As adults, we all know there are going to be instances where plans have to change or be canceled entirely, even with our very best friends or life partners.
But there should rarely be a reason to miss your spouse’s birthday, pointed out the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITA) subReddit.
Redditor Level-Sky8422 was surprised when his wife decided to opt-out of going to his birthday dinner they had made reservations for months prior, in favor of seeing a friend who was moving away in a few weeks.
When she didn’t like that he made other plans instead of sitting at home, the Original Poster (OP) was even more at a loss.
He asked the sub:
“AITA for going with my friend to a restaurant that was originally reserved for me and my wife?”
The OP’s wife bailed on him on his birthday.
“Yesterday was my 30th birthday. My (30 [Male]) wife (28 [Female]) and I had made reservations at this really nice Korean BBQ restaurant for dinner. My wife is 4 months pregnant.”ž
“However, her friend wanted to hang out with her and had called her the night before my birthday.”
“My wife said that this was a childhood friend of hers and that she really wanted to spend time with her.”
“I reminded her that it’s my birthday but she just dismissed it, saying my birthday comes every year, but her friend will be leaving for Germany in a few weeks.”
“I told her that she could go after my birthday as well.”
“She did not listen and just went to a sleepover at her friend’s place.”
The OP made other plans with his best friend.
“I got really mad at her, and instead of waiting for her to return home to talk things out, I asked my friend if he would like to hang out with me.”
“He was fine with it so we spent the day fishing, grilling, hiking, and went to the Korean BBQ for dinner.”
“When she came home [the morning after my birthday] after spending time with her friend, she apologized to me, saying it was an unavoidable circumstance.”
“I told her that it wasn’t a problem and that I spent the day with my best friend.”
The OP’s wife was not happy to hear that.
“She got mad that I’d taken him to the restaurant that we had booked for ourselves.”
“I said that it was originally for us but since she prioritized her friend over me, I took the person who prioritized me on my birthday.”
“She said that I’m controlling and that I shouldn’t be deciding who she spends time with.”
“Now she’s neither talking to me nor coming out of the room.”
“I think I went too far by telling her whom she should be spending time with.”
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You’re the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
Some were shocked at the wife’s reaction.
“These are some major red flags. Funny how it’s okay to blow him off on his birthday to hang with a friend but yet he can’t then hang with a friend ON HIS BIRTHDAY.”
“Btw (by the way), happy belated birthday, OP!!” – Substantial-Fee5845
“…But you didn’t tell her she shouldn’t spend time with her friend? You only asked that she not do it on that specific day? What is she talking about?”
“Your wife is playing the victim here, she seems really immature and rude. NTA.” – bebyen
“Don´t forget how selfish she was. She gets to go and hang out with whoever she bloody well feels like hanging out with, but how dare the OP to do the same back?”
“She wanted to go to that restaurant at a later time and now OP ruined it! Better go and sulk in her room, that´ll show him!” – MaybeIwasana**hole
Others thought she was being manipulative.
“Not to mention the fact that she’s saying he is controlling and trying to decide who she spends time with while using the same breath to try and control and decide who he spends time with.” – Silvinis
“This seems like a power move on her part.”
Like, ‘Ooh, let’s see if I can go hang with friends and leave him home alone to stew while I have fun times!'”
“But it backfired… ‘Wait? What do you mean you had the gall to have fun with a friend on your birthday? You were supposed to stay home and mope. Only I AM ALLOWED TO HAVE FUN!'”ž
“She sounds awful.” – Ursula2071
“Calling him controlling and telling him he can’t tell her who she is allowed to spend time with…”ž
“While also making a scene and basically telling him who he’s allowed to spend time with… While she wasn’t even there…”
“NTA, OP. But you should really take time to reflect whether she always shows that amount of hypocrisy.” – AllCrumblesNoCake
A few even thought there might be something more going on.
“She slept over at someone else’s place on his birthday.”
“She returned and tried to manipulate him into thinking he was the a**hole. A manipulative one at that.”
“It’s not a stretch to assume she might be cheating and his birthday just happened to be the day she could do it. Her friend could be a convenient excuse, involved, or a lie altogether.”
“It is very strange to be sleeping elsewhere when it is your partner’s birthday. Especially considering the friend is leaving in a few weeks.”
“Why the birthday in particular? Why a sleepover? Why not consider inviting the friend for a drink after dinner?”
“That woman is s**king someone else’s d**k and kissing the OP on the lips.” – CentralAdmin
“It’s not only bulls**t and completely manipulative by the wife, but it would make me question a lot of things about my relationship with her if I was in OP’s place.”
“He is clearly NTA. In fact, if I was him, I’d be thinking long and hard about why it had to be that specific day.”
“Not to sound alarmist because I’m not saying it is the case but also the fact she was with a ‘friend’ and doing a ‘sleepover’ for a single night, on his birthday only, despite the friend supposedly being in town for a few more weeks, would make me feel incredible suspicious.”
“Maybe I’m just paranoid from my own past relationships, but that s**t just seems off. Like why specifically that day alone? Why a sleepover? Why only for that one night?”
“I’m not claiming this is true, it really could be a friend and his wife is just that selfish and a**holeish, but to me that almost feels like an affair situation. Like the other guy making a power play of ‘I’ll bang your wife all night long on your birthday cause she wants me more than you’ or something.”
“Like I said, she could just be a selfish a**hole to pull that s**t and it truly was ‘just’ a childhood friend.”
“But staying for a sleepover for just one night on that specific night seems more to me. Though as I said, I have biases due to past bulls**t myself so maybe I’m overthinking it.”
“Either way, OP is NTA, but his wife sure is, no matter what really happened that night.” – EnduringConflict
While the OP wondered if he somehow handled the situation in the wrong way or spoke out of turn, the subReddit he was anything but guilty. Whether or not there was something “more” going on, like an affair, his wife still acted completely wrong.
With weeks to go before her friend moved, the wife should have been able to make plans on another day, not add a sleepover to her plans, or at least not get mad at her husband for having a good time on his birthday when she chose to be absent.