."
"Thankfully, I have recently found a better-paying job. My plan is to move out between mid-to-late October, or early November at the latest."
"The only reason I can't leave this exact second is because I have a few legal/administrative things to get cleared up so I’m completely untied from my mom, which will take a few weeks."
The OP also had proof that her mother liked her sister better.
"Has my mom ever admitted to favoring my sister? Yes."
"In arguments, she has explicitly told me that she doesn't see me as her legitimate daughter, and that she adored my sister more and forever will. She has also called me a 'monster,' told me there is a certain type of evil inside of me, and said she was afraid I would be just like my dad and try to harm them."
"She would even tell me that she was telling family and friends these things about me, but then later claim she 'just said it in the moment' and wouldn't be crazy enough to actually tell people that."
"Because I was so confused growing up and didn't know if she was lying or telling the truth, I started avoiding our family when they came over."
"Naturally, that just made things worse because she would get mad at me for avoiding them (even now as an adult), completely ignoring the fact that she was the one who lied about what she told them."
Unfortunately, the OP didn't have support from her father.
"What about my dad? My dad is not in my life."
"He was around sporadically, but never as a stable parent. My parents separated before I was born and divorced when I was two or three."
"Growing up, it was just constant back-and-forth toxicity, with him telling me how toxic my mother was, and her telling me the same about him."
"He would mostly only come over to see my sister, and often used me to care for her if he wanted to take her out to eat. Ultimately, my dad didn't care about anyone else other than my sister (and his drugs)."
"I hope this can clear some questions on the original post. I know I didn't provide many details as I originally should have. I honestly didn't want to post something too long, and I honestly did not expect it to be noticed."
"Thank you all for taking time to talk to me and share your thoughts."
The subReddit fully sided with the OP, pointing out that no matter how heated the moment was, it would never excuse the terrible things the OP's mother had said to her.
If the OP's mother really wanted a relationship with her, she'd drop the defensiveness and demands, offer a genuine apology, and work hard to be better for both of her children.
That takes a very rare kind of person to pull off, and it didn't sound like the OP's mother had that in her.
If you or someone you know is struggling, you can contact the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 988.
To find help outside the United States, the International Association for Suicide Prevention has resources available at https://findahelpline.com/i/iasp