Love is love.
It’s amazing when we still hear stories about people objecting to who a person loves.
But… truth is truth.
Who gets to chose what’s right about love?
Case in point…
Redditor mixedwoes wanted to discuss his experience and get some feedback. So naturally, he came to visit the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit.
He asked:
“AITA for telling my daughter she cannot introduce her African American boyfriend to her grandparents?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“Let me just preface this by saying this: I HAVE ABSOLUTELY NO PROBLEM WITH INTERRACIAL RELATIONSHIPS!!”
“Now that the air is clear, let me continue.”
“My daughter (Anna) has recently started to date an African American man (Jamal).”
“While I’m not exactly what you would refer to as ‘liberal.’ he’s a nice young man and as long as my daughter is happy, I’m happy.”
“The problem is Anna is rather naive about the community she lives in.”
“While her friends are quite content to see a relationship like hers, more than a few tongues are wagging in the community and a few people have privately expressed their concern to me.”
“As I said, I have no problem with mixed relationships and I’ve set them straight.”
“But I am painfully aware of how these matters are viewed by certain segments of the population.”
“My parents are planning to come and stay with us for a week and Anna expressed a desire to introduce Jamal to them now that things were getting more serious between them.”
“I told her on no uncertain terms that this wasn’t going to happen.”
“I may have no problem with Jamal, but they absolutely will, and even when the relationship ends they won’t forget it.”
“They might even go as far as to cut her off entirely.”
“Anna was extremely upset by this and implied I was a racist and more concerned with what my parents think than how she feels.”
“As I said, I know my parents.”
“They simply aren’t okay with mixed relationships and if Anna were to bring Jamal over even as a friend, they would be furious both at her and me.”
“Anna is currently staying with Jamal and doesn’t want to speak with me right now.”
“My wife stands by me given she knows very well how my parents are.”
“They had a problem with her for months over the length of the skirt she wore when I introduced her to them, for God sake.”
“But a close friend I confided in told me that I have behaved like an a** and that I needed to focus more on my daughter than pleasing my parents.”
“No advice needed, but I have to know.”
“Have I been an a**?”
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Many Redditors declared OP WAS the A**hole.
“I imagine this is the real problem: Gramma and Grampa will not stand for OP defending his daughter in this situation and they will ‘cut him off’ too.”
“Which means, most likely, cut out of the Will.”
“Know this, racist old white grandparents usually have a few bucks.”
“OP doesn’t want to lose his shot at inheritance and he doesn’t want to jeopardize his chances over a black kid.”
“Especially when OP says things like ‘even when the relationship ends.'”
“You’re not going to get this guy to give up Baby Boomer financial assets in exchange for his daughter’s happiness.” ~ Slummish
“As someone that grew up in rural Indiana with racism everywhere…”
“Can confirm. Interracial relationships were targets, and racist people are f**king nuts.”
“Personal safety should be thought about.”
“I understand where OP is coming from.”
“Racists sniff out other racists and it is not a stretch to believe Granny and Grampy would mention something to a friend about ‘teachin’ them damned negr**s a lesson”.
“Reddit, for as forward thinking as it is, sometimes needs to take off the blinders and see the world as it is.”
“Racism still exists, there are still crosses getting burnt in yards, and a Klan beat-down isn’t impossible.”
“Especially given the racist, divisive jacka** f**king up the country right now.”
“And since people don’t seem to realize how bad stuff had gotten, here’s info from when my home state was controlled by the Klan.”
“And the only reason it ended was because some idiot killed a white girl.”
“This was less than 100 years ago, people.”
“The only thing that made that racist organization fall apart was a murdered white girl.”
“Y’all don’t seem to recognize that the racists I’m referring to don’t give a f**k what other people think.”
“You’re not going to change their mind with facts or emotional, passionate arguments.”
“These are people that honestly question evolution.”
“These are people that think a talking snake in the Garden of Eden is wholly possible.”
“They are wilfully ignorant and don’t see a problem with it.”
“These are not people you can reason with nor people that hold logic in high esteem.” ~ BarefootWoodworker
“That’s kinda where I thought this was going when I saw the title of the post.”
“That he was going to say he was trying to shield his daughter and the bf from getting a hateful response from the grandparents/community.”
“But that’s not really what he’s saying at all.”
“He’s worried that it will upset the grandparents! “
“And that HE’s going to have to deal with backlash from the community which might hurt his reputation.”
“He didn’t say a single thing about how the boyfriend would feel in this situation.”
“I think you’re giving him way too much credit.” ~ spaceanimal19
“Honestly, I think you’ve been overly reductionist in the situation.”
“You’ve tried to frame your response as an attack on racism instead of actually helping OP navigate the situation.”
“OP is TA for refusing to have the B[oy]F[riend] introduced.”
“But he is absolutely NOT TA for telling the daughter that grandparents will not like him because he is black.”
“I have quite literally been in this situation before as the black BF.”
“The appropriate way to go about this is to introduce them in a safe environment, and then immediately rebuke any prejudicial comments from the grandparents.”
“You tell daughter and BF in advance what is likely to happen so they can make an informed decision, and then stand behind them and do the right thing if they decide to proceed.”
“You DO NOT, allow them to go in unprepared and allow both of them to be hurt and embarrassed without advance warning that you could easily provide.” ~ yumyumnom
“Is there a judgment beyond ‘YTA?'”
“Like ‘YTA and your entire family (except your daughter) are assholes too, you bring no value to society with your horrible backwards views.'”
“Yeah OP. That’s who you want to appease.”
“Your sh**bag, racist, anti-progressive parents.”
“You’d rather have people like that in your life than your daughter and her boyfriend?”
“Good lord, get your freaking priorities straight.” ~ beepborpimajorp
“YTA. Your daughter has nothing to hide and neither do you.”
“If your parents love your daughter any less because of who she loves, then you and her do not need them in your lives.” ~ Xstitchpixels
“YTA, and sounds like your parents are a**holes.”
“Your daughter is dating Jamal and YOU are ok with him but you won’t introduce him to your parents.”
“You’re still scared of Mommy and Daddy.”
“Grow up, this isn’t about your parents it’s about your insecurity.” ~ wildcatfan9698
“Although OP has stated that things are becoming more serious between his daughter and Jamal.”
“He has no doubt that the relationship will inevitably end.”
“It seems like in OP’s eyes, Jamal isn’t a man his daughter loves, rather an adolescent fad she’ll grow out of.”
“YTA OP. I’m gay and if my parents asked me not to introduce my boyfriend to my mega-Catholic (yet liberal) grandparents, I’d have freaked the f**k out.” ~ daithice
“YTA. Your daughter’s happiness should come first.”
“If your parents decide to cut her off, then it’s their loss not hers.”
“She should be free to make her own decisions, and not have to hide who she is to anyone.”
“I also respect that your actions are coming from a place of love, but this is your parents issue to get over not your daughters to hide.” ~ REDDIT
“A place of love? I don’t think so. This is fear.”
“Fear that his parents will cut him off because they’ll think he failed to bring his daughter up ‘correctly.'”
“Fear of the whispers around town.”
“Ultimately, what he should be afraid of is his daughter cutting him and his wife off when she realizes where they stand.” ~ uncoupdefoudre
“YTA for being more concerned about what some racist relatives and ignorant strangers think than your daughter’s feelings.”
“This is part of why racism persists.”
“You’re allowing the racists to control your – and your daughter’s behavior.” ~ milee30
“YTA — And yeah, racist.”
“You care more about what other people will say about your daughter’s interracial relationship than you do about supporting your daughter.”
“And if you can’t stand up to your own parents for the sake of your own kid?”
“You’re double the a**hole. Jesus. The heck is wrong with you?” ~ atypicalromantic
Well OP, hopefully you’ve heard Reddit.
Because clearly Reddit had A LOT to say.
Sounds like it’s time for you to have a deep conversation with yourself and then your daughter.
Hopefully you can bring it all to a peaceful place.