For many, the search for love is never easy.
And the process can take a really long time.
Yes, there are plenty of fish in the sea, but many of them have sharp teeth and venom.
So it can be nice to have a warning every once in a while.
Especially since the road to finding love can get expensive.
Case in point…
Redditor notyourcustodian wanted to discuss his experience and get some feedback. So naturally, he came to visit the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit.
He asked:
“AITA for ‘cheating my coworker out of a free meal?'”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“I (28 M[ale]) work with this woman Lydia (24 F[emale]) who has a very annoying habit.”
“She has a dating profile that she uses specifically to lure guys into buying her expensive dinners at restaurants she wants to try and then ghosts them.”
“Lydia brags about this all the time and is never interested in actually dating, but she’ll act like it to sell it.”
“I can’t stand this because it’s playing with people’s hearts, but Lydia thinks of it as a life hack to try food or drinks she otherwise couldn’t afford.”
“My friend Daniel (32 M) is also on dating sites, but for the right reasons.”
“His late wife died a few years ago, and he’s just started jumping back into the dating scene.”
“Daniel’s a very sweet guy, and I really want him to find a great lady for him.”
“A few days ago, he texted me asking if I knew Lydia.”
“They matched and got to talking about work, which is how he found out we worked at the same place.”
“I told him all about Lydia’s crap with the restaurant thing and made it very clear to him he would do best to drop things with her early on.”
“Daniel said he’d probably still do the date but ask for separate checks.”
“Well, they went out this past weekend, and on Monday, Lydia came into work very upset.”
“I asked her how her date with Daniel went, and she ripped into me asking if I was the one who told him not to pay for her dinner.”
“Apparently, she had Daniel take her to a high-end steakhouse, and she ended up splurging.”
“She got a drink, a full entree with a side and dessert, whereas Daniel just ordered a sandwich and salad.”
“Her bill alone came to $70 something, and she was almost in tears at work as she didn’t expect to pay for it, and now her car was low on gas.”
“I got a little upset too as she tried to use my friend as a literal meal ticket, but somehow she didn’t see it that way.”
“Daniel told me later the date was going kind of well until he asked for separate checks, and then Lydia just got weirdly cold.”
“So now Lydia’s mad at me because I told someone about her little tactic, and it backfired on her.”
“I don’t feel like I did anything wrong since it was a grieving friend I was protecting, but some other people we work with said I should have stayed out of it because it was none of my business.”
The OP was left to wonder:
“AITA?”
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Many Redditors declared OP was NOT the A**hole.
“NTA, her luck finally ran out.”
“I question why Daniel still went ahead with the date after you clued him in unless it was to show her up, in which case, fair play, it’s my kind of petty.” ~ Prudent_Jello5691
“I wondered about why he went ahead with the dinner myself.”
“According to relationship experts, the entire point of a first date is to determine whether to have a second date.”
“Thus a first date should be at some casual place like a coffee shop, which is inexpensive and doesn’t imply a commitment.”
“An expensive restaurant implies that one party is trying to impress the other — or is expecting more than just a fancy dinner.”
“Maybe he went ahead with the dinner just to see if the OP was telling the truth.”
“Or to teach her a lesson.”
“Anyway, like the rest of the folks so far, NTA.” ~ FunnyAnchor123
“OP already answered this but as someone who as been single for most of my 30s, my advice is sometimes its good to get ‘bad’ dates out of the way.”
“It gives you a chance to practice flirting and ‘get back out there’ without the pressure of feeling like you must succeed because you really like the person.”
“Or just a chance to meet a different type of person and challenge your own idea of ‘who is your type.'”
“There can be a lot of reasons to go on a first day beyond ‘I’m really attracted to this person.'” ~ 2legit2camel
“The dude is lonely and this girl has been feigning interest.”
“He would assume she is being honest and on the site to date legitimately, that’s what people should be there for.”
“An ex’s poor dad gave thousands of dollars in a similar situation TWICE.”
“Dumb, but being lonely and caught by a convincing scammer f*cks desperate people over all the time.”
“Honestly, I think might assume the best myself, but probably not if I had it explained how predatory the coworker is like that.”
“OP is so NTA.”
“Her coworker is a f**king weasel, I’d feel disgusted with myself to pull that.” ~ Justbedecent42
“I think first dates are kind of like doing interviews.”
“You should take every interview you can get because you get better and more comfortable with every attempt.”
“Even if you don’t necessarily want to work at a place, the interview is worth it.”
“At least for those of us who aren’t the super social charmer types.”
“Even still, talking about accomplishments and demonstrating traits that make you a good employee aren’t exactly natural social skills.”
“Practice is good.” ~ afallingape
“NTA. She did this to herself.”
“You didn’t ‘cheat her’ out of anything.”
“Her shameful ruse didn’t work.”
“If she can’t afford her food, then she shouldn’t go to the restaurant.”
“You did what was right and protected your friend from a scammer.”
“The people saying you did wrong are people with opinions not worth caring about.” ~ BulbasaurRanch
“NTA. This is a con known as ‘Lonely Hearts Scam’ or just ‘Romance Scam.'”
“You pretend to be romantically interested in someone, suck up as many gifts as you can, then ghost them.”
“They often target widows/widowers because they’re emotionally vulnerable.”
“Lydia will deny it up and down because she doesn’t see herself that way, but she’s literally a con artist taking advantage of people.” ~ Abstruse
“NTA. To be honest I’m surprised that it doesn’t happen to her more often.”
“As a guy, if I were taking someone to dinner on a date and saw them splurge at the expensive end of the menu I’d call for separate bills at the end of the evening just to gauge the reaction.”
“It would tell you an awful lot about your date.” ~ Diligent-Comfort-191
“Not all guys will agree to an expensive restaurant for a first date with someone they met online.”
“I don’t have personal experience, but the people I know who do dating apps always have the first date be coffee or a drink, or another short-time activity, and if there is interest, they move to dinner, a film, etc.”
“Even of those who go for dinner, not everyone will fall for her angling for a pricey date.”
“I think most people will either opt-out before the date or suggest a more modest date and get rejected, not go on a date and pull this stunt.”
“The few that do agree are probably either desperate or well-off enough that they don’t think to question it.” ~ Infinite_Slide_5921
“When I met my boyfriend 4 years ago, I picked the place, it was a Spanish tapas restaurant.”
“We each got about 5 tapas and ate like pigs 🤣🤣 he paid the whole bill, at the time it came to around £85 with drinks and dessert.”
“But then the next day, I paid our lunch bill, it was a lot cheaper but at least he saw that I was not after a free meal I guess.”
“Now we just go halves on everything unless one of us specifically says we will treat the other.” ~ SpiritedStatement577
“This was my thought as well.”
“As a female, back when I was dating, I wouldn’t accept a date if I couldn’t afford to pay for myself and always offered to split the bill.”
“The entitlement she has expecting guys not only to pay for the date but to also rack up an expensive bill is unreal.”
“OP is NTA and good for them for giving her a reality check.” ~ Pretending2Adult
“NTA. Men are not meal tickets.”
“She’s hurting people by just using them for food.”
“You warned your friend who wants a true relationship after the death of his wife that she wasn’t what he was looking for.”
“You protected him.”
“You did nothing wrong.
“Lydia needs to pay for her own meals.” ~ yukidaviji
“It was your business, Daniel is your friend and you protected him.”
“You would have been a bad friend if you didn’t warn him.”
“I wish there was a way the other people she is gonna date were informed too.”
“NTA, Lydia has been lying and exploiting people to get a thrill and a fancy meal.”
“She is an AH and the same goes for your coworkers who criticize you.” ~ Justanothersaul
“NTA. Lydia however is a grade A jerk.”
“The fact that she uses men to buy her expensive dinners and then ghosts them is beyond the pale.”
“Maybe this will teach her a lesson, but she sounds entirely too self-centered for it to have a long-term effect.” ~ New-Comment2668
Reddit is with you on this one, OP.
He is your friend, and he’s grieving and trying to move on with life.
Lydia is mad because her scam got exposed.
Don’t let the others bring you down.
Good luck.