Everyone has fun little tidbits of trivia about themselves.
If you find out one of those factoids is wrong, and you know the other person genuinely believes it, is it your job to tell them? Does that obligation change if this is a fact they share with others?
A Reddit user going by songisntabtherta found himself caught in that conundrum, so he asked the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit:
“WIBTA if I told my wife a song isn’t about her?”
Before we get into the details of the story, let’s talk about how AITA works. The subReddit is devoted to those “morally ambiguous” moments in life, like this one.
The original poster (you’ll see them called “OP” a lot) posts about their situation. Other reddit users comment with their thoughts and a vote.
Voting Options Are:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Now back to this musical moment of moral murkiness.
“My wife (24F[emale]) had a short and casual relationship with a musician.”
“There’s a song written by him that has her name in it. It’s like her own personal theme.”
“Every time she makes a friend, it’s her go-to ice-breaker. Our daughter is young and we even play it as a little lullaby for her.”
“Anyway, the song isn’t extremely popular unless you’re into his band’s music, I would say, but it’s popular enough if you’re into them.”
“I listen to some of their music, and I got recommended a YouTube video where the guy talked about the meaning of the song. I clicked into it to see if he would actually mention her.”
“Turns out the song is about someone completely different (and his story actually makes more sense). Would I be the a-hole if I told her it wasn’t about her?”
“I kind of feel like if I don’t, I’m lying by omission. But it’s such a cute thing she has, and I don’t want to ruin it for her.”
“I feel mortified at the idea that some of the people she’s told might have looked it up after and thought she was lying. Then again, the real meaning isn’t on Genius Lyrics yet, so I don’t know.”
“Honestly, I love the song and I’d be happy to take it to the grave, but I’m afraid of how many people might think she’s a liar, and I know she’d feel so humiliated if she knew.”
“I hope she can still keep it in her life as ‘her song’ knowing the meaning, but I’d just feel so guilty if I told her and now she’s lost something she loves. That’s where I’m stuck.”
Some Reddit users felt it was best to just let sleeping dogs lie, so to speak.
“Soft YWBTA – I don’t see that it would serve any purpose other than to make her less happy. I wouldn’t think of it as lying by omission. I’d fall on the side of calling it ‘tact.’ ” – excessiverain
“She’ll find it on her own one day, you don’t have to burst her bubble. YWBTA” – poowithaview
“Soft YWBTA because I really don’t see any harm in her thinking it’s about her if it makes her happy.”
“You wouldn’t be an a-hole, but I don’t see the point in her knowing, honestly. If I was her I wouldn’t be mad at you for telling me, but it would bum me out.” – lulu-crossing
“Telling her serves no real purpose other than saving her some embarrassment if she does find out the song isn’t about her. It may even upset her if she finds out you knew but didn’t tell her.”
“but… I honestly can’t justify telling her based on a ‘she might one day find out’ scenario so…”
“YWBTA, I guess.” – EngineeringOwn2299
“Ywbta if you tell her.”
“What youtube video? Delete your browser history, youtube history, google history.”
“Take out hard drive and smash it with a sledgehammer. Then burn the rest of the comp.” – luckyken
But others were wildly against that approach.
“If a friend told me that there was a semi-famous song about them, I would almost certainly Google it. Not because I don’t believe them, but because I’d think it’s cool and would want to hear the song.”
“I would expect that several people did Google the song, and may very well have come across that video.”
“I think you should tell her, strictly because of that. If she ever finds out herself, which is likely, you would then have to lie or tell her you already knew, in which case she’d probably be angry. NTA.” – pippa7099
“NTA I would tell her simply because if I were her I would be really embarrassed if other people googled it, found the same thing you found and thought I was lying to try to impress people.”
“I get that it’s her favorite go-to anecdote and she’s fond of the song, but she’s an adult and finding out a song an ex wrote isn’t about her shouldn’t be that upsetting.” – clydefr0g8
“Yeah I first thought ‘no man, let her be, it’s not hurting anyone’ but then I thought that if OP found out, it’s not impossible that others will too.”
“It would suck to one day tell the story to a new coworker or something and the coworker go ‘uh no, I like that band and I know that’s not true.’ ”
“I’d be mortified.”
“If I am bound to feel disappointed or embarrassed or whatever, I’d want it to be in private with my loving husband, not in public by someone who ‘calls me out.’ NTA” – uhno28
“NTA. Urg she sounds so cringe. Please tell her.” – Wannaleavebutno
“If I was the wife and had been telling people for years that this song was about me, and then I happened across that video and found out I was wrong, I‘d be so embarrassed.”
“If I then found out hubby knew it and didn’t tell me; instead he let me embarrass myself – I don‘t know, but I wouldn‘t be happy.” – Jollydancer
“NTA, this is her icebreaker story; something she probably mentions in social and work circles. Seems like it’s easy enough to find out the song is not about her.”
“If the first thing a person told me was an easily provable lie, that would effect the way I see them in the future. I doubt she wants to be known as ‘the person who lies about a song being written about them.’ “
“At some point your daughter is going to start telling her friends there is a song about her mother. Someone is going to find the same info you did and you know how kids are.”
“Tell her now so it doesn’t become a bigger issue down the road.” – berna_count
In the end, most Redditors felt the husband should let it be. They declared he would be the a**hole if he told his wife.