One would like to think that we, as a society, have outgrown antiquated associations with gender.
Particularly that men should be the breadwinners and women should be domestics.
But far too many men all over the world remain insecure and threatened by women who earn more money than they do.
Particularly if the women in question are their romantic partners.
Such was the case with the boyfriend of Redditor Far-Bumblebee6650, who told her boyfriend that there was a fairly simple solution to this problem.
But after he claimed to being “insulted” by this suggestion, the original poster (OP), took to the subReddit “Am I The A**hole” (AITA), where she asked fellow Redditors:
“AITA for telling my boyfriend to earn more money?”
The OP shared that while she was quite content with the apartment she shared with her boyfriend, her boyfriend had other ideas.
“My boyfriend (Peter) and I have been together for a little over 2 years.”
“We live in a 1 bedroom apartment I own.”
“It’s in an old soviet panel building that has been renovated and looks very nice in my opinion.”
“It’s also at a great location, we are surrounded by trees and the metro is only a 5 minutes walk away.”
“Peter has been complaining about my apartment ever since he moved in.”
“He doesn’t like that it’s a panel apartment, he wants to live in a ‘proper’ building.”
“Since I got promoted at work a few months ago, he has been talking about wanting to move even more.”
“He wants me to sell my apartment and buy a ‘better one’ with him.”
“I told him that I don’t want to buy an apartment together with a boyfriend, that’s something I would only do after marriage.”
“But if he bought an apartment for himself, I would move in with him and rent out my apartment, if that’s really what he wants.”
But Peter claimed there was a serious obstacle to this suggestion, and was furious upon hearing the OP’s solution as to how to solve this problem.
“He told me that he doesn’t have enough money for an apartment alone, and since I earn 1.5 times as much as he does, it would be really unfair of me to just live in his future apartment for free and also have renter income from my own apartment.”
“I told him that well, then he should go and earn more money.”
“He got really offended at this, said that I should never insult a man like that and he was been giving me the cold shoulder for days.”
“When I asked my brothers advice on this, he told me that he agrees with me on the apartment issue, but I shouldn’t have told him to go and earn more money.”
“That’s deeply insulting for a man and equals to me saying he is not man enough.”
“I don’t know… AITA?”
“He doesn’t pay rent, but he is contributing to the bills.”
“He pays the internet and half the heating, which is about 30€/month.”
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believe the OP fell in this particular situation by declaring:
- NTA – Not the A**hole
- YTA – You’re the A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everybody Sucks Here
The Reddit community agreed that the OP was not the a**hole for suggesting her boyfriend earn more money.
Everyone agreed that the OP’s boyfriend was being hypocritical, or even sexist, by being fine with living with his girlfriend rent-free, but insisting she pay rent if she moved into an apartment he bought himself, with many even suggesting the OP end the relationship.
“So, you’re almost fully financing his living situation, and he’s complaining about wanting more?”
“Maybe he should be your ex boyfriend.”
“If he’s insulted by basic money conversations, which I would say this one is, he’s not going to be a very good partner without doing some growing up.”
“He’s being insecure.”- orthstarette
“So, he isn’t paying for your apartment and it’s ok but if you want to come to his apartment without paying, it’s unfair?”
“Did I understand well?”- kha-ci
“Nope, oh hell no.”
“If he wants a better apartment, he can go buy it himself.”
“He’s living rent free and complaining about it?”
“The audacity.”- MiruTheSloth
“Your boyfriend needs to grow up.”
“If it is so important to him for you not to insult his manhood, then he should not have tried to take advantage and use you for your finances, to get himself what he alone wanted.”- AmaHalf
“If your apartment that he lives in basically for free isn’t good enough for him, it isn’t your responsibility to pay for an apartment that he does want, especially if you’re happy where you are.”
“You are also NTA for pointing out to him how he could get an apartment he likes better, since he didn’t seem to be able to figure out the obvious solution.:
“Don’t allow anyone to manipulate you into subsidizing the lifestyle THEY want.”- MidCenturyMayhem
“Your boyfriend is being a tool.”
“You pointed him in the direction of a grown-up solution, but no, he just wants ‘mommy’ to buy a nicer apartment for him.”
“Wipe your a** of him and move forward with your life.”
“You can do better.”- WeekendDesigner4734
“The nerve of your bf, and slightly your bro too.”
“He thinks its unfair for you to live in his ‘house’ without paying rent.”
“But don’t see a problem of using your money to get himself a new apartment.”
“Yeah, he insinuates that you both buy the apartment together.”
“But somehow I think for him, since you have more money then you will be paying more.”
“Especially since he insisted that you sell your own apartment to buy new one with him.”
“Don’t need to be a genius to know from where the deposit money would come from.”- ult_jellybeans
“If saying ANYTHING to a ‘man’ makes them feel insulted like they’re ‘not man enough’, then guess what?”
“THEY’RE NOT MAN ENOUGH.”- toofat2serve.
“Don’t buy anything together until you’re married.”- Parrothead62
“He is a freeloader.”
“He pays 30 Euro?”
“Honestly it sounds like he wants a free ride and is taking advantage of your higher income.”
“Good for you not caving on buying something with him.”
“It sounds like he is taking advantage of you.”
“If you live with someone you should be sharing expenses.”
“He doesn’t even pay rent.”
“He should be saving so much money.”
“Do not cave.”
“And seriously think of you want to be his financial support.”-Prudent_Border5060
“NTA, he can’t want something and then do nothing to work towards that goal!!”- Monicawroteitbetter
“He wants you to pay him rent but doesn’t pay you any rent, pays only towards bills, and yet you have insulted him?”
“He’s insulting you.”
“Why isn’t his manhood insulted when it comes to paying you rent?”
“You were right in what you said.”
“He needs to find a better job to earn more.”
“That’s logic.”- Steups13
‘”And they say women are over emotional?”
‘Sour puss is mad because you read him his rights, foh.”- bantubrat
‘And he is not man enough for you I he complains about his free accommodations but doesn’t want to contribute.”
“You can do better.”-traciw67
“Wait he doesn’t pay rent, but in the reverse situation he thinks you should?”
“He should be paying you rent AND if he is unhappy with his living situation he should go make more money to change it.”
“That’s the fact of the matter & he should know this.”
“I think he does know, but would rather you spend your money to give him the life he wants.”-InternationalOil540
“If he’s already paying you rent in the current apartment, it would be totally unfair for you to live rent-free in a new apartment he bought.’
“It’s perfectly reasonable to expect the partner with more income to help out a bit more with necessities.”
“A larger apartment is not a necessity.”
“If he’s not comfortable with what he can afford, then he needs to deal with it. It’s not super-nice to say, ‘earn more money’, but it’s fair.”
“He wants expensive things, he needs to make his own money to pay for them.”
“Dude kick him out.”
“He wants you to pay him rent if he bought an apartment but won’t pay you rent for the apartment you currently own?”
“What is wrong with you?”
“NTA but open your eyes to this crazy entitlement coming from him.”-TiredofBSRoommate
“Get rid of those user/loser.”- lemons66
“He wants a fancier apartment and he wants you to pay for it.”- ComprehensiveBand586
“Bf complains because his free ride is not cushy enough (30€, seriously?).”
“Tell him he is free to buy his own apartment.”
“You are happy with yours.”
“He seems to want to use you only to provide what he thinks is better and for you to pay too.”
There seems to be a lot about both his living situation and his relationship which the OP’s boyfriend seems rather insecure about.
Leaving one to wonder if maybe he should reconsider them both?
Which would likely leave the OP better off as well.