Relationships with in-laws can be tricky, especially if there’s a disparity in lifestyle and economic background.
Redditor AirSignificant4781 is considered “low class” by her mother-in-law, and recently the final straw was pulled at a family vacation.
The Original Poster (OP) was fed up with her MIL’s behavior and left the vacation early, and now her husband’s reaction has her questioning her behavior.
This led the OP to subReddit “Am I the A**hole?” (AITA).
She asked:
“AITA for going home after my in-laws excluded me from dinner at a restaurant?”
She went on to explain.
“I [female age 26] went on a “family trip” with my in-laws 2 weeks ago.”
“MIL [mother-in-law] always thought that I am a bit ‘ignorant’ and ‘backward’ and that just because I come from lower class family (compared to hers) that I have no ‘etiquette’”
“After we arrived to the hotel, They arranged to visit a fancy restaurant for dinner, My husband avoided telling me and I learned it last minute after he had already got dressed.”
“I asked where he was going and he said he & family were going to eat out”
“But I wasn’t invited because his mom ‘assumed’ that since I wouldn’t be familiar with the food and ‘how to eat it’ it there at the restaurant, then it’s better for me to stay-in and eat at the hotel.”
“I didn’t argue I just let him go then I packed and took the first flight home.”
“He freaked out and called many times and when he found out that I went home, he blew up snd called me ridiculous and irrational to do this.”
“Even said that I acted in an ungrateful manner and embarrassed him in front of his family after he literally begged to have me go on the trip.”
“We argued and he started giving me silent treatment after he came home. Moreover, his family are indirectly criticizing me on facebook about what I did.”
“He didn’t even mention what type of food they ordered.”
“The family didn’t plan on having me come along, but my husband, like he said “begged them” to invite me. This isn’t just with me. My [brother-in-law’s] girlfriend wasn’t invited as well.”
“They paid for my [expenses], so I didn’t want to act like I’m being needy/or something.”
“Did I overreact?”
Redditors weighed in by declaring:
-
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors decided:
“NTA – It’s offensive for your husband and his family to exclude you from this dinner. Their reason for doing so is atrocious.”
“It’s even worse for him not to inform you in advance that he’d be having dinner without you.”
“That your husband doesn’t understand why his behavior and his family’s behavior is completely unacceptable just compounds their AHness.” – svmonkey
“What the hell did I just read? The only response should be:”
“NTA you hubby is a massive AH for not standing up for you, for going behind your back to a meal in a GROUP vacation, for being surprised and upset that you left that vacation to go home.”
“And is now giving you the silent treatment?”
“Honey, I have never said this to a post as it is just a snapshot of a relationship. But this relationship is toxic….you need to leave and not look back.”
“He is never going to support you or choose you over his family. Wtf, you are so low class you can’t eat at a nice restaurant? What does that even mean?”
“Run. Run. Run.” – Dry_Promotion6661
“You under-reacted:”
“his family may be a bunch of a**holes, but he didn’t defend you when his mother said such atrocities? He actually thinks his mother is right and you don’t belong there.”
“Get out, now, fast, and find yourself someone who appreciates you.”
“NTA” – sexysaxo
“NTA”
“Wow! When it comes to world-class rudeness, this one is right up there.”
“Does your husband even like you???” – ArtShapiro
“The irony is that your in-laws’ boorish behavior of excluding you in such a way and for such extremely lame classist reasons is probably the lowest-class thing they could do. NTA.”
“Also, I hope this gets said a lot in these comments – you definitely have an SO problem. He should have shut down that garbage the moment it started spewing from their mouths.” – CrazyCookie8507
“It sounds like you have a husband problem. He went along with you not being included to go to dinner? That is incredibly rude and disrespectful.”
“He didn’t defend you. He could have declined the dinner invitation and gone out with you instead.”
“If you want this relationship to last, you both need to go to counseling to learn communication and boundaries. He also has to grow a spine to deal with his mother.”
“NTA” – Ok_Nobody4967
NTA if he really thought it was better for you to stay at the hotel (and actually better, not just better for his mother), then he should have asked, or suggested, not snuck around and hid.”
“How tf can he humiliate you then be pissed when you don’t just lie down and take it. Stand your ground.” – whiskey_at_dawn
“NTA, Your husband is as much at fault as his family. He must have agreed with them since he kept it from you and went by himself.”
“I personally like what you did. I guess you could reply to their Facebook post with your side of the story.” – demon803
“NTA. I wouldn’t engage at all – I’d just pack up, move out, and file for divorce. Your husband is awful for not supporting you on this. You deserve better.” – BellaLeigh43
“Your husband left you in the hotel while he went for dinner with his stuck-up parents? I’m so proud of you for leaving.”
“I don’t know what to say other than he should have supported you and told his parents to piss off. He doesn’t sound like a very good man, but I’m just an internet stranger.”
“You are NTA.” – BeneficialFuture8236
“No you are underreacting. The correct response in this situation is to serve your husband with divorce papers.”
“The fact that he continues to allow his family to belittle you and exclude you and sees nothing wrong with that shows that he has absolutely no respect for you.”
“That is not okay.” – ShameImaginary2717
“NTA”
“Your husband agrees with them. He got dressed before telling you that you were not welcome.”
“He didn’t say they were out of line. He didn’t say no Mrs no me. He told you what he and, by extension, him for going along with it, thought of you.”
“I hope you don’t plan on having children in this family. Will they be second class in the family or just you?” – Marzipan_Unicorn
“You did not overreact. Your marriage is over. No husband worth having would have let his mother get two words into excluding his wife before shutting that stuff down.”
“That he not only went along with it and then sprung it on you shows that he agrees with his mother. He is not worth staying married to.”
“Edit: NTA” – AdAccomplished6870
“NTA”
“But this isn’t just about your in-laws. Your husband is just as rude & disrespectful as they are. For a group of people who think they are better than you, they fail big time on basic etiquette.”
“First they tried to just invite your husband without you. Rude.”
“He shouldn’t have to beg them & def shouldn’t have told you that he did as if he deserves a cookie for that or it excuses his later behavior.”
“They openly disrespect you on the trip & plan a family dinner, purposely leaving you out because you are too low class to appreciate it.”
“One, that’s extremely low-class behavior from them. Two, your husband hid it from you rather than demand his family treat you with basic respect & human dignity.”
“They all got what they wanted. You gone. But they are still punishing you and berating you.”
“You literally cannot do anything right for your in-laws and your husband unless you stand there like a pathetic loser taking all their abuse for their entertainment.” – KindlyCelebration223
“So he went and left you at the hotel? I think I see the problem here…your husband is a spineless moron and his family are overbearing nutcases.”
“If they had even tried to have done that to my wife, I would have been booking the tickets and driving us to the airport.” – Biffowolf
“Holy crap, you are NTA. Your husband and his family are AH. There is so much wrong here. He backed up his family’s sh*tty excuse for excluding you?”
“He didn’t tell you until the last minute? What’s this BS that you won’t know how to eat the food? Then hubby can show you, and it could be a fun new experience.”
“Good on you for leaving. Hubby embarrassed himself.” – Phoenix612
“NTA at all. Actually, I think you’re pretty bad a** cool for leaving! Go you!”
“You were treated horribly by your in-laws but especially your husband, who is TAH. Wow. You showed them. Keep it up. Your husband owes you an apology btw.” – Paisleylk
There’s no more red fabric left in the world after sewing these flags.