Redditor Tiny_yellow_flowers is straight and monogamous, unlike her friend who talks about her sexuality while invalidating others on social media.
But when the Original Poster (OP) came up with a solution to tune out the recurring topic, it backfired.
The OP turned to the “Am I the A**hole” (AITA) subReddit and asked:
“AITA for muting a friend because all she talks about is her pansexuality and polyamory?”
“I have this friend named Ashley and while we are not super close we do have many overlapping circles so we see each other a lot and are in a lot of group chats, we also used to comment a lot on each other’s social media stuff.”
“She’s nice enough and can be really funny but in the last year or so she has come out as pansexual and polyamorous (she is married).”
“It is all she talks about.”
“At first it was fine, I just figured she was excited about figuring out who she was and she would quiet down eventually.”
“This has not happened. Every other sentence she speaks (or types) is about her latest boy/girlfriend and how she doesn’t understand how anyone can be monogamous or totally straight.
“For the record I am both of those things.”
“She is also constantly promoting her OnlyFans.”
“I do not care about her sex life and frankly I don’t want to hear it anymore, she’s just become amazingly boring and honestly kind of offensive.”
“So I figured the best way to not have to hear her anymore but not offend anyone was just to mute her on all social media, so I did around 3 months ago.”
“Anyway, she noticed.”
“She asked me in one of the group chats why I hadn’t been commenting on any of her posts. I probably should have lied but I couldn’t think of one and just told her the truth.”
“I muted her because her sex life has become all encompassing and I was tired of hearing about it.”
“She called me bigoted and a prude. She tried to get the other people in the chat to come to her defense, a couple did but most said nothing.”
“It’s been a few weeks since this and the group chat has been totally silent. I reached out to someone I’m closer with directly and she said that the groups divided between people who think I was an a**hole and those who think that Ashley is overreacting.”
“I don’t think I did anything wrong (besides being a bad liar).”
“So judgmental internet, did I? Am I the a**hole here?”
Anonymous strangers who was wrong by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
- NAH – No A**holes Here
Redditors sided with the OP and said they would have muted this friend as well.
“NTA. Ashley is allowed to post about whatever she wants and you are equally allowed to not want to hear about it and mute her. You did the mature thing by muting her.” – lexashouldnthavedied
“That’s perfectly fine. It’s not that different from a parent always inserting their child(dren) into conversation at every opportunity.”
“Just because you don’t want to hear about it constantly doesn’t necessarily mean you are making a judgment about the topic itself.” – Lilpanda20
“NTA. yeah you didn’t attack her beliefs and you didn’t try to turn everyone against her meanwhile she did attack your beliefs in not caring to listen to her inappropriate antics and were tired with how her only identity became her sexuality and you did what an adult does and ignore something that offends you for the sake of tolerance and notice how she went right for your throat by calling you bigoted.”
“Also poly relationships usually means you have multiple partners that are equal in each others eyes but her relationship just sounds like an open marriage with a flimsy pretense.” – Ihsan624
“I am literally married, pansexual, polyamorous, and have an OnlyFans lmao.. and I can say without a doubt I would get sick of her yapping about it too.”
“You didn’t do anything wrong, you just quietly removed yourself from the situation without disparaging her at all.”
“She needs to calm down. NTA.” – TheDudette840
“There are some people who adopt one aspect of their lives as a personality. Sexual orientation, gender identity, religion, diet, hobby, profession, parenthood. Regardless of the topic, it eventually gets old.”
“Especially for the friends who don’t share the enthusiasm for that one topic.”
“You’re a gay dude who likes threesome and is a vegan? I’m a bi woman who prefers monogamy and eats meat.”
“At a certain point, I’m gonna check out of reading your posts because none of it is relevant to me so wtf am I even going to say?”
“I’ll support you but I can’t relate. I’ll engage with posts where I have something to contribute, but I can’t engage with your gay vegan orgy.” – Elaan21
“NTA. You were honest.”
“I mean does everyone in the group talk about their sex lives constantly and advertise their OnlyFans?”
“Probably not. Keep that sh*t to yourself.”
“And it’s so laughable that she called you out for not commenting on her posts? She’s clearly got some self-image issues if she’s watching her socials that closely and would confront you about it.” – ripecantaloupe
“I’ll go ahead and say it, her new found sexuality is probably related to her need for attention.”
“Also, isn’t the first rule of the kink community to not rub your kink in others faces that do not want to know about it?” – c0d3e
“NTA- as a polyamorus person, one of the things I find most annoying are the polyam folks who have their whole identity wrapped up in that and think it’s okay to belittle others for their relationship orientation.”
“Honestly what you’ve described sound exhausting. You don’t need that in your life.” – BunnyKimber
The OP updated the post to express gratitude and relief.
“Thanks everyone, it makes me feel better that most commenters would have muted her too.”
“I wasn’t trying to be a bad friend, I just don’t want one person’s sex life to dominate all conversation.”
“I’m going to just leave her to cool off and then see if it all blows over.”
“if not, well, whatever. We are all in our early 30s and I’m just too old for this sh*t.”