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Vegan Couple Refuses To Evenly Split Check With Friends After Only Having Beer And Bread

Large group of people at a restaurant
Thomas Barwick/Getty Images

Redditor OnlyFox774 and their wife are vegans.

Usually, this does not cause an issue for either of them, but recently, a birthday dinner resulted in some confusion and frustration.

The Original Poster (OP) turned to subReddit “Am I the A**hole?” (AITA) for feedback.

They asked:

“AITA for not paying the full amount for a family style dinner where I only ate bread?”

They went on to explain.

“My wife and I are both vegan, but we don’t make a big deal out of it. We don’t judge others for their choices, and we don’t expect them to accommodate us.”

“We usually just find something we can eat wherever we go or eat beforehand if we know the options are limited.”

“One of my friends invited us to his birthday dinner at a restaurant in Brooklyn.”

“He said it was a last-minute thing, and he didn’t have time to make reservations, so we just had to show up and hope for the best.”

“We checked the menu online and saw that there were not many vegan options, except for chips and guacamole, hummus, and bread.”

“We decided to eat a snack at home and then order drinks and appetizers at the restaurant.”

“We also have been tight with money lately because of some medical expenses, so we didn’t want to spend too much on food we couldn’t eat anyway.”

“When we got to the restaurant, we found out that they were doing it all family style and splitting the bill evenly among everyone.”

“There were about 15 people in our group, and they ordered a lot of food, most of which was meat or cheese-based.”

“The only thing we could eat was the bread, so we just had a couple of slices each and two beers each.”

“At the end of the night, my friend sent me a Venmo request for $120 for our share of the dinner. I was shocked by the amount since our four drinks were only $32 plus tip, so about $40.”

“I texted him back and explained that we didn’t know it was going to be family style and that we only had the beers and some bread.”

“I said I would send him $60 to cover our drinks and a bit extra for the bread.”

“He got angry and said that we should have told him we were vegan and that it was rude to not participate in the family-style dinner.”

“He said that everyone else paid their fair share and that we were being cheap and selfish. He said that he expected us to pay the full amount.”

“The decision to make it a ‘family style’ meal was done last second too because the restaurant had no idea a party of 15 was showing up.”

“Otherwise, we could have split the bill per party and been fine.”

“I don’t think we did anything wrong. We didn’t ask for any special treatment, and we didn’t complain about the food. We just ate what we could and tried to have a good time.”

“We also didn’t want to make a scene or cause any drama by announcing our dietary preferences.”

“We thought $60 was more than enough for what we consumed, and we didn’t want to pay for food we couldn’t eat.”


Redditors weighed in by declaring:

  • NTA – Not The A**hole
  • YTA – You’re The A**hole
  • NAH – No A**holes Here
  • ESH – Everyone Sucks Here

Redditors decided:

“Changing my verdict to ESH for refusing to pay $120, and your friend is kinda being a jerk about it.”

“BUT I do think to some extent that it would’ve helped if you’d been a little more upfront about saying, ‘Hey there’s really nothing here we can eat’…”

“…so that they’d have either tried to order more of the very few items you could eat and/or not have expected you to pay as much.”

“I hate this method of paying for meals, but if you know it’s going to be split up like that, it’s probably better to speak up early than wait until after the meal is over to negotiate what’s fair for you.”

“It’s also tough to be the person who has to request payments from everybody at the end of a meal, and I’m wondering if he got stuck paying double…”

“…or if the rest of the party made up for the other half of what he’d requested from you.” – rayybloodypurchase

“No chance I would be paying $120 for bread and beer. NTA, I bloody hate that way of splitting bills!” – Tartlet_77

“How were you shocked at the amount? What did you expect? You did know it was family style & had prior knowledge that the bill was being split evenly prior to the meal.”

“Your choices were to speak directly to waitstaff, ask for a separate check, explain to the host once you learned it was family style that you & wife are vegan…”

“…but will happily eat whatever you can & pay for your own meals or just pay.”

“You did ask for special treatment. You’re saying you’re not paying … after the fact.”

“Speak up prior to dinner! It’s your responsibility to advocate for yourself. Don’t wait to tell people you want a separate check!”

“The host could have easily configured the bill for 13 people instead of 15 while they had the bill! After the fact? No!”

“NTA — but learn from this mistake. It was your mistake.” – Alarming_Reply_6286


“You should have told him when you realized that everyone was going to order family style and split the bill evenly that you and your wife wanted to be excluded since you were vegan.”

“That way, you could have ordered what you wanted and paid for what you wanted, and the rest of the bill could have been split evenly amongst those who enjoyed it.”

“By not mentioning you were vegan, pretending to go along with it, then refusing to pay more than your share, you heaped the $60 that you refused to pay onto your friend…”

“…rather than having it split evenly over the entire group.”

“He gets a**hole status too, however, for inviting people out for his own birthday (cringe), and for calling you rude not to participate in a family-style dinner.” – SamSpayedPI

“Esh….While I think your ‘friend’ is clearly TA, you were told that the bill would be split evenly before anyone ordered anything. That was the time to say something.”

“Especially with 15 people ordering food and no one knew you were vegan? Including your friend?”

“So, your friend is under the assumption that everyone is paying the same amount (because nothing was said to anyone), so when dividing the bill, he went by that assumption.”

“Now everyone paid, and he cannot go back to them and ask for more. But I also have to wonder, was he included in that total?”

“Or, as the birthday boy, did he consider his meal paid for? Either way, the time to say something is before everyone orders” – Worth-Season3645

“ESH It is also pretty obvious that check division could be an issue once a group moves to family style.”

“I have run into this as a Vegetarian. You either need to advocate for yourself for items you can eat, order separately, or make it clear you are not part of the family style meal.”

“Your lack of communication put your friend in a position that they either needed to go back to everyone else and ask for more or pick up your difference.”

“I would consider it a lesson learned. People aren’t watching what you are eating in a family style scenario to proactively ask you if you want to be removed from the bill.” – FeeFiFooFunyon

“Miscommunication. ESH.”

“Thought exercise. Your friend either has to pay himself, or more likely text the other 11-12 people and say ‘ok listen everyone…’”

“‘…Ken and Barbie decided not to pay, so can everyone pay me another $10, please?’ Which of course will lead to 100 texts and weeks of drama.”

“Or better yet, maybe you should beat him to the punch and send the text for him. Put your best spin on it.”

“Good luck with that!!!! 😜 my guess is, halfway through writing this text, you’re going to choose to just pay the $120, call it an expensive birthday gift and lesson to learn from, and move on.”

“And next time, be just a little bit more upfront. None of this is your fault exactly, but if you don’t tell anyone it’s not exactly their fault either. – Scottfos72

“Gonna go against the grain and say YTA for not making it clearer to the group.”

“‘When we got to the restaurant, we found out that they were doing it all family style and splitting the bill evenly among everyone.’”

“You knew at the start what the deal was, and you said nothing. This is when you have to fess up and say, ‘we are not taking part’. It’s awkward, but it’s the only fair thing to do.”

“‘At the end of the night, my friend sent me a Venmo request for $120 for our share of the dinner. I was shocked by the amount.”

“You shouldn’t have been shocked because you knew what you signed up for. You knew beforehand that this wasn’t paying individually.”

“You are the a**hole if you don’t pay the full amount now. Your friend can’t go back to everyone else and say ‘OnlyFox774 only had a small amount of food, so he’s paying less…’”

‘…so you need to pay me $7 more to make up for his lower contribution’. Realistically, if you don’t pay, he’s the one out of $60. This was your mistake, so you should pay.”

“And next time, have some backbone and say, ‘Sorry guys I don’t want to take part’ instead of hiding behind the awkwardness. It’s unfair to everyone and causing more discomfort in the long term.”

“‘We also didn’t want to make a scene or cause any drama by announcing our dietary preferences.’”

“Well, you made the scene and drama now. You didn’t avoid any drama at all. In fact you caused more from being a coward.”

“Saying you don’t want to take part is whatever, and it’ll be forgotten in seconds. Causing money problems between friends is a big issue.” – ShivAGit

No one likes to talk about money.

Written by B. Miller

B. is a creative multihyphenate who enjoys the power and versatility of the written word. She enjoys hiking, great food and drinks, traveling, and vulnerable conversation. Raised below the Mason Dixon, thriving above it. (she/her)