It's still far too common, not to mention too easy, to look down on people for working certain jobs.
But it's important to reserve judgment, for more often than not people might find themselves working jobs which are less than glamorous simply to help them get by.
And regardless, hard work always should be commended, no matter the position.
In order to help pay for her rent and tuition, Redditor Professional_Kiwi914 took a job with some pre-existing stigmas attached to it, something her roommate reminded her of on a regular basis.
Before too long, the original poster (OP) couldn't take any more of her roommates constant criticisms of her job, and didn't mince words in telling her so.
Worried that she might have overreacted, the OP took to the subReddit "Am I the A**hole" (AITA), where she asked fellow Redditors:
"AITA snapping at my roommate for judging me for working at Hooters?"
The OP explained how her roommate's judgment towards her job finally reached its boiling point.
"I (21 F[emale]) recently got a job at hooters and my roommate, Ivy, has started making extremely passive-aggressive comments about it."
"I just started the job two months ago and ever since I started my roommate will not let up."
"We are both college students and both work in order to pay rent so I decided that I would try a hand at hooters because I have heard about how much money you can make, and so far it's all been true."
"I know some people have had really bad experiences but I adore all of my coworkers and have a very healthy work environment."
"Onto the issue, Ivy will make the rudest comments when I am about to leave or come home."
"She'll make 'slut jokes', say I am making women's lives harder by enforcing standards and make comments around the idea that I am losing 'worth'."
"Every time I bite back she always gets defensive and says that I don't know how to take a joke."
"This all blew up over the weekend."
"We invited all of our friends and boyfriends over to our apartment."
"They all got there at 8 and my shift ended at 10 so I was going to be late no matter what."
"When I walked in the door Ivy pointed at me and said 'This is what I was talking about!'"
"'The uniform is so demeaning!'"
"And I don't know if it was the stress of everything but I just snapped."
"I told her to shut the f*ck up and that if she was going to make her sh*tty comments at least do it in private."
"She got really sulky and said I was proving her point that I can't take a joke."
"Most of our friends took my side but I want an unbiased opinion."
"AITA?"
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation by declaring:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You're the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
The Reddit community wholeheartedly agreed that the OP was not the a**hole for snapping at her roommate.
Everyone agreed that Ivy was being passive aggressive and judgmental, and the OP had every right to put her in her place.
"NTA."
"When someone says 'can't you take a joke?'"
"'I hear 'can't you take bullying?'"- Traveling-Techie
"NTA."
"Is Hooters my favorite phenomenon?"
"Nope."
"But do I absolutely support women doing whatever they want and making as much money as they can?"
"Absolutely."
"You do you."
"The roommate needs to pipe down and remember that if we're going to get anywhere with getting rid of misogyny then women need to support other women."- clutteredshovel
"NTA."
"Her trying to control what you do isn't very empowering for women now is it."
"She sounds misogynistic AF."- dumbbinch99
"NTA."
"I hate Hooters but that doesn't give your roommate the right to mock and demean you, especially in front of others."
"She needs to learn to mind her business."- lascivious_chicken
"NTA."
"She keeps trying to defend herself by saying she is joking, but you've made it clear that you don't appreciate her 'jokes' on this subject."
"That means it's no longer a joke."
"It's bullying and demeaning you."
"If she is so worried about empowerment, she shouldn't be so focused on tearing you down for making a choice that highlights your physical attributes rather than being ashamed of them."- 1568314
"NTA."
"If someone is going to make it rain, go on and pick it up."
"If you want to work at hooters, work at hooters."
"If you want to be a stripper be a stripper."
"If you want to be a librarian, go to fucking library school."
"You do you."
"Your roommate can go f*ck herself."- Guilty666
"NTA I'm a woman and Hooters is my fav chain restaurant."- drowzychaperone
"NTA."
"You know what really makes a woman lose her worth?"
"Putting down another woman."- aNoNonny23
"I don't think anyone should feel shamed for what they do for work."
"You're NTA. It's not a joke to degrade someone."
"She needs to learn how to tell a joke that's actually funny."
"Now I need some fried pickles."- nuts_n_bolts
"NTA."
"At first glance, Ivy seems to be your iconic: 'I'm happy to give it, but can't take it' type... who's always quick with a joke putting someone else down, but when 'joked back at', is fast to get defensive."
"Really hate those kind of people to begin with."
"Then as your story goes on, Ivy kinda proves herself to be a real a**hole."
"Really hope you can get her out of your life - she sounds awful."- UMCorian
"NTA."
"Hooters is not even that serious."
"Why is she acting like you are using sex as a weapon?"- melodyharper
"NTA."
"And I'm a boomer dyed in the wool feminist."
"She's probably jealous."
"Find a different living situation."- Stock_Vanilla8655
"'You can't take a joke'" is code for "I''m an a**hole and don't have a sense of humor myself, so I just insult people and call it a joke'."
"NTA."- Zestyclose-Page-1507
"NTA."
"She's probably just jealous you, uh, 'qualify' and she doesn't."
"I kid, I kid."- TaliesinWI
"NTA."
"You clearly expressed to her that you didn't appreciate that line of jokes multiple times and for her to do it in front of everyone is a a**hole thing to do."
"Maybe she has the luxury of having wealthy parents that pay for everything or is going eyeball high in debt."
"I'd 100% work at hooters if I was a female."
"It's a great income for the period of life you'll make the most there."- icollectt
"I mean."
"I definitely judge Hooters because the sexed up environment can go sideways really quick, and I've heard some stories."
"But if you're confident enough to wear their uniform and careful enough to do the job safely, go for it!"
"I'm all for any legal job that allows you to take care of yourself and better yet, lets you further your education."
"NTA."- psyche1986
"NTA."
"You chose to work there knowing the uniform, there for its not really demeaning, no one is forcing you to wear it."
"Ivy sounds like she may not understand feminism and slut shaming is really really over played at this point."- Platypus_Dream
"NTA."
"Your roommate is jealous and taking her insecurities out on you."
"Hooters is literally just like any other chain."
"I feel like most people that assume it's practically a strip club haven't actually been to hooters."-ASBF2015
"NTA."
"Please ask her to explain, in detail, exactly what the joke is."
"She isn't joking and she knows it."
"She just doesn't like being called out."- frustratedfren
"Hooters is sexist, misogynistic and ought to have been left in the 1970's where it belongs, but your roommate is still being a huge a**hole for the way she is going about this."
"Ask her to explain the 'joke'."
"NTA."- Sorry_Opportunity_81
"NTA."
"She's pouting because she thought everyone would join in and give you shit too, and that you'd just stand there and take it, and instead you stood up for yourself and no one agreed with her because they actually seem to respect and like you, making her look like the a**hole that she is."-Worth_Raspberry_11
"I'm not a fan of hooters, but I am a fan of women earn a living."
"Your friend is not being a friend because passive aggression is insidious and toxic behavior."
"Your faux pas isn't where you work, but who you choose to associate with."
"Nothing about her behavior screams 'friend' to me."
"Does she always disrespect you like this when you do anything that she doesn't approve of?"
"Don't you find that weird?"- IrreverantBard
Considering that Ivy doesn't ever need to go to Hooters herself, one can't help but wonder what she was trying to accomplish by constantly making life more difficult for the OP.
Who, she should remember, was only working there to help cover her share of the rent.
Then too, even if Ivy was "only joking", the fact that she was well aware that the OP "couldn't take a joke" and continued telling them regardless is very telling indeed.
Woman Breaks Up With Boyfriend Who Worried People Would Think She Was Trans For Using Stand-To-Pee Device
Content Warning: Transphobia, Transphobic Comments
There are countless different reasons that a relationship might end, and a red flag could arise at any time. Some of these might have been learned in childhood and could improve over time.
Transphobia is absolutely a red flag that should be acted on immediately; however, with no option to fly again, pointed out the members of the "Am I the A**hole?" (AITA) subReddit.
Redditor funnelfuss was in the car with her boyfriend when they got stuck in a traffic jam.
She really needed to use the restroom, so since she had a device with her to make the process easier, she decided she'd step out of the car.
But when her boyfriend panicked and thought people might mistake her for a man, the Original Poster (OP) realized that her boyfriend was not who she thought he was.
She asked the sub:
The OP had to use the restroom while stuck in a traffic jam.
"My (26 Female) boyfriend (25 Male) and I got stuck in an insane traffic jam. My boyfriend was driving."
"We were at a standstill. Found out later on, they had closed the highway."
"I had to pee really bad, like bad bad bad. I saw that a couple guys had run to the side of the road to pee, and I decided to do the same."
"It was super open, with a few bushes by the side of the road, really not much cover."
The OP's boyfriend became uncomfortable when he realized she had a pee-to-stand device.
"I have a stand-to-pee device in my car, but when I grabbed it, my boyfriend got all weird."
"He said people would see me pee standing up and think I was Trans."
"I said no one would think that, plenty of women have pee funnels, and that also I didn't care. I have no beef with Trans people!"
"He said I should squat, just to put his mind at ease."
"I said I didn't want to get my butt and c**ch out on the highway in front of everyone, or get pee on my shoes, and I just wanted to be quick and clean."
"He said he didn't want people to look at the girl he was dating and think she was Trans and that I should squat, like GIRLS do."
The OP decided she was over it.
"I was dying by this point. I couldn't hold it anymore, and I really didn't want to show the world my butt, so I ran to the side of the road and slipped the device into my jeans and just peed standing up with my back to traffic."
"No one could see anything; it just slides through the zipper. But I guess maybe if someone was looking, they would be confused? But also, who's LOOKING?!"
"When I got back to the car, my boyfriend wouldn't talk to me. He says I disrespected his feelings. But it was 100% an emergency, and I don't get what his problem was."
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
Some reassured the OP that there was nothing wrong with using the restroom how she wanted.
"OP, don't think for one more second about this. Your boyfriend is being ridiculous."
"As if you will ever see any of those people again! Plus, holding it in for too long can cause a whole host of issues."
"It's actually genius that you have something like that in your car, just in case. I'm going to order one too now! NTA." - m_alice88
"'Honey, please show all these strangers your c**ch and a** so they know I'm not gay, mmmm'kay?'"
"A weak man, a very weak man." - lefteyedcrow
"You must have a she-wee! Those are so great for women."
"Tell your boyfriend to get over himself. You had to pee. He does not understand that squatting can suck and leave you exposed."
"If he is that upset you did this, rethink this relationship. I would find it hysterical."
"NTA." - Oktodayithink
"NTA, OP. You just needed a makeshift restroom."
"Your boyfriend apparently thought that it was normal for people to stare at strangers who are trying to pee to evaluate who they are, who they're with, and what the status of their relationship is."
"You know, to pass the time while in gridlock traffic." - Pixichixi
"You did nothing wrong, OP! When you have to go, you have to go. It's healthier to go."
"And don't apologize! We're so wired to reduce conflict, even to the point of downplaying how we feel to keep the peace or end the silence. Don't do it."
"It's a him issue. He thinks his feelings on this are more important than your discomfort about showing your naked body on the side of the road. If he can't figure that out for himself and apologize, it would be a dealbreaker for me." - lelawes
Others agreed and pointed out that the ex-boyfriend was very transphobic.
"NTA. Your boyfriend is clearly transphobic. That is 100% on him. And who cares if people think you are Trans?"
"'He said he didn't want people to look at the girl he was dating and think she was Trans.' And you don't want people to think you're dating someone bigoted and hateful." - GreekAmericanDom
"He may not consider himself transphobic ('I don't hate Trans people! I just don't want to be associated with them or have anyone think I'm with a Trans person!'), but he absolutely is, probably with a healthy side helping of homophobia."
"Why would he care, unless a) Trans women are not women in his eyes, or b) it somehow would be emasculating or embarrassing to his ego to be with a Trans woman."
"Also, you're in a traffic jam. Who the f**k is even watching close enough to care, and who of those people matters enough to give two s**ts about what they think."
"Not to mention, he's being weirdly controlling about your behaviors and how they reflect on him in a scenario where arguably he's never going to interact with a single person he's worrying about." - maladicta228
"This post reminds me of the time I got dressed to go to a function. It was a casual gathering. My kid (this was solidly on their father, my ex, as he's gotten insanely bigoted as he's aged) said, 'Mom, you're dressed like a Lesbian.'"
"Me: 'Lesbians have great fashion sense, I'd love to be mistaken for one.'"
"They paused for a second and realized that I truly wasn't dressing for men (despite it being my husband's work function), and that being seen as a lesbian was a good thing. I'm so glad I raised them to think for themselves, and realize that one can be wrong, admit it, and work on being a better person every day. They've never said anything like that since." - baconbitsy
"He's so insecure (and transphobic) that he cares more about what some strangers in a traffic jam might wrongly assume about you (and thereby him) than YOUR needs, comfort, and health."
"He expected you to prioritize his insecurities (feelings) above that and then punished you when you prioritized your health."
"You sure you want to be with someone like that?? NTA." - molotovmerkin
"Your boyfriend is so transphobic that he wants you to expose your genitalia on the side of the road to prove that you're not a Trans woman because he can't stand the idea of a total stranger, in a neighboring car, whom he will never speak to or see ever again, thinking he MIGHT be SHARING A CAR (because the strangers in other cars have no idea that you're dating) with a Trans woman."
"You're NTA, but get a better boyfriend." - HighCsummer
"Literally, you have to be super transphobic to think people in traffic are gonna judge you if your girlfriend is standing to pee. Like come onnnnnn, this is some insane insecurity." - Responsible-Pickle-2
Some pointed out that not only was the ex-boyfriend transphobic, but also controlling.
"This won't be the last time he expects OP to sacrifice things or make her life worse so that she can conform to his ideal of feminine stereotypes and keep up appearances for his fragile masculine ego."
"And that he gave her the silent treatment for not obliging his transphobia and misogyny disguised as 'feelings' is also problematic." - blancamystiere
"He's insecure and transphobic. He also puts his insecurity and transphobia above your comfort."
"NTA, and honestly, you can do better than this specimen." - PetersMapProject
"NTA. Your boyfriend would have preferred for everyone to see your a** and vagina than have a random stranger think his girlfriend is Trans. He would rather you expose yourself for his personal gain."
"Get a better boyfriend." - Amaze-balls-trippen
"The transphobia? The insecurity? And the silent treatment when he doesn't get his way?"
"So many red flags!" - CarolynDesign
"He also puts his insecurity and transphobia above your comfort and safety."
"He would rather you invite unwanted attention and risk by exposing your private parts to the world than have people think he (who most of the onlookers couldn't even see) might be dating a Trans person."
"NTA. OP, he's too insecure, self-centered, and immature to be a good partner to you, given that he's willing to compromise your safety to avoid a single twinge of discomfort. Dump him." - Hari_om_tat_sat
After receiving feedback, the OP was reassured and shared some positive updates.
"UPDATE: Thank you, everyone, for helping me feel sane again!"
"I got quite a few questions about which device I use, and honestly, it's about what fits you best. There are a ton of options. It's what fits you. Check out pStyle, Freshette, and EllaPee."
"I tried peeing standing up in a toilet, and it worked fine. I think my aim was pretty good, but then I saw little droplets on the floor. No thanks, don't need that. Also, it's loud? Awkward."
"But for the outside, it's pretty fun! I drive a lot, that's why it was in my car. Lifesaver."
"Also, I guess in this case it brought out an ugly side of my (ex) boyfriend and clarified some stuff for me. A winner all around."
"And to all the commenters asking, YES, he is an ex-boyfriend now."
"And yes, there were other red flags."
"Ditched the man, kept the pee funnel. Gonna laugh at him every time I pee standing up."
There's no way to imagine just how awkward the rest of the car ride was after using the restroom and returning to the now-silent and very entitled boyfriend, still stuck in a traffic jam.
But fortunately for the OP, she learned something vital about her relationship during a moment that should have been a total non-issue.
By being concerned about this and expecting the OP to prioritize her ex's pride over her comfort, safety, and cleanliness, her ex told her everything she needed to know.