Redditor throwaway2847362662 was looking forward to joining her older sister and brother-in-law (BIL) for dinner.
Unfortunately, the evening proved to be something of a misfire, as the original poster (OP)’s BIL had trouble averting his eyes from one particular area of the OP’s body.
Understandably, this made the OP’s sister furious.
Surprisingly, however, the OP’s sister’s fury was mostly directed at the OP, claiming the way she dressed was what led to the poor behavior of the OP’s BIL.
Wondering if this was the case, the OP took to the subReddit “Am I The A**hole” (AITA), where she asked fellow Redditors:
“AITA for dressing inappropriately in front of my BIL?”
The OP explained why she made her sister so angry during a recent dinner out:
“So to start this off, this issue is with me, 22 F[emale], my sister, 26 F, and her husband, 30 M[ale].
“To add some backstory, basically ever since they started growing, my breasts have been large, I have a very small frame otherwise and I am 5ft2, so almost my whole life I have thought that my body looked weird.”
“I have always covered up as best as I could with large hoodies, big t-shirts and so on.”
“I have always dressed this way as I genuinely was ashamed and hated my body.”
“I started working at 16, knowing my main goal was to afford a breast reduction last year I was finally able to afford it and got them done.”
“They are still a bit on the bigger side, but I have never ever felt so comfortable and happy in my own body as I do now (not to mention the weight that has LITERALLY been lifted off my shoulders!?).”
“So this last weekend my sister and her husband came to visit our family, and we had planned a dinner at a restaurant.”
“It was nothing extravagant, but still a pretty nice place.”
“I just wore jeans with a tight fitting shirt, it did not show my breast but since it is tight fitting you can see the outline of them.”
“I thought everything went well; we all chatted and talked like usual, but a bit in, I noticed BIL was staring at me extremely much.”
“I got kind of uncomfortable, and I think my sister also noticed, and she was silent for almost the whole night after that.”
“I thought she was mad at BIL and that she could see that I was uncomfortable with his stares.”
“But the same night she texted me, telling me that I did not need to dress so inappropriate in front of a married man, that I need to have some self respect and that she did not think I was the type to try and seduce a married man.”
“I texted her, explaining that it was not my intention and told her that I actually felt uncomfortable with his stares.”
“She texted me back just saying that if I did not want him to stare, then I should not have dressed that way.”
“I was extremely upset by all of this and talked with my mother, but my mother agreed with my sister.”
“I am starting to feel like I should’ve thought about covering up and doing more, especially since my mother also thinks I was an a**hole for this.”
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation, by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
The Reddit community unanimously agreed that the OP was not the a**hole for wearing a tight-fitting shirt to dinner with her BIL.
Everyone agreed that if the OP’s sister should be angry with anyone, it was her husband, who shouldn’t have been staring at the OP like he was no matter what she was wearing, and the OP’s mother should have realized that as well.
“You are absolutely NTA for having a human woman’s body in front of your BIL.”
“He’s a grown man with a functioning mind, he is the one in charge of where he looks and what his behavior is.”
“Staring at any woman until she gets uncomfortable is not ok, and it’s even worse at a family gathering.”
“Your sister was totally wrong to take her jealousy out on you.”
“Your mom is totally wrong to side with her, her own child, for wearing a… shirt at the dinner table?”
“This all really sucks, and you deserve to be supported much better by your family, I would be really angry and upset with their reaction here if I were you.”- Margenius
“I’m in no way a Christian, but Jesus responded to this question the best.”
“When his male followers complained about the pesky provocative female body that forced their eyes to stray, that badass Jesus told those men to ‘pluck out their eyes’ if it was so troublesome.”
“He then told them to remove their hands if they were tempted to get grabby.”
“Because it’s not the woman to blame for her allure, but the man who refuses to be accountable for his actions.”
“So on very good authority, you’re NTA.”- Choice_Mongoose2427
“You don’t deserve to be harassed based on the clothing you wear.”
“She’s shifting the blame because she doesn’t want to admit she married a creep.”- Ok_Job_9417
“Instead of calling you out, she should have apologized for not defending you against her husband’s disgusting behavior and her husband’s inappropriately wandering eye.”
“Regardless if you were in a bikini or covered head to toe in sweats, YOU ARE NOT RESPONSIBLE FOR OTHER PEOPLE’S ACTIONS OR REACTIONS!!!”
“Shame on her for putting that unwanted and unnecessary blame on you.”- HolyUnicornBatman
“It’s her problem with her husband.”
“And next time you catch him starting, call him out.”- Fit-Establishment219
“You can’t win with this one, unfortunately.”
“Your sister needs to realize that the issue lies with a) her partner and b) her mistrust in her partner.”
“He is going to come across women wearing much less in life.”- Emma_cooks2003
“Your sister is upset at the wrong person.”
“Please ignore her gross comments.”- amberlikesowls
“But I would text your Sister ‘now that the initial shock has worn off, I have to say, I am very disappointed in you’.”
“‘Blaming me for your husband staring at me is unacceptable’.”
“‘The person you should be mad at is YOUR HUSBAND’.”
“‘I am a grown woman and after not being comfortable in my body for most of my life, I deserve to feel comfortable after my breast reduction’.”
“‘I thought you, as my Sister, would be supportive of me feeling comfortable in my body’.”
“Not tear me down because your insecure and blaming the wrong person’.”
“‘Just a simple question for you, if he was that brazen with staring at me while you were right there, I wonder what he has done without you around’.”
“‘Your husband is a pig’.”
“‘You shouldn’t want to be with him, and I sure as hell don’t!'”
“‘When you are ready to apologize, I will be waiting’.”- Bonnm42
“You did not dress inappropriately; your BIL needs to keep his eyes in check.”
“Your sister and mother are absolutely pathetic in blaming you and ignoring BIL’s bad behavior.”-Kukka63
“NTA.” – Pretty-Necessary-941
What the actual hell?
“Very very NTA!”
“There is absolutely nothing wrong with wearing a fitting shirt.”
“There would, in fact, be absolutely nothing wrong with you wearing a skin tight, bright red, low cut ‘holy wow’ dress, either!”
“You should always wear what makes you feel good and look nice and is appropriate for the occasion.”
“Nothing you described even comes close to scandalous!”
“Your BIL is the one with an issue, and your sister is insecure about his roving eye and blaming you for it.”
“So is your mother, which is horrible.”
“Everyone here is an AH except for you.”
“Get out of that situation as soon as you can, and go live your best life surrounded by people who love you just the way you are!”- savinathewhite
It is pretty shocking that the OP’s sister didn’t even think about how uncomfortable the OP was with her husband staring at her the way he was.
Almost leaving one to wonder if this maybe wasn’t the first time he behaved this way?
One can only hope that it won’t take another such occasion for the OP’s sister to think about her perspective on this and offer her the apology she deserves.