Upon becoming an adult, cooking is one of those things that is either an immense joy or a terrible, daily chore.
Coming up with what to cook, and then cooking it, on a daily basis, can be a lot of work, agreed the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITA) subReddit, but there are ways to make it easier.
Redditor Bubblegum389 was hoping to find a way to make dinner time in her household easier, as she was currently cooking two dinners for her family, despite recently being promoted.
But when her husband balked at the change, the Original Poster (OP) wasn’t sure what to do.
She asked the sub:
“AITA for refusing to cook dinner for my SO (Significant Other) for the next 6 months?”
The OP did a lot of cooking because of her new promotion.
“My SO (31 Male) and I (28 Female) have been together for 8 years, and for those 8 years, I have done all the cooking because he is a ‘bad cook.'”
“In this past month, a lot of changes have happened. My schedule at work changed due to me getting a promotion, and he’s stuck on a later shift, getting home at 9 PM and making me cook double dinner, for him and my children.”
“You could say I have put on weight, which is very frustrating, as I have lost over 100 pounds, and gaining makes me feel wrong in a sense.”
“It’s also very exhausting, because double the cooking means double the cleaning.”
The OP came up with a new plan.
“So I told my SO the other night that I was done for the next 6 months.”
“He can either cook for himself or eat the food I make for the children (he doesn’t want to because ‘it has been sitting there’).”
The OP thought the issue was resolved.
“It has been a couple of days and thought we were fine.”
“However, yesterday, we had very close friends over, and they saw my menu on my board was cleared (I like to make a menu in advance because I tend to forget what groceries I bought).”
“They said, ‘Wow, you are behind.'”
The household was divided.
“I then explained the whole ordeal, and the male friends said I am an a**hole and that 6 months was too long.”
“My SO agreed and said the whole thing was ridiculous and I was just doing it to be an a**hole.”
“I was taken aback as he had agreed with me in private.”
“We did have a small argument, to which my female friends agreed on my stance and said it was a lot of work.”
“Am I the AH for not wanting to do this for such a long time?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You’re the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
Some thought there had to be an easier solution than cooking two dinners per day.
“NTA, and it is ridiculous to expect you to cook 2 meals. He can eat leftovers or make his own food.”
“Why isn’t he eating at dinner time at work? If the friends think it is awful, they can come over and cook dinner for him.” – crazycatlady45325
“NTA.”
“Why can’t he just reheat the dinner you cook for the kids? Is he really making you cook a full second meal for him because he wants it fresh off the stove? That’s not just an a**hole, that’s insane.”
“Google exists. 10-minute meals exist. Weeknight meals exist. He has all the tools at his disposal to not be a helpless child.” – corpserella
“Two f**king words: Frozen. Pizza.” – antifreezeontherocks
“People who can’t do basic cooking amaze me. Most things are pretty f**king easy. Heat + time + ingredients. If it doesn’t turn out as you expect, then ‘google’ why.”
“I accidentally became a better cook than most of my family. I don’t even go for take-out anymore because I can make better-tasting food. I can’t bring home frozen or take-out pizza without severe disappointment. Pizza with all fresh veggies and meats, cheeses, etc is miles apart.”
“NTA. This dude for sure can learn to cook.” – No_Method5989
“NTA. But also, why set a time limit? You need to work out a sustainable life plan. A fair division of duties is far more realistic. A few nights off per week FOREVER is better.” – Major_Barnacle_2212
“NTA.”
“It’s not that you’re not cooking. You’re just not going to cook dinner twice every dang day.”
“For f**k’s sake. I cook a big something on Sunday, and my spouse and I just reheat leftovers when each of us gets home. So there is no such thing as a different dinner every night of the week. OMG… that’s too much work.”
“And when the leftovers run out, there’s always something to eat, whether it’s scrambled eggs or pasta, frozen veggies, and shakey cheese. Yeah… a little college food ain’t going to kill ya.”
“Your SO is spoiled. He can eat leftovers or do his own thing. This is not spouse abuse.”
“E-S-H for bringing in the friends to weigh in. That needed to be shut down before it began.”
“I know there are SOME people out there who cook a different and nice dinner every day of the week, but I’m thinking the vast majority of working people aren’t doing that.”
“And don’t limit this to six months. The division of food labor needs to be adjusted permanently.”
“I repeat: Hard NTA.” – throwaway20698059
“NTA and I think I may have the solution to this problem. Tell hubby that there is this amazing invention that has revolutionized meal prep called the microwave. With it he can easily reheat the food that was cooked just a bit earlier and it will be good as new.”
“It’s what MOST partners do when they get home later rather than being an asshole and demanding a whole new meal be cooked just for them by a partner who also works and takes care of the kids. Anyone not willing to do this is very much a selfish spoiled a**hole. I am sorry he is taking advantage of your kindness.” – Jovon35
Others were also upset at how the husband had thrown the OP under the bus.
“NTA. It was a ridiculous ask in the first place.”
“Also, he threw you under the bus and called you an a**hole to his friend?!? Excuse the f**k outta me?? That’s as bad as him expecting a separate meal for years.” – fastyellowtuesday
“NTA if some of your friends are that concerned… then they can pop round and cook dinner for a grown man who is actually capable of doing it himself!!!” – sprinkle_and_sparkle
“That he also let hercook for 8 f**king years because he is a ‘bad cook.’ You can learn cooking.”
“He doesn’t need to bring a chefcook meal on the table, but that your partner can rest for a few evenings. And I wouldn’t be surbrise if he is also bad with laundry or household chores at all…”
“He can reheat the dinner or cook his own stuff. But to demand (!) that his hard working wife cooks two meals…”
“And to bring friends home that behave like this. He can eat at his great friends! And stay there for the next days till he realize that he behaved like an AH!”
“NTA. You are not his maid!” – EvilFinch
“The key here is that it was ‘Male Friends’ who agreed with him… NTA. Never cook for him again, OP, this was misogynist as h**l.”
“He can learn to cook, or he can buy some top ramen or hit up fast food. Personally, I recommend Banquet pot pies, 2 of those makes a filling meal.”
“I mean, this is some serious 1950’s entitlement. ‘I need a freshly cooked meal because I can’t open the fridge or use a microwave…'” – Throwawayhater3343
“NTA. If it’s so easy, why can’t your male friends come over and make dinner for your husband every night? Maybe they can deliver a fresh homemade meal instead, but they have to cook it and nobody else. That sounds like a good compromise to me.”
“Also, your husband is a coward for agreeing to your face and only firing back when his friends are there for backup. If this becomes a trend with him, that would be bad for communication in your relationship. Does he really want to open that can of worms?” – DazeIt420
“NTA. He’s a grown man. He can eat the leftovers, which aren’t even a full day old, or he can take care of his own dinner. Not being a good cook isn’t an excuse either. I’m assuming he has internet access and the ability to find a recipe with exhaustive instructions.”
“The friends can butt out or come cook for him.” – wamale
“NTA, there’s a reason only your male friends said you were an a**hole. Doing all the meals goes far beyond doing your fair share, saying you’re wrong for stopping that means that they feel entitled to women’s servitude.”
“You’ve been with your SO for 8 years, haven’t you talked to him about the unfair division of labor? Don’t you realize that him complaining about this means that he is fine with you being miserable and exhausted as a tradeoff for his own convenience?”
“If you’re an a**hole for not cooking for 6 months, he’s 16x the asshole for not cooking for 8 years. That’s 16x that amount of time. Think about how conflicted and guilty you feel for not cooking for 6 months, and think of how easy of a time he’s had being in that position for 8 whole years.”
“Also, he’s not a ‘bad cook.’ Nobody is ‘naturally’ a bad cook. Cooking is just following some steps, and everybody can and should learn to cook. Google ‘weaponized incompetence.’ And tell him that this is the perfect opportunity for him to learn.” – charonthemoon
The subReddit was absolutely shaking their heads, not only at this situation but at the fact that the OP had been cooking two dinners for her family for so long.
Clearly, there had to be a better solution than this, and one that did not involve the husband and friends blaming the OP for the situation.