While weddings are meant to be happy occasions, some families just are not meant to go together.
And those events just have a way of making any bitter feelings that much worse, cringed the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITA) subReddit.
Redditor Necessary-Coconut280 thought that everything was going well, until his future wife pointed out that his younger sister was wearing a white shirt at their couples wedding shower.
When this was pointed out to his sister, the Original Poster (OP) the families were split between feelings of justification and pettiness.
He asked the sub:
“AITA for backing my fiancée up when she asked my sister to leave our shower over her outfit?”
The OP recently had a casual couple’s wedding shower.
“My fiancée and I recently had a couples shower.”
“My family was invited despite some previous issues. The issues were mainly with my mom and her husband, not so much with my sister (19).”
“The event was a little tense, but inviting them seemed like a good olive branch, because my fiancée will also be having a traditional bridal shower and didn’t want them there.”
“It was a casual BBQ-type event.”
But it turned out there was still technically a dress code.
“My sister wore jeans, a white crop top, and pink sandals. I thought nothing of it until my wife and future MIL (Mother-in-Law) pulled me aside and said that any type of white was bad form, and with the history, they felt she was being disrespectful.”
“My MIL pointed out that even if she gave my sister the benefit of the doubt, my mom definitely knew and should have stopped her.”
The situation between the families escalated.
“We called my sister over, and immediately she got an attitude, saying we’re crazy and she can do whatever she wants.”
“My MIL called my mom over, and my mom asked if my fiancée was really this insecure.”
“My fiancée said it was about respect and that if my sister didn’t know, she could at least take it gracefully.”
The bride demanded the sister leave the party.
“At this point, my fiancée began crying and asked my sister to leave, because she was rolling her eyes at her.”
“She said she is sick of feeling ganged up on and she knows my mom secretly wants to ruin the wedding.”
“My mom called us both f**king stupid, and my MIL said my sister needed to leave.”
“Suddenly, my mom and her husband were yelling at me, calling my in-laws ‘new money’ for throwing too many parties, and calling my fiancée jealous of my sister.”
“Before I could even process, my mom grabbed my sister and left, and now my sister has me blocked on everything.”
“I thought I did the right thing, but all of my friends have been giving me s**t for how I handled things.”
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You’re the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
Some agreed with the OP’s mom that the bride seemed really insecure.
“I am the child of a wedding planner and I still work in the industry of party planning and decor…”
“The rules of etiquette say you can’t wear white to the wedding. There is NO RULE that says you can’t wear white to a couples shower, especially a BBQ during the hot summer.”
“UNLESS the invitations sent out by said couple specify the dress code. Did your fiance specify the dress code for the shower in the invites? No? Then your fiance and your MIL are literally looking for any reason to stir up drama with your family.”
“She cried because your sister was rolling her eyes? Talk about drama.”
“YTA. And your fiance and her mother are AH and utterly insecure and sensitive.” – Fuzzy-Ad559
“My money is on that the fiancée has been a controlling bridezilla and sister and OP’s mom are done with the s**t.”
“Also, they’re not invited to the traditional bridal party? What the fork is up with that? Sounds like OP’s future wife is bulldozing him and his family.”
“I don’t care if they’re newly rich. Buy some etiquette classes before you scream at people at a wedding party for something that isn’t even a faux pas.” – DoubtBorn
“Yeah, like, I can see the argument if the sister wore a white dress to a bridal shower, since lots of brides wear a white dress to their showers.”
“Then we would need to think about things like: ‘OK, the sister is a teen. Is this dress the one she wore to her high school graduation and is the nicest dress she owns right now?'”
“But a white crop top and jeans? That sounds like OP’s fiancée was looking to start an argument.” – baffled_soap
“I stopped reading after reading summer BBQ and white crop top.”
“What the f**k is wrong with people lately that a person can’t wear white to any occasion within 3 months of a wedding or on the off-chance of a surprise wedding? This couple sounds exhausting.”
“After watching many episodes of ‘Bridezilla,’ I’ve concluded that the upset bride is usually delusional about the expectations of the day and what her SO (significant other) can and will provide or how they even look.”
“These women have convinced themselves that they want a perfect wedding, and when the groom isn’t Prince Charming, or they’re insecure about anything, they freak out over the small stuff.” – chaoticnormal
“YTA, and you might as well start applying for jobs as a contortionist with that complete lack of backbone. It’s no wonder your fiancée loves you . . . you’ll never question any of her crazy.”
“Here’s the objective reality: your family may have been a bit rude, but it was ENTIRELY called for, because your fiancée is the absolute epitome of a self-absorbed, petty, childish nightmare who is actively looking for problems where there are none and reasons to feel victimized by unsuspecting onlookers, and her mother is clearly her biggest cheerleader/enabler.”
“Declaring that a teenager wearing a white top with her jeans at a family BBQ/wedding shower is somehow not only ‘being inappropriate because she’s wearing white,’ which is not a thing to begin with, but that she NEEDS TO CHANGE OR LEAVE, and that her understandably bemused response was somehow a jab at the bride (no, it was her and everyone else trying to figure out what the f**k was going on, and why the bride was losing her s**t over a guest’s blouse) . . . yeah, no.”
“Your bride-to-be is addicted to drama and seeing herself as the Main Character in some sort of soap opera where everyone is out to get her, and unless you want that to be the rest of your life, I suggest that you RUN. Ain’t no girl cute enough to put up with that nonsense.”
“YTA for enabling her ridiculousness. You’re a grown man. If it looks, smells, and sounds ludicrous, believe me that it’s as stupid as it seems.” – FoolMe1nceShameOnU
“She’s not crazy. She’s isolating him. That isn’t crazy: it’s something abusers commonly do, and as such, it is very, very worrisome.”
“If a guy picked a fight at random with his fiancee’s family over nothing, the attempt at isolation would be a lot more obvious.” – Basic_Bichette
Others were sure this was technically all the bride’s family’s fault.
“This is a tip-of-the-iceberg thing, both in the sense of hoo boy, OP, good luck with this marriage, but also in the sense of, it could be ESH, since OP’s mom and sister didn’t de-escalate.”
“But this all has to be considered in the context of fiancee’s and MIL’s general personality, and the fact that they picked this fight and decided to bring conflict into their nice party for no good reason (or rather, because they get off on antagonizing OP’s family).”
“There’s only so long you can be expected to be conciliatory with unbelievably obnoxious people.” – yet_another_sock
“Given the fact that they’re also having two showers, and picked a fight over something this stupid, I’m inclined to think that OP and fiancée are at least 50% of the problem in the strained relationships.”
“Talk about petty and gift-grabby.” – DiTrastevere
“A 19-year-old won’t de-escalate when there’s like 3 adults ganging up on her, though. Like that’s not normal. Most teens even tho they are 18 and can go to war are still immature even at 19.”
“And moms sometimes turn into bears about their kids, especially when you already feel like people look down on you anyway. She could’ve done better, but things were already tense. She didn’t come to ruin anything. She finally was probably trying to be quiet and, boom, this happened.”
“The in-laws are definitely all about stirring the already volatile pot, though, and that’s what makes this so much worse.”
“YTA. I hope the bridges burnt here don’t end up haunting the OP, especially with the divorce rate, and that’s not me wishing bad, that’s just me being realistic. It’s like 50/50 in the States.” – Zealousideal_Gap_867
“I have never heard of any rule saying you couldn’t wear white to a shower. That rule applies to the wedding when the bride is in white. I know I didn’t wear white to my bridal showers and I certainly wouldn’t have noticed or cared if a guest did.”
“OP, I fear you are headed for a short-term but drama-filled marriage.”
“Your MIL sounds like she’s going to be pain in the a**, as well.”
“In terms of this post, YTA!” – bloseja
“YTA and your MIL, too.”
“It was a casual BBQ event, not the wedding. You don’t get to tell people they cannot wear white to a BBQ. It’s not like she rolled up in the venue in a big puffy white dress.” – SnazzySusieQ
“You do realize that your party, or your wedding, or your entire life means nothing to anyone but you and some of your family, right?”
“Enjoy being outcasts, I guess. Nobody will miss not being at some party or gathering. Everyone has their own s**t to deal with.”
“In fact, after a certain age, some asshole cutting ties voluntarily is a blessing in disguise. Less time to waste in their company, more time for self-love and family/work.” – Wild_Boysenberry7370
While the OP thought that he handled the situation well between the two soon-to-be wed families, the subReddit insisted that he had another thing coming.
Not only did they create a dress code rule that didn’t exist, but they created unnecessary drama at an otherwise nice party and likely ruined any shot of reconciliation in the process.