Helping out at home is normally a welcome gesture.
Somebody cleans this.
Another person does that.
It’s all a give-and-take situation.
But sometimes certain family members feel too much is on the take.
That can cause some friction.
Case in point…
Redditor Legitimate-Claim-102 wanted to discuss his experience and get some feedback. So naturally, he came to visit the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit.
He asked:
“AITA for not letting my son be my daughter’s servant due to a period?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“My wife and I (34 M[ale]) have two children ages 10 and 13.”
“We currently are in a smaller living situation, so please no judgment on here about this, because it was a change we fell into because of some financial struggle and damage to our home.”
“So we’ve been renting a 2 bedroom apartment while our home is being fixed, and our children are sharing a room.”
“Basically, my daughter (13) gets really bad periods the same as her mother.”
“Which I’m very knowledgeable about as I grew up with 6 sisters and have been with my wife for nearly 18 years.”
“But the thing is I think she is taking advantage of our son.”
“My daughter has him running to the fridge for her, grabbing everything for her, even adjusting the TV volume and the LED lights.”
“It makes me glad that he wants to help her but he cannot do everything for her.”
“When I brought this up to my son my wife became very angry at me and said I was going to discourage our son and should be proud he’s learning early.”
“I said although I am proud, I feel he’s being taken advantage of.”
“He can help grab things for her if he wishes but going so far as to adjust the AC, and the TV volume, getting up at her every call is a bit far.”
“She got angry at me and told me I’d never understand and that I was going to ruin our son’s helpful mindset.”
“I’m just trying to help.”
“I feel as though he’s being taken advantage of.”
The OP was left to wonder:
“AITA?”
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Many Redditors declared OP WAS the A**hole.
“I’m going against the grain here and saying YTA for this answer in the comments to the question of what happens if he says no:”
“He doesn’t likee to help.”
“So you have a daughter with debilitating periods, a son who loves his sister and wants to help her.”
“The only conflict here is the one you’re creating.”
“For some people, small acts of service are a way of showing love, and for some people debilitating pain has them needing those small gestures to get through the moment.”
“It seems to be working for everyone, except for some vague principle you have about him being ‘taken advantage of.'”
“There are other approaches.”
“Maybe talk to her when she’s feeling better about how she can show her appreciation for all he does when she needs it.”
“Maybe step up and help her yourself so he doesn’t have to as much.” ~ DueIsland2983
“This reminds me of a first date that the dude was just complaining about his ex, and, whatever, I get it.”
“It’s not the right place, but sometimes things just erupt out.”
“Figured it could be a learning experience for one of us, and boy was I wrong (or guess right, lol, but not in the way I intended).”
“Dude started going off on how particular she was with chocolate, flowers, tampons, you name it and he could never get it right.”
“So I asked him if she just kept on changing her mind. No.”
“Did she not tell you what she wanted?”
“No, she did, he just couldn’t remember.”
“Why didn’t she just text him (reaching a bit)?”
“She did, he just forgot to double-check before leaving.”
“Dude still couldn’t even admit that he might have been part of the problem there.” ~ dtsm_
“As a woman who has had maybe 12 periods in 15 years (thank you Mirena) I get overwhelmed by the period ‘supply’ aisle.”
“I was like, WTF last time I stocked our guest bathroom with pads and tampons for family or friends?”
“I know it’s generally the same, but there are so many more now.”
“And I’m just guessing at what will be most useful to someone in an emergency.”
“I got liners, sporty pads, and a mixed box of tampons with applicators (even though I always used classic OB without).”
“I feel so removed I barely know how to deal with periods.” ~ SCVerde
“I don’t blame him.”
“I am still overwhelmed by that section.”
“They are not interchangeable and it is a lot.”
“In my thirties, I had to change pads and I was overwhelmed and crying about it pretty much every time I went to the store for several years bc I couldn’t find something that worked.”
“I was having accidents like a preteen and getting rashes too.”
“It was awful.”
“Finally found a few good options at Target.”
“The non bleached no perfume kind.” ~ HisGirlFriday1983
“Learning how to show our siblings we appreciate them + return favors is a huge underrated life skill.”
“I couldn’t agree more!”
“If the daughter tells him how much she appreciates all of his help and finds a way to return the kindness, that’s only going to strengthen their bond as siblings.”
“Growing up, I knew my brother had my back, and he knew I had his.”
“We helped each other in numerous ways.”
“He learned empathy surrounding periods because my mom and I had horrible ones.”
“He didn’t become one of those guys who refuses to buy tampons for his partner because ‘eww.'”
“He has a wife who adores him, and that’s one of the million little reasons why.”
“INFO OP, is your daughter getting medical help for her periods?”
“She may have something in need of treatment.”
“I was put on birth control early and it made that time far more tolerable.” ~ DragonCelica
“As someone else who was put on birth control for similar reasons and knows a bunch of people who also have.”
“They should be very careful about this and if they do get her it, they should keep track of the way she feels for a while beforehand and for at least a year afterward.”
“Lots of people have MAJORLY BAD side effects from the birth control so having a before and an after can help express the changes to any doctors you may need to see if you do have side effects.”
“Obviously, some side effects are pretty obvious for example if your Nexplanon implant starts burning, you’ll know to take it out… other things are not so obvious.”
“You can get heavier periods, weight gain, spotting, period pains, and mood swings, all things you wouldn’t necessarily notice or consider that bad if BEFORE the birth control you were writhing in pain every month.”
“And I say keep it up for at least a year afterward because that’s about when the side effects should start to stabilize so if the negative side effects are still persisting after that point, it may be time to go to a doctor or stop taking it if you can.” ~ mj561256
“Jumping in here to bring up another horrible condition that could be at play here: adenomyosis, endo’s demented cousin.”
“Uterine lining grows within the uterus walls and turns it to swollen Swiss cheese.”
“Ablation does not work because the tissue is inside the walls of the uterus.”
“Extreme pain and very heavy bleeding are the major symptoms, so same presentation as endo.”
“Mine was seen in a transvag ultrasound as Venetian blind shadows.”
“I had BOTH, and ultimately needed a hysterectomy + endo removal to get some semblance of life back.”
“OP, YTA, your son wants to help and your daughter is needlessly suffering excruciating pain – debilitating periods are NOT NORMAL.”
“Get her to an OBGYN.” ~ Frozefoots
“OP if your daughter’s periods are so bad she can’t move due to the pain and are debilitating periods, you and your wife need to take her to an appointment with a doctor.”
“That amount of pain is NOT okay and is NOT normal, maybe she has hormonal issues, PCOS, endometriosis, or something.” ~ Commercial-Loan-929
“Seriously. I have had bad periods since age 12 (chalked it off to just having rough periods), recently learned I have an actual issue.”
“If she’s hurting enough to not be able to do those things, it should be taken more seriously.”
“It’s only an issue if his son has a problem doing it, or his helping her is preventing him from getting important things done. ‘Taking advantage???'”
“Maybe try and figure out why she’s hurting so badly and not get upset at her for needing help??” ~ falling-in-reverse23
“Agreed. Unless this is a pattern with the son (like he’s always putting other people’s needs first and not taking care of himself and it’s causing him harm), he’s being a very sweet kid when his sister is struggling.”
“As long as she treats him well too, nothing stinks here.”
“Outside of this situation, parents could have a conversation with their son about loving his helpfulness but making sure he’s taking care of himself too and not just doing things out of a sense of obligation if they’re really concerned.” ~ OleanderSnail
“Yeah, OP if your son isn’t complaining, pipe down.”
“Don’t make it weird.” ~ Affectionate_Bad3903
“So, your son goes to the fridge for her, grabs things for her, and adjusts the volume of the TV and brightness of the lights?”
“Those are all just helpful little things and equating them to being her ‘servant’ is really dramatic.”
“Plus, you say in your comments that your son enjoys helping and doing these little things for her, so I fail to see what the problem even is here.”
“YTA for making a mountain out of a molehill.” ~ prairiemountainzen
Well, OP, Reddit has some issues with your concerns.
Your son is helping his sibling. Maybe talking to him first would have been the better start.
See where his feelings are at.
And how helpful are you to your wife during these times?
Much to ponder.
Good luck.