People typically have an ideological view of what marriage looks like, especially at the beginning.
The phrase “honeymoon phase” is there for a reason.
But what happens when sh*t hits the fan early on in a marriage?
Redditor RealitySome3605 recently found out just that during her honeymoon.
After her new husband’s family experienced an emergency, she was faced with the decision to stay on honeymoon or cut it short.
Her opinion on the matter differed from her new husband, leading her to subReddit “Am I the A**hole?” (AITA) for advice.
The Original Poster (OP) asked,
“AITA for not wanting to cancel our honeymoon despise [sic] what happened with my brother in law?”
She went on to tell the story.
“My husband [male, age 32] and I [female, age 24] just got married three weeks ago, and we are currently celebrating our honeymoon.”
“The plan was to travel for two months to different countries of Europe, Asia, and Africa. We currently are in Spain, and we are supposed to take a plane to Morocco in two days.”
“However, my husband wants to cut the trip short and go back to our home now.”
“The thing is, his brother is in a horrible situation, his wife and daughter had a car crash, and they’re in the hospital.”
“The kid is fine, but his wife has to be a little longer in the hospital. That’s all I know.”
“I told my husband that I understand he wants to support his brother but that he’s not a doctor, so he can’t do anything to help, really.”
“And his brother’s wife is fine. She probably only has a broken leg or something, and that’s why she needs some more days in the hospital.”
“I told him just to call his brother and ask to talk with his wife so he can send her his best wishes, and that’s all that he can do, honestly.”
“His parents and his in-laws are helping with the kids, so there’s really nothing they need help with.”
“I told him our honeymoon was important because it’s a time for ourselves to enjoy and spend together.”
“He wasn’t having any of it. He called me selfish, and then he kicked me out of our bedroom. I had to ask for a new one until he decided to let me in again.”
“He told me that he’s leaving tomorrow because he needs to be supportive of his brother and told me I can continue the trip by myself.”
“But that’s not the point of a honeymoon at all. I told him so, and he said that if he would’ve known how b*tchy I was, he would’ve never dated me.”
“Am I really wrong here?”
Redditors weighed in by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors decided:
“It doesn’t matter how well your in-laws are doing. The only important thing here is that your HUSBAND doesn’t feel right staying away from his family in this time of need.”
“Your husband is NOT having fun with your right now, he is not enjoying your company because his mind is elsewhere, and he is worried for his brother.”
“Yes, it’s 100% wrong of you to ask him to disregard his own feeling just so he can keep you company, for your own little sake.”
“YTA.” – MaybeAWalrus
“Honestly, this is kinda his fault for marrying a 24-year-old. Sorry, but I’m the age of OP’s husband, and my friend’s little sister is OP’s age, and the maturity gap is huge!”
“8 year age gap between 20s and 30s is really big. I’m 0% shocked that OP lacks the maturity, sensitivity, and emotional intelligence to understand that her husband wants to come home bc she’s too focused on wanting to have her own fun.”
“Unfortunately, loads of ppl in their early 20s are very self-centered – that typically improves with age.”
“If they’ve been together for a couple of years, that means he dated a 21, 22 yo when he was 30 already.”
“ESH, especially since he kicked her out of the hotel room and is withholding information about the status of his family from her.”
“OP’s said repeatedly that he’s not being forthcoming about the injuries his SIL suffered. That’s f*cked up and weird.”
“OP, time to grow up, but hey. He knew what he was getting into dating someone so freaking young in a completely different life stage than him.”
“EDIT: I take it all back. This is completely a NTA situation. OP just replied that her husband is REFUSING to disclose the condition of his SIL because OP ‘doesn’t need to know, and he doesn’t want to discuss it with her.’”
“Yeah, now I know why a 30-year-old married someone in their early 20s, much easier to control. No woman his age would put up with that bullsh*t.”
“OP has just said that her husband doesn’t “allow” her to be in the room when he calls his family to get updates, so doesn’t even know anything beyond ‘SIL and niece were in a car accident’.”
“Absolutely unhinged behavior from this guy.”
“Unpopular opinion but NTA. No one died or is on life support from the sounds of it.”
“No major surgeries. The brother has support. I would not expect my brother to cut his honeymoon short to come home – especially if I had several others helping me out.”
“If someone had died, was near death, or was severely disabled, it would be different.” – ColdIllustrious5041
“Why is everyone ignoring the fact that the husband is refusing to give her any info other than ‘they’re fine, but SIL has to stay in the hospital.’”
“Her husband is refusing to share important information. I can’t imagine a reason for not giving your wife a proper update on the injured family.”
“I’m more concerned with his behavior than OP’s.”
“OP think real hard about staying with someone who refuses to share information that would absolutely typically be shared with a spouse.”
“The way he treated you when you didn’t want to go along with his unilateral decision is highly concerning.”
“NTA” – TourCommercial3226
“NTA because it seems like your husband is, at best, a control freak, and at worst, is showing you who he really is and is doing you a favor by leaving.”
“So, let’s focus on your safety, u/RealitySome3605:”
“1. Do you have your passport and driver’s license? If not, go to your country’s embassy or consulate. Ask your hotel for help to get there if need be.”
“2. Do you have your plane tickets, hotel reservation info, and transportation info? If not, get them.”
“Change everything to your name only if you want to continue your travels; at a minimum, contact the airline and report a domestic situation and get a code to protect your flight home.”
“3. Do you have access to a credit/debit card in your name only? Do you have access to your financial accounts? You need this to get home.”
“4. Can you contact your family/friends to tell them the situation?”
“You need help to get home whenever you choose to go home, but you also need someone to secure your belongings and arrange for shelter once you get home, along with providing emotional support.”
“5. Can you contact whomever performed the wedding ceremony to ask if they have filed the marriage certificate/license/whatever makes it legal in your country?”
“If they have, ask them how to annul it immediately. If not, you dodged another bullet.”
“6. Do not go back to this person. He is not healthy for you.” – Maleficent-Object-21
“NTA.”
“It’s fine to want to be supportive. But unless you know that she is actively dying, I wouldn’t waste all the money and planning I spent to return home.”
“They said that they’re fine and don’t need help. What is your husband going to do?”
“Go to work and then sit at home or sit at his mother’s and do what? Nothing.”
“F that, I would continue on with my trip and let the husband know he’s welcome to join me when he gets tired of sitting at home, waiting for something to do.”
“Because bil said it himself that everyone was fine.”
“Have a fun trip. Because it sounds like your husband is acting a little controlling and abusive because he doesn’t get his way.”
“Kicking you out of your hotel room? Really. Dude needs to grow up.”
“Go enjoy your trip. There is nothing for you to do at home but sit around the house. Don’t let the trip go to waste.” – Intrepid-Database-15
The OP edited to add:
“I’m okay, thanks for worrying about me. I’m trying to solve this problem, so sorry if I can’t reply to the comments.”
“I’ll probably make another post when I fix this to let you know how everything went. I’m sorry for being absent so long.”
What started as a simple AITA post quickly escalated to a concern about the OP’s safety in her marriage. It does seem bizarre that her spouse won’t share important medical updates freely, which made the subreddit very concerned for this couple’s future.