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Guy Balks After Newly Unemployed Girlfriend Who Drives Him To Work Asks Him To Pay For Gas

woman filling her car with gas
gahsoon/Getty Images

Getting laid off is nothing to be scoffed at, and recently Redditor flatsoda-97 got her own taste of this experience. The Original Poster (OP) had to say goodbye to her well-paying job in marketing.

She was the breadwinner between herself and her boyfriend, paying their bills for the last four years.

Her boyfriend is an Amazon driver, making significantly less money. He also requires a ride to work due to a suspended license and no car.

Before she lost her job, the OP regularly provided him rides without asking for any reimbursement of gas or expenses, but now that her purse strings have gotten tighter things have changed.

The OP recently asked her boyfriend to pay for half of her gas, and that request was met with a bit of shock.

This drove the OP to subReddit “Am I the A**hole?” (AITA).

She asked:

“AITA for suggesting my minimum wage and part time boyfriend pay me back for half of my gas for taking him to and from work everyday?”

She went on to explain:

“My [27-year-old Female] boyfriend [36-year-old Male] of 8 years works at the Amazon distribution center and I am the one to give him rides to and from work…”

“…as he works overnights and I worked days. He does have a friend who takes him to work 1 time a week. I also take him to appointments when needed and to the gym daily.”

“He does not have a car or license at this time due to several unpaid speeding and parking tickets.”

“So about three weeks ago, I was laid off from my job in marketing.”

“I was making about $55 an hour and holding things down at home with the mortgage and bills without any issues…”

“…so I never found it necessary to ask him for gas money to take him to work and home. I figure he works hard and doesn’t get paid much, so why make things worse for him?”

“I fill up my gas tank about one time a week for $60. I understand that he is making only $16 an hour and working only about 24 hours per week.”

“I am also privileged to have gotten a master’s degree, so I can see how charging him for gas may be an a**hole move.”

“But now that I am unemployed and living on much less from unemployment, I am on a budget.”

“I feel like I’m making changes to my lifestyle, such as letting go of my personal training sessions, going natural with my nails, and avoiding overconsumption.”

“So on Thursday I asked him about paying to fill up my tank once every two weeks, and I’ll pay the other two weeks…”

“…and he got really upset and told me how much easier life has been for me and how I take that for granted.”

“He also says he doesn’t have the money to pay $120 a month for gas (which is understandable because he only makes about $350 every week)…”

“…even though I have been paying all the bills since we moved in together four years ago. I told him that I am not a free Uber service and I feel taken advantage of at times.”

“He still has avoided talking to me about the matter.”

“Am I the a**hole in the situation?”

“TL;DR I lost my decent paying job and am on unemployment and am asking my minimum wage part-time work boyfriend, who is unlicensed, to pay for the gas I use…”

“…to pick him up now due to finances. AITA?”

Redditors weighed in by declaring:

  • NTA – Not The A**hole
  • YTA – You’re The A**hole
  • NAH – No A**holes Here
  • ESH – Everyone Sucks Here

Redditors decided:

“Pleeeeaaase tell me he’s not on the deed to your house.”

“Can’t keep a license because he drives irresponsibly and doesn’t pay his fines, works minimum wage part time, thinks it’s your responsibility to chauffeur him around and pay for the privilege…”

“…pays no bills, started a relationship with a teenager when he was almost thirty. He is not a winner.”

“Edit: NTA” – TerrifyinglyAlive

“He’s a 36-year-old grown-a** man only working part-time because you’ve been footing ALL the bills for the past four years.”

“Now he’s got a sense of entitlement, outraged that you would dare to ask him to pay for the gas he’s using. Now you’re getting the silent treatment because you dared to speak the truth.”

“He needs to get a full-time job and start contributing. As your partner, he should be trying to make your life easier.”

“You’re stressed out because you just lost a job. So what does he do to help? Tell you how easy it’s been for you?”

“What does he do in his spare time (which he has a lot of), play video games? How else does he contribute, if not financially?”

“Does he clean the house? Does he do more than 50% of the housework since you’ve been paying all the bills?”

“Sure seems like you’re getting played. You might be a chump, but you are NTA.” – wordsmythy

“You know your boyfriend had more disposable income than you for the last eight years?”

“You make $55$ per hour, but you paid all expenses. You likely have less than $10$ per hour left after taxes, mortgage, car payment, gas, insurance, and groceries.”

“Meanwhile he lives like a teenager, with all his income being disposable income. “ – Direct-Nail5176

“Why is a 36M still working part-time and without a car?”

“Yes, there can be a lot of valid temporary/emergency reasons for it but if it’s his normal situation, OP, take this layoff as the blessing it can be and jettison yourself from this dead weight.”

“YOU LOST YOUR JOB and he’s complaining about giving you money to help cover gas to HIS job? No!”

“4 years together, and you still pay all the bills? If he’s told you you’re privileged for getting a master’s or the AH for asking for gas money, you have been gaslit.”

“Now is the perfect time for a start-over girl.” – OkHistory3944

“NTA, this guy seems like a loser. Do you plan on carrying him through the rest of his life like a baby too? Because his plan is fully to coast on you” – TheTurtleShepard

“F*ck me, how broken are you that you think this is okay?”

“Your bf works hard!? Oh please.”

“It sounds like you take care of literally everything in your lives and old mate still living his life like he in his 20’s…”

“…only working part-time at a minimum wage at a job he apparently can’t even get himself to because ???”

“He was so irresponsible that he got numerous fines and did nothing about it till they suspended his license? And what does a lack of license have to do with a lack of a car?”

“Lemme guess his last /current car is f*cked and/or impounded neither of which according to him is his fault?”

“The motherf*cker is broke but still finds the money for the gym too? Which he also can’t get to by himself. You’re not his partner. You’re his bang maid/mum.”

“You have bigger problems than your 36-year-old! Your boyfriend is not paying for gas. What does he contribute to the household and/or relationship other than adding problems?”

“He’s 36 years old, old enough to be working hard towards getting a better than minimum wage or at least a full-time position.”

“…and being able to get himself to and from places besides relying on his mum. Sorry I mean ‘gf’*”

“NTA” – Complete_Breakfast_1

“He was 28, and you were 19. There’s a reason why he went for someone so young! No 28-year-old woman would have liked to be with someone who has no ambition and is a freeloader.”

“He’s still the same eight years later. Are you still the same? Don’t you feel that you deserve more? You only live once, and it could be sooo much more and better” – Possible-Way1234

“Can we skip back to the part where your 36 y/o bf works part-time? What does he do the rest of the time?”

“Is he going to school? Does he take care of the majority of the household chores? How does he contribute to your life & relationship other than mooching rides everywhere from you?” – bogo0814

“NTA, so here is the thing, you cant afford the gas, is it possible for him to take the bus or any public transport? If the answer to that is no, then the answer for you is right there.”

“‘I can’t afford the gas to get your a** to work, you either carpool or pay for it yourself or get a license and pay for it, I am not your chauffeur'” – -_BitterSweet_-

“NTA. Your 36 yr old bf, is still acting like a 16 yr old kid. And as long as you are paying his way, he will not change.”

“And tbh, even if he were still living with his parents, he would probably do the same. I think maybe it’s time to part ways with him so he can grow up. – MoetNChandon

“At nearly 30, he started dating a teenager.”

“In 8 years together, you completed your schooling and got your masters, got a marketing job making $55 an hour, purchased your own home, and established yourself as a functional adult.”

“At the same time, he’s lost his license because he drove carelessly and didn’t pay his fines and managed to work part-time for minimum wage.”

“He has you chauffeur him around and doesn’t even chip in for gas, and then has the audacity to want you to put him on the deed to your home…”

“…which he doesn’t pay toward because he was raised to believe the man should have ownership of property?”

“What other ‘traditional’ values does he have? Let me guess, you do the cooking and cleaning on top of full time work, and he says it’s because he works nights and needs to sleep all day?”

“Forget asking him for gas money. Ask him to pack his sh*t and get out of your life. You are supporting a man who is nearly 40 and has done nothing for himself or you.”

“NTA except to yourself if you stay in this relationship.” – jigglypufff17

Red flags abound.

What do you think the OP should do about this situation? Let us know in the comments.

Written by B. Miller

B. is a creative multihyphenate who enjoys the power and versatility of the written word. She enjoys hiking, great food and drinks, traveling, and vulnerable conversation. Raised below the Mason Dixon, thriving above it. (she/her)