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Mom Furious After Husband Refuses To Adhere To 11pm ‘Curfew’ So She Can Get Schoolwork Done

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Division of labor in a marriage when there’s a baby involved is a sticky subject for many. And for one woman on Reddit, it’s become downright untenable–so much so that she gave her husband a “curfew.”

But her husband got so angry about it she wondered if she’d handled it correctly. So she went to the AITA (Am I the A**hole) subReddit for perspective.

The OP (Original Poster), who goes by squeegeebagel on the site, asked:

“AITA for setting a 11pm curfew on my husband?”

She explained:

“I know, I know. He’s a grown man, but let me explain.”

“We have a 4 month child together and not once has he helped me beyond changing a diaper maybe once a week. I do all of the cooking, cleaning, and 99% of the baby care has been all me. I’ve asked him to take an overnight shift before, but he’s snapped at me saying ‘I work so I need my sleep so I can put food on the table for you.'”

“Tbh that stung, but I dropped it after that.”

“Anyway. Weekdays he works all day and he’s so exhausted when he comes home, he only wants to hang out or play games with his brothers and drink beer. I tell him I appreciate him working so I can take care of our son and go to school. I cook. I clean and do his laundry so he can just rest.”

“Weekends he doesn’t work, so I feel like he can help a little more. On top of being a full-time mom, I’m also finishing up my final semester in college.”

“So on weekends, he had agreed to watch the baby for at least an hour so I can submit assignments on time, which is usually the Sunday at 11:59 kind of deal. Or let me take a shower since this child is glued to my hip rest of the day. Hence the 11pm curfew, so I have an hour to do my timed exams which is just enough time for me to complete.”

“He has yet to respect the agreed upon time for him to come home so not only can I shower and get schoolwork done, we can spend quality time as husband and wife since he’s busy all week and goes out every weekend.”

“When he told his brothers and coworkers about his ‘curfew’, I was immediately labeled as a controlling, nagging bi*ch of a wife. It hurt. I don’t argue with him and my requests are asked in a calm and collected manner: ‘I have an exam due on Sunday. Can you make some time to help me so I can knock it out?’ I guess if you’re not there, it’s easy to assume.”

“Despite that, he won’t come home on weekends until 1 or 2 AM, ignoring my text when I remind him of my timed exams and homework. Then snaps at me because I don’t let him reward himself for working all week.”

“I’m really hurt at the name calling. I pride myself in being laidback, flexible, and understanding. AITA? Should I just forget about the curfew?”

Redditors were then asked to judge who’s in the wrong in this conflict based on the following categories:

  • NTA – Not The A**hole
  • YTA – You’re The A**hole
  • ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
  • NAH – No A**holes Here

And unsurprisingly, they were outraged by OP’s husband’s behavior.

“NTA! Finish school, get a job, and gtfo. He’s the damn father, he should take care of the kid just as much ffs. So he gets all these breaks, but when do YOU get one?” —jules79

“NTA. OP, my husband worked 10 hour days, had an hour drive to work, and after work, and always came home and HELPED with the baby(ies). You husband is being selfish. You guys need to get into marriage counseling and have a huge conversation.”crystallz2000

“NTA and I bet you can guess what everyone’s advice is going to be. I wish you the best, and also for your baby. Good luck in school.”

“I hope you take the time to read what you wrote as if your dearest, most beloved friend wrote it and what you might say to them.”AcceptableComedian5

“Sorry, you’re married to a fuc*ing a**hole. You have a 4 month old child together; he should not be out unless it’s for work, period. The child is the focus. When I had my son, I would’ve never even thought to go out snd party until 2am while my poor wife and child were at home. Time to start laying down some ultimatums”TheGreatSnafu

After reading her fellow Redditors’ comments, OP came back with some updates.

“Edit: Just so I’m not repeating myself, English is not my first language. I didn’t realize until now that the word ‘curfew’ has a negative meaning behind it. I didn’t mean to belittle him. That’s on me.”

“Also, thanks for all of the support! I didn’t expect that. I’m definitely looking around into finding a good counselor for us. I’ve already called our insurance and got a list of names.”

“We had a solid marriage before the baby. If we can work it out, I’d like to do that. Until then, I’m looking into a local mom group to get some support until I finish college. Or the counseling works and my husband steps up.”

“Update: So many of you have been so supportive and I can’t thank you enough for it. Even though it’s strangers on Reddit, it means a lot to me to be cheered on to continue my education and caring for my son.”

“For info: my husband wasn’t always like this. 8 years together and he always helped me somehow. Chores. Encouraging me to change my degree at the age of 24 because I was just miserable. Supporting me when my best friend back stabbed me. Staying up all night and taking 8 days off work when I miscarried with our first so he could take care of me.”

“You guys helped me realize these red flags and the courage to realize I need to put my foot down. Being laid back isn’t going to save our marriage.”

“Last night, when my husband got home, we sat down and talked. Really talked. We stayed up late. I told him we need counseling or I’ll leave if this continues. And that I’m going to my only family, about 2000 miles away, so there’s not chance of seeing either one of us unless he flies out. By the look on his face, I guess he didn’t realize how bad it had gotten.”

“The thing he joked to coworker and brothers (apparently only the collective 3) was something they said. In the moment, he’d laughed it off. He didn’t realize this ‘locker room talk’ would affect me. He said he will stop them and never call me that again.”

“This morning, I woke up to breakfast and coffee at my bedside. I got a text asking if I’d like to go grocery shopping while he watches the baby when he gets home today so I have an hour or two to myself and get out of the house.”

“For some more context, I like grocery shopping. I run my errands at Target and I have a friend meeting with me there so we can grab a coffee there while I’m at it. My shopping is limited to 50% coffee and talking, 45% goofing off in the aisles and browsing stuff I don’t need, and 5% actually getting the groceries we need.”

“Next weekend he made plans to take us all out for lunch then walk at the local flower garden with our baby.”

“I hope it keeps getting better. We have had a good 8 years together. If possible, I’d like to continue that.”

“Thanks everyone! Bear hugz all around 💛”

Hopefully OP and her husband can continue on the better path they’ve found.

Written by Peter Karleby

Peter Karleby is a writer, content producer and performer originally from Michigan. His writing has also appeared on YourTango, Delish and Medium, and he has produced content for NBC, The New York Times and The CW, among others. When not working, he can be found tripping over his own feet on a hiking trail while singing Madonna songs to ward off lurking bears.