Some people can’t wait for their birthdays to be over.
Finding them to be nothing more than a milestone that they are another year older, a reminder they find less and less pleasant with each passing year.
Others, however, count the days until their birthday arrives, finding it the one day they can make about themselves and enjoy all the attention it brings.
Redditor Stitch_and_Trex was a big fan of birthdays, both her own and others, so she went out of her way to give her husband a special birthday.
In exchange, the original poster (OP) hoped that for her own birthday, her husband might oblige her one request.
When he failed to do so, the OP made no effort to hold back her feelings, even going so far as to tell her husband that he “ruined” her birthday.
Worried that she might have overreacted, the OP took to the subReddit “Am I The A**Hole” (AITA), where they asked fellow Redditors:
“AITA for telling my husband he ruined my birthday…. again.”
The OP explained why she felt angry and neglected by her husband on her birthday.
“Today is my 28th birthday.”
“I am really into birthdays and holidays and believe in celebrating them to the max, and this is well known to everyone.”
“I’m also the planner and the giver in not only my family (husband and kids) but my extended family (parents, siblings, friends, etc.), so I’m the one that plans birthday get-togethers, gifts, travel, etc.”
“I’m also a stay-at-home-mom (SAHM) due to having a son with complex medical and behavioral needs.”
“I’ve been with him 24/7 for the last week as it’s school break, and he’s extremely clingy and has behavioral problems due to mental illnesses.”
“I also had an upper respiratory cold during this time, sore throat, fever, cough, runny nose, earache.”
“But kept up with mom duties nonetheless.”
“My husband’s birthday was last month, and as usual, I planned something for him.”
“Weekend in a town a couple of hours away for us and our kids.”
The OP had a few simple desires for their birthday.
“For my birthday, I tell him I just want help with the kids, the house cleaned, a nap, and him to cook supper or take me out.”
“Maybe a homemade gift from the kids and a cake.”
“Yesterday, my husband starts complaining of a sore throat.”
“I check his throat, and looks fine.”
“No fever or other symptoms.”
“He stays up all night playing video games.”
“This morning, he says he is sick but has no visible symptoms.”
“No fever, no cough, no runny nose, doesn’t sound like someone with a cold.”
“He says his throat hurts but spent an hour on Xbox live talking just fine.”
“He naps all day because he says he’s sick. I think it’s because he stayed up until 4 a.m. playing video games.”
“Meanwhile, I make my own cake, take care of the kids as usual, and do my usual chores.”
“He didn’t even tell me happy birthday.”
“Finally, I decided to take the cake I made with the kids to my parent’s house to have supper there, so I didn’t have to cook.”
“I’m pretty crabby at this point, and don’t say a word before we leave.”
“He calls and asks why we left.”
“I tell him because he ruined my birthday yet again, and I’m trying to salvage it at least a little and hung up.”
“He called back and said I was overreacting.”
“He’s sick, and I’m an adult. Birthdays aren’t a big deal anymore after 21.”
“So AITA for wanting 1 day to be the receiver instead of the giver? To celebrate myself?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation by declaring:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You’re the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
The Reddit community agreed that the OP was not the a**hole for telling her husband that he ruined her birthday.
Everyone agreed that the OP’s husband should have stepped up to the plate, particularly after she gave him such a memorable birthday, with many even urging the OP to question if she should even stay in this marriage, believing she could do better.
“NTA.”
“You did your job in communicating what you wanted.”
“The fact that he did not show any concern for you shows a lot.”
“Caregivers need care too!”
“You did not ask for advice, but I want to suggest the following:”
“Don’t bother with his birthday.”
‘Make plans on your birthday with others who are willing to celebrate you.”
“You do not have to share your plans with him – he’s irrelevant.”
“Birthdays are ‘nothing’ to him, so your plans don’t need to involve him in any way.”
“Finally…a belated happy birthday!”
“Parenting is a thankless job, but it sounds like you are rocking it!”- 3Dog_Nitz
“NTA.”
“Your husband sounds selfish AF if he can’t even take one day, your BIRTHDAY nonetheless, to help around the house and with the kids.”
“It honestly sounds like you’re a parent to yet another child.”
“On a brighter note, Happy Birthday OP!”- PreviousWerewolf1398
“NTA, he sounds inconsiderate and like he doesn’t even like you.”- negativewaterslide
“No way, NTA, but your husband sure is.”
“Why is this grown man gaming till 4 am and then taking naps all day?”
“That is ridiculous behavior when you have children and a job.”
“Sounds like you have a very large child you’re caring for that’s capable of taking care of himself.”
“Sorry, OP.”
“It sounds like you deserve a hell of a lot more.”- DoraTheUrbanExplorer
“NTA.”
“But stop doing things for people who don’t reciprocate your value (with the exceptions of your children).”
“No more birthday parties for these lazy people.”
“Let them do their own events.”
“And start having him contribute to the house.”
“Your SAHM duties are only til he comes home. After that, it is a shared effort.”
“If he has time to play video games, then he has time to help around the house.”
“If he complains it’s cause he has a job, then you get a job (you deserve a break, and daycare is better for a child’s development anyways).”- Vegetable-Bee-7545
“Hopefully, your next husband will be a decent human being.”
“NTA.”- NotTrynaMakeWaves
“NTA.”
“AND HOW COULD YOU EVEN THINK YOU WERE?!”
“But where’s your husband… I just wanna talk.”
“He’s definitely the a-hole here.”
“Happy birthday, and send me a message with your amazon wishlist!”
“If I can afford something, I’m gonna make damn sure you have something good about today.”-BlackbirdNamedJude
“You’re into big things, but you lowered the bar down to its minimum level, and he still failed.”
“NTA.”
“Time to have a serious discussion with him.”- Douphar
“NTA.”
“If he cared, he would have tried, sore throat or not.”
“You two need to have a discussion one on one (littles need to be somewhere else) about your relationship.”
“Adults need care and attention too, whether you are over 21 or not…”- Oldgal_misspt
“NTA.”
“I’m not big on birthdays at all, but it’s not like you asked for the world.”
“You literally asked for something he should be doing for you a couple of times a week anyway because he’s ‘an adult,’ and anyone with a whole family – especially one that includes a child with special needs – should be willing to clean the house and cook a meal occasionally.”
“And NOT just for your birthday.”
“Also, all-nighter game sessions shouldn’t be ‘a big deal after 21’.”- Mama_JayJay
“Once we got to ‘spent an hour on Xbox live talking’ I was done with his ‘sore throat.'”
“NTA.”
“Sorry your spouse is selfish and lazy.”- changelingcd
“NTA.”
“Except maybe to yourself?”
“Like, why do you choose him?”
“I really want to know.”
“Like we only see a snippet, but why him?”
“How is this partner the one you want.”- Cyarsonix
“NTA.”
“Please do not do anything for his birthday next year.”
“He knows birthdays are important to you – even if he doesn’t feel that way, he should still have had something planned.”
“Dinner, at the least.”
“He blew any chance of you believing him being sick because of his behavior, staying up late, then gaming online, and he’s using it as an excuse to not do a damn thing for you.”
“Blech.”
“I wish there was a magical solution to get people to be less selfish, but there isn’t.”
“Your husband is selfish, lacking in empathy, and lazy.”
“Happy Birthday.”- Ghitit
“NTA.”
“You’re nice about this.”
“I would’ve at some point accidentally dumped a glass of water down the gaming console.”
“Happy Birthday.”- StateofMind70
“NTA.”
“Moms, when sick: gets up, cooks breakfast, feeds offspring, cleans the dwelling, goes out and gathers sustenance, slays a dragon, field dresses it, cuts out a haunch and spits it over a fire that she built, and feeds her family.”
“Dads, when sick: goes to bed for three years, and coughs pitifully when he wants a piece of dragon steak, practically starves because he doesn’t have the strength to go get a portion of said dragon steak, still plays the pity party.”
“Sarcastically and tongue-in-cheek.”- Soggy-Improvement960
Considering everything she did for his own birthday, not to mention everything she does for their family on a daily basis, it’s pretty shocking that the OP’s husband didn’t feel the need to make even the slightest effort on her birthday.
If he doesn’t offer her the apology she deserves, he very well may find himself with more time to play video games than he ever wanted.