Having a baby is meant to be a wonderful and transformative time for everyone involved.
But sometimes, there will be someone in the baby’s life who will try to spoil everything, as seen in the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITA) subReddit.
Though her sister already had two children, Redditor Mysterious-Inside-53 was aware that her sister wanted to have more children and was jealous that she was pregnant.
But when she was told to essentially hide her pregnancy, the Original Poster (OP) thought that was too big of an ask.
She asked the sub:
“AITA for touching my belly?”
The OP’s sister recently tried again to have another baby.
“My sister and her husband have 2 girls and decided they were done having children a few years ago, so she got an IUD and he got a vasectomy.”
“Well, last year they had a reversal and an IUD removal because they decided they wanted more kids.”
“I am currently in my third trimester of pregnancy and am due this fall.”
The OP’s news was not well-received.
“Now on to the issue at hand: I found out I was pregnant quite a while ago, and since the day my sister found out about my pregnancy, she has refused to talk to me or be where I am.”
The OP thought that this might be gender-related.
“From what I’ve been told, they haven’t had any luck from getting their reversals.”
“When I told my dad I was having a girl, he went and told my sister, who then celebrated because I wasn’t having the first grandson.”
But then the OP was encouraged to hide her pregnancy entirely.
“She was like this until Mother’s Day when she showed up and ignored me.”
“Since then, my mother has told me not to bring up my baby, my pregnancy, or anything related.”
“My mom thinks that me ignoring my pregnancy is for the best when I am around everyone as to not hurt my sister’s feelings.”
“A couple of days ago, we were all at my parents’ house and I got a really strong kick to the ribs, and I reached down and rubbed my belly to ease the cramp.”
“While doing so, my sister made a face and continued her conversation with her husband.”
“My mother, on the other hand, started to scold me for ‘rubbing my pregnancy in my sister’s face.'”
“Since this happened, I have been shushed and ignored by my mom when it is anything pregnancy-related.”
“I’m tired of my baby being avoided like the plague. No one even cared to ask what we plan on naming her.”
“I’m to the point of tears while writing this with frustration and confusion.”
The OP shared a little background info:
“My sister is the ‘golden child’ in my mom’s eyes because she wasn’t the ‘problem child’ with anxiety and learning issues. My mom also blames herself for my sister being a teen mom.”
“My mom raised my sister’s kids. I think it hurts them that I’ll have a new child.”
“My sister refuses to pay for childcare for when she works. So my mom has them at least 5 days a week for 10 hours a day.”
“AITA?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You’re the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
Some said the OP had absolutely no reason to hide her pregnancy.
“Absolutely NTA.”
“You are incredibly pregnant in this lethal heat, and your baby kicked you, and it hurt. You had an instinctive reaction to ease that pain. If that makes them uncomfortable, that is their own problem.”
“As for your family ignoring your pregnancy, what the f**k is wrong with them? Pregnancy is something to be celebrated, not swept under the rug, even in your situation.”
“If they are insecure about their fertility or anything else, they can get a f**king counselor. Their behavior is petty and immature.” – IcyAlternative8845
“Your family is debatably insane. You are obviously pregnant and not saying anything doesn’t make you less pregnant. You are in your last trimester and will be feeling kicks and needing to soothe.”
“Also, someone should have told your BIL that vasectomies aren’t 100% reversible before he got one. Any struggle they’re having is most likely on his shoulders. They should have considered more carefully before they went with sterilization.”
“NTA, OP, but I think you know that.” – AccordingRuin
“NTA but I’m confused why your sister is acting this way. Are they now having trouble conceiving and so she’s resentful?”
“At any rate, stop walking on eggshells. You shouldn’t have to ‘hide’ a pregnancy and your family should be excited for you instead of catering to your sister. They sound like a bunch of toxic enablers who don’t want to do anything to upset your sister and probably have some weak reasons why she is allowed to act this way.”
“What are they going to do when the baby actually arrives and cries and coos and does everything else babies do? Will you be expected to be in another room unless the baby is asleep? Will they shush and ignore the baby too? At what point will it be ok for you to be pregnant and a mom?” – Playful_Angle_5385
“NTA and congratulations!”
“Your sister and her hubby made their choices. It sometimes takes a while to get pregnant (even without the reversal situation at hand).”
“She can’t take it out on every pregnant person or newborn (believe me, she most likely will have an attitude toward the baby when they are born).”
“Your mom is enabling your sister. I would try avoiding them as much as possible for the time being. Surround yourself with people who are happy to celebrate your joy with you.”
“Your hands are naturally drawn to your belly when pregnant especially when the baby is moving. Your hands may also rest there out of habit for months after giving birth.” – HCIBSW
“NTA.”
“THEY ALREADY HAVE TWO CHILDREN!!”
“How in the world does this harm them?”
“Go tell your mom you’re done. She can either get on board, or she’ll be left behind.”
“Throw yourself a gender reveal AND multiple baby showers AND do the maternity photo shoot AND send the Pinterest-cute announcements. All the things, do all of them.” – millac7
Others agreed and suggested the couple go no contact with the OP’s family.
“NTA. Your entire family needs to f**k right off. Your sister not being pregnant doesn’t mean you have to pretend you aren’t either. Until they all stop tip-toeing around your sister, I’d stop gracing them with my presence.” – NUT-me-SHELL
“Your sister sounds incredibly toxic, entitled, jealous, and spiteful. Your mother enables her. Why are your feelings and experiences not as valid as hers?”
“I would not want to be around such nasty people and I certainly wouldn’t bring my child around them either.”
“The fact that your sister is already making your child out to be ‘less than’ because she is a girl, not a boy, is insulting to your baby and her own children. The fact that she cannot be happy for you, is foul. Don’t raise your kid around foul things.” – Rozefly
“I’m really sorry, that sucks. Your sister sounds super self-absorbed. Other people are going to have children, and it’s not aimed as a personal attack on her not being able to have more.”
“Honestly, find some other family members to hang out with. For me, the 3rd trimester was a whirlwind of hormones and the slightest thing would make me burst into tears. Spend time with people who are going to be excited with you.”
“And don’t tell them the name you have in mind. They’ll probably ruin that too.” – Playful_Angle_5385
“NTA.”
“Your sister needs to grow the f**k up. And your mom needs to put her in her place.”
“She chose to have permanent measures taken to prevent more children. Just because they’ve been reversed and it’s not working, it doesn’t mean she gets to be pissed at you.”
“I’d say it’s time to yeet both their a**es out of your life. If your mom can’t be an adult and check her daughter on her behavior, she gets no access to the baby when it’s born.”
“After all, you wouldn’t want to rub your beautiful new baby in anyone’s face, would you?” – Alternative-Push3767
“It’s not like her sister has been dreaming of being a mother her whole life but has faced years of struggling to get pregnant… she already has TWO KIDS, and she made the CHOICE to not have more.”
“They took measures to make sure they wouldn’t have more. Nobody made them do that, they willingly made that decision. Now that changed their mind. That’s fine, it happens.”
“But the reality is that they should have taken a realistic approach when getting the IUD removed and vasectomy reversed, knowing that there was a good chance that it wouldn’t work. If it doesn’t, it doesn’t.”
“They already have two kids. They need to focus their energy and attention on the two kids they do have, and stop being such A-holes about your pregnancy.”
“OP, I am so sorry about your family. You are most definitely NTA. You were not trying to rub her face in anything, and you should not be shushed or chastised for acknowledging your pregnancy. Please spend your time with more loving, supportive people. Your family is not deserving of it.”
“Congrats on the upcoming arrival of your Lil’ squish.” – happytragedy15
After receiving feedback, the OP shared a few updates in the comments:
“My husband and I decided on the name Taylor. I already decided not to allow them to visit after she’s born.”
“I have no idea what will happen when Taylor comes. I’m terrified she will be the black sheep because she was born.”
The subReddit felt terrible for the OP and her husband with how their baby was being invited into the world.
Hopefully, they would have better luck with the OP’s husband’s family being more welcoming of their first child, because it definitely sounded like limited-to-no contact with the OP’s family was past due.