If there’s one downside of marriage many people find themselves agreeing on, it might be having in-laws.
While some people get along as well or better with in-laws as they do with their own family, that’s sadly not the case for all married couples.
Most do their best to put their differences aside as best they can, putting on a good face for those around them.
Others, however, have trouble hiding their dislike, sometimes even making an effort to display it to others.
Redditor Sadandexhausted133 wanted to be there for her husband after the passing of his father.
Until the original poster (OP)’s mother-in-law [MIL] behaved in a manner that the OP couldn’t help but take personally.
Leading to her skipping her father-in-law [FIL]’s funeral, and putting herself further at odds with her MIL, as well as her husband.
Having second thoughts about her behavior, the OP took to the subReddit “Am I The A**hole” (AITA), where she asked fellow Redditors:
“AITA for missing my FIL’s funeral after my MIL booked my husband first class but me ecconomy?”
The OP explained how she felt her MIL was sending her a less than subtle message after arranging her and her husband’s travel arrangements to her father-in-law’s funeral.
“Me 31 F[emale] and my MIL don’t have a close relationship.”
“She’s civil towards me but can be a bit passive aggressive at times and we tend to disagree often times.”
“We live in a different state.”
“FIL passed away suddenly and MIL told me and my husband to come attend the funeral.”
“She booked our tickets to fly to her state.”
“But the issue started when my husband told me that we couldn’t sit together in the plane because his mom had booked him a first class ticket while I got economy.”
“I was flabbergasted by this. I tried asking him why but he urged me to ‘suck it up, and we’ll talk about it later’.”
“In that moment, that particular moment I felt so much humiliation and contempt. I felt like she was treating me as less than even in her hard times.”
“I decided to not go and just go back home.”
“My husband was shocked by my decision to go home and tried to convince me to just go but I declined.”
“He went alone and I ended up missing the funeral.”
“He was livid just calling m3 and texting nasty things calling me petty and spoiled.”
“He said that I should be grateful his mom paid for my ticket to begin with then said that she doesn’t OWE me a Goddamn thing.”
“I argued about how she could’ve just booked us both in economy if money was an issue but he called me pathetic for thinking about it when his dad just died.”
“He said it was cruel what I did and that his mom and family will never forget that I missed the funeral over ridiculous reasons.”
“AITA for going home over this?”
“One of the reasons I didn’t settle for the economy ticket was because I wanted to sit next to my husband and support him.”
“He sobbed the whole ride to the airport and I didn’t want to leave his side.”
“I was shocked when he told me we couldn’t sit together, and how he said it like he had no issue with it.”
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation, by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
The Reddit community was somewhat divided, but for the most part agreed that the OP and their MIL both could have behaved better.
Many felt that the OP should have sucked it up, and flown economy to support her husband, though they also felt that the OP’s MIL was being small and petty by flying her economy and her husband first class.
“This is a tough one, I’m going with ESH.”
“Your mother in law was petty and juvenile, but your husbands father just died.”
“This was about him, not you.”
“The fact that neither yourself or MIL could put your shit aside for a situation like that is the most disappointing part of all.”- mountydoyle
“You MIL won.”
“It was most likely her intention to cause a fight and she won because you didn’t go.”
“Now she gets to bash you to everyone for not attending.”
“You didn’t support your hubs when he needed it.”
“So now all the nasty things she whispers in his ear while he’s there, he’s going to agree to re: you.”
“You were put into a losing situation either way.”
“The whole thing sucks.”
“Sorry this happened to you.”- Responsible-Stick-50
“The seat issue was more important than supporting your husband after the death of his father?”-wickedlucky214
“Well played MIL.”
“Unfortunately the one who looks bad to everyone is you.”- dart1126
“Yeah this is complicated.”
“I mean, what your MIL did was petty in a way, and I’m sure she’s a piece of work.”
“And your hubby definitely shouldn’t have said anything awful to you.”
“But he is grieving.”
“And I’m assuming this is all fairly recent, so his emotions are all over the place.”
“Usually, this would be a clean-cut situation for say, a family reunion, a wedding, or a visit.”
“But his father died.”
“I’m not saying you are an AH, but I don’t think this was the fight to have picked.”- they_callme_ami
“I think it’s a pretty reasonable ESH, but you’ve made a tactical error.”
“If you went and supported your husband, you could later be the good wife who is concerned about why your MIL did that, you were the mistreated one.”
“It definitely was a hostile thing to do to you.”
“But now your husband is mad and grieving and you’re the wife who skipped her FIL’s funeral.”
“You look like a person who deserves dislike from her MIL.”
“You were the victim of drama and you made it worse.”- Angharadis
A number of people believed the OP’s MIL set a trap to cause a rift between her and her husband, which the OP fell right into when she should have taken the higher road and shown her MIL that she was the bigger person.
“I get where you’re coming from, mom probably thought she could do something to divide you from her son in his time of grief.”
“But, y’know you fell for it hook line and sinker right?”
“She drove a wedge between you and your husband and, ensured the family will remember you as the wife who didn’t go to her husband’s dad’s funeral, and it doesn’t sound like your husband was lost on the issue.”
“He just asked you to hang in there for one plane ride in economy.”
“He knew she was doing something sh*tty, but also knew it’s not like he can refuse to GO TO HIS OWN DADS FUNERAL.”
“You played right into her hand better than she could have ever hoped for, and then made sure she got to spin whatever narrative she wants while your husband is left holding the bag.”
“Do you think he’s gonna say ‘she didn’t come because her paid for ticket wasn’t first class like mine?'”
“What is he even going to be able to do?”
“It’s just about supporting your husband when everyone around him is in a time of grief and you did more damage than a petty MIL to your relationship with him and his family.”
“It was the exact reaction she was hoping for from you.”- Anarchical-Sheep
“You kinda did exactly what she wanted you to do though.”
“She manipulated you, and won.”
“Another course of action would have been for your husband to offer his seat to your row-mate.”
“I’m sure they would have accepted, and to sit with you.”
“Him calling YOU petty is absolutely uncalled for.”
“His mother was petty and he didn’t want to give up his free luxury for your comfort and support.”
“You could have also told the mom this.”
“‘Hey, thank you so much for the seats, but husband had to trade his for one next to me so we could sit together. I’m sure this was a simple oversight on your end, but it all worked out!’”
“Had y’all had the foresight, and had your husband actually cared, it could have gone this way instead.”- ScumBunny
“I think you played right into MIL hands with your decision.”
“You gave her exactly what she wanted, now she has more reason to treat you like crap and has caused a rift between you and your partner.”-Ash-b13
It’s sad to think that the OP’s MIL would effortfully try to cause a rift between the OP and her son in anticipation of her husband’s funeral.
Whether or not she did, however, it’s equally sad to think that the OP couldn’t muster up the courage to sit in economy to support her husband in his time of grief.
Leading one to wonder if the MIL’s plan to end her son’s marriage went exactly as she hoped it might.