Birthdays, weddings, and baby showers are days celebrating specific people, should remain the center of attention on those days.
That still doesn’t stop others from trying to hog the spotlight from the ones being celebrated, in subtle and obvious ways.
Sometimes, however, someone in attendance might inadvertently steal the spotlight away from the one being celebrated.
Even if this was in no way their intention, it still has the possibility to make the birthday person, blushing bride or groom, or parents feel the tiniest bit resentful.
Redditor Visible_Yogurt7268 was excited to attend her sister-in-law (SIL)’s baby shower after spending a considerable amount of time abroad.
However, in the midst of the party, the original poster (OP) was somewhat surprised when her SIIL asked her to leave, claiming her behavior was taking the attention away from her.
Wondering if this was the case, the OP took to the subReddit “Am I The A**hole” (AITA), where she asked fellow Redditors:
“AITA for ‘taking up all the attention’ at my SIL’s baby shower?”
The OP explained why her SIL asked her to leave her baby shower:
“I (32 F[emale]) am an OB/GYN and I’ve been traveling around different parts of the world on missions with [Doctor’s Without Borders].”
“I decided to join due to a depressive episode after my ex-girlfriend broke up with me but I ended up loving it and I just kept going on missions for 15 months.”
“My ex-girlfriend is a good friend of Penny’s.”
“Long story short, I hadn’t been home in 15 months.”
“I decided to take some time off and come back for a while before deciding on what’s next for me. I returned 2 weeks ago.”
“My brother (I’ll call him Harry – 34 M[ale]) and his wife (Penny – 28 F[emale) are expecting their first child.”
“They had scheduled a baby shower for yesterday, and obviously Penny invited me.”
“Family members and some of Harry’s old friends and were asking me questions about different missions and why I left for charity while I could earn a fortune here, was it hard being a woman in those areas etc.”
“I gave them short answers but they asked more questions.”
“Penny subtly asked for me to talk one-on-one in the middle of the party.”
“She told me I was monopolizing everyone’s attention and taking up everyone’s time and no one was paying attention to the purpose of this gathering due to my being there.”
“I apologized and asked her if she wanted me to leave.”
“She said I had been enough of a distraction, and told me to please leave early.”
“I left about half an hour after this talk.”
“So far everything’s good.”
“The next day Harry called me and told me I had been a rude guest the day before, because I had ruined their first child’s baby shower.”
“He said I should have kept quiet or at the very least left the party the moment Penny asked me to.”
“Was I an AH?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation, by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
The Reddit community generally agreed that the OP did not steal the attention away from Penny, and was thus not the a**hole.
Many felt the OP was clearly not the a**hole, as she was merely answering the questions of the other guests, and wasn’t trying to veer attention towards herself, and her SIL was being unfairly jealous.
“NTA.”
“Boy this must have been a very boring baby shower if your mere presence and conversation about work was enough to distract the guests.”
“It’s not like you were juggling monkeys while standing on your head.”
“You were answering questions.”- VeronicaSawyer8
“NTA.”
“What were you to do?”
“Ignore anyone talking to you?”- Ok_Conversation9750
“Fellow medical professional, NTA.”
“You responded to inquiries about your work and travels and kept the responses nice and light.”
“To chastise you because they didn’t expect anyone to discuss anything other than the ‘parents to be’ is wrong.”
“Others enjoying your company should not diminish their celebration.”
“If they were bothered by your presence, it’s something they need to address internally.”
“P.S. I did mission trips to Guatemala and Peru and had amazing experiences.”
“Thank you for working with underserved communities!”- Pastsignificant365
“NTA.”
“I mean, all you did was travel around the world providing much-needed medical care to those in need, and your SIL is the first person in history to have reproduced, so I can’t believe people thought what you did was even worth discussing!”- TemptingPenguin369
“It’s appalling to me that anyone would demand that their guest leave early because they were answering questions asked from other guests… and THEN to get upset that they didn’t leave immediately.”
“Unless you’d gotten out the projector or photo album to show photos of your time away or kept changing the subject back to your trip and professional experience, you weren’t doing anything wrong.”
“How incredibly rude of them.”
“NTA.”
“Additionally, I sure hope no other guest mentioned anything about their personal/professional lives while there.”
“Heaven forbid someone forget about Penny for a second.”- SunshineShoulders87
“NTA.”
“Thank you for your work.”- StAlvis
“NTA.”
“I’d point out to your brother that if you’d left the party the literal second Penny had told you to, the whole room would’ve asked what happened, at which point they would’ve either had to spin a story (believability and dignity of all parties may very) or tell the truth and look like self-absorbed idiots who seem to think the Queen of Hearts was onto something.”- aledethanlast
“NTA.”
“Would have been ruder not to answer people’s questions.”
“It’s so weird to ask people to leave because they are too interesting.”- tric82
“NTA.”
“You didn’t stand up and give a presentation on your mission work.”
“You were mingling and enjoying the party, and the conversations you had were about the work.”
“It doesn’t sound like you went super into detail about anything or were interrupting special parts of the shower such as speeches, games, or gift opening.”
“What did your brother and sil expect you to do?”
“Respond to polite questions by telling people, oh no, we must discuss Penny being pregnant and only that!”
“As for not leaving the second you were asked.”
“I’m positive people would have noticed if you were pulled aside and then just disappeared from the party.”
“Then it would just be questions of why you left where you went and what did you and Penny talk about.”
“Which would have resulting in you getting the same call.”
“You taking the extra time to leave gave the opportunity for you to end any open invitations or conversations and give an excuse that wouldn’t make it look like penny was being petty.”
“If your brother and sil are this insecure about you being at their party that’s on them and they need to reevaluate why they felt the way they did.”- Rad_kerr
“Oh for the love.”
“NTA.”
“It’s not like you brought a slide show with you.”
“You were socializing.”
“Honestly, considering how boring and awkward baby and bridal showers often are, they should be thanking you for providing some interesting conversation to the room.”- JennnnnP
“NTA.”
“Penny and Harry are destined to be helicopter parents that freak out when all attention isn’t on their perfect child.”
“They are probably already hanging a ‘participant’ award on the nursery wall for his/her attendance at the shower.”
“No way you could or should have handled that differently.”- Tucker_Max_69
“NTA.”
“You couldn’t win no matter what you did.”- FunBodybuilder4620
“How dare you…be interesting.”
“NTA.”- MerelyWhelmed1
“NTA.”
“People who behave like every single moment of them having a child is soooo precious drive me nuts.”
“I predict a weird name with an odd spelling in the child’s future.”- Pussycat-xoxo
“I can appreciate that the parents wanted their living representation of their ability to copulate effectively to be the centre of attention but… you’re out there doing something and people are interested!”
“Is this a version of the stories we read about self-centered brides and/or grooms but with crotch spawn?”
“This is bonkers.”
“NTA.”- EffPop
“NTA.”
“Was everyone supposed to join hands and dance around your sister-in-law or some sort of blessing over the baby?”
“People wanted to talk to you because they hadn’t seen you in a while, and there’s nothing wrong with that.”
“Your sister-in-law is just being an obnoxious entitled AH.”- ACM915
There were a few, however, who at least understood why Penny felt so upset that more attention wasn’t on her, it being her baby shower, even if they still agreed that the OP didn’t do anything wrong.
“I’m going against the grain and saying NAH.”
“You’ve been gone doing exciting things for over a year.”
“I have a feeling by your description that it wasn’t one or two people and a quick catch-up.”
“You became the focus of the party especially since you are only in town for a short while.”
“While it’s not your fault people focused on you, everyone else should have had some diplomacy and not focused on you so much.”
“My family we would have had a gathering just for you to visit and say hi and hear all your tales.”
“People calling your SIL main character is assuming a lot.”
“I grew up sharing everything, including birthdays and generally fading into the background.”
“I don’t need the center of attention, but at my wedding and baby shower, it felt nice to feel special.”
“To feel noticed and to share my excitement and joy.”
“I think your SIL had a right to feel upset that her baby shower felt more like a welcome home party (at least to her) than a celebration of her impending baby.”
“I do think your brother saying something the next day was a bit much but you also could have left immediately.”- Momma4life22
It’s not exactly unreasonable to want to be the center of attention at your own baby shower.
That being said, the OP didn’t seem to be trying to make the day about her but merely answered questions that people asked about her admittedly fascinating career.
Rather, this leads one to believe that Penny seems to crave attention no matter the situation.
As someone would have to be pretty self-involved not to be even the slightest bit touched by the OP’s work.