So much drama can surround a wedding.
The normal stuff of seating arrangements, menu choices, and color schemes are unavoidable yet doable.
It’s the EXTRA drama, like family nonsense or what members of the wedding party may have hooked up.
What happens when beef isn’t just on the dinner menu?
Case in point…
Redditor Wonderful_Winter976 wanted to discuss her experience and get some feedback. So naturally, she came to visit the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit.
She asked:
“AITA for telling everyone exactly why I wasn’t allowed at my cousin’s wedding?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“I 20 F[emale] have a cousin 23 Female who just got married to her boyfriend of about two years 21 M[ale]'”
“He proposed to her about 4 months ago, and they had their wedding 3 days ago.”
“One thing about me and her husband is, we dated in high school for about two years.”
“We broke up on good terms.”
“We just didn’t feel in love with each other anymore and we stayed good friends.”
“And then in college, my cousin saw him at a party and then started going out a few months later.”
“I was fine with them being together as I have no romantic feelings for him anymore.”
“My cousin found out he and I dated in high school because one of our mutual friends was making a joke about how he was moving through our family.”
“I didn’t tell her because we weren’t that close.”
“I thought she might be a little shocked but get over it.”
“Oh man, I was wrong.”
“And then two days before the wedding, I asked her what time it was on.”
“She just looked at me and said, ‘Oh sorry, girl you’re not coming.'”
“Of course, I asked her why.”
“She just answered, ‘Look, you’ve put me through enough hurt knowing you’re in love with my man.'”
“‘Just be a good cousin for once and stop trying to steal him.'”
“‘I don’t want you at the wedding because you’ve had an intimate relationship with my future husband just respect that.'”
“I felt so hurt because I spent lots of unpaid time helping her, and I spent my own money on her wedding, and now she won’t even let me go?”
“So I got pissed and left, then I sent a text to her saying I want my money back.”
“She said no.”
“I said if she doesn’t give me my money back right now, then I’m telling everyone why I’m not able to go to her wedding; keep in mind I spent hundreds of dollars on her wedding.”
“She still said no I’m not giving it back you can tell them I don’t care.”
“So I did.”
“I was pissed and hurt that she would do that to me.”
“At this point, there is one day until the wedding, and I posted on Instagram, ‘I let my cousin date my ex-boyfriend. Tomorrow is their wedding, and I’m not allowed to go because I was with him first.’”
“She saw that, along with loads of other people from my family, they knew it was about her.”
“The family was super mad with her for that, and she came crying to my apartment, calling me a no good (beeping) snake .”
“She told me that because I was such an a**hole, people were dropping out of the wedding.”
“I didn’t mean that to happen.”
“So AITA?”
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Many Redditors declared OP was NOT the A**hole.
“NTA. If she doesn’t want to invite you to her wedding, that’s her prerogative.”
“However, it’s a f**king a**hole move to ALSO not return your money after you spent time and money helping her.”
“She deserved what she got.” ~ HiddenThinks
“According to a comment by OP, she put money towards the venue, dresses for flower girls, and other similar things.”
“I think she definitely deserves her money back if she’s not invited. NTA.” ~ MemChoeret
“OP and the guy dated in HIGH SCHOOL.”
“They broke up while STILL in High School.”
“It’s literally been years!”
“What was OP supposed to say when Cuz hooks up with him?
“‘Hey, ya know that guy you really like? Yeah, I banged him first. Enjoy my sloppies?'”
“Should OP have to confess that she held Bobby Johnson’s hand in third grade, so he was once her boyfriend, therefore… nobody date him, y’hear?”
“Cuz is being ridiculous about the whole situation.”
“Maybe OP didn’t tell her they dated because it simply DIDN’T MATTER.” ~ PuddyTatTat
“OP is 100% NTA for wanting the money back and telling people about what happened when the cousin refused to pay her back.”
“Might have gone about it in a slightly immature way, but still.”
“She had every right to tell people why she’s not allowed at the wedding.” ~ EmCHammer420
“NTA. If you wanted him and truly loved him and vice versa, it would have been your wedding.”
“But you guys split years ago with no lingering feelings and no regrets.”
“She has no reason to behave this way.” ~ DelightedLurker
“You know it’s never the guy’s fault.”
“They never get the blame, it’s all the fault of the ‘evil other woman.'”
“NTA- if she wasn’t gonna have you at her wedding, she should have told you at the beginning, not after she’s milked you for every possible penny she could get.”
“She’s going on and on about how dare you not tell her you two dated.”
“Has it occurred to her that if you had told her when she first saw him, she may not even have dated him?” ~ acegirl1985
“OP you are NTA.”
“Let her wedding burn for all you care, all you asked for was your money back, and she said no, tell them and you did.”
“She f**ked around and found out.” ~ Holiday-Somewhere-96
“In that case, 100% NTA.”
“If there were anything between you and your ex, the wedding wouldn’t (or at least shouldn’t) be happening.”
“What on Earth gave cuz the impression you wanted him back?”
“For her to take your money then drop on you at the last minute that you weren’t coming is an AH move.”
“If she had paid you back, it might’ve made a difference but as it stands, she got what she had coming.” ~ AlpineHaddock
“Ok girl NTA at all.”
“If she had sat you down months ago and said ‘Hey OP, this is awkward, but I just feel uncomfortable having exes at the wedding, I’m sorry.'”
“I would call her a little high-strung, but it would be understandable.”
“But she gladly took your time and money without giving you a heads up that you wouldn’t be included.”
“She knew exactly what she was doing.”
“Plus, if she truly feels she did nothing wrong, then she should have no problem with you posting her decision on social media.”
“If she’s so innocent, then what’s the issue with people knowing exactly what she did?” ~ thrwy_111822
“NTA- It’s totally normal in my opinion to not want you in the wedding.”
“But to allow you to pay for it and not willing to pay you back that’s petty.” ~ No-Victory-1773
“I’m going say NTA because for one you told her that you would tell everyone, and she didn’t care.”
“Also if she wanted to uninvite you, that’s up to her.”
“But then she should give you your money back.”
“Also, her trying to say you are still in love with him and trying to steal him is so childish.”
“It was high school and she’s acting like yall are still in high school.” ~ PenguinMama92
“ESH. Your cousin should have found out from you or her fiancé that you’d dated whenever the two of you realized the connection.”
“’I didn’t tell her because we weren’t that close’ is a horrible excuse… same with whatever excuse the fiancé had.”
“1) You didn’t ‘let’ anyone date and…”
“2) Nobody cares if you were ‘fine’ with them being together.”
“You don’t own your high school boyfriend’s future relationships in any way- and if you’re not close enough to your cousin to tell her you’d dated him you have no claim to any sort of feelings as to them dating now.”
“Her petty jealous behavior crosses the line too.”
“She should not have asked for or accepted any help from you if she wasn’t going to invite you.”
“Especially if she already knew about your past dating history.”
“This changes slightly if you had already helped her BEFORE she found out you’d dated her fiancé.” ~ No_Location_5565
“NTA. She was warned.”
“All you wanted was your money back – and rightfully so!”
“If people are dropping out, it’s because she’s the one being an AH, not you!” ~ Cool_Candy1315
OP came back with a few more details…
“Ok, I got comments about this that made me realize my storytelling is crap, so here you go…”
“1)’Letting them date,’ I don’t mean it like that I believe I ‘own’ him. It’s just I wanted to try to make what I did seem justified.”
“But it’s not, and that was wrong of me.”
“2) Family dropping out: just found out only my parents and siblings left.”
“3) Her B[oy]F[rined] jumping from family members being an a**hole move: he didn’t know we were cousins until we met at a family party.”
“And I said it was fine when he asked.”
“I helped her pay for the venue they are having it on, which is like at least 7K.”
“I didn’t pay it all, but I paid at least 300 and on bridesmaids dresses/flower girls, and everyone pitched in for her wedding dress, so that’s at least 600.”
“Which I was fine with until she said I’m not allowed to come.”
“If you have any other questions feel free to ask.”
Well, OP, Reddit is with you.
The situation was explained to your cousin thoroughly.
If she was going to disinvite you, then she should’ve spoken up sooner.
Reddit wants you to have your money.
It’s the least she could do.
Good luck. These family issues can get really nasty.