The truth about who a person really is will always find their way out.
It doesn’t matter how young or old you are.
A bully is a bully.
And there are consequences to being a bully.
Case in point…
Redditor Ok_Candy7966 to discuss her story for some feedback. So naturally she came to visit the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit.
She asked:
“AITA for not apologizing after I unintentionally ruined a girl’s party?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“My daughter (F[emale]10) has a bully in her class, Sophia (F 10).”
“Sophia is constantly bothering Mary (F 10) who is my daughter’s best friend.”
“There is some serious offensive bullying going on.”
“Sophia bothers Mary because she’s jewish (she calls her “autistic jew).”
“She does things like pulling down her pants in front of other kids, locks her in a closet, throws food at her, etc.”
“None of this is against my daughter, but it’s her best friend so it affects her.”
“And she’s constantly saying she’s worried about Mary.”
“Mary’s mom has tried reaching out to Sophia’s parents but they always dismiss her.”
“The school says they are aware of the situation but nothing changes so I assume they are not doing much.”
“We are moving away in case you ask about this… but kids need to finish the school year here because there aren’t other schools around.”
“Sophia was having a birthday party the other weekend and the whole class was invited, plus kids from other classes too.”
“It was supposed to be a huge deal, but of course my daughter and Mary said they were not going.”
“I don’t have much contact with other parents.”
“But the other day during pick up, a mom I had seen before said hello and we started talking.”
“The birthday party topic came up and I said of course my daughter is not going because of the situation with Sophia.”
“She had no idea about anything so I told her all the things Sophia has done to Mary.”
“And how Sophia’s mom and the school are not doing anything to change the situation.”
“After that, I assume she went on telling a bunch of other parents in the class which apparently was the reason why only a couple of kids attended the party.”
“Sophia’s mom called me saying I ruined her daughter’s party by telling people an ‘exaggerated version of some minor issues she has had with another girl.’ (quote).”
“She said Sophia is devastated and cannot stop crying.”
“Also that they spent so much money and they had to throw away a bunch of food because most people cancelled last minute or simply didn’t show up.”
“The way she dismissed the bullying and said ‘minor issues’ like it was nothing, totally triggered me.”
“I know it was not my best moment and in hindsight I should have kept my cool but in the moment I simply couldn’t.”
“I didn’t apologize, I said that even though this didn’t happen intentionally, I was glad it happened because her daughter deserved that.”
“She said I am an AH for wishing this for a 10 year old.”
“I mentioned this to some friends and some agree with me but others say I was an AH.”
“And I should have just apologized and not start a fight with her.”
“So, AITA?”
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA?:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors declared our OP was NOT the A**hole.
It’s a tricky situation.
Let’s hear some thoughts…
“NTA. You were asked why your daughter wouldn’t be going and you explained.”
“That’s it. You’re not responsible for other people’s actions, regardless of their merit, and in this case who could blame them?” ~ PermaThrwAway
“Exactly. OP didn’t go on a smear campaign.”
“She was asked, and she told the truth.”
“The fact that the truth is nothing short of appalling is on Sophia’s mother, not on OP. NTA.” ~ flooperdooper4
“This becoming a topic of general gossip at school is likely to get the admins to finally take some action.”
“Yes the mom is a lost cause but if a lot of people are side eyeing the principal it will get results.”
“OP NTA! You did the right thing and no apology is needed in this situation.”
“Although I probably would have just hung up on the mom rather than said 10 year old deserved it.”
“Not a great look.” ~ starchy2ber
“Where do you think Sophias likely getting this crap in the 1st place?”
“No 10 year old just randomly spouts off anti-Semitic hate just out of the blue- 10 to 1 she picked it up from mommy dearest.”
“NTA- kids need to learn actions have consequences.”
“What happened wasn’t OP’s fault.”
“It was a direct result of Sophia’s behavior coming to light.”
“If she doesn’t want to be shunned and ostracized then she needs to stop doing that to others.” ~ acegirl1985
“Exactly. OP was asked by one parent and gave an honest answer.”
“The other parent chose to spread it around.”
“Sophia’s mom could have avoided this by correcting the problem and being a parent. NTA.” ~ Accomplished-Group60
“NTA, you are not responsible for others not going.”
“It should be a wake up call to her parents that she has an issue and is screaming for help by being a bully.”
“Someone needs to find out what is happening with her and why she is resorting to being a bully.” ~ SJSUCORGIS
“NTA. The other mom called you, not the other way around.”
“She expected you to surrender under her anger, and you did not.”
“She sounds incredibly selfish and entitled.”
“And you let her know what’s in store if she continues to let her daughter act the way she does.”
“I’d love to tell Mary’s mom to please, go to the school board, and if that doesn’t work, go public.”
“A kid calling another kid an ‘autistic Jew’ is not something they just pick up anywhere.”
“That’s the kind of bigotry and racism they pick up at home.” ~ claireclairey
“Excuse me… Autistic Jew?”
“A 10 year old is using that language?”
“That’s so damn hateful. Literal hate speech.”
“You are not the a**hole. You weren’t telling a lie.”
“A kid called my child a Nazi ( very German last name ) when they were in 4th grade.”
“My boy was too stunned to speak.”
“But I sure as hell wasn’t. “
“You wouldn’t be doing that child or parent any favors by apologizing.”
“Words hurt.” ~ BreakMean1519
“NTA. It’s quite a simple explanation, really.”
“You told another parent why your daughter doesn’t want to go: Sophia is a racist bully.”
“The word got around to other parents, who were equally as appalled and pulled out last minute because they don’t condone Sophia’s appalling behavior.”
“Entitled mom gets mad because her racist daughter got what I like to call a community comeuppance.”
“How is this your fault?”
“What, just because you told the truth that came expressly from your daughter, a witness to the bullying and a supporter of the victim?”
“Lmao! Cute.”
“Don’t feel guilty OP.”
“You took the side of the bullied, not the bully.”
“Mary probably feels very happy knowing that people are on her side.” ~ Derp_Aderpy
“NTA. 10 year old is old enough to understand what that kind of behavior can cause and just because that girl’s behavior wasn’t made public earlier doesn’t make it harmless.” ~ AndreaDE85
“Big NTA… and a personal thank you from a girl who grew up bullied for being Jewish.”
“Around this age when children are starting to learn about this stuff is right when I started to get bullied as a kid.”
“For months on end kids would draw swastikas on my desk, asked me if I bleed black.”
“And a lot of other stuff that ended up pushing me to my limit.”
“I had a mental breakdown and refused to ever go back to school with months left in 6th grade from all the bullying because nobody stood up for me.”
“What you did is something I wish someone would’ve done for me.” ~ DrTreesus
“NTA for sure.”
“It’s not like you went out of your way to tell other parents how Sophia had been treating other girls (though that may be a little justified).”
“You were just having a casual conversation with a fellow parent about why your kid wasn’t going.”
“The biggest AHs are obviously the school and parents for letting a little racist and ableist monster develop under their supervision.”
“And expecting no social consequences for it.” ~ Yaoi-Zowie
“NTA. If the girl’s parents are calling these ‘minor issues,’ then they are a major part of the problem.”
“You had every right to tell your (or Mary’s) story, especially since it seems the school is trying to ignore it.”
“It’s about time the family of this girl faced some consequences of her actions.”
“If Sophia can’t stop crying over what happened on one day, maybe she should think about how Mary feels when this happens day after day.”
“You did good.” ~ bamf1701
Well mom, Reddit seems very proud and supportive.
It sounds like Sophia’s parents should be begging Reddit for feedback, not you.
It’s hard to be a parent.
Sounds like you’re doing it right.