Living with someone you love is meant to be a fun and loving experience.
But sometimes sharing spaces isn’t all it’s cracked up to be, pointed out the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITA) subReddit, especially when it’s time to get ready for work.
Redditor FantasticNiffler544 was struggling to get ready in time because of how much time her husband spent in the bathroom each morning.
But when he pushed back against her concerns, the Original Poster (OP) wondered if she was worrying over nothing.
She asked the sub:
“AITA for ‘banning’ my husband from the main bathroom in the morning?”
The OP and her husband kept needing the bathroom at the same time.
“So my husband and I have been married for 5 years now. We’re both in our mid-thirties.”
“He got a new job a month ago and is working from home full-time now. I work as a hairdresser.”
“Before my husband got his new job, he got up 2 hours before me, so I never noticed how incredibly long he takes in the bathroom in the morning.”
“Not to get ready, but to poop and play games on his phone.”
“Now that he works from home, he doesn’t have to get up as early and usually gets up at the same time as me.”
“We’ve got a master bathroom joining our bedroom and a smaller one with just a toilet downstairs.”
This impacted the OP’s ability to leave for work on time.
“I always use the master bathroom to get ready in the morning, since the other one doesn’t have outlets for my hair tools and no mirror.”
“I usually take around 30-45 minutes in the morning to get ready. So I get up an hour before I have to leave, so I have enough time to do my hair, which is kind of important, working at a salon.”
“Well, ever since he started working from home, we’ve had some fights about bathroom usage.”
“We both get up at 8. He immediately gets his phone and goes to the master bathroom, sits on the toilet, and plays games for at least 30 minutes, usually 45.”
“When he’s finally done I have to rush to get ready so I’m not late for work.”
The couple couldn’t come up with a solution.
“I’ve asked him several times if he could either use the bathroom downstairs or if he could go poop after I’m done getting ready since he doesn’t start work till 09:30 (or just not play games on the toilet for 30 minutes straight).”
“He told me he doesn’t want to use the bathroom downstairs since it’s cold down there and he’s got just as much right to use the master bathroom than I do and asked me to use the downstairs bathroom instead.”
“I would but can’t since there are no outlets and no mirror. He doesn’t need outlets or a mirror to just poop and play games on his phone.”
“I even suggested setting up a makeup and hair table in the bedroom but he doesn’t want that because hairspray would get on the bed and the carpet.”
The husband accused the OP of banning him from the bathroom.
“Somehow we weren’t able to find a solution to this super simple problem. So I started setting my alarm 10 minutes earlier than him and just locked myself in the bathroom until I’m done getting ready.”
“He’s been using the bathroom downstairs since and now only takes like 5 minutes to poop because he’s got no phone reception in the downstairs bathroom and it’s not as warm and cozy as the masters (no floor heating in the downstairs bathroom).”
“I honestly think it’s a stupid argument but he thinks I’m being a giant a**hole and that he has just as much right to use the ‘good’ bathroom than me.”
“He’s been very passive-aggressive for the past few days and complains a lot about me locking myself in.”
“It’s a super stupid argument but I kinda don’t feel like I’m the a**hole here? Like what else am I supposed to do?”
“So Reddit, AITA?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You’re the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
Some said the situation needed to change for the OP.
“I would let the husband know to leave his cellphone in the bedroom, and he can use the good bathroom.”
“That OP needs it just as much as he does, and if he’s just playing on his phone while sitting on his royal throne, it’s throwing her whole day off.”
“If he doesn’t oblige, invest in a jammer… and give him 5 minutes before turning it on, plenty of time to take a dump.” – elvaholt
“NTA. I went to cosmetology school and they were VERY strict about appearance, especially hair. Even during the portion when you were in the classroom and not on the floor, because salon guests see us coming and going.”
“OP has to have the space to do their hair. He can surrender the bathroom or agree to a vanity for them to do their hair. He is clearly just being stubborn and inflexible.” – Worthmycolors
“My husband is an amazing dad. He’s also definitely a bit of a typical man when it comes to pooping. Or, he was.”
“He started taking the baby in the bathroom when he pooped while it was my ‘off’ time. Totally fine when she was still a baby.”
“But now that she’s a very curious and very mobile 16-month-old, she likes to try and help. His poops have gotten extremely efficient…”
“I just leave her in the living room, which we have totally baby-proofed, and s**t with the bathroom door open. Feels very undignified since she insists on standing at the baby gate and watching me. But at least she can’t touch me.” – SpicyWonderBread
“My husband works at home and he ASKS me each morning which bathroom he should use to drop a deuce because in our house we shower downstairs (our upstairs bathroom only has a bathtub) and I get ready upstairs.”
“He doesn’t want to interfere with my get-ready-for-work routine because he’s courteous and a kind partner.”
“If he decided to take the Browns to the Superbowl for 30-45 minutes each morning while I needed to shower or get ready, I’d be livid. But he’d never do that because, like I said, he’s a kind, considerate partner, not an AH.”
“OP, wtf is wrong with your husband?” – chickenfightyourmom
Others were concerned about the quality of the relationship she was in.
“NTA my ex used to pull almost the same s**t.”
“He would lock himself in the bathroom for over an hour every morning shaving himself from the top of his head to the crack of his a** while I would have to get the kids dressed and fed and ready for school, then he would have the nerve to scowl at me and say I wasn’t doing anything with myself.”
“Your guy sounds like he would pull the same s**t if you have kids.” – Above_Ground_Fool
“OP, this was my ex too! He would also whine like a teenager or do tasks poorly (the weaponized incompetence song on Tiktok was spot on).”
“He even let me in on his ‘strategy’ like it was a joke I’d enjoy.”
“Hiding in the bathroom was probably his favorite thing to avoid doing any adulting. So immature.” – electricsugargiggles
“My Evil Starter Husband was like this but with groceries. We’d go grocery shopping together and the minute we got home, he’d disappear into the bathroom for half an hour, leaving me to lug in all the groceries and put them away.”
“I finally caught on and called him on it and he stopped doing it, but the little smirk on his face when I called him on it told me he really was doing it on purpose, it wasn’t just my imagination.” – TheRealCarpeFelis
“My mom says my dad used to do this and that I would do it as well. Not with kids but other things. Think like family stands in line at the airport while I f**k off to the newsstand!”
“Once my mom made it clear to me what I was doing, I stopped. I am ashamed to say but at that time I was just oblivious to the fact that other people exist in the universe.”
“I had an excuse. I was a dumb kid. I’m an adult now. What is your husband’s excuse?” – impendingaff1
Because of her husband’s passive-aggressive behavior, the OP thought she might have done something wrong by going into the bathroom before her husband could, but the subReddit didn’t think so.
The OP needed to prepare herself, including her appearance, for her work at the salon. Because she needed a mirror and outlets, and needed to be a work at an earlier time, this conversation really should have been a no-brainer.