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Parent Revokes Wedding Fund After Son’s Teenage Fiancée Wants To Spend $10k On A Dress

Bride trying on wedding dresses
miodrag ignjatovic/Getty Images

We can all agree that wedding planning has become increasingly expensive and complex.

But there are still ways to spend money and not spend tens of thousands of dollars, pointed out the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITA) subReddit.

Redditor Public_Reflection_50 had previously been assisting their son and future daughter-in-law with the expenses for their wedding since they were young and didn’t have much disposable income.

But when their future daughter-in-law (DIL) selected a wedding dress that cost more than $10,000 by itself, the Original Poster (OP) revoked their offer to help with the wedding expenses.

They asked the sub:

“AITA For telling my future DIL I’m not giving her money for her wedding anymore?”

The OP intended to help their son and daughter-in-law (DIL) with wedding costs.

“Originally, I was going to help my son and his girlfriend, Sammie (19 Female) with their wedding costs.”

“I planned to give them money because they both work at a restaurant for minimum wage and because Sammie’s mother is on disability and also can’t help her.”

But the OP had their concerns about Sammie’s spending habits.

“So far my relationship with Sammie was ok but I noticed she has a habit of buying clothes outside of her means. I see her with those YSL bags and she wears Golden Goose sneakers.”

“Wedding dress shopping became a nightmare when she insisted on a 10,000 dollar dress while I went with her mother and the bridesmaids.”

“I asked her, ‘Doesn’t that seem excessive for the small wedding you are having?'”

“And she said, ‘Since you’re paying for the wedding, I can afford the dress I want.'”

“Her getting a 10K dress defeats my whole purpose of paying for the wedding because I didn’t want my son to be in a boatload of debt.”

The OP argued against their DIL being spoiled like a princess.

“It started as an argument with her mother about how her daughter is a princess.”

“I said no, her daughter works a Chili’s and doesn’t even have a high school education while my son has been taking classes at community college so he doesn’t take out a dreaded student loan (I also pay for that).”

“Everyone was extremely angry with me after that.”

“I told my son I no longer support his marriage and I will save the wedding funds for his education but to please not marry Sammie.”

The argument may have ruined the OP’s relationship with their son.

“He hasn’t been talking to me, saying he loves her and it was really awful of me to withdraw money from the wedding because Sammie and her mom put the downpayment of the dress on Sammie’s mom’s credit card.”

“As of right now, if I don’t help with the wedding, I’m not invited if I do not help with paying it.”

“My son is acting stupid about the whole thing, and I don’t know how to talk some sense into him without being an even bigger a**hole.”


Fellow Redditors weighed in:

  • NTA: Not the A**hole
  • YTA: You’re the A**hole
  • ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
  • NAH: No A**holes Here

Some agreed with the OP that this was all happening way too soon.

“NTA. Don’t give them a cent. Why would you do anything to encourage or make getting married easier for a couple of teenagers?! The odds of it ending well are not high. I have an 18.5 year old… It’s way too young.” – DELIAHBELLE2605

“Sammie thinks it’s Monopoly money, it seems? It’s not real to her because she didn’t have to earn it and save it? And that right there is proof that she is too inexperienced and too goofy to marry, in my opinion.” – AndSoItGoes24

“That comment Sammie made to OP about how she wasn’t paying for it, that OP was; therefore, she could have whatever she wants… OP is NTA. There was SO much disrespect and immaturity in that statement. Truly had me gobsmacked. NTA.” – donnaleg

“Trust me, it WON’T end with a wedding dress.”

“Next, it will be a house they can’t afford, car leases they can’t afford, and kids they can’t afford.”

“This was my bro and now sis-in-law. They’re drowning in debt in a house that prob needs $50k of work just to re-sell. They’ve borrowed tens of thousands of dollars from everyone in the family and never paid them back, including me, his little sis who makes less than him (mine was only a few thousand but still).” – No-Pop-7794

“My kids know I’m not throwing any wedding as a gift because I paid for my own wedding and reception. But, I have always told them that I’d gift them with money on the purchase of their first home, or something that is a financial investment. The marriage is supposed to last. The wedding party is over in a few hours.”

“And if they want a lavish party, I would never talk them out of it. They just need to save for that part. $10,000 on a wedding dress? I know people who had that much to pay when they graduated college with a degree and a student loan balance back in the day.”

“Nicole Kidman probably owns more than one $10,000 dress. But she’s working with Nicole Kidman money, not mine.” – AndSoItGoes24

“At the risk of sounding like the fashion snob, I can be having worked in the industry, most 10k dresses you can buy in the stores a 19-year-old waitress knows about do not look that different in style or details other people will notice than a 5k one.”

“Yes, the boning might be much better, the beading more intricate, more specialist lace close up but to a guest list of mainly 19-year-olds and family, I really doubt they can tell glass from Swarovski crystals and go, ‘Ooh Sammie and her husband would be couples goals but for that reproduction Flemish lace, not Nottinghamshire.’”

“10k dresses are for very specific designers (for example, you’d probably recognize a Vivienne Westwood bustier design) or specialist sizing generally. Wedding dresses in white tend to look pretty ‘same themes’ to most people.”

“Unless Sammie is six feet, two inches and needs the equivalent of couture, why spend the same as the price of a second-hand car or a chunk of a year’s rent just on the dress?”

“I could more understand splurging that on the ring because people see that all the time or wedding elements people will remember for years (and honestly, I don’t totally understand even then, because the chances of this wedding lasting til Sammie’s prefrontal cortex has its own biological vow renewal at 25 are nil…).”

“NTA, OP.” – IFeelMoiGerbil

Others advised the OP not to pay for the wedding but to save their relationship with their son.

“Be nice about it even if you don’t contribute. Keep your relationship good so that you can be there for him later if needed.” – on_island_time

“Your son will need you, OP, not if, but when his marriage ends.”

“I am flabbergasted. You are a couple, and both work as servers, and you think that spending 10K on a dress is a smart move?”

“Wouldn’t it make more sense to tie the knot at City Hall and ask OP to host a Brunch for immediate family?!”

“But I am also amazed at the sheer audacity of DIL’s Mom to say her daughter is a Princess and deserves that dress. Ok. Cool. Then DIL’s Mom should pay for it!” – stinstin555

“After stating his concerns diplomatically once and then promising to forever hold his peace, my husband has kept his mouth shut for almost eight years now regarding my stepson’s (30 Male) wife* (31 Female), while we’ve both been very sad and hoped he’d wake up one day and realize he doesn’t deserve this life.”

“Well, he’s finally starting to and is opening up the floodgates of how bad it really is and coming to us for support. We’re very glad we can be there for him, and he’s even said if we’d been dragging her this whole time, he wouldn’t have felt safe finally sharing. Phew.”

“*she’s one of those types with social anxiety so severe she can’t work, won’t come to socialize with anyone but her family because she ‘just doesn’t feel comfortable,’ is awake all night and sleeps all day, has constant migraines so she can’t do any housework either, and while all of that is problematic, none of it is her fault.”

“However, her refusal to seek any sort of help whatsoever other than consult with her pre-Vatican II church leaders IS the problem. I was sympathetic to her until the day my husband was mowing their lawn (they lived next door at the time) in the summer after a 12-hour work shift because he didn’t want my stepson to have to do it (being a nice dad, basically!) and DIL couldn’t even come to say this herself; she asked my stepson to please tell my husband to stop mowing their lawn because it was interrupting her sleep. That was the moment I checked out of any remote compassion for her.”

“We’re still holding our breath, hoping he really does choose to leave. He says it will take longer than he wishes it would be, but as long as it happens, we don’t care!”

“It’s hard to watch, but I hope you can stay in the wings for your son, OP. But do NOT help him with the wedding that you don’t support. Just be there for him. NTA.” – LuckOfTheDevil

“I have an almost 19-year-old son with a just turned 20-year-old girlfriend (who I do happen to really like, and they’ve been together for nearly two years).”

“But I certainly wouldn’t encourage them toward marriage at this age, and neither of them have ever mentioned marriage, knowing they’re too young. Nor could they support themselves financially.”

“OP, all you can do is be nice but make it clear that you are not paying for a 10k dress (oh my, the assumption and the immaturity showing in them both).”

“I really wish you luck, OP.” – fibrofatigued

“Don’t ruin your relationship with your son, OP, but you absolutely need to have an in-depth conversation with him.”

“You can help him a LOT more by sitting him down and giving him a realistic reality check, along with a pros and cons list.”

“You can then ask him where they are going to live and how they will pay bills.”

“Then ask him what will happen if she gets pregnant.”

“Then what will happen if she quits her job.”

“What happens if he gets fired or gets hurt and can’t work for a while? Or the same for her?”

“Is she always going to be a waitress? Or does he think she’ll only work until the wedding, will get pregnant, and force him to work nonstop?”

“You can ask what his plans are and if that includes her working at Chili’s.”

“Ask him to take a real hard look at the future and what he wants to achieve. Does that include her? Can she help him get there? Will she want the same things?”

“Remind him that he can still be with her if they truly love one another, that their feelings won’t change if they wait two or even four years before getting married.”

“It’s better to wait and see how things go instead of jumping into a relationship when he hasn’t talked to her about finances, bills, jobs, or babies.”

“For all he knows, she’s trying to hook him in so she can quit her job and stay home and rely on him, and he doesn’t even know.”

“Give him a breakdown of what it really costs to be married and live alone while raising a baby and stay-at-home mom or wife.” – New-Link5725

The subReddit was overwhelmed by how the situation was playing out between the OP’s son and future daughter-in-law and how frequently she attempted to spend beyond her means.

Because this could have serious repercussions for the son, the subReddit encouraged the OP to stay close and help him realize what he was realistically signing up for in this marriage.

Written by McKenzie Lynn Tozan

McKenzie Lynn Tozan has been a part of the George Takei family since 2019 when she wrote some of her favorite early pieces: Sesame Street introducing its first character who lived in foster care and Bruce Willis delivering a not-so-Die-Hard opening pitch at a Phillies game. She's gone on to write nearly 3,000 viral and trending stories for George Takei, Comic Sands, Percolately, and ÜberFacts. With an unstoppable love for the written word, she's also an avid reader, poet, and indie novelist.