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Woman Called ‘Horrible’ After Accusing Sister Of Constantly Bringing Up Her Miscarriage ‘For Attention’


Attention grabbing among siblings is an issue as old as time.

For many it’s engrained in the DNA.

Everyone wants mommy and daddy first.

But eventually this behavior wanes with age.

As adults there may need to be some serious analyzing if it’s still happening.

Case in point…

Redditor chimpychimpychoo wanted to discuss her experience and get some feedback. So naturally, she came to visit the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit.

She asked:

“AITA for saying my sister needs to stop bringing up her miscarriage for attention?”

The Original Poster (OP) explained:

“Okay this is a doozy, so please strap in and bear with me.”

“For context here, my sister is 30, I am 22.”

“Ten years ago, my sister had a miscarriage.”

“Obviously, it was devastating for her and the whole family and it took her a couple of years to fully heal from it.”

“We’re still not 100% sure why it happened.”

“But it was a one off and she’s since had three very healthy, beautiful children, including a set of twins.”

“So here’s the thing.”

“My sister and I don’t really get on.”

“She resented me as a kid because she had to share mum’s attention and because she thought mum left her dad to be with mine.”

“Never really grew out of that resentment and she was pretty much my biggest bully throughout childhood and my teenage years.”

“One thing she absolutely cannot stand is when mum and I do things without her, or when mum pays more attention to me than to her.”

“When this happens she calls mum and says she’s feeling really upset about the miscarriage and without fail mum goes running.”

“This includes a trip to Paris I took mum on for her birthday earlier this year, which she cut short because sister said she needed her.”

“Also includes when I had a manic episode so bad I was hospitalised and sister managed to need mum every time she was planning to visit me and so she never did.”

“Note, these times when mum is spending more time with me than her are the only times sister brings up what happened and certainly the only times she still gets so upset about it.”

“So recently I was sick.”

“Like, didn’t leave the bathroom for days, can only keep water down sick.”

“Didn’t manage to get the doctor, but I think it was norovirus.”

“It lasted about a week.”

“Mum was popping in daily on her way home from work to check on me and stuff.”

“On the last day of being seriously unwell, when I felt I could eat again.”

“Mum offered to make me some soup while she was there, which I accepted.”

“She was halfway through making it when sister called her saying she was upset about the miscarriage and she told me I’d have to finish it myself because she had to go.”

“I didn’t say anything to Mum and I finished making the soup.”

“But I sent my sister a text saying she really needs to stop bringing it up for attention because she can’t bear me getting some instead.”

“I guess she told mum and her dad because I’m hearing from all sides what a horrible, insensitive, selfish b**tard I am and how dare I say that to her.”

“I understand she may still be traumatized.”

“I just think it’s really weird how that trauma solely manifests whenever I’m getting attention and she isn’t.”


Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA:

  • NTA – Not The A**hole
  • YTA – You’re The A**hole
  • NAH – No A**holes Here
  • ESH – Everyone Sucks Here

Many Redditors declared OP was NOT the A**hole.

“NTA ten years? With other, healthy children?”

“Yeah that’s some BS you’re not in the wrong here.” ~knobleknight

“I’ve seen this type of behavior a lot.”

“We had a very late miscarriage at 28 weeks and we never bring it up.”

“Not even in the two years afterwards when we have no children.”

“My good buddy is going through divorce right now where in early miscarriage is being used as a reason against him because he didn’t give his wife enough attention.”

“Even though they got pregnant immediately after and now have two healthy children.”

“It’s definitely used as a manipulative tool. NTA.” ~ Giantomato

“They are so common. I’ve had 5.”

“Though I may think about them time to time I never talk about them unless asked.”

“All within the last 10 years.”

“I have a mom that drops everything and anything no matter what when a siblings calls.”

“So I get that aspect.”

“She has bailed on things she promised her grandkids to fly across the country to help.”

“Nothing has changed in that situation either. NTA.”

“Maybe start doing it to your sister when mom is with her if ya want to be petty.”  ~ coltraneb33

“I feel like every woman in mine and my wife’s immediate family has had at least one miscarriage, it’s extremely common.”

“My mum had 3 before having 5 healthy children.”

“I feel like people need to know that it’s this common for their sanity.”

“When it happens you feel like there’s something horribly wrong and that you’ll never be able to have another kid and that’s totally not true in most cases.”

“Far far from the truth.” ~ biggerwanker

“That’s true. About 25% of pregnancies end in miscarriage in the first 4 weeks, when you might otherwise not even know you’re pregnant.”

“They’re not an unusual thing, and berating someone for having one is f**king disgusting.”

“OP, on the other hand, is NTA.”

“If what they say is true, and sister only brings it up when their mum gives them attention, they’re doing it for attention, not because they’re still traumatized 10 years on.” ~ MILLANDSON

“My cousin had a miscarriage halfway through her first pregnancy.”

“It was very painful and traumatic for her, not only for the lost pregnancy but because she got incredibly sick with some type of virus from eating street food, which caused the miscarriage in the first place.”

“She never brings it up.”

“Like ever ever ever.”

“She had a daughter a little over a year later and she loves her daughter entirely, doesn’t compare her, doesn’t say she ‘makes up’ for her lost pregnancy.”

“It’s been like 10 years since it happened too.”

“At this point OP’s sister needs therapy for one of two things: if she’s still really torn up over it, she needs therapy to get over the miscarriage.”

“If not, she’s a weird attention-seeking narcissist and needs therapy to deal with her constant need to be the center of attention at the age of 30.” ~ Sandyy_Emm

“NTA. Two of my best friends had one…”

“One, a local friend… had a very late one.”

“Bad thing is, very early in her pregnancy her husband had a car accident and ended up paralyzed… they had one son already, who was 4 at the time.”

“They really wanted a second child.”

“She doesn’t beat anyone over the head with it. Never did.”

“I’m not saying she didn’t grieve, I know she did and given their particular set of circumstances, it was a two-fold tragedy.”

“I suspect helping get her husband mobile again (he is wheelchair bound, but highly mobile) and over his depression forced her to focus on him and their son, not their loss.”

“But I don’t know this for sure.”

“Another friend, who is not local, was a high risk pregnancy… underwent lots of fertility treatments in her late 40s, was warned there was a high probability of not carrying to term, etc.”

“Has an adult daughter and grandchildren.”

“We kept in touch by internet daily, sometimes several times a day.”

“I considered her one of my best friends.”

“She lost the baby very early in the pregnancy.”

“And then used it like a bludgeon in our friendship (and pretty much all her relationships) and would have suicidal meltdowns when, quite some time after the event, you didn’t reply to a social media post or a direct message or something.”

“And if you ever disagreed with her about anything.”

“There came a point we (the mutual friends) all talked… and figured out we all felt manipulated and that was her weapon against us.”

“The friendship came to a spectacular end, complete with Goodbye Cruel World texts, being blocked on all social media immediately after, angry texts from her adult daughter, and other mutual friends that were in the Meltdown Queen’s Camp.”

“PS – After three or four Good Bye Cruel World texts over the span of a couple of weeks.”

“I finally nipped them in the bud by not trying to frantically find out of if she really off’d herself or not.”

“I simply called Adult Protective Services in her area. Guess what?”

“I took an a** chewing about that from her too… but that was the last time I heard from her.” ~ ladyofthelathe

“I mean I have pregnancy loss and trauma going back almost a decade.”

“I have a beautiful, healthy baby.”

“Does the loss and trauma still affect me? Yes.”

“Do I have my bad days? Absolutely.”

“Do I drag it out when other people are in need? Not a chance in hell.”

“OP is NTA here, although it would be difficult to explain so offline.” ~ DarlingDareI

Well OP, Reddit is with you.

It sounds like sister may need some deeper help than your mom can give.

You deserve to be cared for just as much.

Maybe sit with your mom and a therapist and explain fully.

Good luck.