Interacting with a friend’s or roommate’s family can feel as natural as your own. Or it can be a thousand times worse. Families have their own history and feelings that can feel like a minefield when talking with them.
When Redditor throwFihs5 had their roommate’s family over to their old apartment, this led to an issue. The original poster (OP) may have made a comment that came off as offensive.
To find out, they took their issue to the “Am I the A**hole” subReddit.
They asked:
“AITA for warning my roommate’s family to not all go up the elevator together, as they could potentially exceed the weight limit?”
This is what happened to OP and his roommate’s family:
“My roommates and I live in a Pre-war building in NYC. A lot of the amenities in general are ‘lacking’ to say the least.”
“So one of my roommates Kathy was having her mom and dad visit. They all were about to go onto the elevator together, now it was me Kathy and her mom and dad.”
“Kathy and her family are on the bigger side, if I had to guess 250+ each. But Kathy never talks about her weight, nor would I ever ask. And to top it off they had an icecooler and some luggage too.”
“We have a creeky elevator and on it says max weight of 1000lbs on a panel inside (but I don’t buy it this elevator is just creeky).”
“When they were about to go up the elevator, I was like guys this elevator is really bad, we should do 2 trips just to be safe. Kathy and her mom just got MAD.”
“Her mom didn’t say anything but looked at me with anger. Kathy on the other hand started yelling at me. Saying that I am disgusting for shaming her and her family for their weight.”
“I was like no, its just that you guys have so much luggage.”
“Kathy didn’t buy it, they all got in anyways. I lied and said I had to pick up mail, I was scared of getting in.”
“They were all able to go up just fine. And Kathy then told our other roommate that I was body shaming her and her family.”
A commenter asked a question to gauge a little better the overall situation:
“Information, please – how many floors is it and could you have just taken the stairs instead?” – MonkeyMagic1968
“It was 3 stories up. But they had luggage too and the stairs are pretty narrow.” – throwFihs5 (OP)
The AITA board judges users based on their actions. Posters tell their story and what they did, and random people on the internet tell them if they were wrong or not.
This is done with one of the following comments:
- NTA – Not the A**hole
- YTA – You’re the A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everybody Sucks Here
The determination was that while OP mentioned their roommate’s family weight, the bigger issue was the combination of everyone and their luggage with the creeky, old elevator.
Because of this, it was voted that OP was NTA.
“NTA”
“First, you didn’t shame them, you just said the elevator is bad.”
“Second, there is a reason why there are weight limits on certain objects.” – No-Jellyfish-1208
“NTA I get that weight is a sensitive issue, but it sounds like you tactfully raised a safety concern. It’d be a different case if you were like ‘Yo Kathy yo momma so fat she’s gonna break this elevator!’” – rephy14
“NTA. I’m here for fat positivity. Safety regulations are safety regulations.”
“Kids under a certain height and weight can’t ride certain roller coasters, people avoid hot tubs during early pregnancy, and elevators have weight limits.”
“‘This elevator sucks. It’s pre-war and it creaks and jutters when I ride it alone. I don’t trust the labeled weight limit at all. Your weight is none of my business and I’d never shame you for it, but I am worried about everyone’s safety.’” – Massive-Emergency-42
“NTA”
“You didn’t out and out mention weight, mom & Kathy immediately jumped to that conclusion because they are self-conscious. That’s on them.”
“You were being safe not just for you, but for them. And when they didn’t take the cue, you bowed out rather gracefully.
“That is anything BUT an a**hole move. Let them slay their own demons, this one isn’t on you.” – SueDohNymn
Other commenters were a little more skeptical. OP’s comments definitely meant that the weight of the family were on their mind when they thought about the elevator.
So some weren’t quite ready to say OP was NTA.
“I mean, how did you think overweight people were going to respond to you suggesting the elevator would break with them all on it? The elevator breaking would have at least let you save some face, but it didn’t break.”
“Good intentions don’t preclude you from making an ass of yourself. Which is what you did, regardless of the judgement.” – avidvaulter
“INFO. I wouldn’t say you the a hole if you said it casually and mentioned it more as a warning that the elevator was not good and they had a lot of weight in luggage and coolers, but if you said it as ‘the three of you might be pushing the 1000 pound weight limit, omg I’m so scared I’m not going with you, I will get my mail and ride alone’ then you would be the a-hole.”
“It’s hard to make a judgment without further context” – danipfa82
“YTA. They probably aren’t as heavy as you’re estimating and you probably don’t really know much about elevators. Should have just kept your mouth shut and got the mail like you did anyway.” – SomeDudeUpHere
“YTA. You just should have let it go. If they got stuck, it’s on them. Just leave people alone.” – RachelWWW
While OP’s comments are value neutral, especially with the knowledge of how old the elevator is along with the poor upkeep of the complex itself, they might have been better communicated.
But the roommate and their family also may have jumped to conclusions. Based on OP’s story, they didn’t mention their weight at all.
It’s a tricky subject with few right answers. The two roommates just need to sit down and talk it out.