in ,

Man Asks If He’s Wrong For Advising His Lesbian Niece To Stay In The Closet Until She Gets Her Inheritance From Her Homophobic Grandpa

Peter Dazeley/Getty Images

When his teenage niece came out to her about her sexuality, one man found himself carrying information not every family member had access to.

Even if the weight of the secret stopped there, it would be a lot to carry.

But when he realized his niece’s homosexuality could alienate a very wealthy—and intolerant—relative, the stakes became a whole lot higher. To help ensure his niece remained in a hefty will, ThrowAwayz201301, as he called himself on Reddit, opted to advise his niece to keep the full details of her sexuality under wraps.

As other family members caught wind of that advice, however, plenty of judgment was hurled his way. A little lost and feeling a little guilty, he turned to the “Am I the A**hole (AITA)” subReddit for advice.

He began his anecdote with the inciting incident: the confided secret.  

“My (42M) niece (17F) recently confided in me that she is a lesbian. I supported her, let her know I’d be there, etc. Usual ally stuff.”

“However, she told me she was going to come out to the whole world this week. I let her know she should absolutely wait for her grandparents (my parents) to pass.”

While he supported his niece’s desire to share her full self with so many people, he worried his niece wasn’t calculating in her own long term interest. 

“My father is incredibly wealthy and has tens of millions of dollars in assets that he will be passing down once he is gone.”

“My father is a raging homophobe who has flat out stated any gay individual in our family would be written out of the will.”

“And to make sure the rest of us don’t just split more money with said gay relative, they will, instead, have that portion of the inheritance (put aside for that family member) donated to charitable causes. That money will be erased from the inheritance.”

All that knowledge in mind, he offered his niece what he felt was cogent advice. 

“Since both my father and mother are incredibly poor health, (stage 4 cancer and debilitating dementia respectively) I told my niece she should stay in the closet for a while longer. If she comes out as a lesbian and they find out, she will quite literally lose out on 7 million dollars.”

“She was a little sad but was also appreciative since that is obviously a life-changing amount of money that will allow her to live luxuriously until she dies.”

But when his partner learned what he suggested, she completely disagreed. 

“My wife, however, said that I am being an a**hole. I am telling this poor girl to hide who she is just to appease old bigots. That is true, I am asking her to appease old bigots.”

Nonetheless, he stood by his approach, and continued to feel it was best even after facing that criticism. 

He asked Reddit to break the tie.

“But I feel like her life quality will be much better with 7 million dollars at the cost of 1-2 years in the closet at tops.”

“I have also seen my father’s will and know who is getting what, so my niece IS definitely going to receive 7 million as long as my father doesn’t rewrite or edit his will.”

“Am I the a**hole for telling my niece to stay in the closet so she can be a millionaire?”

Many Redditors took his side, and weighed the financial potential much higher than the desire for immediate honesty. 

These responses often began with the acronym “NTA,” which means “Not the A**hole,” or the “NAH” acronym, claiming that there was “No A**hole Here.”

“NTA 7 millions changes ANYONE’S life and it’s not like she’ll have to hide it forever.” — pablo5280

“NTA I would say I’m gay, straight, or BI for a year if it meant that I’d get 7 million!”

“This is critical information that you rightly shared with her! She could still decide to forgo the money and announce it to the world as you’re not forcing her to keep quiet. I hope she can keep quiet for now, as that’s a life changing amount of money.” — DawnaZeee

“As a gay man, I can say with 100% earnestly NTA. Staying in the closet isn’t fantastic, but 7 million dollars?!? Come on.”

“I came out of the closet, and I didn’t tell my grandparents. Families and friends don’t usually really interact much, so she can be out to most people in her life still.” — a194

“NAH. Your wife has a point, but you gave good and helpful advice. Unfortunately money matters an absolute f*** ton. And yes, having more money or at least up to a certain amount, improves your quality of life.”

“Since she’s at the age where she’ll be paying for college etc… well, this would save her many years of suffering in debt and struggling.” — the_shiny_guru

Others highlighted the fact that it was only advice and that his niece was ultimately free to accept or decline. 

“NTA. You’re just advising her, not forcing her. She still gets to choose.” — cabbage9988

“NTA – you’ve given her advice that she’s taken on. You didn’t tell her she can’t come out, just that she should wait so she benefits later. In the long run I imagine she’s more likely to regret being written out of 7 million dollars rather than waiting to come out.” — TroyandAbed_Morning

“NAH. It doesn’t sound like you said you wouldn’t support her if she came out, just pointed out the cost.” — skz740104

Some comments pointed out his advising her to keep it under wraps for a little while longer is not synonymous with being unsupportive. 

“NTA- You’re not telling her to conceal her identity so you can avoid a fight or have to be in the position of publicly defending her. You are giving her advice to help her to consider the long term ramifications of her actions (and secure her future).”

“In other words, you were being a good uncle.” — MorganaLeFaye

“NTA. You didn’t tell her that to hide who she is and you’re still supporting her. You want her to be comfortable and looking out for her financially. Especially since they may pass soon.”

“It’s only a suggestion and a wise one at that.” — WickedPinay

“NAH. It doesn’t sound like you said you wouldn’t support her if she came out, just pointed out the cost.” — skz740104

For those wondering how things panned out with the seven million dollars, that mystery will live on for as long as he doesn’t come back to Reddit with an update. 

He did, however, make sure to close with an update regarding the disagreement between his wife and him

“Small update: my wife apologized for getting snippy with me and now agrees she should hide it for a year or two. She is a powerful advocate of LGBTQ+ rights so she had an angry knee-jerk reaction to my dad’s bigotry.”

Here’s hoping his niece was able to strike the ideal balance: comfortable expression of identity and a multi-million dollar inheritance. 

Written by Eric Spring

Eric Spring lives in New York City. He has poor vision and cooks a good egg. Most of his money is spent on live music and produce. He usually wears plain, solid color sweatshirts without hoods because he assumes loud patterns make people expect something big. Typically, he'll bypass a handshake and go straight for the hug.