Societal rules can be limiting, but there is often a reason for them. Knowing when and how to break those rules is the difference between a rebel and just a jerk.
Redditor Board1368 found herself breaking the societal convention that no one but the bride wears white to a wedding, unless you’re specifically allowed to.
The original poster (OP) doesn’t think it was that big of a deal, but some people disagree. To figure it out, OP takes their story to the “Am I the A**hole” (AITA) subReddit.
She asked the internet:
“AITA for wearing white at my blind cousin’s wedding?”
This was the story for her reasoning:
“I’d like to start by saying that me and and my female cousin (blind from birth) aren’t very close but we get along well as relatives.”
“She’s 26 and her wedding was last week. She sent me an invitation though we don’t talk much but since I wanted a break from work I decided to go.”
“My favorite color is white. (I have brown skin) love wearing white because it brings out my skin glow and makes me feel comfortable and confident.”
“I purchased a maxi white dress, nothing fancy but goes well with my skin tone and wore it at the wedding.”
“There wasn’t a big party with many guests. But sort of family dinner and small celebration. I really thought no one would even noticed I was wearing white.”
“My cousin and her husband didn’t know because obviously no one told them. But My aunt kept giving me uncomfortable looks the entire evening. And so did my other cousin.”
“Once I decided to leave. My aunt pulled me aside and berated me for wearing this color at her daughter’s wedding.”
“She said just because her daughter is blind doesn’t mean she’s stupid and doesn’t know whats going on around her. basically saying I brought negative energy and disturbed the celebration by having guests notice and by extension, my cousin as well.”
“She gave a lengthy lecture and asked if I hate to see her daughter happy and whether I pulled this stunt because my ‘blind’ cousin got married before me.”
“I was like woah calm down none of this was true. I just wore my favorite color and didn’t do it because my cousin is blind and wouldn’t notice. And married before me? I never thought of that.”
“I argued with my aunt for trying to dictate what I wear but she defended herself saying I was a guest and should have respected the bride. I left feeling very upset and exhausted from that encounter.”
“My boyfriend said he believed I used the fact that my cousin is blind to wear white but this didn’t fly with her family. He pulled the ‘I told you so’ line and said I just made my family hate with that stunt.”
“Even though he knows that I always wear white but he warned me that if my cousin finds out there’s going to be some issues. He suggested I get ready to apologize but I really see no reason to apologize since I chose to wear a comfortable color that I feel confident in.”
The AITA board has posters ask if they were wrong for whatever action they took in their situation. They’ll explain the situation and receive judgement from the other commenters.
The commenters do this by including one of the following in their response:
- NTA – Not the A**hole
- YTA – You’re the A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everybody Sucks Here
While it’s not illegal, wearing white at someone else’s wedding unless specifically asked is easily seen as a break from societal convention. It’s not just a jerk move, but it should be easy to predict that it will be taken that way.
The commenters all agreed OP was YTA.
“Put it this way: what does your cousin being blind have to do with it?”
“You wore a white dress to a wedding. That is like the universal ‘f*** you’ to any bride. And it’s an extra one to a blind bride.” – AnotaCocktail
“YTA, and you know it. There’s no question here.”
“You were the a**hole when you only went to the wedding for a ‘break from work’ and you were the a**hole when you chose white and you were the a**hole trying to justify it and you’re the a**hole refusing to apologize for it.” – punfull
“I dont give a crap if the bride cant see, hear, talk, and walk all at once. You dont wear white to a wedding unless you are the bride OR the bride asks you too. TF.”
“Edit to add the fact you have to specifically mention shes blind shows that you KNOW its not cool to wear white to a wedding but you thought itd be ok since she ‘cant see it’.” – MoyamoyaWarrior
“YTA ‘white brings out my skin tone’ it’s a wedding! There’s other colors! You can suck it up for a night.”
“Whether it was ‘intentional’ or ‘not’, you should have know better especially with a WHITE MAXI DRESS which oh wait, a lot of people actually use in place of a traditional wedding dress.” – Curious_Wrangler_980
“I was thinking that like, know what else looks good on dark skin? A soft yellow, a brown tinged cream color, light lavender” – FreyaRunner
While there are many reasons the tradition was started, in modern day only having those getting married be allowed to wear white is an easy way to let them stand out, and give them attention for the day.
OP didn’t seem to care, and updated her post expressing her distaste with the comments.
“WTH? I’m seeing some angry folks here getting too much upset over this matter. I honestly never cared about this stuff but obviously a lot of people do.”
“I just think its ultimately my choice to wear what I want whenever I go especially since I wasn’t taking any part of the wedding but seeing how many people care about minor stuff like that then I guess I didn’t think this through.”
After this update, a lot of commenters are asking why she would bother bringing this to the AITA board if she wasn’t going to accept the judgement.
“I never understand when obvious AHs come on this subreddit looking for judgement, then have the audacity to be shocked that it’s affirmed that they are indeed, the AH.”
“OP even your partner thinks you are, wake up and pull your head out of your own a**.” – elag19
“Them: Am I the a**hole?”
“Them: WHAT THE HELL WHY ARE YOU ALL SO UPSET OMG” – UglyDuffelBag
“YTA and your edit makes you a way bigger AH than even the situation. (EDIT: nvm I take this part back because I just googled white maxi dress, you were already a massive massive AH for choosing this specifically i had previously imagined a normal white knee length party dress)”
“1.The comments aren’t even that bad. The absolute worst I’ve seen in like a 100 comments is “you’re awful”. Grow thicker skin lmao.”
“2. Everything after your first edit line has a super annoying tone of ‘yeah so my takeaway is my reasoning is still perfect but a lot more people are stupid for caring about this than I thought so whatever’.”
“How do you function in life with your overinflated sense of self worth?” – throwawayAITAlurker
“Gotta love the posters who edit saying they have decided they aren’t the AH, despite the massive votes to the contrary. So you posted to either troll, or you wanted to show the post to your family/SO/friends to prove that you were right and they were wrong.” – evilshenanigan
It seems like OP didn’t want to know she was the jerk in this situation. She wanted to prove she wasn’t.
And it’s not to say you can’t wear white to a wedding. It’s just it has to be something condoned by the ones getting married.