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Guy Confronts His Wife After The Odd Things She Says In Her Sleep Start Making Him Paranoid

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Does anything you say in your sleep count in the “real” world?

That’s basically what Reddit user SlowFox70 needed to figure out with their recent post to the “Am I The A**hole?” (AITA) subReddit. Their wife is a sleep talker, but lately the things she says have caused the poster some concern, but is their reaction out of line?

The Reddit user asked: 

“AITA for arguing with my wife over what she says in her sleep?”

We’ll find out what Reddit thinks, but first lets go over how AITA works.

The subReddit is a place where people tell their stories of moral grey areas as posts. Other users write comments to vote on who the bad guy is, and explain why they feel that way.

The voting system is pretty simple: 

  • NTA – Not The A**hole
  • YTA – You’re The A**hole
  • ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
  • NAH – No A**holes Here

So now that you know what the options are, let’s get to the story.

“My wife has always talked in her sleep since I have have known her. More than anyone else I’ve ever known.”

“We slept in different rooms for a while because of it, but sleep together now and I can sleep through most of it. I know it isn’t intentional from her side but it does annoy me anyway sometimes.”

“The last few weeks since we are sleeping in the same bed again, she usually falls asleep first and sleeps later. So I’m just laying on my phone and hear a lot of weird sleep comments. Some are making me uncomfortable.”


” ‘I don’t want to have sex, you’re gross’ (while touching me)”

” ‘Josh, you’re so cute’ (my name is not Josh)”

” ‘Are you watching the baby?’ (we don’t have kids and don’t want them)”

” ‘This cake tastes like puke’ (I have been baking for her recently)”

“When I try to ask her about it in the morning she says she doesn’t remember, and that’s probably true. But I ask her what her dreams were and she says she can’t remember that too.”

“Dreams are based on real feelings and thoughts in the day so these kinds of comments make me super uncomfortable because it isn’t what she says to my face but it comes out when her guard is down. She says her real thoughts are the ones she tells me when she is awake but I’m starting to feel paranoid.”

“I am insisting we have a real talk about what she really feels and she keeps saying it is impossible because she has no idea why she said those things. I just think deep down, she does, and doesn’t want to say.”

“Am I being an a**hole to keep pushing this convo? I just feel it’s important for our relationship but she disagrees with that.”

“If she has thoughts she isn’t sharing it could ruin us later and I don’t want to be hurt.”

Reddit users had no issues being totally honest with the original poster (OP) – even if that honesty probably wasn’t what they were hoping to hear. 

“YTA. She’s sleeping. SLEEPING.”

“Arguing with someone over something they say when they are sleeping is insane. She probably doesn’t even remember her dreams.” – meatball77

“I talk in my sleep a TON. Nothing anyone has ever told me I say lines up with what I remember about my dreams.”

“Also, in general the books I read and the tv I watch affect my dreams more than what’s going on in my life. I was watching the Haunting of Bly last night and I had some messed up ghost dreams. Nothing that really touched on my everyday life at all.”

“She could have been telling a swamp monster she didn’t want to have sex with it! You cannot judge her for her sleep talking! It is random nonsense, and you are super projecting your insecurities onto it. YTA.” – Music_withrocks_IN

“Man, I can’t even imagine what else he’s insecure about and to what degree, if he’s paranoid about something as stupid as this.”

“OP, YTA big time. I dreamt last night my partner turned into a mosquito and swatted him across the face with my pillow. He’s certainly not sitting there right now going, ‘omg it’s a metaphor for how annoying and blood-sucking you find me’.” – CuddlesAreAwesome

“You say dreams are based on real feelings and thoughts we have throughout the day. But these were my recent dreams:”

“I was producing gay male porn. This was based on a show about a murderous porn producer that was playing as I got a manicure.”

“One of the men’s penis was covered with hair. This was based on me reading about circumcision in my preparing for baby book the night before, and the sonographer saying my baby has a lot of hair (I’m pregnant with a little girl).”

“I was going downtown with my family and kept getting on the wrong bus to meet up with them. This was based on nothing more than my gma talking to my uncle on the phone the other day. I haven’t gone downtown in a long time and I never take the bus.”

“I was sending nudes to a dude who in real life I cant stand and wish I didn’t have to associate with.”

“Dreams literally just take tiny snippets of things we thought about or encountered through the day and throw them WAY out of context. They’re absolutely meaningless.”

“Maybe your wife didn’t want to have sex with a guy she couldn’t stand who wasn’t you. Maybe Jason was the teenaged cashier at the store.”

“Maybe the baby in her dream was a nonexistent niece. It literally doesn’t f*cking matter.”

“YTA. Stop being so weird and insecure.” – Pikachinito

“YTA Jesus wept. I had an ex who read that our pupils dilate when we’re looking at someone we love, and he used to pick an argument if my pupils weren’t satisfactorily dilated when I looked at him. You sound like that.” – breakfast_epiphanies

“YTA. Your paranoia is your problem. You need to do some reading on dream theory if this is upsetting you this much.”

“You have no right to force anyone to share private thoughts at any time because *you* think it’s “important” to do so. It’s no protection against future pain in any event.” – CandylandCanada

“YTA. It’s just a dream.”

“Dreams are often 1) not remembered at all and 2) completely nonsensical.”

“You are insecure and you are using her dreams as fuel for your insecurities. It’s ridiculous that not only do you think your wife can control what she dreams about but that her dreams equal conscious thoughts about your relationship.”

“It’s normal for people who talk in their sleep to have no memory of it. I do it all the time. My spouse does it sometimes. We often swap stories and laugh at ourselves in the morning. It’s no big deal.” – dogchick1985

“YTA, sorry.”

“You’re taking this much too personally. All kinds of wild stuff happens in dreams and things are a whole different reality in there.”

“Let her have her subconscious and stop insisting she account for what she’s dreamt or said without knowing or remembering it (not remembering is valid and normal). Yes, stop pushing this conversation.”

“Do you remember everything YOU dream? How would you like it if you were held accountable for everything YOUR subconscious did while you were sleeping?” – b4pangea

“It is much easier to tell the wife that these are her problems because she is dreaming than accepting that OP is insecure. And if anything in the future doesn’t work out it will be because she refused to stop deceiving OP when he asked about her dreams. YTA.” – Roatie

“YTA, but I’m hoping so hard that this is not real. Imagine some poor woman out there just being interrogated every morning about absolute nonsense.” – iamanamalgam

“YTA- Dreams are not a ‘wish your heart makes.’ They’re your brain playing around with what it’s got in storage while you’re not giving it anything new to play with or anything else to do.”

“Having a zombie apocalypse dream does not mean I either fear or long for a zombie apocalypse- at most it means that for some reason my brain pulled the zombie file when setting up its agenda for the evening- I might have seen a movie or commercial, heard the word, seen a Halloween display, or gotten a wedding invitation from a cousin who I got scared with watching a zombie movie 30 years ago when I was a kid. It might not have been triggered by anything at all.”

“There is no real world set up for my dream where I was being chased by zombies through what vaguely seemed like an American Gladiators obstacle course with a lot of conveyor belts while dealing with gale force winds.”

“Also, if a dream ends before you wake up, you’re not going to remember it because you don’t generally make a lot of new memories when you dream. You only remember dreams if you happen to wake up in the middle of them, and even then they are hard to recall and fade fast. Look up some of the science around dreaming.”

“So basically, you are harassing your girlfriend, damaging your relationship and indulging in baseless insecurity and anxiety because you’re not educated about the science behind what dreams are. Apologize and stop being ridiculous.” – LilLadyBug81

Well then, we clearly know how Reddit feels about the situation. OP, you’re the a**hole.

Written by Erica Diaz

Have you ever read something where you just KNOW the writer talks with their hands, does the sound effects, and would bust out a little dance if it suited the story?

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She's a colorful storyteller whose sense of humor and fearless honesty make a big impact. Her rants might go for the emotional jugular, hit your funny bone, or shock you and your mama out of your fajas. Usually it's all three.

Often chronicling her life in Florida, her stories are full of characters like "Bikini Rifle Lady", "Mariachi Neighbor," and "Barbara The NextDoor Evangelist." There's almost always a message in the madness, and that's what people connect with most.

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