Content warning: abuse.
The human body wasn’t mean to be stagnant.
The changes and shifts that occur over time are natural and beautiful.
Sadly, not everyone thinks so.
What happens when someone decides that the changes your body goes through aren’t acceptable?
That was the issue facing Redditor and Original Poster (OP) throwaway629037 when she came to the “Am I the A**hole” (AITA) subReddit for judgment.
“AITA for mocking my friend’s husband’s weight?”
“My (22F) best friend Jenny (23F) just recently had a baby with her husband Tom (25M).”
“My boyfriend and I got to meet their baby boy for the first time last weekend when they came over to our flat for dinner.”
“We have a hot tub on our balcony that my parents gave us for Christmas last year and I had told them to bring swimwear so we could go in after dinner.”
“My boyfriend wasn’t up for it, so he held the baby while us three got ready to get in the tub. Jenny was the last person to get changed and came out of the bathroom in a bikini.”
A bad joke.
“I thought she looked amazing, really happy and glowing, but Tom kind of laughed and said something about her still having some weight to lose before she’d be as attractive as she was before her pregnancy.”
“I was a bit stunned by that comment and even though Jenny didn’t say anything, her smile disappeared and she looked obviously uncomfortable.”
“She and I had talked about her struggling with weight gain during her pregnancy and I thought Tom’s comment was more than insensitive.”
“I got angry, because I started wondering what he might be saying to her in private if he was comfortable dropping lines like that in front of other people.”
“So I responded with: ‘She just had a baby. What’s your excuse?”‘
“The dude has a hefty beer belly and a double chin but thinks he can joke about a new mom’s weight?”
“He got really defensive and told me that I need to learn how to take a joke before stomping off to the hot tub.”
“Jenny chuckled at my comment and I thought that was that, but when they left for the night, Tom pulled me aside and told me to keep my nose out of other people’s business.”
“I don’t think I was entirely in the wrong but my boyfriend told me I shouldn’t have reacted at all because it really wasn’t my business and I think Tom’s reaction speaks for itself and it makes me wonder whether I might’ve been the AH in that situation.”
OP was left to wonder,
Having explained the situation, OP turned to Reddit for judgment.
Redditors weighed in by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors decided: NTA
“NTA Insulting your partner in front of other people deserves a calling out.”
“Good for you, OP. Keep fighting the good fight. The only way to stop a bully is to throw whatever they’re giving right back in their smug face. We cannot tolerate the intolerable.”
“Love y’all, stay safe.” ~ BobUpNDownstairs
“Not only that but why can he joke about his wife’s body (AFTER SHE JUST GAVE BIRTH TO HIS BABY!), but no one can respond in kind about his body?”
“And OP’s boyfriend’s reaction is a huge red flag if you ask me.” ~ Alarmed_Jellyfish555
OP’s boyfriend didn’t escape judgment.
“Yeah, the bf’s “don’t rock the boat” attitude really rubbed me the wrong way. Especially since the woman getting insulated was OOP’s best friend.” ~ notasandpiper
“It’s always the husbands and boyfriends that suddenly get rid of their huge balls and cower by the thought of conflict.”
“Like this sh*t is a very repetitive pattern in these posts.”
“Also: being indifferent to abuse is abuse” ~ joliver5
‘”Also: being indifferent to abuse is abuse”‘
“I have friends who were abused growing up.”
“Adults and family members will admit later they knew it was happening, but chose to ignore it for ‘reasons'”.
“If you call these people out later, they try to spout something to defend themselves, but my friends were CHILDREN, and they just allowed it to happen.”
“Not knowing about abuse is one thing, but being aware and allowing it to happen is different.” ~ numbersthen0987431
Many feared that there were deeper issues.
“There’s absolutely no way this man isn’t ten times worse at home when he’s THIS comfortable being so vicious to her in front of her friends.”
“It’s such a tragic cliche with abuse starting up during/after pregnancy, and I desperately hope OP’s friend has a fantastic support system in place because I’m confident she’s going to need it in the very near future.” ~ Alarmed_Jellyfish555
“Plus, calling shitty behavior a ‘private matter’ is how abuse gets covered up.”
“OP is right—what might he be doing in private?!” ~ discofeverish
“Any person who was truly joking and was genuinely using their sense of humor would’ve responded with a playful ‘touché’ or ‘ouch’ or ‘what do you mean? We just had a baby.’”
“This guy has blazing red flags of emotional abuse.” ~ Electronic-War-244
“What always gets me is how many posts when the other person starts drama in a public setting, but suddenly it’s a private matter when someone calls them out in public.”
“Sure, sometimes it’s better to pull ppl to the side to talk to them cuz of the semantics of the situation, but if ppl are going to act out in public, they should be called out in public.”
“Making it clear in public that their behavior is unacceptable is sometimes just as important as calling it out.”
“Plus you can’t claim ‘privacy’ if you’re the one that started it in public to begin with” ~ zombiedinocorn
“You weren’t just sticking up for your friend. You personally objected to his statement. He made it your business when he said it in front of you.”
“As someone who used to be the meek type who wouldn’t stick up for themselves, thank you.”
“The world would be a better place if more people shot down a-holes’ comments in public, in the moment.” ~ km89
A word from our community.
“As a kid, I always told myself that people didn’t know I was abused at home. I had these grand fantasies of people stepping in and defending me.”
“But nobody ever did. People are so scared to rock the boat that they would rather watch my older brother drag me across the playground by my hair.”
“I promised myself I would NEVER stand by and let people get hurt”
“If you don’t step in, the abuser and his victim will think that behavior is okay, and that you agree with it” ~ Jesteress
“I was raised by my grandparents.”
“My grandfather loved me and did everything he could to help me succeed. He continued working well after retirement age after they adopted me at age three so that I would want for nothing.”
“My grandmother, on the other hand, made my existence absolutely unbearable.”
“After each beating, she would tell me that if I said anything, I would not be believed and that she would hurt my poppy. I believed her. I kept quiet and kept my bruises quiet.”
“I also am a people guardian. People’s lives are too important.”
“Abuse is a huge no in my books. :)” ~ IAmHarleysMom
“Always a good rule to not comment on people’s looks.”
“Having a baby is hard on the body, and even the thinnest of us ladies will put on weight.”
“I’ve always been a naturally tiny woman. But with all 3 pregnancies, I swear the moment I peed on the stick, the booty grew a couple sizes, lol.”
“It was a joke amongst my friends.”
“While I never gained an excessive amount of weight, it was still more than I’d hoped. But my doctor once said my body was adding the padding because my body simply needed it.”
“Im curious to know if this woman was already small framed, to begin with and how long ago she even had the baby?”
“Because I think the pressure is greater for these women, as you’ve mentioned.”
“She is most likely (based on OP’s comments) far exceeding so many other women’s goals for post-baby body.”
“Putting a bikini on isn’t always easy, even for those of us who didn’t just have a baby!”
“Plus, she’s in her early 20s and has youth on her side. Even having my last child at 35, I still lost most of my weight around that six-month mark.”
“I really do think my body, as my doc said, just needed the weight. Perhaps hers did too? Perhaps she didn’t even gain that much weight!”
“This husband is an a**hole 💯!! F*ck these guys, ladies.” ~ chouse951
Everybody is unique and changes uniquely with the march of time.
Sometimes our hair grays, or we gain weight differently, or our vision blurs.
Especially when your body goes through something as fundamentally altering as childbirth.
I close with something my mother used to say: If you can’t say something nice, shut up.